Second Blooming

Spin Cycle: Hair Raising

I was born a curly-haired girl in a land of high humidity.

And thus began the long and windy odyssey of...my hair. Short, long, curly, straightened, au natural, or tamed with product. My hair has always been a constantly evolving work-in-progress. Unlike most women (like Mommy) who have had the same hairdo for most of their lives, I've never had the same haircut twice. I believe that this is partly due to the creativity of my hairdresser for the last 15 years, Jesse, but also to the fact that can never decide what I want to look like. And I'm never satisfied. Sigh...

Here, thanks do the diligent use of my scanner, is a pictorial essay I will call...

The Hair of Me

In the beginning, there was blonde...

And bangs.

Cute, but short-lived.

Followed by the bangless awkward period...

Eventually, I convinced Mama to take me to an actual hairdresser, instead of cutting it herself, and the Farrah-inspired-hot-roller period evolved...

Notice that, despite the AquaNet and hot rollers, the humidity-induced frizz still abounds.

In college, my style devolved into a hippie-dippie-drama-girl-disco-be-damned look...

SOOOO dramatic. And stylefree.

It's at this point that you might start noticing the other hair on my head that has a mind of it's own...the eyebrows - crazy, man.

When I left college and started acting/modelling professionally, I made an attempt to do a little something with the hair, but unfortunately, there was still the frizz...

...and the eyebrows. Jimmy calls this my Vampire Look.

[NOTE ABOUT THE HEADSHOT - The one big perk for parents of actors is that they regularly get attractive, professional photographs taken. My mother had all of my headshots framed and arranged on a bookshelf. I called it The Shrine. Creepy. For actors, the headshot is a nightmarish experience, neatly drawing together all of the actors greatest insecurities - looks, talent, marketability - and defining them in one single 8 X 10 glossy. It's ridiculously important to get a great headshot, and a tremendous amount of cash is invested. A good headshot is supposed to look like you, but not too much like you. Like you at your very best. An uber you. In theory.

Some of the following pictures were quite good. Others were MOST unfortunate. You can be the judge.]

Finally, in the mid-eighties, my life was saved by the invention of...PRODUCT! Thus spawning a lifelong obsession  - mousse, gel, hairspray, straightening gel, curling gel, styling cream - I have drawers filled to the brim with a variety of tubes and jars. I've spent years blending and tweaking to achieve the perfect product cocktail.

Here was a combination of mousse and a diffuser and some ridiculous '80s attitude...

Alas, still frizz. And thankfully, the Ray Bans cover the eyebrows.

At long last, I moved to Los Angeles and removed my hair from the grip of the dreaded humidity. It was at this point that the hair began...to grow.

Big...

Bigger...

Biggest...

This is what I think of as my Seinfeld Hair Period.

Oh dear God, was that a lot of hair.

And then, of course, the hair began to shrink, both on top of my head and my eyebrows...

Until I went too far...

Boy Short. It seemed like such a bold and sassy move. I HATED IT! For one thing, I had to get it cut CONSTANTLY. Drove me nuts. Also, you have to remember that my hair is curly, so in order for it to look cute, I had to blow it straight. So forget the idea of an easy short style. This was majorly labor intensive. And if I didn't blow it out, it did this doofy poofy thing. Sad. And just as soon as I got the new headshots...I grew it out.

Next stop? The Rachel. Naturally.

...which involved wrapping my hair around ginormous Velcro rollers, and massive amounts of products. I used so much Kiehl's Creme with Silk Groom that I think I may have put the Kiehl's children through college.

I went through a brief retro/Elizabeth Taylor thing...

Until the eventual invention of the flat iron. Which I NEVER got the hang of. Evidenced by this horror...

That's me with Jude and Cousin Steve, and looking slightly insane. What the hell was that look? It looks...dirty and...flat and...my only defense is that I must have been extremely sleep deprived with the new baby and all, and I guess I misjudged the amount of product I needed and just wielded that flat iron like a mad woman.

The flat iron didn't last long (duh!) but that evolved into the blow out...

I blew my damned hair out EVERY DAY for years. Until finally, I wised up (or should I say...gave up) and just went curly...

So there you have it. The evolution from short and curly to...short and curly. Sigh.

So much work, so little progress.

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You MUST visit our other spinners this week! There is a wealth of AMAZING and often gravity-defying hair pictures out there. NOT to be missed.

SuziCate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Patty at Pancakes Gone Awry

Stacy at Stacy Uncorked

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

Jen at Sprite's Keeper - NEW ON FRIDAY!

Peg at Square Peg in a Round Hole - NEW ON FRIDAY!

Jan at Jan's Sushi Bar - NEW ON FRIDAY!

Aimee at AimeeWrites - NEW ON FRIDAY!

