Second Blooming

Dear God

Dear God,

I don't ask for much really. Well, that's not true, is it?  I ask for lots of things, but nothing really big.

Well that's not really right either. I ask for all the really big things, capital BIG things like...World Peace. And safety and protection for my family. And a cure for hot flashes.

But nothing for me really. Nothing particularly selfish. I don't ask to win the lottery or anything. Though if you saw fit to make that happen, I would really appreciate it. And certainly I would see fit to make a nice, sizeable donation to a charity of your choice. Just saying.

So I feel that it's okay for me to ask you for something that's possibly a bit selfish.

So here it is...

Ugh, this is hard. I should just say it, right?

Okay, here goes...

Please dear God, please, please, PLEASE don't make me take Jude to see that new Three Stooges movie!

I do many, many things for my child! I've gone to numerous amusement parks, ridden countless horrifying rides to make him happy! I do camps, water slides, b-b guns! I'm a soccer mom, baseball mom, swimming mom, track mom, Cub Scout mom.

And I have endured many, many terrible cinematic experiences - I sat through the dreaded Squeakquel. I endured the horror that was Space Chimps. I survived the 3D induced nausea of The Lorax.

But please, PLEASE DEAR MERCIFUL LORD don't make me suffer...the faux Stooges!!!

I mean, I don't get the REAL Stooges. I just stare at them, allowing the inanity to wash over me without getting the humor at ALL. I have over and over again sat while Jude and Jimmy watched old Three Stooges movies - they scream and roll around with hysteria, while I sit and stare, clueless. I'll think "Hmm. Interesting. This seems to be a part that they find humorous." but I remain unmoved in any way.

My friend Wendell believes that there is a special 3S chromosome, which is missing in the female of the species. This might explain the problem. Though I'm not really sure why you, in your infinite wisdom, would create such a thing. A test? A plague?

And so, if I am unable to tolerate the real Three Stooges, I find it extremely doubtful that I would even be able to SURVIVE these new fake Three Stooges people. Even though my friend Denise designed the costumes, and I should totally go in support of her, just the mere thought of having to watch this silliness makes me slightly faint and nauseous.

Maybe if, during the movie, I was able to...meditate...to take my mind far, far away to a happy place...No. I don't think I can do it.

Don't you think that maybe this should be...JIMMY'S duty? Really? REALLY!? Even though he considers this New Stooges thing to be a horrifying sacrilege? Because he's, you know....the MAN. And this seems like it should be the MAN's responsibility?

Pretty please?

If you see fit to spare me this pain, I promise that I will hereby refrain from playing Word With Friends and updating my Facebook status during the sermon in church. Really.

Okay, I guess that's it.

Though that thing about lottery would...

Too much, right? Okay, never mind.

Thank you very much. You're a...good guy. Okay, that sounded weird, right? You're...you know, you.

So.

Love ya!

Gretchen

RTT: Oscar Recap 2012

For years, Jimmy and I have been trying to get Jude to sit and watch the Academy Awards with us. We always make a big deal of it (this year they requested an encore of our Valentine's fondue feast) and we loved the idea of Jude joining in. Well. Be careful what you ask for. This year, he sat and watched the whole thing and the kid WOULDN'T SHUT UP! He had seen both Hugo and The Artist, so he was feeling pretty "in the know" and suddenly had opinions. He was very upset that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two didn't win anything, "It's the best movie I've ever seen!" And the endless questions! "What's a Documentary Short?" "What is Cinematography?". "Why was that funny?" "Why is that lady crying?" "Who is he?" "Who is she?" "Who is he?" "Who is she?". On and on and on. I fear that we have created a monster.

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Does anybody else think the Oscars were painfully boring this year?

I've always loved Billy Crystal, but he was pretty dull Sunday night - classy, charming...dull. But I'm afraid it's because he just didn't have the material. His trademark opening song had to include NINE Best Picture nominees, one of which (The Tree of Life) I'd never even heard of. I mean, I'm an ACTOR who lives in LOS ANGELES, and I had never heard of it! I bet that most people who live in the middle of the country hadn't heard of half of them!

In 2009, they changed the rules so that up to 10 movies could be nominated for Best Picture. Apparently, one of the main reasons for this change was an attempt to combat declining television viewership of the awards show. The theory was that including more films in the Best Picture category, the Academy could include more popular films, and that might encourage more people to tune in. THIS IS NOT WORKING PEOPLE. 

Because the real problem is that the studios make a bunch of crappy movies, and don't promote the well-made films AT ALL. Hence my having never HEARD of one of the nominees. There's just nothing worth going to see any more. There are films that are fun and escapist. Or of the block bustery/adventure type. But big budget, well-made films just don't exist. Pretty much everything I deem worth watching lately, is on television. True.

Look at the Oscar nominees from the last half of the '70s:

1975 - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Barry Lyndon, Dog Day Afternoon, Jaws, Nashville

1976 - Rocky, All the President's Men, Bound for Glory, Network, Taxi Driver

1977 - Annie Hall, The Goodbye Girl, Julia, Star Wars, The Turning Point

1978 - The Deerhunter, Coming Home, Heaven Can Wait, Midnight Express, An Unmarried Woman

1979 - Kramer Vs. Kramer, All That Jazz, Apocalypse Now, Breaking Away, Norma Rae

Damn, those were MOVIES! Every single one of these movies is a brilliant classic! How can you compare even one of the NINE nominees this year with ANY of these movies?! Sad.

