Wattle (or I Dream of Genie)

It must be kismet.

Just yesterday, I revealed myself to you and whined on and on about my recently developed neck wattle. And today? We received a new catalogue in the mail. The Harriet Carter catalogue, which is much like the good old Lillian Vernon catalogue, but even more like something my old great-aunt Lula Mae from Caldwell, Texas would have eagerly poured over. And there, right there, on the cover of the Harriet Carter Catalogue is this...

 

the Neck Genie! As seen on TV!

According to Harriet Carter, the Neck Genie will "Take years off your appearance! Neck Genie helps you firm and tone your neck and chin for a more youthful look. Incredible 2-minute-a-day exerciser uses progressive resistance to gently lift the muscles that cause sagging of the chin, neck and jaw as you age. No costly surgery, no needles, no pain! Safe, easy-to-use device comes with 3 power coils, storage case and instructions.  

3 power coils, wow, that's a lot.

So I've ordered it. 7 to 10 days, and this wattle is history, baby. Wish me luck!

And you should check out the Harriet Carter website. Other amazing gadgets which you can buy for a song:

• The Shirt-Style Dickey. I have long lamented the decline of the dickey. And it comes in an assortment of fashionable colors.
• Long-Reach Lotion Applicator. You know when you go to the pool or beach with your child, and you end up having to ask the kid to help you apply the sunscreen to your back? Only 6-year olds aren't particularly thorough in their sunscreen application? And you end up with a sunburnt back with strange tiny-hand-shaped non-sunburnt streaks? Here's what you need! Cause, you know, I don't already lug enough crap with me to the beach.
• Strawberry Slicer, Tomato Slicer, Pineapple Slicer. Well, we all know the unbelievable mess and hassle of that most trying of all household tasks...produce slicing. Thank God, someone has finally come to the rescue.
• Last but not least...well, this picture says it all...

I just keep thinking about this guy, just starting out as a model, who thinks this is gonna be his big break. He's been eagerly waiting for the release of this catalogue, so he can cut out this picture to put in his modelling "book". His mama must be so proud.
 

Comments

[Samantha]

Well there goes my afternoon...

[Caroline]

I could use that Genie!! Can't wait to hear how it works.
And who doesn't need a good dickie.

[Heather (qtberryhead)]

I am totally buying the strawberry slicer. Maybe I could do a testimonial or something afterwards. Pad my resume...
I agree with Caroline, er, you...everyone needs a good dickie.

[Michele Renee]

P.S. You did not turn me off about the waddle. I am now trying to buy more turtlenecks if any are still out there and a zillion more scarves.

[middle-aged-woman]

Wattles are a turn-off? What I need is something like that for my forehead. My eyes get narrower by the day. And truthfully, when I look at those catalogs? I have to have someone hide my credit card. Everything looks AMAZING! FANTASTIC!

[Nony (A Slob Comes Clean)]

This one was funny, really, it was. But it made me go check out your VLOG and that's where I commented.

[Jenni]

A shirt style dickie? Really? Well, I supposed a turtleneck dickie isn't appropriate for all occasions.

[Katherine]

I'm posting a comment because I like reading your blog. I am kind of a doofus in the fact that I get really nervous leaving comments so I usually don't. I know....I'm a big doof. Anyway, I don't have a waddle yet, but I can't stand the lines above my nose between my eyes. Loved your VLOG by the way....I would of reacted the same way to that creepy note.

[The Lawyer Mom]

That poor man! All I could think was "bird bath"!

Now about the de-wattler . . . I suppose if you played the fiddle or violin you'd get the same results. Remember Pa in Little House? He had no neck wattle whatsoever (or any wattle at all, for that matter) and he played the fiddle every night. I think we're on to something here.

[Sara]

How we love a good Lillian Vernon catalog around here! Rattan 2 in 1 Tissue Holder for the top of my toilet tank? The finest decorator toilet seats?

Their dickeys are bar none. (ok, I lied. I don't have any dickeys. Yet.)