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Luck

St. Patty's Day is almost upon us, good people. So it seems like the perfect time to think about Luck. The luck of the Irish. Actually, I don't think the Irish are really that particularly lucky - between the Vikings and the Tudors and the whole potato famine thing. So perhaps 'tis all a bit a blarney.

Are you lucky? Do you believe in luck? Is there a time when you were particularly lucky?

Spin it up, link it up! If you have any questions about how this works, click on the Spin Cycle tab up there! It's EASY!

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD YOU TO THE WEEKLY SPIN SUBJECT EMAIL!

So what are ye waiting for? Don't be a gobshite. Up the yard!

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Spin Cycle: Razzle Dazzle 'Em

In the summer of my Sophomore year of college, I was cast in the chorus of the musical Chicago at a local Austin theater. I was "Pop"...

 

It's a fun and raunchy musical, and, like in the movie, our costumes were rather fun and raunchy as well. I spent the entire show strutting around in a black bra top, a black g-string, black fishnet stockings and black character shoes with 2 1/2 inch heels. This costume is the reason that I, to this day, know how to swirl tassels - not easy. It's all about the timing. Don't ask.

During the production, I made friends with a couple who were in the show together, an actor named Mitch Pileggi, and his then-wife, Debbie. You sci-fi folks would know Mitch as Skinner on The X-Files and as Colonel Caldwell on Stargate: Atlantis. Mitch is a wonderful, terribly charming guy (and a major flirt) and the sexiest bald man I've ever known.

Anyway, Mitch and Debbie decided that they wanted to set me up on a date with a friend of theirs, a guy named Gary. At the time, I was only 19 (I'm guessing Mitch was in his late 20's) and I was very excited to be set up with this Gary guy, as he was a MUCH older man of...30. And he was a singer, who had actually CUT AN ALBUM. Very exciting.

So I agreed to meet this guy, and Mitch set it up that Gary would come and watch the show and then we'd all go out afterward.

On the night that Gary came to the show, I was very excited and nervous, but I, determined to impress this guy, was working it! I was singing, I was dancing, I was strutting around in my skimpy outfit.

All was going great until midway through the second act, when we got to the song Razzle Dazzle...

 

All of my fellow chorus girls and I were still wearing out bra/g-string outfits, but for this number, we added tall feathered headdresses and huge white feathered fans a la Busby Berkeley.

At some point during the song, we ran around backstage, climbed a flight of stairs, entered the courtroom set from above and proceeded to dance our way down a long, glittery stairway, smiling and step-kicking like the Rockettes.

Step, kick, step, kick, smile, wave the fan, step, kick, step, kick, Razzle Dazzle 'em...

Then, on the 5th from the bottom step...the heel of my character shoe caught on the decorative Mylar strip around the edge of the stairs and I...

Fell.

From the 5th step to...the ground.

On my face.

With my g-stringed heinie in the air.

The audience gasped.

My headdress slid sideways.

I ripped my fishnets.

The feather fan flew across the stage.

I took a deep breath and stood up, located my feather fan and...

DANCED.

I just kept on smiling and dancing and singing while I turned about 15 shades of scarlet, and blood ran down my leg.

After the show, I rushed to the dressing room and hid in mortification. Mitch had to literally drag me out of the dressing room to meet Gary, who was very kind, and I actually ended up going out with a couple of times.

And to make me feel better, Gary did share an excellent story with me, of HIS most embarrassing moment, which is worth sharing with you. He and Mitch had met doing a production of Jesus Christ Superstar - Gary had been Jesus and Mitch was Pontius Pilate. One night, during the crucifixion scene, after the Roman soldiers had nailed him to the cross, the entire cross fell over...into the audience. The apostles and the Roman soldiers and the Virgin Mary were all trying to drag Jesus out of the audience and put him back on the cross, but then they all started to giggle...an ugly scene. But it did make me feel better.

Since that time, I have had a phobia of high heels. And stairs. And Mylar. But not of fishnets.

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After you've managed to wipe the image of my humiliation out of your mind, please drop by all of our other BRAVE spinners who have shared their most embarrassing moments with us all. And boy, are there some doozies.

Aimee at Aimee Writes

Peg at Square Peg in a Round Hole

CaJoh at CaJoh

SuziCate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Patty at Pancakes Gone Awry

Jan at Jan's Sushi Bar

Erica at Pines Lake Redhead

Vandy J at The Testostrone Three and Me

Sarah at 32 Flavors - NEW on THURSDAY!!

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

At the Movies

It's Oscar time once again! So I thought that in preparation for Hollywood's big night, we could all talk about the Silver Screen - motion pictures, the cinema, flicks. Do you love comedies? Dramas that make you cry like a baby? Are you a horror fan? Sci-fi? Do you have a favorite movie of all time, one you could watch over and over? Or a movie that you can't stand, but everybody else seems to love? Is there a movie that changed your life? Or maybe your kid has a movie that they watch obsessively but it drives you CRAZY?

