Oh dear Lord, do I need a vacation. I mean a real vacation, not two weeks at my in-laws house, sleeping on the tilt-o-slab, sharing a bathroom with 5 other people and doing half the cooking. I mean going some place fabulous and beautiful and indulgent, and being treated like a queen.
And since this is not likely to happen anytime in the near future, I have spent the last week with a Mai Tai in my hand, cruising not the Caribbean, but...the internet. After much web-trolling, I present you with 11 Dream Vacations. Why 11? Because I couldn't narrow it down to 10! I probably don't need to mention that in my dream vacation world, money is no object. And I have the body I had 15 years ago.
So please, pour yourself a cocktail, preferably something with a little umbrella garnish, sit back and enjoy...
1. Four Seasons Bora Bora

Oh yeah, it's Bora Bora, baby.
According to the website, this suite here...
Over-the-water Bungalow Suite with Plunge Pool
...has a view of the "lagoon" and of Mount Otemanu. And if the entire South Pacific isn't a good enough swimming spot for you, you can step right out of your bedroom into your private "plunge pool". And while Mom and Dad are busy plunging, they can get rid of the kids every day, I mean, give their kids a fabulous Polynesian adventure, by putting them in the Kids Club, where they have full days of planned activities. Nice.
2. Chateau de La Chevere D'Or
The French Riviera. Royalty, the Jet Set...me.
The view from my suite.
The Presidential Suite boasts a "superb terrace perched above the sea" with its own private infinity pool and jacuzzi. Fabrice, the chef in the restaurant has two Michelin stars, and the wine list includes such fabulousness as a Château Lafite Rothschild 1918. I am weak with desire.
3. The Tree House Suite Bleue
Prepare yourself. A tree house. Over a field of lavender. In Italy.
The ultimate aromatherapy.
Arlena di Castro, Lazio, Italy. A tiny dream nest, perched in a 100-year old oak tree, over 12 hectares of lavender hills. I have no idea how much a hectare is, but it seems like enough. And every morning, they raise a tiny dumbwaiter filled with this...
So very...European
4. Ashford Castle
To get my Downton Abbey fix.
A castle in County Galway, Ireland, once owned by...get ready...the Guinness Family. Estate activities include golf, fly-fishing, shooting, archery, equestrian, FALCONRY (seriously, haven't you always wanted to play with a falcon?) and of course...Guinness. And I know that Irish Cuisine is considered an oxymoron, but the menu at the restaurant looks exquisite, sort of like it's been revamped by Gordon Ramsay, as it's filled with local and estate-grown foods.
5. Four Seasons New York
Truly, I'm blessed to have Aunt Grace's apartment to stay in when I'm in the Big Apple, but this really would be an outrageous treat. Check this out...
A (bath)Room With a View
Designed by I. M. Pei, and described as a "beacon of sophistication". I want the suite with this in it...
But only if it comes with a sexy piano player who plays Gershwin all night.
6. Cove Spring House
Many years ago, Jimmy and I went to an amazing wedding in Barbados. The wealthy boss of the friend who was getting married rented a gorgeous villa for the wedding party. I would love to recreate that, sans the wedding, as the couple ended up divorced, but that's another story.
Heaven.
10 bedrooms, it's own private beach. Imagine 20 of your closest friends sharing the place for a week! And everything's taken care of for you! The staff includes a chef, sous chef, cook and kitchen assistant, butler, housekeepers, gardeners, security and a laundress. Who's in?
7. Icehotel
Those wacky Danes! An artsy hotel made entirely of ice.

Each bedroom is sculpted from ice by a different artist.

They swear that inside the Icehotel it never gets colder than -8 C, but just in case that's a little too nippy for you, the beds are made from ice blocks, but topped with wood, then a mattress and thermal sleeping bag, and you are then encased in reindeer skins. And in the morning, they thaw you out by delivering a cup of hot lingonberry juice. Skol!
8. The Christina O
Cruise the Mediterranean from Greece aboard the Christina O, yes, the very yacht which once belonged to Aristotle Onassis and Jackie O, and entertained Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe.
My yacht.
This would be another great group vacation, as the Christina O has 19 suites, and a crew of 34.
The Christina O's daily rate seems to be 65,000 Euros. Hmmm, is that a lot?
You know Marilyn must have gone swimming here in the nude.
9. Private Island in Adirondacks
Sweet, right?
You know, this one is actually...doable. A cozy cabin in upstate New York. Your own little island, far away from the hustle and bustle. Maybe we could get away from the in-laws one weekend?! You can canoe or swim or just lie there in the hammock. Sigh...
10. Governors' Camp Safari
In the heart of Kenya's Masai Mara National Reserve.
I'm thinking the scene in Jungle Book when Mowgli wants to join the elephant patrol with Colonel Hathi.
Amazing, right? The tents are on the Mara River, which the site says is teeming with "bird-life, hippo and crocodile". And they swear that there are toilets.
All I'd need is Robert Redford to wash my hair. I guess Jimmy would have to do.
11. Hotel Santa Caterina
Ah, Amalfi!
I have always, always wanted to visit the Amalfi Coast of Italy. The website lists a bunch of activities, but who would want to do anything other than just lie here and bask?

And the menu at the restaurant actually makes me weak in the knees.
According to the internets...Brad and Angelina stayed here. And if it's good enough for them...
Well, that's the end of my list. I'm exhausted from all this traveling.
Alas, I fear that my next real "vacation" will involve camping with a bunch of Cub Scouts with an air mattress and no toilet. But a girl can dream, can't she?
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And as long as you're along for the trip, visit our other Dream Vacationers and see where they'd go if they had their druthers...
Kendra at Life in the slow lane
Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me
Stacy at Stacy Uncorked - NEW on FRIDAY
Nain at View From Down Here - NEW on FRIDAY
Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie - NEW on FRIDAY
Patty at Pancakes Gone Awry - NEW on FRIDAY
Janice at I Got Nothing - NEW on MONDAY!
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Next week on The Spin Cycle...
Sometimes,
Inspired by the amazing Arnebya at What Now and Why? Check out her post HERE. For those of you who don't read Arnebya, she's one of the best blog writers I know, with a unique voice and tremendous humor. She's honest and smart, and while she always surprises me, I also always identify with her.
So check out Arnebya and see what she sometimes does. Then make it your own.
Sometimes, I write an entire post, then get to the end and have absolutely no idea how to end it, so I sort of hem and haw and try to be clever, but then just give up and end it, hoping that everybody just thinks I'm pithy, and not clueless.
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