I'm married to an idiot.
No, really.
Last week, Jimmy was walking out of a party, having had probably a wee bit too much wine, wearing one of his usual peculiar outfits - this time some loose-fitting pajamas, a pair of bathroom slippers and sunglasses - got his feet caught in the pajamas/slippers, couldn't see where he was going because he was wearing sunglasses at night, and fell flat on his face in the middle of the street.
Luckily, no cars drove over him, and after remaining on the ground, stunned, for about a minute, he managed to drag himself to his feet, blood spurting from his face, and stumble back to the party for help.
At about 9:00 that night, I got a call from our friend Eileen. "Um, Gretchen? I don't think Jimmy's going to be home any time soon. I'm driving him to the hospital."
I was stuck at home with a sleeping Jude, so Jimmy had to fend for himself at the hospital. He was finally released at 8:00 am, just in time for me to pick him up after dropping Jude at school.
He had a broken nose, and TWENTY stitches across the bridge of his nose. A disaster. The best we can figure, the stitches were caused by the stupid glasses being driving into his face by the impact of the fall.
Oh my God, the amount of blood this man had on his clothes! It's amazing how much blood he lost. He truly looked like something out of a slasher film.
Luckily, Jimmy has never really been a "pretty boy" type. He's best described as a...character actor. So I'm thinking the freaky scar is just going to lend more "character" to his face. Who knows, maybe he'll start working more.
Jimmy, being Jimmy, has spent the week acting out scenes from Raging Bull, because he's convinced he looks like Jake LaMotta. And he kind of does...
Yesterday was our anniversary. 17 years. I made fondue again.
I am blessed that he made the 17 years. I am blessed that he did not get run over by a car. I am blessed that he did not bleed to death. I am blessed that he did not have a concussion. I am blessed that he is still with us, only a bit worse for wear. I am blessed that I can still kiss his sweet, even bigger nose with only minor discomfort on his part. I am blessed that my weird husband's answer to 20 stitches and severe loss of blood is to pretend he's Jake LaMotta. But really...
Idiot.
The the mother of boys (yes, I include supposedly grown up ones in this group) there are a few things you need to know. 1. they get hurt, a lot. 2. head wounds bleed profusely. Even from the tiniest of cut. 3. they (the boys) are idiots. Forever.
Posted by: Michele | 10/01/2012 at 06:50 AM
Totally sounds like a page out of my book...a couple chapters ago. Glad he's still with you and just a little worse for wear. Happy Anniversary :)
Posted by: Giggles | 10/01/2012 at 07:00 AM
I'm convinced there's an "idiot zone" in every husband's brain. When we were in Hawaii on our honeymoon, Beloved decided to hop over a guardrail at the edge of a cliff in Maui to take in the view more efficiently (I guess).
"Don't do that," I cautioned him. "You're going to slip and fall over the edge."
"No, I won't!" he exclaims, and proceeds to slip, fall and almost go over the edge.
*sigh*
Posted by: Jan's Sushi Bar | 10/01/2012 at 07:29 AM
Nick has been on a streak--no major injuries for about a year running now. Of course Turbo had to bleed from the head a couple weeks ago--it was fun. Bruiser hasn't had anything major for a while, but he's due.
Glad Jimmy made it to 17, happy anniversary to both of you.
Posted by: VandyJ | 10/01/2012 at 09:22 AM
omg but he still looks good. lol. gotta love him. He always did have 'eclectic' taste in clothes........ give him a kiss from us.
Posted by: ar | 10/01/2012 at 09:31 AM
Oh my gosh, this made me laugh. I just love Jimmy. I always have.
Posted by: Fiddledeedee | 10/01/2012 at 09:35 AM
Oh, ouch! That had to smart!
Posted by: Ginny Marie | 10/01/2012 at 10:07 AM
If it weren't for idiots, who would we marry? ;)
Posted by: Andrea | 10/01/2012 at 11:00 AM
Oh, dear. A good fellow southerner friend of mine basically summed up boys and men: "They are simple."
Posted by: Elizabeth Aquino | 10/01/2012 at 11:29 AM
Eh, idiocy. Happens to the best of it. OK Jimmy might be better at it than some of us, but...whatchagonnado?
Happy anniversary. Seventeen years and no one's trading in for the newer model. THAT is marriage.
Posted by: Arnebya | 10/01/2012 at 01:49 PM
I think idiot is part of the husband syndrome, well, maybe just the male species! Thank goodness Jimmy is still kicking and thanks to a new scar will look like he's ready to kick some butt!
Posted by: suzicate | 10/01/2012 at 05:02 PM
Yikes! Glad he's okay! My husband is an idiot, too, if it's any consolation :-) Happy anniversary!
Posted by: Alaina | 10/01/2012 at 05:32 PM
I think they're all like that. It'd be cool if his idiocy got him more gigs, though!
Posted by: Keely | 10/06/2012 at 12:45 PM