Spin it up and link it up here! If you are new to the Spin Cycle, it's the EASIEST blog carnival thingy around! Check out the tab above for an explanation. And remember to add the super cute button to your HTML. (If you are unclear about how to do this, let me know, and I'll try to walk you through it.)

See you next week for The Spin Cycle, and the popcorn's on me (I need to get rid of all this left over Cub Scout popcorn somewhere!)!

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Spin Cycle: Aspirations

HELLO WORLD!! Are you listening? Is this mic on? (tap, tap, tap)

I could really use a good job! Really. And so, since we're spinning on the topic "The Perfect Job", I'm just gonna throw out some ideas to you, and if you like, maybe you could throw them back my way.

I should preface this by mentioning that my idea of the "perfect" job has changed drastically over the last...oh...8 years. Basically, since Jude was born. While at one time, I would have loved to be a movie star, travelling to exotic locations and working with exotic leading men, I now think that this would be really very difficult. Unless somebody drags their kids around with them back and forth across the world a la the Jolie-Pitt clan, your average movie star spends very little time with their kids. Leaving these kids pretty screwed up. I would never be able to leave Jude consistently for any extended time.

That said, I believe that the following jobs would be totally doable - great hours, and plenty of time for my life as mother/wife. So here's what I'd like to be...

1. An actress on a successful sitcom.

The biggest problem with being an actor, aside from the constant, daily judgments made against you, is the insecurity, the lack of steady employment. You never EVER know when the next paycheck is coming, or where it's coming from. It's all one big crapshoot. 

The only really steady employment for an actor is to become a regular on a tv show. And while work on an hour-long drama would be a damned nice gig, the best gig hourwise is hands down, the sitcom.

Sitcom actors work a 5 day week. For 4 of these days you rehearse the show, working from 10:00 am to about 3:00 pm. Then on the 5th day, you shoot it in front of a live audience, like doing a little play. The hours on shoot day are a little longer, usually about 10:00 am to 8:00 pm. Every 3 weeks or so, you get a week off. You shoot for a total of 24 episodes a season, and have the entire summer off. These are hours I could live with! Oh, and the starting pay is about $25,000 a week.

 2. A game show hostess.

Vanna White has the greatest job.

Wheel of Fortune tapes 5 to 6  episodes a day for a week, then takes THREE weeks off. At this rate, it takes about 8 months to tape a season, and then you get 4 more MONTHS off. That's a lot of OFF. Which is how Vanna has time to do all that crocheting and selling of weird stuff on HSN. And according to the trusty internet, she makes about $5000 an episode, so that's $125,000 to $150,000 a month for eight months = a buttload of cash. And all she does is turn letters and joke with Pat!

I could do that!! I know the alphabet!! I'd look good in the gowns! Really.

3) A published/produced writer with my own writer's shed.

It doesn't really matter if I'm a successfully published novelist or a successfully produced screenwriter. What really matters is the shed.

A while back, my friend Elizabeth of a moon, worn as if it had been a shell wrote a piece about writer's sheds, and I've been fairly obsessed with the notion ever since.

A writer's shed, or hut if you like, is a tiny building where a writer retires to write. A little space just for me. All alone. No interruptions. No distractions. Just thinking about it makes me slightly weak and tingly.

Here is Virginia Woolf's shed, the original "room of one's own"...

Aaaahhh.

Roald Dahl had one too...

Isn't that just the sweetest thing?

Now, of course, I don't live in Wales. So my shed wouldn't be quite so quaint. But I could at least come up with something as spare and simple as good old George Bernard Shaw...

Here's the inside...

I even looked at little buildings once at the Home Depot. They sell them ready made for about a grand...

Stick that baby in the backyard, wire it with electricity and a little WiFi and I'd be living pretty.

Just imagine. A little refrigerator. An electric kettle to make tea. A comfy chair. My laptop. No one asking me stupid questions. No one making me listen to them talk about their stupid day. No one talking to me on and on about some stupid video game...

Sigh.

So there you go World. Get to work on that, will you? I'd really appreciate it.

But before I leave, I can't resist sharing with you my Fantasy Dream Job of all time, for which I was born about 15 years too late.

If I could turn back time, I would want to be...

A backup singer on Joe Cocker's Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour.

Yep, a member of the original Space Choir, who toured with Joe Cocker and Leon Russell on their legendary 1970 Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour which spawned the great live album of the same name. It was a crazy hippie commune road show, no doubt enhanced with a tremendous amount of recreational drug usage.