Okay, I hearby step off my soap box.

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Angelina, Angelina, Angelina. For those of you who missed the controversy...

Angelina Jolie showed up wearing a truly stunning black Versace gown. The problem was that every time she stood still she arranged herself in this bizarre, ridiculously awkward pose, with her right leg thrust out to the side to show off the dresses slit, and her left arm stuck uncomfortably on her hip. She did this over and over on the red carpet...

Which is really all fine, because the red carpet is all about the fashion and posing for the still cameras. But then, when she walked out on stage during the show to present the Best Adapted Screenplay award, she stopped in front of the microphone, and carefully arranged herself yet again in this awkward pose, popping her right leg out and then strangely arranging her left arm on her hip again. It looked downright uncomfortable...

...then started talking. I actually said out loud "What the hell is that about?" I mean, who does that? Then, when The Descendants screenwriter Jim Rash came on stage to accept his award, he rather snarkily arranged himself in the same silly pose...

And people kind of got mad at him for making fun of her, but really...she was absolutely fair game. Just silly. I hope she's fired the bone-headed stylist who no doubt convinced her that she needed to do this. She is so gorgeous (albeit freakishly, painfully thin), and the dress was so gorgeous, that she absolutely didn't need to do this silliness at ALL.

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The other big controversy? J Lo's nipple. Look veeeeeeerry carefully on her left boob...

Yep. That's some areola. Pretty sure. I mean, that's a lot of gown there, and no amount of double-face tape is gonna assure you that there's no slippage.

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I do love me those women from The Help! Didn't Octavia Spencer look fabulous?

Every plus-size woman in Hollywood should rush to Tadashi Shoji, the designer of her gown. He completely used her curves to her advantage, and made her look fabulous. Somebody PLEASE give Melissa McCarthy his number!

I LOVED that Viola Davis chose NOT to wear a wig! I hope every little black girl in America saw her and thought "I have pretty hair just like her!" Though I think she should have left it it's natural color too. She looked amazing.

Jessica Chastain, who is as cute as a bug, literally...actually, she's probably cuter than most bugs...had one of the best dresses of the evening...

And Emma Stone somehow made a dress with the biggest bow on the planet look chic...

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Enough of my ranting. Head over to Stacy's for more Random Tuesday Thoughts!

 

Four Day Weekend

Jude had a four day weekend - Friday they had one of those Teacher In Service days, and today, of course, is Presidents' Day. I overheard a conversation between Jimmy and Jude, wherein Jude informed his father that the quotation mark should come after the word "Presidents" since the day really belonged to all of the presidents, not just the current president. Clearly, the kid is absorbing something at that school.

And that's a lot of time off, time during which we could have been doing something fun. Half the people from Jude's school seemed to be heading off on a ski trip, or Mexico or something. But we're not doing anything. And by not anything, I really mean not ANYTHING. The whole weekend just slipped up on me, and I didn't even realize that it was a long weekend until about Wednesday. Not that we would be heading to Mexico anyway, because a) we're half broke and b) Jimmy teaches on both Friday and Saturday. But still.

And then lots of weird and stressful things happened.

First, on Thursday afternoon, while I was driving around like a madwoman to auditions and committments, I got a robocall from Jude's school, saying that due to police activity in the area, the school was under lockdown, and that nobody should come and pickup their kids until the LAPD had declared the area safe. I kid you not. I was nowhere near the school at the time, but when I called Jimmy, I found out that he had received the same robocall, and naturally, his response to the school telling him NOT to come and pickup his child because of police activity was to get into the car immediately and drive down to pickup his kid. Because really, there was POLICE ACTIVITY. Gotta love that in the man. Turns out, some nut had shot his wife and set the house on fire, which had nothing to do with the school, but the LAPD was just being overly cautious.

Then, I went to the most horrible and emotional funeral I've ever been to in my life. The son of one of my old friends from college had died of a heroin overdose. It's just so tragic, that it's really hard to write about. The service was at a mission down on skid row, a place where this young man had found help and solace, but clearly it still wasn't enough to help him get the better of his addiction. I really, truly can't remember ever witnessing grief and anger at such a level as my friend was suffering. I so wish I could help her, and give her strength, but really, what can I do? I am extremely thankful that our other friend, Wendell, and I could be there for our grieving friend, and I'm extremely thankful that Wendell was there for me, because this was a neighborhood that I would NOT want to have been walking around in by myself. It was everything that you would imagine Skid Row Los Angeles to be. And let me throw out an "Hallelujah" to the people who work at this mission, it's hard to  imagine the level of commitment and faith that they have, ministering to the MOST downtrodden people, people who truly have no hope. It was all very, very, very humbling. And I left feeling horribly shaken, and achingly grateful for my child and my family and my blessings.

I left Skid Row and drove to Beverly Hills to help another friend by modeling for her in a fashion show for the clothing line she reps. Irony? You think? I enjoyed playing dress up with my friends Melissa and Laura, but really, I think this would have been much more fun if I hadn't just sobbed for 2 hours.

