Best of Camp Mama: How I Survived Summer Camp

To kick-off our summer, Jude and I have once again headed into the woods for our annual Moms/Kids camping trip. Just moms and kids. Ah, so civilized.

So, since I am off in the wilderness sans wifi, I am posting a rerun. This was my Camp Mama post from last year after returning from camping with a whole buttload of men. Believe me, it is VERY different from camping with the moms. Not so civilized.

____________________________________

Camp Mama 2011 Week Seven: How I Survived Summer Camp

I have survived Cub Scout Camp. In the car, on the way home on Saturday, I became convinced that a spider had laid her eggs in my hair. But upon further inspection, I don't believe this to be true. I am, therefore, mostly unscathed...

I trudged. And trudged and trudged and trudged. We estimated that the distance from our campsite to the mess hall was about a mile. Uphill. So that means that we trudged a minimum of six miles a day. And that's not counting the endless trudging to all the activities. I think I've lost a little weight. Despite the fact that...

I ate a tremendous amount of extremely mediocre food. Though I would rate the food in the mess hall slightly below your average elementary school cafeteria, I managed to gorge myself at every meal.  I feel that this was due to all the trudging. And maybe all the fresh mountain air.

I made our little tent as homey as possible.

 

And yes, that is a blowup mattress, sheets, comforter and 4 pillows. And yes, that is a throw rug. Don't judge me. One of the dads said all I needed was a hand-cranked Victrola, and I'd be like Meryl Streep in "Out of Africa". A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And believe me, all those little boys were crazy jealous of Jude's cushy quarters, and kept trying to wheedle their way in there with us.

I seem to have gotten a tan. I didn't know this for the entire week we were camping, as there are no mirrors in Cub Scout bathrooms. Which is a very good thing. Occasionally, I would catch a glimpse of a reflection of myself in a random window, and would shudder with horror. It is no wonder the dads now consider me one of the guys. And along those lines...

I got dirty. I would say that the phrase "Stink, stank, stunk." applied to me. I was dirty for two reasons. The first would be...

 

Dirt. It's everywhere at this place. And if you happen to be trudging behind a pack of trudging Cub Scouts,  great clouds of it is thrown up in their wake, and it settles in your hair and your eyes and your ears and your nostrils. By the end of the day, it would work itself between my toes, despite the fact that I was wearing sneakers and socks. The other reason I was dirty is that I didn't take a bath. Well, that's not entirely true. I took exactly 2 showers in the entire week. Jude? Nada. No bath, no shower. Nice.                                                     

I managed to get some stuff done. The first day, after much finagling, I convinced the strange man who runs the camp commissary into letting me use his WiFi. Unfortunately, in order to use it, I had to follow him to his "private quarters" in a small metal corner room of the large metal commissary. Creepy. After that, I decided to just head into town to the local McDonalds. This ended up being a good choice for two reasons - 1. I got a large, nonfat, iced vanilla latte every day. And 2. I got to use the restroom there. You see, the closest bathroom to our tent was a fair distance. And not particularly private. And usually had a puddle of small boy urine around it's base. And I'm afraid I tend to be a bit...how do I put this delicately...shit shy. So I found it much more pleasant to do my business at the McDonalds. When one finds the public bathroom at the McDonalds to be the height of cleanliness and privacy, it's clear that the axis of ones world has shifted slightly.

I got to know some kind nurses. I'm afraid that in the middle of our second night at camp, Jude developed a terrible fever, and ended up in the camp infirmary for a day and a half. Poor little man. His nurses, Shotzy and Hawkeye (everybody in the place has a "camp name"), both retired RNs who work there every summer, were really lovely, and let me hang out there with him the whole time. In the metal folding chair. They set Jude up in an old Army hospital bed, that I'm sure was leftover from WWII, and let him watch most of Shotzy's DVD collection. While burning up with a mysterious viruslike fever for a day, the kid managed to watch - "Transformers", "The Spy Next Door", "Diary of a Wimpy Kid", "The Goonies", "Tron: Legacy", "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone", "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" and "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I". Whew.

 

At noon on the second day, the fever suddenly lifted, and Shotzy and Hawkeye declared him healed, and sent him back to the fun.

I endured a certain amount of whining. Jude, I'm afraid, vacillated back and forth the entire time about whether he was enjoying himself or not. I think that a whole week is a bit long for a little guy - these boys are kept REALLY busy. And it was hot and exhausting. When he was enjoying himself, he was having a BLAST. But then he'd kind of crash, and want to go home. I have no doubt that the virus floating around inside him contributed to this whininess. I feel that on the whole, he had a positive time because...

I got to do a ton of cool boy stuff. Canoeing...

 

BMX biking...

 

Bouldering...

 

Whittling...

 

The cutest little Color Guard you've ever seen...

 

And best of all?...

 

 

A genuine-D Red Ryder bb gun, y'all. And they let moms shoot too...

 

Yep, that's a bullseye, baby. Please excuse the terrible iPhone photograph, but take note of the horrifying state of filth that is my thumbnail.

I experienced Dude Nirvana. On the way home, the dads convinced me to stop with them at something called the Bass Pro Shop Outdoor World, a sporting goods store roughly the size of the Astrodome. Inside it we found ATVs and boats...

 
 

 ...and every kind of man/boy thing you would EVER want to find. I did find something intriguing in the camping department. Something that would solve many of my camping problems...

 

But the dads teased me out of purchasing it. I have discovered, however, that it is available online...

I enjoyed me some boys. ALL of the little boys in our pack are absolutely darling. Really sweet, lovely little boys, each with their own special charms. And ALL of the staff/counselors were wonderful as well. Especially after Jude was sick. Energy, Mumbles and Twinkie all took time during their rest periods to get Jude caught up on all his beltloops and pins. A great bunch of teenagers who really cared for the littler boys.

 

I enjoyed me some dads. All 4 of the dads from our pack are truly wonderful men. Solid, easy-going, funny, wonderful fathers, tremendous integrity. A pleasure to be with. I adore them all. If they are an example of the men that scouting produces, I believe I have Jude in the right place. Oh, and they shared their contraband liquor.

I got a cup. 

 

They were handed out as a thank you to all the adult Camp Leaders (again, apologies for the bad iPhone picture). Now, as the dads kept reminding me, I'm not really a true Camp Leader until I commit to...dum, dum, dum, duuuum...a uniform. Unfortunately, the uniforms are ugly. No, let me define them more clearly. Butt ugly. Here, judge for yourself...

 

 

 

EEEEK! Horrors! I'm sorry, but no woman could look even mildly attractive in high-wasted, belted trousers with the shirt tucked in, unless they have a 20 inch waist. Which I...do not. And knee socks? Mmmm...I think not. Maybe if I cut the culottes off into a little mini skirt, and wore the shirt pulled out, unbuttoned and belted on the outside, with a cute tank top underneath? I fear this would not be considered regulation.

I got the best compliment I've ever received in my life. On our last morning, as Jude and I were lugging our big plastic bin filled with camping equipment to the car, Jude said to me "You're a strong woman, Mom." "Thank you sweetie." "You're strong and kind and generous and pretty and all sorts of other things." "Thank you baby." Sniff.

Doesn't that make it all worth it?

Comments

[Alaina]

Oh my god, that skirt uniform is atrocious! And I love your tent...totally how I would roll, too!

[Arnebya]

That is an awesome amount of boyness. That would have been my tent too, as comfortable as possible. And I would have totally bought the portable poo catcher. I'm glad you didn't shoot your eye out.