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What a great story Gretchen! I came out where you did on Waldman's article, with the same logic -- that my husband is a grown man; that my children need my love and attention more. But at the same time, I have learned that giving my children the opportunity to be independent has been almost as important! And I may be a tad more selfish than you - I wouldn't have thought twice about this particular decision! So glad you went! Jude probably felt so "big" for going without you, and you undoubtedly had a great time.


I, too, would survive the death of my spouse, but don't know if I could recover from the death of a child - even if those children *are* adults (this happened to our next door neighbors two years ago; it was horrible and I don't think they'll ever get over it). The very thought upsets me beyond belief.


My boys are important, but keeping the connection with Nick is just as important. It's all about finding balance between the two.
Glad you had a good time out!

Sprite's Keeper

I don't think I'll ever know where I stand. Surviving the death of a child, I don't even want to think over, but surviving the death of my husband? I can't go there either. Both of them are so vital to my existence. Sprite did ask me if I loved her more than her dad. I answered the only way I knew how," Without your dad, there would be no you. One cannot happen without the other. Now go clean your room."


Wow, that sounds like a really special night. And I think you made the right choice! You hit the nail on the head when you said that Jude was so happy to go off on his own, with his friend, BECAUSE you have spent these years pouring love and attention on him. It's working! And the goal of all that is that they'll be happy and independent like he is.

I remember that Waldman piece and all the hoopla over it. I don't know if I would have stated the situation in those exact terms, but I felt some glimmer of recognition of what she was saying. She is always trying to be a little provocative, I think.


This is so wonderful.

I had a different reaction to that article than many women I know (or, perhaps, than many women would admit). It was, "YES. Finally, someone said it!" I wouldn't ever go so far as to say that it would be easier to survive the death of a child than of my spouse...absolutely not. BUT I could identify in so many other ways. The thing is, as much as I love my children, and would do anything for them, and structure my life around them - they're going to leave me someday. I've always known that. I chose to have them, but I didn't choose who they are...so it's probably a good thing that they're going to leave. ;) It's my job to nurture them, teach them, and prepare them for the big, bad/good world...and then send them on their way.

Jason, though? I chose HIM. I went into this with him knowing we had potentially eight decades together, and looking forward to every moment of those [hopefully?] eighty years. I can't imagine how I would live if he were to walk out of my life. It's unfathomable.

I also think that setting an example of putting marriage first is really, really important. By demonstrating to our kids that our spouses are so important to us, they see us treating marriage as something sacred and important, hopefully setting them up for healthy relationships in the future. Jason's and my time away from the boys is as much a gift to them - and their future spouses - as to us.


Good decision, and it sounds like you had a great time!

Michele R.

As I was reading I was thinking that Jude would probably love to be "on an outing with a buddy's family". So glad that it was a great night for everyone. And how sweet of your friend to take the photo!


I am not that person either.


Lino Kosters

Yeah, when they get married, moms prioritize their kids more than their husbands. Husbands should know this, and they should do the same. Well, your kids are very lucky to be near the bench of their idols during the half. It's an honor, together with being seen on the Jumbotron on the Staples Center's roof. :)

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