Then on Thursday night, at about 2:00 am, I woke up and threw up! Over and over. All the rest of the night. I have no idea why. I don't think it was a virus, we've just had this thing sweep through our house, and it didn't feel the same. I think it might be the Trader Joe's egg salad that I ate just before going to bed, which I found out later was one day over the "eat by" date. Eww.

So, Thursday was great.

And then Friday was the day of cancer.

First the good news - after I woke up from my night of vomiting and propped myself up with some Gatorade and the computer, I found out that Amy, who I had asked you to pray for last Monday, came through her lumpectomy with FLYING COLORS. Here's the update which Becky wrote on Amy's blog (Confused? I think sisters get to do that kind of thing) which explains it far better than I could. But it's GOOD NEWS y'all.

Then I got an email about Jude's friend Gus, the boy with the impish grin in the picture on my sidebar. Though he's doing really well, and making CRAZY good improvement, this email was asking for doubled prayers to help Gus's numbers get high enough for him to go back to school. He's been having to take class via Facetime on the iPad which the class bought for him, and he's really eager to get back to school. I have no idea what these "numbers" are. I feel certain that they have been explained to me, but...I'm an actor, these things just whoosh over my head. But I upped up my praying thing there.

Then about a minute later, I popped by What Now and Why? Which is a new favorite blog that I only discovered a few weeks ago. PLEASE check her out. The woman who writes it, Arnebya, is funny and raw and wry and really refreshingly honest. Anyway, she had just written a post titled "Negativity Ate My Positivity Then Belched It In My Face For Dramatic Effect" (and that title effectively defines everything I love about Arnebya) in which she says that she has found a lump in her breast and had to go in for a bunch of tests, and she was really scared. So I had to start praying about that one too.

Then, about 5 minutes after THAT, I got an email telling me that one of my beloved Cub Scout dads has just been diagnosed with a form of blood cancer called Chronic Lymphocitic Leukemia! So I had to start praying about that too.

And I know that because of all this praying and all of my church choir singing, that y'all must think I'm a terribly religious person or something, but really, I'm not so much. I mean it's not like I'm some kind of holy roller goody-goody who  just walks around praying all the time. Not me...at all. So this is too much, really. Everybody needs to just GET WELL and STAY WELL.

On Saturday I managed to drag myself out of bed and do something about the semi-squalor into which our home had devolved while I was indisposed.

And on Sunday I managed to get it together enough to host my little writer's group meeting. So far, we haven't done any actual writing, but we're having  a lot of fun.

If you've been reading carefully, you'll notice that during Jude's long 4-day weekend. there has been no mention of...Jude. He has been a real trooper while Mama has been running around/vomiting and Daddy has been working. So I promised him that today I would take him to Universal Studios Hollywood. Which is the easiest amusement park around - really close to us, and easy to get in and out of.

I'm sorry that this has been such an incredibly long-winded way of saying that I didn't do a damned thing for four days.

So my weekend in summation - police action, skid row, vomiting, cancer, amusement park. So basically...hell.

How was your weekend?

RTT: Madonna, Botulism and Lawyers

So...where do you come down in the great Madonna at the Super Bowl debate - for or against? Just in case you missed it...

 

I gather, from my Facebook news feed, that lots of people thought she was just terrific. So this might not be very popular,  but I hated it. Just for full disclosure, I must admit that I haven't liked anything the woman's done since Desperately Seeking Susan, so you can take this all with a big grain of kosher salt. I do appreciate that she's a wonderful showman ( the production value was very high - all those gladiators and lyre-playing cupids were pretty impressive) and a savvy business woman (she was smart enough to invite all those other recording artists that the "young folks" like to join her, so she would appear to still have relevance in the musical world). But the whole performance just left me cold.

And I'm about to say something that I really can't believe I'm gonna say. I am a fellow middle-aged woman, and I have never felt that age should make a woman stop acting like herself. I think that women of all ages can and SHOULD be sexy as hell. And Madonna still has an absolutely smokin' body.

That said...I think she's just gotten a little too old to do all that hootchy-cootchy dancing. I mean, the woman is 53 for God's sake. I kept thinking that she was gonna hurt herself. And she did, in fact, almost fall off the stage at about the 3:30 minute mark. No way she could have done those cartwheels without the spotters! And the 53-year old cheerleader thing was just silly. Jimmy kept asking "Why does she have that stupid smile on her face?", which he was right about, and all I could think was that all of us middle-aged women photograph a little better with a smile, and she was just working that.

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm a bitch.

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Remember a few weeks ago, when I posted this recipe for Jan's Make Ahead Monday - Turkey, Artichoke and Spinach Stuffed Shells? Well, I had actually made it for Jimmy a few days before that, on Friday, January 13, to be exact. We ate most of it, but then Jimmy stuck the last leftover bit in a plastic dish, covered it with foil and stuck it in the fridge. The deal with the foil is an issue in our house, as Jimmy can never manage to locate the lid that fits the plastic containers - NOT REALLY THAT HARD. Anyway...