Here's With a Little Help From My Friends, which I do believe is a) the best cover song ever recorded. and b) the best backup part ever written. These women are WAILING. And notice that the beautiful brunette is Rita Coolidge, the original Delta Lady.

I know this is a long clip, but PLEASE watch the whole thing - the end is like a musical mutual orgasm!

  

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Please click around and visit all of this weeks Spin Cycle participants!

Kendra from Life in the Slow Lane

Vandy J from The Testosterone Three and Me

Claire from incognitus scriptor

Jan from Jan's Sushi Bar

Jen from Sprite's Keeper

Peg from Square Peg in a Round Hole - NEW on FRIDAY!!

Patty at Pancakes Gone Awry - NEW on FRIDAY!!

Sarah at 32 Flavors - NEW on FRIDAY!!

Ginny at Lemon Drop Pie - NEW ON FRIDAY!!

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Okay, remember how I told you the story of the nightmare that I had about Jen giving the Spin Cycle to a blogger who only wanted us to post recipes and craft ideas? Well, just to spite myself, this week...

Every Recipe Tells a Story

A while back, I saw some ladies on one of the morning talk shows who wrote this cookbook...

"Sugar, Sugar: Every Recipe Tells a Story" by Kimberly "Momma" Reiner and Jenna Sanz-Agero. That picture's an Amazon linky if you're interested. While I have not read this cookbook, and therefore can't endorse it, I really love the concept - that "a recipe is like a family snapshot, capturing memories of a time and place, and the people that made it special".

So...this week, share a recipe and the story that goes with it. While these ladies only include desserts, feel free to dish up any kind of recipe you want, as long as you also share the story behind it or around it. The first thing you ever cooked for your spouse? Grandma's pot roast that your family came together around every Sunday? That comfort food you cook for yourself when you're feeling down and out? We want to hear all about it!

Let's all serve it up and dish about it!

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WWTK Wednesday - Argh!

A bunch of y'all have been doing this We Want to Know Wednesday thing (and by a bunch, I mean Vandy) and I've been saying I was going to join in for ages (and by ages, I mean a week), so here we go...  

1.What is your most commonly used word or phrase when you are frustrated?  I growl. Or if I'm writing I "ergh" or "argh". Or maybe..."grrrrr". Other, even sillier but more assertive variations are "errrrrrgghhh!" or maybe even "AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" I really must stop doing this. Or...just give into it and get myself a piraty eyepatch. Argh.

 

2. What random question do you usually get from strangers or casual acquaintances? If I was Jimmy I'd say something like "Are you Brad Pitt?", because that's so very funny. But since I am me, I would answer..."Paper or plastic?" But seriously folks, the question I hate most is when people find out I'm an actress and ask me what they might have seen me in. I hate that. For one thing, none of it's very impressive, but also, it's just so embarrassing. There's probably no other profession that makes relative strangers feel that they can ask you to recite your resume.

3. Did you ever correspond by mail with anyone? Who? Do you still have the letters? This question sort of puzzles me. Is there anyone on the planet Earth over the age of, say...20, who hasn't corresponded by mail with somebody? Maybe they mean a penpal? Or is it just that over the last 10 years most correspondence is done via email? Sadly, I seldom write hardcopy letters anymore. But since I am old as dirt, I have, over the years, had several friends who I corresponded with regularly in LONG letters. I have kept a few of the better ones. But my very most favorite letters that I have kept are notes from my Daddy. He didn't write long letters, just very dry, brief missives. He would actually put a sheet of paper off a notepad into his typewriter, and type me little notes. At the bottom he would type "Love," and then he would then sign them in his huge, bold handwriting "Daddy". I've kept about 15, and I TREASURE them. It's funny, I remember them as being really funny, but looking back through them, they're actually really sweet and dear. Had a good cry on this one - I had just moved to Dallas on my own, and my little kitten, Bogie, was at death's door. I know now that the "other losses" he refers to are his and Mama's deaths...

4. Do you dance in public? Why or why not? Jimmy and I are dancers. Don't misunderstand me, we are not GOOD dancers. But we are enthusiastic. We are that couple at weddings and school fundraisers who have a couple of drinks and proceed to make absolute spectacles of ourselves on the dance floor. Remember that Jimmy WAS John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever in his youth, so when certain disco numbers come on, people actually clear the floor for us. Thus far, Jude has not ever witnessed this, which is a good thing, as it will almost certainly be a terrible source of embarrassment.

5. What is your favorite kind of chapstick/lip balm? I have been fairly obsessed with this stuff for a while now - C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint from Bath and Body Works. I get the Plum Mint color...

It is glossy, but not too glossy, gives you a little bit of color and is peppermint flavored so it gives you minty fresh breath. Plus it's cheap. What's not to love? I have been known to carry it around with me at all times, including on Cub Scout camping trips. Because I think it's important that no matter how dirty and stinky and sleep-deprived I become, I remain glossy and minty.

