The Great Frownie Experiment

I’ve grown increasingly concerned about my forehead. Over the past year, a rather deep crevice has formed between my brows. And of late, I’ve become a little fixated on it. I feel certain that it is the first and only thing that people see when they look at my face. “Oh look, Gretchen suddenly has a gorge between her eyes. She sure does look her age now.” Which is the bottom line of my disturbance. For many years, I haven’t looked my age. But now, suddenly, all of my 48 years have caught up with me, right between the eyes.

Oh My God! See it? See it? It's horrifying.

Apparently, the problem is that I frown in my sleep, which is a bit disturbing. I think this is true because when I first wake up in the morning, it’s at its worst, it looks like somebody hit me in the head with a tire iron and left a dent. I used to grind in my sleep, but got one of those nightguard thingys, and now my tension seems to have shifted to my brow area. And since it’s unlikely that my stress level is going to decrease dramatically any time soon, I need to figure out something to do about this.

The obvious answer is Botox. Which would be out of the question due to the semi-poor state we’re in right now, except that my friend Lily gave me a gift certificate for a Botox treatment that she won in a raffle. Nice, huh? Only…I’m too chicken to try it. And it’s not fear of needles, or fear of injecting botulism into my face. It’s more that I really like the idea of being the only middle-aged woman in Los Angeles who hasn’t “done something” to herself. And believe me, it’s rampant. Everyone has had either Botox or some kind of chemical peel. It’s apparently just what you do. I like being the all-natural one who was simply blessed with good genes. But at the same time, I don’t want my forehead to look like the face of Mount Rushmore.

So the other day, I was hanging with a group of women at the YMCA or somewhere, whining about the indentation in my head, and my friend Lynn told me that her old Polish grandmother in Baltimore always swore by these things called “Frownies”, these little Band-Aid-like thingies that you attach to your face and wear to sleep every night. According to Lynn, her grandma never had a forehead wrinkle in her life. Hmmm…Intrigued, I went on a search for them and found them through the internet. Here they are…

According to the box, you “Reduce wrinkles while you sleep!” “Frownies on…Frown lines gone!” “Frownies Facial Patches are the safe, natural way to dramatically reduce or eliminate expression lines and creases by relaxing and retraining facial muscles while you sleep.” I was suddenly reminded of something. Hmmm…what could it be?... I read further “The secret of Frownies has been passed along by generations of women and men in entertainment and the public eye who rely on this amazingly effective method to maintain a youthful appearance. The Original Frownies – Unequaled quality since 1889.” AAAHHHH!!

Mommie Dearest! These are the same things all those aging movie stars used preBotox! Am I suddenly going to get fixated on wire hangers?! On the other hand, if they were good enough for those excellent old broads like Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, they’re certainly good enough for me.

So tonight, I’m going to give them a try. I have a “2 to 4 month supply”. The plan is that I’ll wear one every night for the four months and take a picture for you people every couple of weeks, so you can see the process. While I “retrain” my facial muscles. And “eliminate” my “expression lines”. I’m feeling good about this. It will be a whole new me. Or rather, the old me. Here we go…

Okay, I just frightened myself, I can’t imagine what Jimmy's going to say. Well, we've been married a really long time. Maybe he won't notice. You think I'm joking.

Wish me luck.

Comments

[stilltheblank@ol.com]

I can't wait for the progress reports!

[Laura Phelps]

Women who have had work done look older. I am sure of this. Trust me. No one is more bothered by their wrinkles than me. I hate them. They bother me daily. But go ahead. Check out a woman with work done. They look like they had work done. And why? Because they are old.

You are beautiful.. You are still hot in a bathing suit. I know. I saw. Take that stupid ass thing off of your head, even if your hubby never noticed it. (put it on his dick. Then he'll notice!)

Haven't you heard? Looking old is the new young.

[Lisa]

That would look awesome paired with a breathe-right strip!

[Danabug]

Hmm - I'll be following your progress with great interest. I'm 45 & just this year am seeing those very same signs on my face.

[Michele renee]

Hey, I was just at Mount Rushmore and the sculptor decided to capture those presidents' faces when they were young. Those faces are smooth granite!
Anyway, I could have written this. The wrinkle awareness hit me about two years ago. Before that, I had them, yes, but I was always younger looking. Now, in the last year the jowls have dropped and I hate that. Plus just this year I have the fine lines leading into my lips.
I get what you say about not wanting to go the Botox route. I also blame the face wrinkles on sleep. For me, I sleep always on my left side and my left temple and eyebrow area totally reflects that. I guess I could get some long bangs and hide behind them but then I'd have to spend time on my hair...
I did see ads in magazines for these adhesives that go on the sides of the eyes. I think these are meant to plump on the moisture there.
Hopefully one day I will be happy that I am natural in the face, the way I have always been happy that I am natural in the small bust.

[Becky]

Okay, I learned about Frownies from Lawyer Mom. I bought myself a box, and have worn them a few times. You know, I think they probably do something. The first morning I woke up after wearing one, I thought my forehead looked smoother. So it can't hurt! My problem is that I dont wear them every night.

[Fiddledeedee]

I've got the same thing. I have one word of advice for you.

Bangs.

:)

[Lesley]

Hi

I have the same problem, lovely frown lines and am sure they make me look 10 years older. I was looking into Botox (even though my husband would be dead against it), and whilst looking came across your website for Frownies.

Are they working, and if so where do I get some??!!

[Lily]

I can't believe you still have that certificate. Thank goodness California doesn't have expiration dates! I can't wait to hear (see) how this is going when I see you next!