Last Thursday, February 2, at about noon, I noticed that it was still in the fridge and thought "Yuck, I need to throw that out." I pulled it out of the fridge and stuck it on the counter. Now, I realize I should have thrown it out immediately, but I forgot. Later, I went to my choir practice and didn't get home until about 9:45. Thursdays are often "fend for yourself" night around here (because of the aforementioned choir practice), so when I got home, I asked Jimmy what he'd eaten for dinner. He said...prepare yourself..."I ate the rest of those stuffed shells you left out for me." I stared at him for a beat, then started to laugh, assuming he was joking. He. Was. Not. Yes, my husband had chowed down on food that had been sitting in the refrigerator for THREE weeks, and then on the kitchen counter for SEVEN hours. I was speechless. Jimmy was aghast."Do you think it was bad?" he asked, very worried. I will remind you that Jimmy is a bit of a hypochondriac. "Well..." I said "If it didn't smell bad, I guess it was okay." But inside I was saying "EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Amazingly, he did NOT get some kind of botulism, but felt fine. Which leads me to ask...are my ideas of what is and what is not a reasonable time to keep food in the refrigerator incorrect? Or...is my new refrigerator just really, really excellent at keeping stuff fresh? Or are my stuffed shells just that damned good?

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The other day at Jude's school, his class got to come to school dressed as their "Dream Job" (and yes, it sounds like a Spin Cycle topic). After a bit of consideration, Jude decided to go as...a lawyer. I'm afraid that only the child of two actors would consider being a lawyer to be a "dream job".

I love his "Don't bother me, I'm on my way into court." gesture. He kept making me call him "Counselor". I know my Daddy must be smiling down from heaven. Let's all pray that he sticks with this plan instead of veering into a life of doing something "artistic". Mama needs somebody to pay for her old folks home - I want to be put some place cushy.

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Please explain to me why in a world in which Facebook knows to show me ads specifically geared to a "50-year old actress in Los Angeles who has a child under 9, sings in a church choir and believes in gay marriage", Amazon keeps sending me emails for things geared for TODDLERS? YES Amazon, I did in fact purchase a Thomas the Tank Engine DVD from you FIVE YEARS AGO. But that same child now has no interest in ...

Get with it!!

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Okay, I realize that I am reeeeeaaaaly late to the game, but the other night, after the Super Bowl, I finally watched The Voice for the first time, and I'm hooked! So much better than American Idol! Everybody is a great singer. None of those stupid bad auditions that you have to fast forward through! It's not all just high school students or guys who work in a paint store, but actual professional musicians who just haven't had that "big break" yet. The judges actually have a say in who wins or passes on to the next round! I'm so excited to watch the rest of this season.

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Well there you go, folks, another Tuesday for you. Head over to Stacy's and check things out.

 

Pinned

I have a love/hate thing going with Pinterest. I go through spurts of interest.

Pinterest interest.

I'll suddenly get enthusiastic and spend a couple (or six) hours clicking around and repinning. But then I'll forget about it and not go on for weeks.

The other day, I started worrying about our backyard again. Periodically, I'll do this. Worry about the yard. It's very ugly. Full of unrealized potential. But ugly.

Lots of dead grass. Lots of ugly concrete. Really, truly needs help.

But unfortunately, I have...

1. No money.
2. No skills.

Well, I have a little money. And a little skill. But these two things in combination make the whole thing seem overwhelmingly impossible.

So I decided that maybe if I started collecting pictures of what I'd like to have, maybe it would inspire me into action, and Pinterest seemed like a good place to collect these pictures. I've collected quite a few. Which are getting repinned like crazy. Apparently, redoing the backyard is a popular issue.

Right now, this is the side of our house...

Man, that's a whole lot of ugly. But maybe it could be...

Aaaah.

On the other side of the house is our unused hideous driveway. The previous owner, a Korean contractor named Chuck, was crazy for concrete. He poured it everywhere.

Lovely, right? Please ignore the junk and dog poop. The problem is that it's just so ugly and depressing, that I can't get myself motivated to clean it up. But I would if it looked like this...

That's a "Hollywood Driveway" by the way, and historically accurate for our old Craftsman bungalow.

Here's the backdoor and the part of the driveway where I stick the table...

Okay, what if we ripped down the falling down old stoop, cut down the ficus tree (I really hate cutting down our only big tree back there, but a foundation man told me a couple of years ago that it HAD to come down soon - ficus roots are the WORST for foundations), jackhammered up all of Chuck's concrete, put in flagstones and a pergola? Could end up like this...

Heaven, right?

And then there's our neighbor Natalie's garage. Sigh. A problem. Totally falling down and hideous. And yes, that is our "pool" that I never took down from the summer.

But maybe I could cover it with something. Or plant something to screen it.

I mean, that looks sort of doable.

And I'd like to turn this...

The traffic cone's a nice touch, right? Into this...

But seriously? I'd be happy if we just had real grass.

I keep thinking that I could start fixing things up a little at a time, take a side of the yard and work my way around. But the main big daunting thing that keeps getting in my way (other than the no money/no skill thing) is a lack of...irrigation.

I do not have a green thumb. I kill plants. Because I never remember to water them. It's tragic. We have tried. We really have. We own sprinklers. Several different kinds of them. We just never remember to...turn them on. We just don't have that "lawn person" gene that my Daddy had.

Therefore, I need a sprinkler system. You see, Los Angeles, is really just one big irrigated desert. I mean, it doesn't rain here, guys. Well, it rains. It rains for about a month solid. That's what we call rainy season. But for the rest of the year - nada. So everyone has sprinkler systems. Our front lawn has a sprinkler system, and it manages to stay nice and green and lushish, despite my sprinkling failings.

