RTT: Yoko, Man Spanx and Condoms

Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

I am still in the Christmas spirit, despite having spent ONE HOUR in a line at the Walmart yesterday, picking up something I'd ordered through Walmart.com. I thought I'd save the shipping by taking the "Pick Up at the Store" option. NEVER AGAIN. I was down at the Walmart in the 'hood, and I'm telling you, this was a room full of pissed off people. ONE painfully slow woman working TWO lines at the same time. 45 people in the lines, crammed into a tiny room. You'd think that being in one of their commercials would be me some kind of perks. Not happy. Jude, however, will be happy when he gets this...

Which he's craving. And it's coming from Jimmy and me, not Santa. So now the kid won't think the only thing we give him is socks.

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I've been listening to the All-Christmas-Music-All-the-Time radio station lately. And so therefore, I am singing Christmas songs all the time. All. The. Time. In the store. While I cook. In the shower. While I clean. Yes, I am that woman. I know that I am driving my family crazy, because I'm driving MYSELF crazy. The other day, I couldn't stop singing John Lennon's "Happy Christmas". On and on I sang - "So this is Christmas, And what have you done?, Another year over, And a new one just begun..." and unfortunately, every time I got to the Yoko part, I kept singing it in my  best Yoko voice, which is rather high-pitched and unpleasant "A very Merry Christmas, And a happy New Year, Let's hope it's a good one, Without any fear". After several hours of this, just when I was about to start slamming my head against the wall until I could shake the Yoko out of my head, Jimmy came into the kitchen with a particularly insane and serious look on his face "Are you finished singing that yet? Because I think you're finished singing that." Then he walked out again. I guess I was finished singing it.

"War is over over, If you want it, War is over, Now..."

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I saw these at Nordstrom's while I was Christmas shopping...

Teehee.

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The other day, I was at the checkout at Target. The clerk was ringing up my purchase (Mason jars, wrapping paper, martini glasses - the usual Christmas stuff), and I suddenly realized that there, on top of my big bundle of toilet paper, was a very large box of Trojan Condoms. "Oh..." I stopped the checker, "Those aren't mine." The clerk, another middle-aged woman, and I turned to the next person in line, a cholo-type young man, replete with tattoos and piercings. "I guess these are yours." said the clerk. The young kid turned absolutely scarlet. He was completely flustered and started to stutter. It was hysterical. He reacted as if he had been busted by his grandma. I've never felt so old!

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Arlene Francis is always my go-to gal for gay new ideas...

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I've been busy, busy planning my Feast of the Seven Fishes for Christmas Eve, and I think I've decided on a signature cocktail for the evening.  A Lemon Martini. Not too sweet, not too sour, and I think the lemon will go well with the evening of all seafood. I have been doing a tiny bit of experimentation with the recipe. I mean, certainly I needed to, to make sure the recipe was up to par. It would have been irresponsible to my guests not to. So here's what I've settled on. Quite tasty, I must say...

Lemon Martini

2 parts vodka

2 parts citron vodka

2 parts lemon juice

1 part simple syrup

1 part triple sec

Shake together with ice in a cocktail shaker, then serve straight up with a twist of lemon peel.

Drink.

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My GIVEAWAY IS STILL OPEN! You have until FRIDAY to get your name in for a chance to win a box of GORGEOUS A Papier Letterpress Stationery. PLEASE check out this link for more info...HERE.

I fear that this picture doesn't do this stationery justice. It is beautiful and elegant. You SHOULD enter my drawing. Again, the link is HERE. Just follow the instructions. It's EASY.

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I'm going all classical on you for this weeks carol. This is what my choir's been working on for Christmas - The 1st Movement of Vivaldi's Gloria. It's really fun to sing. Not quite as fun as Handel, but pretty damned inspiring. Please enjoy. I fear we are not this good. Just saying...

 

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So after you've entered yourself into my giveaway drawing, be sure to head over and visit Stacy and her merry band of randomizers.

...A very Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year, let's hope it's a good one, without any fear...oh damn, that was in the Yoko voice again!

Comments

[Claire]

Ha! I really love the old tinsel ad. I don't ever put that stuff on anymore; I hate cleaning it up! Happy Tuesday.

[Cathy Kennedy]

I did enter your contest. Thanks so much! We have some of the old fashion tinsel, but it doesn't glow. I haven't put this stuff on the trees in a few years because it's just too messy. However, I really loved it as a kid. Parenthood changes your perspective a little. The K'Nex really rocks. Our son loved to build stuff when he was younger. We thought about getting him this, but I don't believe we ever did. There were other things we decided upon instead. My memory is a blur, but it was cool stuff, really! Thanks for the random!!

[Ollie McKay's]

Had been to this Blog ages ago! Forgot how much I liked it then! Love all your posts! Haha ~ the Spanx for men - /Check! And the Double-Glo icicles - Double Check!! Merry Christmas!!!

[Michele R.]

I think the lemon martini drink will complement the seafood very well! Jimmy is a very, very lucky man.

I am thrilled that you posted the K'Nex toy because I just saw a post on Want Not about a price on one reduced to $34.99. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004S642NI/?tag=wantnot-20

So I just ordered one for my 5th grader. He knows what he is getting but also loves surprises and this is something we have never discussed. Enjoy the boy gift buying now cuz trust me it gets so much harder to find things in the teen years and the tree is so, so vacant underneath when they are older with any surprises or gifts reasonably priced.

[Sprite's Keeper]

I never knew until now that it was Yoko singing that part. I'm dreading this afternoon when Sprite wants to listen to the Christmas music on the way home. That song comes on every day at 5.

[Sarah at 32Flavors]

That Christmas song makes me crazy. I think it's Yoko that does it.

[Michele]

That woman can't carry a tune in a brown paper bag.It is little wonder that Jimmy needed you to stop singing her her voice.

Believe it or not I will be serving fish on Christmas eve. I know! The sacrifices we make for our families. I think I'll need to blunt my squeamishness with the Lemon Martini. Thanks for the recipe.

[VandyJ]

My mom used to lament that the tinsel she had as a girl was far superior to the stuff they sell now. It was heavier and reusable and didn't get stuck in the carpet or tempt the animals to snack on it.
we never use tinsel, because we spend the next year cleaning it up.
That cocktail sounds very good. I might be able to convince Nick to try it for our seafood feast for New Year's.

[Jan]

Beloved did a couple of dynamite martinis at our party Saturday - one that consisted of egg nog, Godiva white chocolate liqueur and Southern Comfort and one that was cranberry juice, lime juice, Cointreau and vodka. If you want, I'll send you the proportions - the cranberry one (he called it a Christmas Cosmopolitan) was really, really good.

[Elizabeth]

I so love these random Tuesdays. Your story of Walmart -- I probably would have stood in line and wept.

[Kendra]

Man spanx. Ridiculous!

And I hate Wal-Mart but I can't seem to throw it from my list of stores I have to go to.

[Aimee]

You know what bugs me most about that song? It's the pronunciation of the "ahs." It should be AH, not A (like in 'hat'). MAN, it drives me CRAZY. The only way to combat it is to sing along, as loudly as I can, also driving my husband insane. It's insidious.

Phew. So good to get that off my chest.

[Kristine]

Loving the choir music! I am also a huge sucker for Christmas music. Drives everyone around me nutty. LOL

Lemon martinis sound divine!!!! Yum!!! DEFINITELY will be making those!!! ;-)

[Gina]

Laughing at the kid with the condoms. Too funny! I have been listening to the All-Christmas-Carol station too. Today, I was walking around singing, "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."