Like most couples who have been together since the dawn of time, Jimmy and I have our ups and downs. One day we love and appreciate each other with all our hearts, and the next we want to garrotte each other with extension cords. Jimmy can be a difficult man to live with. He is (hmmm...how to say this delicately) high maintainance. Or less kindly, a big, fat, pain in the ass. He is, after all, an actor. An...artist. Much bad behavior is blamed on this "artistic" temperment. He can be irrational and moody and quick-tempered. I, of course, am practically perfect in every way. Good God, that man is lucky to have me.
But he is also truly, genuinely, kind-hearted. Almost to a fault. He is a devoted, patient and creative father. He is extremely romantic - a lover of candlelight and flowers, champagne and soft music. And best of all, he is funny. Really, very funny.
And it is his silly sense of humor that drags me through the aforementioned "downs". Sometimes I'll be shaking with anger at him, then he'll say something so silly that I end up shaking with laughter, and the anger just evaporates. We have numerous inside jokes. And his sense of humor is often self-deprecating. Jimmy takes a number of pills and vitamins, some of which are Prozac-like medications (I warned you...). The other day, I found a Ziploc of his pills on the kitchen counter, and he'd taken a Sharpie and labeled the bag with the words "Abby Normal". Which only a true Young Frankenstein fan (ME!) would love and appreciate.
But the most enduring of our inside jokes, is The Adventure of the Beef Broth.
About 6 years ago, I sent Jimmy to the store to get a can of chicken broth. I know from reading other people's blogs, that many husbands are poor shoppers. But Jimmy is beyond poor. He almost NEVER gets the thing I asked for. The only way I have any chance of getting the right thing is if I save the empty box of whatever I need, and send it with him to the store, so he can walk around and try to match the box with the correct item on the shelf. Therefore, I seldom ask him to shop for me. I feel fairly confident that this was his plan in the first place. But anyway...this one time, I sent him to the store for a can of chicken broth. How hard could this possibly be? Really. One can of chicken broth. I wasn't even picky about the brand. Anything would do. He came home with a bag full of about 10 cans of BEEF broth. Apparently, there was a big sale. I suspect that I may have yelled at him after this, which induced a rather loud fight.
The next day, I opened my underwear drawer, and there was...a can of beef broth. Strange. How could that have gotten there? I put it away.
Two days later, I'm pulling dirty clothes out of my laundry basket and out tumbles...a can of beef broth. Ah! I see what's happening here.
I wait a day. Then I put the can of beef broth...in Jimmy's shower. Heeheehee.
Three days later? I crawl into bed at night, put my head on my pillow and "OW". The can of beef broth.
This has gone on for the past 6 years. The can will disappear for months at a time. Then reappear, suddenly and unexpectedly. And cleverly. The pocket of Jimmy's winter coat. The trunk of my car. And we've never talked about it. Which is part of the fun of the joke. I'm afraid the poor broth is a bit worse for wear. I'm sure it's a seething mass of botulism, as it expired in 2006 and is covered with spots of rust. But it endures. Here it is making a recent appearance in Jimmy's medicine cabinet...
Over the years, the beef broth has become kind of symbolic. We may go through a rough patch. We may have a big fight. But then somehow, one or the other of us will reach out, and the beaten up can of broth will show up. Usually when it's least expected. And we'll remember what brought us together in the first place.
On Sunday, we'll celebrate Valentine's Day in our usual way. After years of going out to nice restaurants and having terrible experiences with crowds, poor service, and inflated prices, we long ago decided to forgo it all, and stay in. I cook an opulent, fabulous (if I do say so myself) dinner, something I enjoy very much. We always start with a good champagne, followed by several courses, which usually include steak and lobster. It's all followed by some kind of crazy chocolate dessert. It used to be just the two of us, but now we're happy to let Jude join in on the celebration.
The truth? This has been a stressful week. But I know that this little yearly ritual of Romance will help. And at the end of the evening, Jimmy will crawl into bed, stick his legs under the covers and smash his foot on ...the can of beef broth.
For other Valentine's Day Tales, please visit The Spin Cycle at Sprite's Keeper and share the love.
Now THAT is a romantic legend Jude will retell for years to come! John and I have this thing about being able to communicate without speaking. We don't even have to be next to each other. Our eyes meet in a crowded room, a slight shrug of the shoulders, or a wink and a smile, and we've just had an entire conversation. But the can of beef broth? Is awesome. And probably rancid. But awesome nonetheless. You're linked!
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | 02/12/2010 at 06:03 AM
I love it! I'll have to share this one with Dr. M. There really is nothing like all that shared history...