So I keep thinking that maybe I could install a sprinkler system by myself. How hard could it be? Dig some ditches. Lay some pipes. Attach some sprinkler heads. I could look it up on the internet.

And before you ask...Jimmy is useless. You might as well ask Woody Allen to come and install pipes in your yard. Jude would be more help. I'm on my own here.

My friend Carol once suggested that we could get a big group of women together and make a day of it, we'd rent a Ditch Witch from the Home Depot and put in my sprinkler system. I could make margaritas for everybody and we'd have a big sprinkler party. But I just can't find it in myself to actually ask people to come to my home and DIG DITCHES. It's just too pathetic.

What do y'all think? You think I could do it on my own?

I have two things I'm going to do this week to make at least a bit of progress in this backyard department.

First, the City of Los Angeles has this A Million Trees program, wherein I can sign up through the Department of Water and Power to get 10 FREE trees. I just have to promise to plant them in the ground someplace where they will eventually provide shade and thereby reduce energy consumption. I don't really need TEN trees, but I think my friend Eileen's going to take a couple. If anybody else wants one, let me know.

Second, I have discovered that HGTV is currently "casting" THREE backyard renovation shows! I've just got to submit the pictures and a charming and appealing plea for their help. I'm ON IT! Wish us luck!

In the meantime, I'm going to keep adding to my Dream Garden board on Pinterest. I could certainly go with some bougainvillea...

And everybody needs a firepit...

And of course I want...

And in a perfect world...

But alas, I'm probably just dreaming.

But a girl can always dream, can't she? I guess that's what Pinterest's best for.

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This post was inspired by...

Prompt #2 - Are you on Pinterest? Share the last five items you pinned, choose one and let it inspire a blog post.

RTT: Twain, Madonna and Idris

TUESDAY!!

The other day I found the most amazing quote...

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." - Mark Twain

This perfectly defines my experience thus far as a mother. I almost feel like it should replace my Agatha Christie quote on my header. Or maybe I'll find some other perfect thing to do with it. Any ideas?

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I had all these ideas about Jude and my MLK Day activities. Last year, we dedicated it to a "Day of Service" and walked around our neighborhood with Jude's little red wagon, asking everybody for food donations. We then drove all the food over to the Social Services Dept. at my church, which feeds thousands of homeless people every week.

Our idea for this year was to walk around asking for donations of coats and blankets. But...it was kind of cold and rainy. Well okay, not exactly rainy, more...overcast. But it was daunting. So we ended up staying home and having an amazingly fun day hanging out, just the two of us (Jimmy had to teach all day).  We cooked and baked cookies and fulfilled a bunch of his Cub Scout achievements. And then we played The Adventures of Tintin together on the Wii - SO fun.

Then, when Jimmy got home, he was really exhausted, and we served him a plate of homemade cookies and milk and decided that was enough "service" for the day.

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Did y'all watch the Golden Globes? I know that I usually do an entire "RTT: Golden Globes Edition", but there just wasn't enough to talk about this year. Ricky Gervais was funny, but not too offensive. There were no huge gaffes or surprise winners. Here are my thoughts in a pictorial essay...

Somebody in Hollywood needs to hold a Botox/plastic surgery intersession! Witness...

...all beautiful women. All looking like freaks. It really must stop.

It's official. Everybody hates Madonna except for the Hollywood Foreign Press.

What a bitch. It's just true. In her acceptance speech for Best Original Song win, she managed to use the words "I", "me" or "my" 23 times. Couldn't PAY me to see what she kept referring to as "my movie" just for that reason. Yuk. And what's up with the dress that cuts off all circulation to her boobs? Though I must admit that her crack at Ricky Gervais was pretty funny.

While I LOVE Connie Britton, and LOVE the idea of her wearing a dress that she bought at an LA thrift store to the Globes...THIS should not have been the dress...

I think this may well be the funniest acceptance speech I've ever seen. That Sofia Vergara is really everything that Charo ever wished she was...

 

I fear that George Clooney has finally taken the middle-aged bachelor bit one step too far when he has started dating a former professional wrestler and Dancing With the Stars also-ran...

While I was rooting for Viola Davis for Best Actress...

...it's hard to argue any time they decide to give an award to Ms. Streep. But Meryl, honey, what was up with the Temple Grandin costume?...

But in the end...my man Idris Elba WON!...

...and so all is right with the world.

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I just got the coolest iPhone app! Star Walk.

You just aim your iPhone up at the night sky, and it will tell you what constellations you're seeing! It's unstinkingbelievable. I can't wait to pull this thing out on the next Cub Scout camp out!

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Have y'all seen these?

They're personalized M & Ms! You can go to THIS WEBSITE and order them with your own phrases and pictures on them.  I keep thinking that they would be really cute for birthday favors for Jude's birthday in May. But on the other hand, they might just be a rip off. What do you think?

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Okay, run over and visit Stacy who's still Uncorked, and still carrying on as the random thoughts rebel.

WWTK Wednesday - Argh!

A bunch of y'all have been doing this We Want to Know Wednesday thing (and by a bunch, I mean Vandy) and I've been saying I was going to join in for ages (and by ages, I mean a week), so here we go...  

