Friday Confessional: Shhhh!

I'm trying out a new blog carnival thingy today, The Friday Confessional, hosted by Glamazon. Please run over there and read lots of other juicy confessions.

As a Catholic, something about the whole confession thing sort of appeals to me. So..."Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."

I confess...

I'm secretly addicted to America's Next Top Model. I love it when all those bitchy girls get all "ghetto" and "talk smack" about each other. It's just so...unseemly, and...trashy. I love it. It's so completely unlike anything I've ever experienced in my own life. But I can't stop watching it, it's like watching a car wreck.

I have recently switched from drinking Chardonnay to drinking either Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio. I claim that it's because I "just don't have a taste for Chardonnay any more". But this is a lie. It's because Jimmy hates both Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Grigio, and if I buy a bottle, I get to have it ALL TO MYSELF.

I often go into the shower and take long "steams". Ostensibly, this is because the steam "helps my sinus problems". While this is true, it's not the reason for my "steams". It's because I can go in the bathroom, turn the water on, get in the shower and be totally, blissfully, alone for at least 30 minutes. No one tries to come in because I tell them that if they open the door, the "steam will escape". And the steam is, you know, medicinal. It's amazingly peaceful in there.

I am now Facebook "friends" with almost every single man I've ever dated in my life.

Often, at church during a long-winded homily (that's Catholic for sermon) I'll pretend to be looking for something inside my rather enormous purse. But really, I'm either sending a text, surfing the web, or writing down a blog idea on my iPhone.

I seldom shampoo my hair anymore. I wash it with hot water, but I only actually lather it up with shampoo about once every two weeks. I've found that this keeps it from getting frizzy. And it doesn't ever really look dirty. But I realize that most people would consider this...icky.

Very often, if someone Instant Messages me, and I'm either in the middle of something, or just don't feel like chatting with them, I'll just ignore it, and then later tell them that I had left the computer on and walked away, and only realized that they'd sent me a message MUCH later.

I am, possibly the worst pet sitter on the planet. Once, our neighbor asked me to feed her weird cat, Ne Ne (or was it Nee Nee? or Ni Ni? - I don't know, who the hell names a cat Ne Ne anyway?) for a week. She left town, and about 6 days later, I remembered that I hadn't fed the cat. Ever. Not once. I rushed over, and amazingly, weird little Ne Ne was fine. Except that she'd pooped everywhere, which I had to clean up, but I figure that was my penance for starving the cat. And then, about a year later, another neighbor asked me to feed her fish, and I did the exact same thing. Miraculously, the fish survived too. It was probably eating its own poop or something.

About half the time, when I tell Jude that "Mama needs to go do some work on the computer", what I really need to go do is play games on Facebook.

Whew. I feel much better now. It's so good to get all that off my chest. Can y'all grant me absolution?

Comments

[Shelby]

Say three Hail Mary's and pass the pinot grigio, and all will be forgiven.

[Oka]

Not my place to grant you absolution...

Maybe you shouldn't agree to pet sit, tell ppl you don't feel comfortable with it?

[Ginny Marie]

Oh, big purses are so convenient!

I'm working very hard right now...can't you tell?

[Michele]

I only drink white wine if there is no red around. I use it for cooking only. So it lasts a long time at my house. I too only buy wine that my family won't drink. It's better for everyone that way. I see it as saving them from future addictions.

[Diane]

5 Hail Marys, 1 Our Father and a glass of pinot grigio should do the trick.

[middle-aged-woman]

Eddie Izzard's version of Anglican confession: Bless me Vicar, for I have done many bad things...Vicar: Well, so have I. Have three bloody marys and you won't remember!

[Sarah at themommylogues]

Bahahahaha!

I don't know what you're talking about.

*ahem*

(Although I really don't know on the hair, because my hair is freakishly oily and if I don't shampoo every blasted day it turns flat and dull and gloppy and sticks to my face, while looking like I'm the one who hasn't shampooed in 2 weeks. Stupid hair.)

Now. I have some work to do on the computer.

[Elizabeth]

I absolve you for everything with no penance necessary as your sins are menial. EXCEPT for the shower thing -- if you're leaving your water on for thirty minutes in this desert we live in, I'm reporting you to the DWP.

[Allyson]

Laughing about your facebook friends with old boyfriends. I am too. I might die if I didn't wash my hair at least every other day, but I WISH I could go without doing it for longer, 'cause man I hate doing my hair. Nice list. Oh, and I'm visiting from Glamazon, in case you were wondering who the heck I am.

[Sprite's Keeper]

The cat survived, but probably wasted a few lives waiting for you. :-)
As for the fish, I claim miracle.
You're forgiven!

[jessica]

The fish lived? What the hell kind of fish is it?

I have to laugh at the fact that you forgot to feed the cat for 6 days, I did that with my kid once...what?

i'm kidding for those of you who don't know me, I'm kidding. It was five days

[Amy]

Those pet sitting stories are hilarious! I can't believe they lived!! I'm trying to imagine what you would've told your neighbors if they hadn't. :)

I do the "work on the computer" one too!

[Viki]

I hope when you go to confession, you tell the priest what you are actually doing during the homily LOL.

[Mama Badger]

I'd post a penance, but I'm off to buy a bigger purse. No more pet sitting for you. Your luck has to be running out and soon it'll catch up with you!

[Glamazon]

hahaha, love it. The big purse trick-I need that one for church! And the hair thing isn't nasty, at least you're getting it wet. And I'm jealous of your steam-time :)

Thanks for playing!

[Heather (qtberryhead)]

I wholeheartedly believe that you should marry someone who does not like the same things as you. Why cause unnecessary heartache because the man finished off your Crunchberries?
I could really use a good steam...

[debbie]

You are cracking me up with the getting into your purse during mass!
And I am seeing more and more written about why we should only shampoo our hair rarely. I am trying every other day but that is as far as I've gotten so far!

[Peg]

Remind me NOT to ask you to pet sit! LOL I love the purse in church part. Hilarious.

[Erica@PinesLakeRedhead]

I also prefer Pinot Grigio and Sauvigon Blac because my hubby drinks reds! I also "steam" my sinuses. Ins't alone time in the bathroom blissful in a house full of men. Yes, friends with ex-boyfriend AND sister's ex-boyfriend on Facebook. Although I've never killed a pet, I've killed many houseplants of friends.