Well, that's my first WWTK Wednesday. Kind of fun, right? Easy.

WWTK Wednesday is hosted by Mamarazzi, Queso and Crazymama!

Best of 2011

I have a sinus infection. And Jude just threw up.

That said, I don't feel inspired to write much, so as part of...

I am choosing "Prompt #1 - This year in blog posts...choose a favorite post from each month of 2011 and share."

After much hemming and hawing, these are my personal favorites from each month of 2011. If you're new here, check them out. If you're an old-timer...check them out again, because they're good!

January -

If We Were the Queen of the World - A girl can dream, right?...

We (that's the royal we, y'all) would be fair but firm. In order to benefit the lives of my many subjects, I'm afraid there will have to be a few changes made around here.

BY PROCLAMATION OF HER MAJESTY QUEEN GRETCHEN I

The following changes will be made to the rule of order of the Planet Earth, effective immediately.

1. The muffin top is the new erogenous zone...

READ THE REST HERE.

February -  

Most Surreal Parenting Moment Thus Far - The one in which my poor child is faced with seeing his father...in drag...

Jimmy and I are both members of The Actor's Studio. Yes, the "world-renowned" Actor's Studio, as they say. The place founded in the forties by acting teacher guru Lee Strasberg, the birthplace of "The Method",  training ground to Marlon Brando, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Robert De Niro, Jane Fonda, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, Harvey Keitel, Paul Newman,  Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Geraldine Page, Sidney Poitier, Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken . The home of "Inside the Actor's Studio". Yes, we are...da, da, da, dum...method actors...

READ THE REST HERE.

March - 

Picky, Picky, Picky - My kid's dreadful eating habits exposed...

My child will eat the following foods:

• pancakes
• french toast
• blueberry muffins
• whole wheat bread
• white bread
• good, crusty bread
• rolls
• pumpkin bread
• raisin bread
• flour tortillas...

READ THE REST HERE.

April -

The Uniform - The sad, sad state of my wardrobe...

Sometimes, I just don't know what has become of me.

Black yoga pants and a black hooded long-sleeved shirt.

This is what I have been wearing about 4 out of 7 days a week.

And don't misunderstand. This is not an attractive outfit. It is simply...comfortable...

READ THE REST HERE.

May -

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Murdering gang bangers are found and arrested while hiding under our house. Oh yes, it's true. Life in Los Angeles, baby...

On Friday, Jude and I were having a quiet afternoon at home.

I had just let Jude buy a new game for his DSi as a reward for letting me drag him around during the last day of his Spring Break to the hardware store, the drug store AND the Target, and he was sitting happily in the corner of the living room playing away.

I decided to use the time to make some progress on my ongoing bedroom redecorating, and spray paint a curtain rod.

So I grabbed some newspaper, the old curtain rod and the spray paint and went out the back door and around to the side of the house. As I was spreading out the newspaper and shaking my little spray paint can, I suddenly realized that a helicopter was hovering above me.

Now, helicopters aren't uncommon in the Greater Los Angeles area. But when I looked up, I realized that it was an LAPD helicopter, and it was hovering really close to the ground. Really close to the ground, and circling around. Really close to the ground and circling around...me, to be specific...

READ THE REST HERE.

June - Okay, I'm cheating here - I can't decide, so I'm giving you two...

Alienated - My mediocre career as a space alien...

When I first read that the Spin Cycle topic this week was "UFOs", I must admit, I was stumped. Disappointingly, I have never encountered a UFO, no matter how much I wished it.

But then I realized that while I have never met an alien, I have BEEN an alien. Yes, during my long and incredibly mediocre acting career, I have encountered aliens twice. And in rummaging through my old photo albums, I have actually unearthed photographic evidence...

READ THE REST HERE.

The Vibe - My attempts at decorating while living with a husband who has "opinions"...

Jimmy has opinions.

Damn him.

Most husbands have the sense to defer to their wives in all matters involving design, decorating and aesthetics. When it comes time to redecorate, the couple may discuss their mutual needs, and the wife might offer fabric swatches or paint chips, just so the husband feels slightly involved, but for the most part, the wife makes all the choices. Most husbands are happy with this arrangement.

But not Jimmy...

READ THE REST HERE.

July -

Camp Mama 2011 Week Six: Sisters - Our little, testosterone-heavy household is invaded by GIRLS...

As a thank you gift to my friends Lynn and Darren for hosting my 50th birthday party in their home, we took their two precious daughters, Julianna, 7, and Isabella, 4 for three days. In the past 7 years, Lynn and Darren have been away from the girls exactly...NEVER. Not ever. And when I suggested the idea to Lynn, she jumped at it so fast it made my head spin!...

READ THE REST HERE.

