Dear Period

Dear Period,

I fear that over the last few years our relationship has changed dramatically, that things between us have become increasingly uncomfortable and strained, and I know that soon you will leave me forever. Before we move into the next and final phase of our relationship, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my feelings, and hopefully, clear the air a bit.

It's hard to believe that we've been together for almost 38 years. Time certainly flies. When you first came to me, I was so very young. I thought you were...exciting. I wanted to tell all my girlfriends about you. I was so proud to have you in my life.

And for most of my life, you've been extremely good to me. Other women complained of their periods, but I had little to say. You were always so dependable. Every 28 days...bang, there you were. I could always count on you. And you caused me very little pain. Maybe one day a month I'd need a dose of Advil, but for the most part...you were never hurtful.

Of course there were many months when I hated you, when you seemed to appear right at the moment I least wanted to see you. And during my dark, infertile days, I actually cried every time you showed up. But there were also many, many...many months throughout my life, especially during those wacky college years, when seeing you caused tears of joy and relief.

For the most part, our relationship was always a happy one. Maybe a little staid and boring. We'd been together for so long, after all. But it was comfortable. Easy.

But now, everything has changed.

You come, you go. I never know when you're going to show up, or how long you're going to stay. Sometimes you'll disappear for months without a word, then show up out of the blue. You're completely irrational and unpredictable. Remember a few months ago? You'd been gone for TWO months, then suddenly one morning, while I'm making my kid's breakfast, I look down and realize that you've decided it's time for me to recreate the pigs-blood-at-the-prom scene from Carrie! NOT cool.

And these no-good friends of yours that you insist on bringing around with you - Hot Flash and Mood Swing. Hot Flash keeps hitting me with the Cruciatus Curse. And Mood Swing drives me crazy! They both seem determined to make my life a living hell. I would really very much appreciate it if you would take them away, and NEVER bring them around again.

If you're leaving me, can't you just leave me now, quickly, and spare me any more drama. I don't understand your need to draw this out and prolong my pain. You keep toying with me, torturing me.

We both know it's over. Just GO. I'd be happy to hand over the last of my box of Playtex Sport tampons (the ones printed with the annoying inspirational catchphrases like "Find your groove and move to it." and "Focus on the positive.") to some other woman who you're still keeping time with.

I'd be happy if you could just leave me with a tiny bit of my dignity still in tact, despite my knowledge that the rest of my life will be one of belly fat and odd hair growth. Osteoporosis and incontinence can't be far away.

I wish you well. Truly. We had some good times, and I'll always remember everything you did for me. As Emily Dickinson said "Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell."

Will I see you again? I guess I'll know in about...26 days. Or not.

Best wishes always,

Gretchen

___________________________________

This was inspired by...

Prompt #5 - Write a love letter to an inanimate object. There are all kinds of love letters.

 

Comments

[Sarah (Catching the Magic)]

Brilliantly written and I really hope, in a bitter sweet way, the answer is, 'Not' x I read your letter with horror - as my Mum had the hot flushes and mood swings terribly and I'm dreading it. It's so tough being a woman! x

[Andrea]

Yes, the ridiculous rude friends that have been showing up monthly are just lovely. And pms is a SYNDROME indeed! Initials don't give it justice!

[Kerry Ann (aka Vinobaby)]

Brilliant! How funny--just before I sat down here at my computer I was thinking about how so many women used to get hysterectomies when they were done "needing" a cycle, and how much easier that would make my life. Not looking forward to more years of uncertainty, irritability, and craziness. Mother Nature has a bizarre sense of humor sometimes.

Loved it. Cheers.

[Jan]

This could not have been more timely - my Facebook status as of five minutes ago reads, "Thank you, perimenopause, for the sudden vertigo. It's certainly more fun than mood swings, anxiety and hot flashes."

Menstruation and all of it's chums are welcome to pack their bags and GO any time, as far as I'm concerned.

[Jen]

Let me just say that I totally understand this. I am so done with my period. She can leave and never come back. You see, I got used to not having her and went through all kinds of infertility treatments to get babies.

And now that I am done having babies, she has decided to regularly show up. It sucks.

*sigh*

[Elizabeth]

Awesome.

[Adrienne]

Just HAD to read when I saw the title! We're in the same phase - and I have become a HATER! So, this helped me remember the "good" days...but I'd be more than happy to say a fond, final fare-thee-well!
Thanks for the chuckle, I needed it! (visiting from Mama Kat's)

[VandyJ]

I am not looking forward to the time when Period starts play around with me. I know it's coming, but I'm only looking forward to the end of the process, not the process of ending.

[The Bug]

I've pretty much stopped, & I was really excited, but my doctor said, "not so fast young lady!" (I'm 47). He gave me pills to take so I'll have a period about once a quarter. Wow - I'm doing this to myself on PURPOSE!

[Dana K]

This was so incredibly well-written. I submitted it to StumbleUpon because I am SURE a ton of women can relate to it. Great job!

visiting from Mama Kat's

[MJ]

I think I have a while to go before hitting this phase... but bring.it.on. My dear sweet period likes to visit, on average, about every 3 weeks. I've never been a fan.

Your letter was brilliantly written!

[Michele]

Ahhhhh... I remember those days. When I had been period free for 1 year I made a bonfire out of the leftover box of tampons. It was strangely satisfying and somewhat apropos since we live in Texas. They do like to light stuff on fire here.

[Arnebya]

I hate a wishy-washy, disrespectful period. If our relationship is over, and it knows when it is, why keep hanging around, showing back up unannounced? It's rude.

There were times when I was so happy to see it I cried. And times I was so distraught upon seeing it that I cried. It only leaves when I'm breastfeeding. I tried to feed the boy until he was 12 but you know silly "friends" threatening to call CPS. I've asked my husband if I can remain perpetually pregnant, but, no. I hope yours decides to end the charade and leave you with your dignity (and keeping ingrates like Hot Flash away. I think he gets high).

[Keely]

Ha! Awesome. I felt very similar about 2 years ago, my Period was very needy and showing up every 2 weeks. Then I yelled and she never came back.

[Stacey]

That was hysterical!! And so totally true and fitting! I'm waiting for the irregularity after 30 years but it's still determined to show up right on time and bring pain with it each and every month. Dammit!

[Jennifer West]

Every woman has that kind of relationship with her period. Sometimes we love to have them, sometimes we hate them. But whether we like it or not, we must deal with it and try to stay positive all the time.