1.What is your most commonly used word or phrase when you are frustrated?  I growl. Or if I'm writing I "ergh" or "argh". Or maybe..."grrrrr". Other, even sillier but more assertive variations are "errrrrrgghhh!" or maybe even "AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" I really must stop doing this. Or...just give into it and get myself a piraty eyepatch. Argh.

 

2. What random question do you usually get from strangers or casual acquaintances? If I was Jimmy I'd say something like "Are you Brad Pitt?", because that's so very funny. But since I am me, I would answer..."Paper or plastic?" But seriously folks, the question I hate most is when people find out I'm an actress and ask me what they might have seen me in. I hate that. For one thing, none of it's very impressive, but also, it's just so embarrassing. There's probably no other profession that makes relative strangers feel that they can ask you to recite your resume.

3. Did you ever correspond by mail with anyone? Who? Do you still have the letters? This question sort of puzzles me. Is there anyone on the planet Earth over the age of, say...20, who hasn't corresponded by mail with somebody? Maybe they mean a penpal? Or is it just that over the last 10 years most correspondence is done via email? Sadly, I seldom write hardcopy letters anymore. But since I am old as dirt, I have, over the years, had several friends who I corresponded with regularly in LONG letters. I have kept a few of the better ones. But my very most favorite letters that I have kept are notes from my Daddy. He didn't write long letters, just very dry, brief missives. He would actually put a sheet of paper off a notepad into his typewriter, and type me little notes. At the bottom he would type "Love," and then he would then sign them in his huge, bold handwriting "Daddy". I've kept about 15, and I TREASURE them. It's funny, I remember them as being really funny, but looking back through them, they're actually really sweet and dear. Had a good cry on this one - I had just moved to Dallas on my own, and my little kitten, Bogie, was at death's door. I know now that the "other losses" he refers to are his and Mama's deaths...

4. Do you dance in public? Why or why not? Jimmy and I are dancers. Don't misunderstand me, we are not GOOD dancers. But we are enthusiastic. We are that couple at weddings and school fundraisers who have a couple of drinks and proceed to make absolute spectacles of ourselves on the dance floor. Remember that Jimmy WAS John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever in his youth, so when certain disco numbers come on, people actually clear the floor for us. Thus far, Jude has not ever witnessed this, which is a good thing, as it will almost certainly be a terrible source of embarrassment.

5. What is your favorite kind of chapstick/lip balm? I have been fairly obsessed with this stuff for a while now - C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint from Bath and Body Works. I get the Plum Mint color...

It is glossy, but not too glossy, gives you a little bit of color and is peppermint flavored so it gives you minty fresh breath. Plus it's cheap. What's not to love? I have been known to carry it around with me at all times, including on Cub Scout camping trips. Because I think it's important that no matter how dirty and stinky and sleep-deprived I become, I remain glossy and minty.

Well, that's my first WWTK Wednesday. Kind of fun, right? Easy.

WWTK Wednesday is hosted by Mamarazzi, Queso and Crazymama!

Divorce

I have recently made a major, life-changing decision. 

After much serious thought, I have decided that I must do what is right for me and my family, no matter how difficult it might be, and no matter what pressures I might get from my friends, and society in general.

I have decided to change supermarkets.

Yes, that's right. After being a valued customer of the Pavilions Market for 20 years, I have decided to leave it for the Ralph's Supermarket.

It was not an easy decision. The Pavilions has been "the store" for so many years. And it's "the store" for my 'hood. I almost never shop there without running into at least one person I know. I know where everything is. I know all the employees. Big Claudia. The Lornas. Yarmulke Man.

So what happened that caused me to make this momentous decision?

Over the last year or so, I've had a growing number of problems with the place.

They stopped carrying things. And not just random hard-to-find gourmet stuff. Stuff I think a grocery store ought to have. It reached a point where I would actually have to go to the Pavilions and do a shop, then stop by the Ralphs for the two or three items the Pavilions didn't have. That one kind of soup that Jude will eat. Orzo. Fennel. The good canned tomatoes.

But I kept going back over and over. I'd come out of there cursing, swearing that I'd never return. Then two days later...I'd be back. It was like a bad relationship. I kept expecting the best. Kept thinking "this time it won't disappoint me". But over and over it let me down. I just wouldn't learn my lesson. We seemed to be in kind of a codependent relationship.

And then, just before Christmas, they stopped carrying the fat-free Coffeemate that Jimmy insists on. They had 23 different kinds of stinking non-dairy creamer - eggnog flavor, hazelnut, creme brulee - but they had decided to stop carrying the plain old fat-free kind. I stood there at the dairy case, and it finally dawned on me. I had to end this. I had to just...step away. I turned to the dairy man and said "Well. I guess it's time for me to start going to the Ralphs." And I walked out of the store, and haven't been back.

So far, so good. The Ralphs is a nice store, in an equally affluent neighborhood.  I find myself wandering around the Ralphs quite a bit, hunting for things. Yesterday, it took me about 20 minutes to locate the corn meal (made Jenni's Sausages and Peppers with Polenta - Yum!). But I'm starting to figure out where stuff is. And the employees are extremely helpful. WAY more knowledgeable than at the Pavilions.

My only Ralph's complaint is that the one I have chosen to frequent happens to be the Old Jewish People Ralphs. So...there are a whole lot of old Jewish people there, and they tend to be reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyy ssssslllllooooooowwww. I spent a tremendous amount of time saying "Excuse me, excuse me" as I try to maneuver my cart around all the old folks.