August -

Conversations with Mommy and Pop Part 1 - Visiting the in-laws in New York...

FADE IN:

The family is gathered around the dining room table eating dinner. Mommy has made pasta. Jude, who Mommy thinks isn’t fat enough, has already eaten one enormous bowl of pasta and about 4 slices of Italian bread soaked in sauce.

Jude

I’m done.

Mommy

But you barely ate any of your second bowl of pasta.

Jude

But I don’t want any more. I want ice cream.

Mommy

Oh no, you can’t have ice cream if you don’t eat more of your pasta. It’s not balanced...

READ THE REST HERE.

September -

The One Who Got Away -Regrets? I've had a few. But then again, to few to mention...

The other day, I was talking to my mother-in-law Mommy, and she was all atwitter.

It seems that they had gone to a funeral, a military funeral for an ex-marine, where they draped the coffin with an American flag. According to Mommy, this "brought to mind" an old friend of hers, who she hadn't seen since the '40s, who had been a Marine...

READ THE REST HERE.

October -

LA Noir - My crazy trek across Los Angeles in search of murder...

It was a cloudy day in the City of Angels. The kind of morning that made you want to pour an extra shot of bourbon in your joe so you could face the day.

I looked at my face in the mirror and cringed. Bad night. Hot flashes. I splashed some water on my mug and headed on my way. I had a job to do. Some gumshoe work.

Armed only with my iPhone and a pair of mom jeans, I jumped into my stealthy Prius and started on my quest. My quest for...murder...

READ THE REST HERE.

November -

Dear Period -A love letter...of sorts...

Dear Period,

I fear that over the last few years our relationship has changed dramatically, that things between us have become increasingly uncomfortable and strained, and I know that soon you will leave me forever. Before we move into the next and final phase of our relationship, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my feelings, and hopefully, clear the air a bit...

READ THE REST HERE.

December -

5 Christmas Tips From Mommy - My beloved, eccentric mother-in-law's tips for the season...

For those of you new to Second Blooming, Mommy is my much beloved, 82-year old Brooklyn Italian-American mother-in-law. Mommy is a bundle of love and neuroses. Mommy's turn-ons are cleaning, chocolate, General Hospital, slutty tank tops, the Blessed Mother, blackberry brandy, flashy jewelry, sunbathing, talking to her girlfriends on the phone (all of whom are named Cathy) and her children/grandson. Her turn-offs include germs, bugs, lightning, elevators, bras, logic, "The City", all the scary things she hears about on The Today Show and often...Pop. Picture Edith Bunker with brassy hair and a top purchased from the Victoria's Secret catalogue. I adore her...

READ THE REST HERE.

 

RTT: Arturo, Brine and Slaughterhouse

Aunt Grace arrives today at 11:40 am. The house is almost ready for her. The car, on the other hand, must still be washed, which is ridiculous because it just rained, but unfortunately, the interior is such a nasty disaster that I simply must do something about it before I pick her up at the airport. The plan is to get Jude to school, go pick up copies of a flyer I have to get into Jude's school's weekly envelope (Have I failed to mention the Annual School Christmas Boutique and Craft Fair which I am organizing yet again this year? I know, you may now all shake your heads and roll your eyes at me.), go to the school to stuff the aforementioned flyers into the aforementioned envelopes, make the beds, wipe down all surfaces, hit the car wash and then...airport. Please say a prayer for me. In the meantime...

My laptop has been saved! I love my little neighborhood computer repair place - GO SMALL BUSINESS! I feared that the entire thing was headed into the trash, but Arturo did this whole system recovery thing, removed Windows and reloaded it anew. They also kindly backed up all my endless junk onto my exterior hard drive, then reloaded it again, because I think he rightly guessed that I was sort of an idiot regarding these things, and I needed help. And he was CHEAP. And I love that while Arturo was taking care of me, his wife and kids sat in the corner and ate tamales. Very homey. And my laptop is good as new!

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Because people have asked, here's the menu for Thursday. I start cooking today...

Shrimp with Orange Tomato Cocktail Sauce and Green Goddess Dipping Sauce (because Jimmy has to have his seafood somewhere, so I work it in as an appetizer)

Roasted Sweet Potato Soup

Turkey (see Brine recipe below)

Gravy

Cornbread Dressing with Sage Sausage and Cranberries

Mashed Potatoes with Sage and White Cheddar

Jan's Balsamic Glazed Brussels Sprouts with Pancetta

Mama's Chocolate Cream Pie

I'm pretty excited about going completely and totally off my Weight Watchers for the entire duration of the leftovers. There's nothing I love more than a big plate of Thanksgiving leftovers. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. Sorry, did I just make that sound out loud? Got a little over-excited.

