Damn You, Becky

It's bad. I no longer fit into my "really fat" pants. The ones from right after I gave birth, that I recently had to dig out of the Goodwill bag in the garage when I outgrew my "sorta fat" pants. My muffin top has expanded into something more like lava overflowing a volcano. Okay, that was an ickier visual than I had intended. But it's bad.

I have two problems. One is that I EAT TOO DAMNED MUCH! The other is that I have somehow completely stopped exercising. You have to understand that at one time in my life I was a gym rat. One of those people who went 5 days a week - minimum. And if I missed a day, I freaked out. I was a bit of a nut. And I feel that I can honestly, and immodestly say, that at that time I had something of a rocking bod. I'm afraid that now my body is less rocking and more...wobbling.

So when I saw that Becky at Suburban Matron was doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, I thought "I can do that!" Yes I can. "Si se puede!" 22 minutes a day of boot camplike exercises. Easy, easy, lemon squeezy (as Jude would say). After all, I used to run miles and miles, do full-out aerobic workouts for an hour at a pop. I ordered the DVD from Amazon and started shredding.

I swear I will spare you the daily shred updates. But  I promise to keep you abreast of my progress. Here it is thusfar...

Day One - Holy Shit! I had no idea I was so out of shape. Good Lord, woman, this is really pathetic. Jillian divides the workout into little sections - 3 minutes of strength training, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs. This is repeated 3 times. The 2 minutes of cardio? Kicked my ass! TWO MINUTES! I would definitely be one of those people on the Biggest Loser who Jillian had to yell at to get their lazy butt in gear. Except they would be 200 pounds heavier than me, and thus would have an excuse for their lazy butt. That said, I got through it. It was, in fact, only 22 minutes. Doable. Hideous. But doable.

Note To Self: Must go out to the garage and dig around more diligently to locate my lost hand weights, which I haven't used in years. The cans of baked beans I'm using aren't cutting it.

Note To Self 2: Must buy some Poise pads for use during jumping jacks. I think childbirth at age 42 did a number on my hoo-hoo. Maybe more Kegels.

Day Two - Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Eeeeeeee. Ow. Huh, huh, huh, huh. Ow. And......Ow.

Day Three - The bad news and the good news. Bad news is the soreness of yesterday has not abated. It has worsened. I'm having trouble with basic movement. Like walking. And uh...sitting. The good news? 2 minutes of cardio is MUCH easier. I am no longer feeling that I am going to pass out. I'm still shredding! :) (that emoticon was sarcasm). I can do it! I'm getting stronger and leaner! I'm...oh looky. Jimmy's brought home breakfast from McDonalds...

Note To Self 3: It might be a good idea to rethink my initial horror at working out in front of the large mirror in the living room. Watching a profile view of my neck wattle while jogging in place may prove to serve as an excellent motivational tool.

Comments

[Carol]

Gretchen!!! I did this work out over the summer, and I hate to be a Debbie Downer... but it didn't work. :( You know why?? Because about 20 days into it I went to her website and saw that in order to lose the weight you also had to follow her VERY strict diet! Yeah right!! dieting is so NOT me!! So yeah, I just go with the phrase my husband says... "I'd rather be a toned fat person, than a saggy skinny person" LOL
Good luck to ya!!!

[The Bug]

I signed up for weight watchers again - I weigh in tomorrow for my new starting weight. I'm trying to figure out what exercise I will do consistently. I have a Tony Little Gazelle - it's a good low impact place to start & shouldn't bother my shoulder while it's still recuperating. Maybe someday I'll graduate to the Shred!

[Michele Renee]

Gretchen! So here is my reply to the comment you left me the other day. Thanks to Becky as well I bought the dvd this past Sat and started on Sun. So I have done this 4 days in a row. I thought the same thing about the jumping jacks. And I never knew I had anything wrong with my urethra--sheesh. Those jumping jacks really killed me and also the side lunge things where you lift your arms out in front. I have 2-lb weights. Shoulders killed the next two days. Of all crazy things, it was better last night. Doesn't Anita have killer abs? And why doesn't Natalie show her midriff?

[Sarah at themommylogues]

I made it 17 days. For the first few days I couldn't make it. By the end I was doing better. And then I got caught up in the drama of moving and never looked back.

However. I'm having the same fat pants situation. The muffin is out of control. Thinking of digging out Evil Jillian and giving it another go.

[becky]

Ha Michele, I've wondered the same thing! But I took a peek at level 3 (scary) and Natalie has a shorter top on in that one. Still not a sports bra though. You have to wonder these things to pass the time, I guess!

And hurray, Gretchen! I think the first few days are the hardest. I am so glad to have some fellow shredders!

[Becky]

PS: I meant to say that I did it the first time with cans of beans too! Mine were refried beans, the good kind with the lard, and I thought, "Is this ironic?"

[The Lawyer Mom]

Okay, okay. First Becky, and now you. I guess it's time I joined the shredding crew.

[Amy]

Uh-oh... all the cool kids are doing it...