(Note: Los Angeles Ralphs stores tend to each have their own particular flavors. One popular Ralph's on the Sunset Strip is known by all as the "Rock and Roll Ralphs" because at night, the place is invaded by scads of tattooed, pierced youths, in search of relief for their munchies.)

Brilliantly, the Ralphs has better deals. It does! I've noticed a marked difference in our grocery bills. And lately, they've been having a 30% off sale on all of their booze, and if you buy 6 bottles (it can be a mix of wine and liquor) you get an extra 10% off! Can't beat that. Might as well stock up, you know what I mean? And they offer this cash rewards program, which is a nice bonus.

Their produce is better, the meat department is far better. It's conveniently located right across the street from a Trader Joe's. I have yet to have had one shopping trip during which I couldn't find everything on my list.

So why do I still keep thinking about...the Pavilions. I look at it longingly every time I drive past. "Hello Claudia the manager. Hello Korean Lorna. Hello Mexican Lorna."

But I must learn from my mistakes and move on in my new life. I must be strong. I know it's for my own good.

Oh Fine. I'll Do it.

I HATE New Year's resolutions.

resolution noun

• The act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure.

I always feel like I'm just setting myself up for failure. And I always fail. Because I seem to have a problem with...resolve.

resolve noun

• Firmness of purpose or intent; determination.

Yeah. I'm not so firm.

But maybe I could try setting a goal.

goal noun

• The end toward which effort is directed.

I can handle directing my efforts toward an end.

So, here are my goals for 2012.

Acting-

• I would like to work toward booking an actual acting job. Not just commercials. A television show. It can be done.

• I will try to take all of my commercial auditions seriously. Really make an effort to dress/coif/makeup appropriately for each job. And not complain if the audition is too far away, or right at the time I need to pick Jude up at school.

Writing-

• I am determined to get back together with my sometime writing partner, Brian, rework one of the screenplays we have sitting on a shelf (3 movies, 2 short films) and start submitting it around again. We will NOT get sidetracked and end up working on 12 things at the same time, never finishing anything.
• I would like to write that play that I've been thinking about writing for about 10 years.
• I would like to write that novel I have started, but have so far only managed to write 3 pages.

Family-

• Jimmy and I need to go on a date night every month. I don't think this is too much to ask for. Now that Jude's old enough for sleepovers, I think I can manage to pawn him off on somebody so we don't have to pay for a babysitter. A movie? Dinner? Maybe just drinks somewhere? We can do this.

Personal -

• I am going to make an effort to be a more thoughtful friend. I am lousy with thank you notes, and really making an effort to help someone who's sick or in trouble. I mean, I kind of do a little, but not really. I'm terrible about asking after people. People will ask me "How's Jimmy? What's Jude up to?" and I will proceed to tell them, without remembering to ask about their family. I do it all the time, and it's lousy. I get too caught up in my little world to look beyond my nose.
• I would like to keep this quote from the Dalai Lama present in my mind - "Even more important than the warmth and affection we receive, is the warmth and affection we give. It is by giving warmth and affection, by having a genuine sense of concern for others, in other words through compassion, that we gain the conditions for genuine happiness. More important than being loved, therefore, is to love."

Alright, that's it. Goals. NOT resolutions.

We'll see how well I do.

___________________________________

Inspired by...

Prompt #5 - What are your New Year's Resolutions for 2012 and/or how did 2011's resolutions turn out?

Best of 2011

I have a sinus infection. And Jude just threw up.

That said, I don't feel inspired to write much, so as part of...

I am choosing "Prompt #1 - This year in blog posts...choose a favorite post from each month of 2011 and share."

After much hemming and hawing, these are my personal favorites from each month of 2011. If you're new here, check them out. If you're an old-timer...check them out again, because they're good!

January -

If We Were the Queen of the World - A girl can dream, right?...

We (that's the royal we, y'all) would be fair but firm. In order to benefit the lives of my many subjects, I'm afraid there will have to be a few changes made around here.

BY PROCLAMATION OF HER MAJESTY QUEEN GRETCHEN I

The following changes will be made to the rule of order of the Planet Earth, effective immediately.

1. The muffin top is the new erogenous zone...

READ THE REST HERE.

February -  

Most Surreal Parenting Moment Thus Far - The one in which my poor child is faced with seeing his father...in drag...

Jimmy and I are both members of The Actor's Studio. Yes, the "world-renowned" Actor's Studio, as they say. The place founded in the forties by acting teacher guru Lee Strasberg, the birthplace of "The Method",  training ground to Marlon Brando, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Robert De Niro, Jane Fonda, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, Harvey Keitel, Paul Newman,  Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Geraldine Page, Sidney Poitier, Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken . The home of "Inside the Actor's Studio". Yes, we are...da, da, da, dum...method actors...

READ THE REST HERE.

March - 

Picky, Picky, Picky - My kid's dreadful eating habits exposed...

My child will eat the following foods:

• pancakes
• french toast
• blueberry muffins
• whole wheat bread
• white bread
• good, crusty bread
• rolls
• pumpkin bread
• raisin bread
• flour tortillas...

READ THE REST HERE.

April -

The Uniform - The sad, sad state of my wardrobe...

Sometimes, I just don't know what has become of me.