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For the last several years, I've been brining the turkey. I really, truly think it makes a difference. Makes the turkey extremely juicy and flavorful. Plus, I just like the whole elaborate preparation thing. It's just plain fun to stuff the bird in a bag with a bunch of stuff.

I promised my friend Rachel that I'd share my brine recipe, which is really just stolen straight from Chez Panisse.

Chez Panisse's Turkey Brine

2 1/2 gallons cold water

2 cups kosher salt

1 cup sugar

2 bay leaves (I'm lucky to have a tree in the front yard!), torn into pieces

1 bunch fresh thyme, or 4 tbsp. dried

1 whole head of garlic, cloves separated and peeled

5 whole allspice berries, crushed

4 juniper berries, crushed

Mix water and all ingredients in a large pot, and stir until salt and sugar dissolve. Alice Waters says to put the turkey and brine into a "large non-reactive pot", but I don't have anything that big that will fit into my fridge, so I just use a Hefty bag, and it works great. Put the bird in the bag, pour the brine over it, and tie that sucker tight. I mean really tight, or you'll end up with a refrigerator full of brine. I usually double bag, just to play it safe. Stick the whole thing in the refrigerator for 24 hours. It's a good idea to flip it from side to side every now and then so the bird brines evenly. When you're ready to roast, remove the turkey from the brine, drain it well and pat it dry.

GRAVY NOTE: Pan juices from a brined turkey may be saltier than from an unbrined one, so you may not want to use all of them. And don't add any extra salt. You don't want a bunch of over-salted gravy.

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My friend Alicia has started a Facebook page - Discount Therapy. Alicia's an actress, who just went back to school and became a shrink. She's also obsessed with the good deal. Thus the Discount Therapy thing. If you "like" her page, she'll share lots of great coupons, free stuff and links to "deals". You should check her out.

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This is so pathetic. At an audition yesterday, somebody told me that they'd seen an advertisement for this stuff...

Audition Focus. According to the website, Audition Focus is a one-of-a-kind supplement "engineered specifically for actors. Independent studies have shown increase callback rates for groups as high as 25%, increased memory rates as high as 34%, and decreased stress by 32%." A one month supply is only $39.99. What this says to me is that we actors have finally been recognized as the pathetic, needy, desperately hopeless cases we are, who, along with folks suffering from erectile dysfunction, baldness and excessive weight gain, are willing to pay ridiculous prices for some kind of total bull panacea that will solve all out problems. Sad.

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Another cool site from my friend Amanda - Slaughterhouse 90210. It's a little addicting, I keep heading back to see what new fun they've posted. I'd describe it as a clever mash-up of Literature and Pop-Culture. Example...

 

“I’ve never any pity for conceited people, because I think they carry their comfort about with them.”
—George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss

I mean, you gotta love that, right?

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Run along now everybody. I must head to the airport. I'll try to check in soon with a report on Thanksgiving. Please visit Stacy for more Tuesday Randomness.

Have a Happy, Happy Thanksgiving! Eat too much! Drink too much! Don't forget to give thanks!

Spin Cycle: The Big Break

In 1986, I was living in Dallas, ostensibly, working on my modeling/acting career, but really mostly waiting for my slacker rock and roller boyfriend to make it big - become Bono or something.

I had done quite a bit of dreadful local catalogue modeling, a fair bit of dreadful “artsy”, fashion modeling, several dreadful local tv commercials, and a lot of really dreadful local theater. I was paying the rent for myself and said slacker rock and roller boyfriend by working as a nanny for two very sweet children.

Then one day, my agent Harold called and told me that he wanted to put me on tape for a tv pilot audition. Harold was a great guy. He had once been an LA agent, but for some reason that had something to do with his wife, had moved to Dallas. He hated Dallas, and often talked about how much he missed LA. He kept a bottle of Scotch in his bottom desk drawer, and if you were in his inner circle (I was), and dropped by after 5:00, he’d pour you a drink in a coffee cup and talk about his glory days.

Anyway, Harold was all excited, because it was unusual for a Los Angeles tv pilot to cast out of Dallas, this was a rare exception at the time. The problem was that they were searching for an actress who looked like a model, but who could handle comedy, and they were coming up dry. Harold video taped my audition and sent it in.

A few weeks later, I got the call. Colombia Television was flying me to Los Angeles for a network test for this tv show. Now, it’s hard to explain how huge this was, and I certainly didn’t understand it at the time. A network test is the last step before being on a series. By the time one gets to network test, they’ve usually narrowed it down to two or maybe three people for the job. Actors work their butts off for YEARS just dreaming of such a thing. It was my first audition.

They flew me out and put me up at The Mondrian Hotel on the Sunset Strip. Fancy schmancy. A limo picked me up at the airport. They were paying me a per diem, almost all of which I spent on tiny bottles which I found in the refrigerator in my room.  Looking back, I remember feeling very excited and a little nervous, but I honestly don’t think I even remotely understood what a big deal this was. I was very naïve.

