Monday Minute: Too Much About My Questionable Past

I'm all a twitter with excitement. I'm joining a new Meme thingy today, the Monday Minute from Ian at Daily Dose of Reality.

Ian is extremely cool and cute. Actually, I don't know if he's really cute. But he seems cute. I choose to think that he's cute. If you're not already a Daily Doser, the Monday Minute is a simple list of 5 rather random, and fairly personal questions, which Ian will share with you if you're nice to him. The theory is that it's quick and easy, and your readers will be done in a minute. But since I'm a teensy bit long-winded (my husband chokes down a sarcastic laugh), this may take longer.

I shall begin...

1. What drugs have you done in your life?  -

Hmmm. Am I planning on running for office at any point in my life? I'd hate to screw that up for myself. Oh wait, we elected George W. Bush (and by "we" I mean "we" Americans, not "we" me) president TWICE, and we all know that at one time he sucked about half of his trust fund up his nose back before he reformed. So...here I go.

• Alcohol - Massive quantities of various liquor throughout many years.
• Marijuana - The occasional joint now and then through my life. Though it's been at least 10 years since I've had any. I don't particularly like pot. It makes me REALLY stupid. And REALLY paranoid. Neither of which are states I relish. The last time I smoked it, I spent about two hours with my head in my friend Johnny's freezer, exploring the delicate sensoral elements of cold. Once, when stoned, I spent many hours "playing" classical music with my eyebrows.
• Cocaine - Twice, both times in college. Did not like it at all. I prefer drugs that mellow me out, not crank me up to the point that I feel like ants are crawling all over my skin. Which leads me to...
• Speed - Twice, both times in college. And both times were to enable me to stay up and finish some kind of project for some class or another. You can imagine the quality of said projects after staying up for two nights speeding. I remember that on this one particular project I had to actually give a presentation, and I think I talked a blue streak and had eyes dilated like saucers.
• Ecstasy - Twice, both back when it was legal. Not unpleasant. Though I tended to want to pet all my friends, and tell them how very, very much I loved them. Can't imagine doing it nowadays, in the cell phone age. Ecstasy-dialing would be very embarrassing.

Have you noticed that I seem to do everything twice? I clearly believe in second chances.

• Amyl Nitrate (Poppers) - Many times, in many gay discos back in the day. I used to love to go dancing with all my gay friends. Those were the days. Cuba Libras, Virginia Slims and poppers. Ahhh. If I close my eyes, I can smell them now. For you youngsters unschooled in faddish gay drugs, Poppers were legal (then) and you could buy them in a tiny bottle from the front desk of the bars. You'd take a hit from them when the song started, and have a freaky, room-spinning, lights-flashing trip, that, interestingly, lasted for the exact duration of a Donna Summer song. I understand that it also enhanced the activities going on in the men's room, but I wouldn't know for sure.
• NyQuil - My current drug of choice.

2. A/S/L?

49/F/LA,CA. Though if this was a cyber sex chat room, I'd be 39/F/LA,CA. Not that know anything about that. Oh my God, that's the first time I've actually written 49 down. Huh-huh-huh (me,hyperventilating).

3. Do you pick your nose? - 

Yes. I do not, however, eat it. Interestingly, Jude finds all nose-picking to be highly distasteful. Once, he was carefully digging around in his nose with a tissue, and was unable to get the annoying booger. I told him I thought it would be okay to just go for it with his bare finger, and he was thoroughly grossed out. What kind of a 6 year old is this?

4. What's your favorite childhood cartoon?

The Flintstones. Hands down. Yabba Dabba Doo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. List the URL, of what you believe to be the best blog post you've ever done -

Okay, this was supposed to be a quick, easy little meme thingy, not something I had to agonize over for hours. Picking your best every blog is like choosing your favorite child! This is heartbreaking. I managed to narrow it down to a top 5, but then I had to eeny meeny miny mo it.

I present to you Ready For Water. This was first published on June 13, 2009, during the week when Jude started summer vacation. At this time I'd been blogging for less than a month, so I don't think anybody read it at the time that I wasn't related to. I don't know if I'd really call it the best blog I've ever written, but I think it's representative of me. It's pretty funny, quite profane, and managed to include a tremendous amount of creative punctuation. It's also about Jude and Jimmy and mommies and liquor and...well you get it.

Okay, that's it for the Monday Minute. Please head over to Ian and check out the other Monday minutemen.

Comments

[jana]

The kind who will apparently never discover the joys of nose picking(in relation to answer number 3)…lol…glad I discovered you through Ian’s blog!

[Michele]

I would not even want to list all the drugs I consumed in high school. It would baffle anyone how I was able to get through college.

[Ian]

Holy batfuck monkey balls of death that was the best first ever monday minute post EVER!!!!!! 49? Bullshit.

[J]

:) That's quite a list you got there! I admire your honesty! New follower here!

[Amy]

You are braver than I, lovely Gretchen! Looking forward to more MMs to come...

[Suzicate]

Yabba dabba doo!!!! Flintstones rock! Pun intended! i won't share any of my escapades...my kids are currently looking for the goods on me, and personally, I think they know way more than needed!!!!

[Sprite's Keeper]

I feel like I need to sign a confidentiality agreement now.. :-)

[Miss Fit]

I didn't count alcohol on mine. Hmm...does that mean I'm in denial? Flinstones are Awesomeness.

[Mommylisa]

Awesome...and after reading "Ready For Water" I am now a follower.

[Sara]

Ready For Water impressed the pants off of me. Totally pulled it off. I would've needed any or all of the above listed pharmaceuticals. And I still would've been dropping f-bombs.

Lily, age 8, has been repulsed by nose picking for some time, too. She said to me a week or so ago, "So'n'so picks his nose and eats it. I get the picking part, but what's with the *eating?!*" My awesome answer? "Because it's salty." Because, ya, I did pick my nose and eat it sometimes when I was a kid. The other times I stuck it to the wall. Horrible, just horrible.

I love the poppers story. How frickin fun was that?!

[The Lawyer Mom]

According to my kid's DARE calendar, there's not much on this earth that's not considered a "drug." But "poppers" are a new one on me.

Now I'm off to read Ready for Water.

[Ginny Marie]

Okay, it took me while to figure out what A/S/L stood for. (Doh!) At first reading I immediately thought American Sign Language, but then your answer made no sense at all!