Black yoga pants and a black hooded long-sleeved shirt.

This is what I have been wearing about 4 out of 7 days a week.

And don't misunderstand. This is not an attractive outfit. It is simply...comfortable...

READ THE REST HERE.

May -

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Murdering gang bangers are found and arrested while hiding under our house. Oh yes, it's true. Life in Los Angeles, baby...

On Friday, Jude and I were having a quiet afternoon at home.

I had just let Jude buy a new game for his DSi as a reward for letting me drag him around during the last day of his Spring Break to the hardware store, the drug store AND the Target, and he was sitting happily in the corner of the living room playing away.

I decided to use the time to make some progress on my ongoing bedroom redecorating, and spray paint a curtain rod.

So I grabbed some newspaper, the old curtain rod and the spray paint and went out the back door and around to the side of the house. As I was spreading out the newspaper and shaking my little spray paint can, I suddenly realized that a helicopter was hovering above me.

Now, helicopters aren't uncommon in the Greater Los Angeles area. But when I looked up, I realized that it was an LAPD helicopter, and it was hovering really close to the ground. Really close to the ground, and circling around. Really close to the ground and circling around...me, to be specific...

READ THE REST HERE.

June - Okay, I'm cheating here - I can't decide, so I'm giving you two...

Alienated - My mediocre career as a space alien...

When I first read that the Spin Cycle topic this week was "UFOs", I must admit, I was stumped. Disappointingly, I have never encountered a UFO, no matter how much I wished it.

But then I realized that while I have never met an alien, I have BEEN an alien. Yes, during my long and incredibly mediocre acting career, I have encountered aliens twice. And in rummaging through my old photo albums, I have actually unearthed photographic evidence...

READ THE REST HERE.

The Vibe - My attempts at decorating while living with a husband who has "opinions"...

Jimmy has opinions.

Damn him.

Most husbands have the sense to defer to their wives in all matters involving design, decorating and aesthetics. When it comes time to redecorate, the couple may discuss their mutual needs, and the wife might offer fabric swatches or paint chips, just so the husband feels slightly involved, but for the most part, the wife makes all the choices. Most husbands are happy with this arrangement.

But not Jimmy...

READ THE REST HERE.

July -

Camp Mama 2011 Week Six: Sisters - Our little, testosterone-heavy household is invaded by GIRLS...

As a thank you gift to my friends Lynn and Darren for hosting my 50th birthday party in their home, we took their two precious daughters, Julianna, 7, and Isabella, 4 for three days. In the past 7 years, Lynn and Darren have been away from the girls exactly...NEVER. Not ever. And when I suggested the idea to Lynn, she jumped at it so fast it made my head spin!...

READ THE REST HERE.

August -

Conversations with Mommy and Pop Part 1 - Visiting the in-laws in New York...

FADE IN:

The family is gathered around the dining room table eating dinner. Mommy has made pasta. Jude, who Mommy thinks isn’t fat enough, has already eaten one enormous bowl of pasta and about 4 slices of Italian bread soaked in sauce.

Jude

I’m done.

Mommy

But you barely ate any of your second bowl of pasta.

Jude

But I don’t want any more. I want ice cream.

Mommy

Oh no, you can’t have ice cream if you don’t eat more of your pasta. It’s not balanced...

READ THE REST HERE.

September -

The One Who Got Away -Regrets? I've had a few. But then again, to few to mention...

The other day, I was talking to my mother-in-law Mommy, and she was all atwitter.

It seems that they had gone to a funeral, a military funeral for an ex-marine, where they draped the coffin with an American flag. According to Mommy, this "brought to mind" an old friend of hers, who she hadn't seen since the '40s, who had been a Marine...

READ THE REST HERE.

October -

LA Noir - My crazy trek across Los Angeles in search of murder...

It was a cloudy day in the City of Angels. The kind of morning that made you want to pour an extra shot of bourbon in your joe so you could face the day.

I looked at my face in the mirror and cringed. Bad night. Hot flashes. I splashed some water on my mug and headed on my way. I had a job to do. Some gumshoe work.

Armed only with my iPhone and a pair of mom jeans, I jumped into my stealthy Prius and started on my quest. My quest for...murder...

READ THE REST HERE.

November -

Dear Period -A love letter...of sorts...

Dear Period,

I fear that over the last few years our relationship has changed dramatically, that things between us have become increasingly uncomfortable and strained, and I know that soon you will leave me forever. Before we move into the next and final phase of our relationship, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my feelings, and hopefully, clear the air a bit...

READ THE REST HERE.

December -

5 Christmas Tips From Mommy - My beloved, eccentric mother-in-law's tips for the season...

For those of you new to Second Blooming, Mommy is my much beloved, 82-year old Brooklyn Italian-American mother-in-law. Mommy is a bundle of love and neuroses. Mommy's turn-ons are cleaning, chocolate, General Hospital, slutty tank tops, the Blessed Mother, blackberry brandy, flashy jewelry, sunbathing, talking to her girlfriends on the phone (all of whom are named Cathy) and her children/grandson. Her turn-offs include germs, bugs, lightning, elevators, bras, logic, "The City", all the scary things she hears about on The Today Show and often...Pop. Picture Edith Bunker with brassy hair and a top purchased from the Victoria's Secret catalogue. I adore her...

READ THE REST HERE.