The casting director was a WONDERFUL man named Marc, who ended up becoming a friend of mine. He completely took care of me, thank God. It could have been very different if he had been less nurturing and protective.

The show, was a very silly sitcom pilot called “She’s With Me”. The writers were the writing team of Ron Leavitt and Michael Moye, who, a year later, would become HUGE as the writers/producers of “Married…With Children”. If you remember that show, you can guess the sophistication and taste level of “She’s With Me”. The plot revolved around the unlikely friendship of two women – the pretty one and the quirky one. I can’t remember the character's names or what wacky plot devices brought them together, but I’m sure much wise-cracking silliness ensued.

I was…the pretty one, and they paired me up with the actress who would be testing with me as…the quirky one. The actress was named Melanie Mayron, and they got us together to rehearse, and amazingly, we got on well. Melanie was making extra cash shooting headshots for people, and the morning of the test, she picked me up at my hotel and I went along to help her on a photoshoot – hand her equipment and hold up the light board and stuff.

 You may remember that about a year later, Melanie ended up becoming a big star on “Thirtysomething”, and her character was…a photographer.

It’s difficult now, after living in Los Angeles for so long, to remember my first impressions of the place way back then. I remember thinking everything was so…green. Flowers bloomed everywhere. The weather was sort of perfect. And everything everywhere was iconic. Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood Boulevard. I’ll never forget when they were driving me to the studio and I saw the Hollywood Sign for the first time. It totally blew me away. Now, it’s just part of the landscape. I see it every day. It might as well be a 7-11 or a McDonalds for all the attention I pay to it.

For the test, Melanie and I drove together over to NBC in beautiful downtown Burbank, a big rambling studio, where all the network offices were, and all the NBC soaps were shot. They took us in and shut us in an office. It was at this point that we were presented with our contracts. One of the most nerve-wracking and inexplicable aspects of the network test is that just before you go in, literally within the last 20 minutes or so before you perform the audition of a lifetime, you are presented with a contract which spells out for you exactly how much money you will be making if you get the job, and the pilot does, in fact, go to series. Let me repeat…just before you go in to audition, you are shown that if you are “good enough” you will cease being a nanny, earning minimum wage in Dallas, and suddenly be making $25,000 a week, or whatever. Such is an actors life. Over the years, I have been through this many times, and it's always a little flabbergasting.

After being kept waiting for ages, we were brought in, and performed our scenes for “The Suits”. That’s a showbiz term. “The Suits” being the network executives, who aren’t necessarily the most creative types. Leavitt and Moye sat in the back laughing uproariously at their own words. I have since learned that this is a common trait of comedy writers – they do love their own stuff.

We were then taken into another room where we waited for another endless amount of time. Secretaries kept bringing us coffee and waters. Finally, the casting director came in and explained that they’ve narrowed it down to two actresses for each of the two lead roles – Melanie and I, and another pair of actresses. They now wanted us to split up and each read with the other actress reading for the other part.

So I was taken in and introduced to the other “quirky one”, an actress named Dinah Madoff, while Melanie went in to work with the other “pretty one”.  Dinah was very nice, and I felt like we worked well together too. Both Melanie and Dinah were absolute nervous wrecks. Completely neurotic. Of course, they both ended up playing that type – the nutty, neurotic girl. I, however, was such a baby, that I was cool as a cucumber. I honestly didn't know any better.

After all this mixing and matching, we were all sent home to stew, and told we’d hear something within the next day or so. On the ride home in the car, Melanie informed me that the actress I was reading against, the other “pretty one” was…Jerry Hall. Yes, supermodel Jerry Hall. Yes, Mrs. Mick Jagger Jerry Hall.

So, of course, Jerry and Dinah got the jobs. The pilot “She’s With Me” was shot and tanked and was immediately buried in a vault somewhere. Leavitt and Moye went on to “Married…With Children” success, Melanie Mayron went on to “Thirtysomething” success, Dinah Manoff went on to "Empty Nest" success, Jerry Hall went on to divorce Mick and take him for gazillions, and I went on to…hmmm...oh that’s right, write this blog. Sigh.

Actually, it ended up that Columbia Television put me under a holding contract, and gave me a bunch of cash, and ended up flying me out several other times. My new casting director friend, Marc, got me my first agents and my managers, and the whole thing spurred me to get off my butt and stop nannying and move to Los Angeles, despite the slacker rock and roller boyfriend, kicking off what was to be my long and incredibly mediocre career.

So that's the story of my first trip to Los Angeles, and my first brush with success. Please head over to Sprite's Keeper for more Spin Cycle posts about Firsts.