Posted by: The Bug | 02/12/2010 at 06:56 AM
Gretchen, this post is awesome in so many ways it's hard to pinpoint them all. Thank you for admitting that marriage, even to someone you love and respect, isn't all skittles and beer all the time - it never is.
And I firmly believe that *every* marriage needs its own can of beef broth.
Posted by: Jan | 02/12/2010 at 07:17 AM
THIS is beautiful. This should be something marriage therapists suggest to couples, and I am not even joking...because you know, I too, am married to an actor, and I have also been married for 780 years and I have 496 children and boy do I know about the ups and downs and the downs and the downs and did I mention the DOWNS???????????
And when you are down, it is hard to remember that the UPS are still there...
beef broth is a perfect reminder.
I will never look at a can the same way now...
and I have to say, it was so nice to finally meet your husband...
Posted by: Laura Phelps | 02/12/2010 at 08:27 AM
That is so awesome.
I think that it's almost impossible to consider your relationship anything spectacular unless you have those moments of wanting to "garrotte each other with extensions cords." Hilarious!
Posted by: Heather (qtberryhead) | 02/12/2010 at 09:43 AM
Stopping by from the Spin Cycle...
I absolutely LOVE this story. It fits perfectly with my Friday's Feast theme for February: "Love is in the food". Let me know if you want to link up here as well:
http://cajoh.blogspot.com/2010/02/f2-is-love-in-food.html.
Thanks for sharing,
Posted by: Christopher (AKA: CaJoh) | 02/12/2010 at 11:51 AM
That is so sweet and funny.
Just so long as you don't serve it for dinner...
Posted by: Maureen@IslandRoar | 02/12/2010 at 12:48 PM
Thanks for sharing! Amazing what a can of broth can do!
Posted by: ~the south dakota cowgirl~ | 02/12/2010 at 01:41 PM
Oddly,
my family had a stuffed-toy-Torah circulating for YEARS. It crossed the country--might've even crossed continents.
I want to your Valentine's day dinner. YUMMO.
Ann
Posted by: Ann | 02/12/2010 at 05:20 PM
What a sweet ritual.
When you've been married as long as we have you don't make a big deal out of valentines day or anniversaries. JR will be working on valentines day and I'll be out of town on our anniversary. Just means that we have to make every special.
Posted by: Michele | 02/12/2010 at 05:57 PM
What a great story! I love that you have that. We kinda have something similar, but not nearly as fun as a can of beef broth (it's just a saying).
Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by my blog and saying hi. I'll definitely be back!
Posted by: rxBambi | 02/12/2010 at 06:12 PM
I love love love this. Especially, somehow, that it's never been mentioned.
I do rather think it should make a public appearance as the topper on the cake at your 50th anniversary celebration. :)
And I'm with Jan - every marriage should have a can of beef broth!
Posted by: Amy | 02/13/2010 at 06:03 PM
That is just the greatest story. I smiled all the way through and I'm still smiling.
The can of beef broth is way better than that elf on the shelf business. I want to be visited by a can of broth!
Happy Valentine's Day to you lovebirds!
Posted by: becky | 02/13/2010 at 06:06 PM
I loved your story. I am beginning to sound repetitive about this. I am really loving your writing. I am picturing your gourmet meal tonight. hope you enjoyed V-day!
Posted by: michele renee | 02/14/2010 at 02:27 PM
awesome! my husband had something going with his college buds that a frozen spiney box fish. it once ended up in our freezer.
Posted by: kate | 02/14/2010 at 04:57 PM
This is your best post yet.
And the gazillion cans of canned beef had me snorting. I guess that's one way to gather up beef broth. Fairly creative, I'd say.
Happy V Day! And thanks for making mine better.
Posted by: The Lawyer Mom | 02/14/2010 at 05:13 PM
I'm late to the party but just wanted to say: fabulous post! That story encompasses so much of what marriage is. You guys are hilarious and creative--and I love that the broth is never mentioned! :)
Hope you had a fantastic Valentine's Day!
Posted by: Amy | 02/14/2010 at 06:44 PM
I LOVE it! This reminds me of a tradition my sister and I have of hiding a scary doll we inherited when my aunt died in each other's houses. We have passed this doll back and forth for years and have even gotten other family members involved.
Posted by: Patty | 02/16/2010 at 07:57 AM
Now, see, I knew I liked you!
Hiding insane stuff is like my family's love language! Nothing says I love you like a hidden hickory farms summer sausage, or the arm to a stuffed animal in your purse, or a collage made from photocopies of your loved one's head superimposed on britney spears body.
Way better than a Hallmark card!
Posted by: Sara | 02/18/2010 at 01:56 PM