Second Blooming

The Rose Lady

For a brief time, back in the summer of 1991, when I was a struggling actress in Los Angeles, I had the worst job in the world. Okay, maybe not THE worst job in the world. It didn't involve road kill, or cleaning sewers or anything. But it was everything I could hate in a job all rolled into one. I will explain...

When I first moved to Los Angeles, I started working pretty steadily as an actress. When I had lived in Dallas, I had worked in a book store and as a nanny, but since moving to LA, I was lucky enough that I'd never had to have a "day job".

But for a while there, things dried up. I was broke. I could probably have asked Mama for the cash to tide me over until I booked another tv gig, but I just couldn't do it. I was 30, for God's sakes, I should have been able to take care of myself.

So I started to hunt for a part-time job. This is a problem for the actor. You have to find a job that is flexible enough to allow you to go to auditions whenever they need you during the day, often at the last minute, and on the other side of town.

But the biggest problem was that I had...no marketable skills. None.

I could sort of type, and thought I could maybe do temp work. But temp jobs weren't flexible enough, and I was auditioning quite a bit. I drove around the neighborhood filling out job applications at stores and restaurants.

One restaurant manager actually called me in for a meeting, not to hire me, but just because he'd never met anybody honest enough to to write "No waitressing experience" on a job application.

Finally, a woman I knew from a comedy improv class told me about a job which sounded doable. No experience necessary. Worked only weekend nights, and you could make a couple of hundred dollars a week.

And so I became...a rose lady.

You've seen them. My job was to fill my car with cheap roses, then drive around the city to restaurants and clubs and stroll around the places, hawking my wares to unsuspecting patrons at outrageous prices.

The woman who owned the company (who happened to be a Scientologist, and I was one of her only non-Scientologist employees), had made deals with certain restaurants to allow us in - I guess they got some kind of a kick-back. I had to dress up in a frilly white blouse with a ridiculous amount of cleavage, and tight black pants, then carry a massive, rose-laden basket around with me. I offered three rose options - the single rose, the small bouquet of 3 roses, and the large bouquet of 6, which cost a whopping $20.

The idea was to walk slowly around the restaurant, and while we were not allowed to actually flat-out ask anyone if they'd like to make a purchase, we were allowed to stare intimidatingly. Then once some poor sap, in an attempt to impress his date, asked to make a purchase, I could pounce. The idea was to insinuate that only a pathetic cheapskate would purchase his ladylove the single rose. And that certainly she would be more willing to put-out later if he went for the big bouquet.

Apparently, there was much bickering and jockeying for the good restaurants amongst my fellow rose ladies, who I only saw when picking up roses at the beginning of the night, and dropping off the leftovers at the end. But they all liked me, because I had no interest at all in the good restaurants. I wanted to be working the most obscure, far-off-the-beaten-path restaurants possible, in hopes that I would NEVER run into anyone I knew.

So I took the route deep in the valley. I drove from Sherman Oaks all the way out to places like La Puente, El Monte and West Covina. These are places where you expect to happen upon a body dump.I started the evening at family restaurants, and ended it at discos and country-western bars.

I hated it. I hated it deeply and painfully. First of all, I am a POOR salesperson. And the thought of pushing some poor dude on a date into spending all his money on some cheap roses just made me weak. I felt so guilty.

I did make a few bucks. But I felt like a whore.

Finally, after about two months, I booked a recurring role on the tv show Wings, and quit the rose ladying so fast it would have made your head spin. In one day, I went from pimping roses to kissing Tim Daly. Such is the business.

I tell this story as a cautionary tale to any young actors heading to Los Angeles without any marketable skills. DON'T DO WHAT I DID! Have a backup job just in case!

And sadly, the smell of roses always takes me right back there. Damn. The smell of humiliation.

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This post was inspired by...

 

 

Prompt #4 - Tell us about a job you quit...why did you do it?

 

Foragers

Jimmy and I have these two wonderful friends, Barry and Julie. I have written about them previously HERE. They are almost 20 years older than us, but are extremely youthful. They're a fascinating and original couple. They have both had long careers in stage and film, he as an actor and director, and she as a dancer and choreographer. Their parties are often peopled by a Who's Who of Showbiz. They have a house here in Los Angeles as well as an apartment in New York, which is exactly what you'd imagine a "Broadway showpeople" apartment to look like - walls covered with posters and Playbills of plays they've been involved in. Broadway composers drop by to play the piano while famous actors sing along. They're always fun to be with, and always wonderful guests. I guess people would consider them "characters".

But one thing about them that has always puzzled and intrigued me, is that neither of them cooks. And by that I mean that neither of them cooks. At all. I am fairly sure that Julie knows how to make coffee. And maybe toast. Beyond that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And yet somehow, they manage to eat. And they managed to raise a daughter and feed her.

They are what I would call well-off, but they're not super rich. I mean, they don't have full-time help or anything. And eating out for every single meal must get ridiculously expensive. And so they seem to spend a tremendous amount of time foraging for food. I guess they're  wealthy, middle-aged, Jewish hunter-gatherers.

Barry will come over to work with Jimmy on something and he immediately heads to the kitchen. I'll hear him in there rooting around in the cupboard and the refrigerator. Then he'll call out "Gretch, is it okay if I have a pear? And some potato chips? And a little of this sliced turkey?" They never seem to eat anything that I would consider an actual "meal". Once Julie came over and I asked her what she'd had to eat that day and she replied "I ate a few nuts."

The other day, Barry took Jimmy out for lunch, and at the end of the meal, he asked Jimmy, "You gonna eat the rest of that sandwich?" When Jimmy said no, Barry wrapped it up in a napkin and STUFFED IT IN HIS POCKET, "Julie will eat this for dinner." It's just weird.

They often have parties, which all of their friends come to because they love Barry and Julie, but it's a running joke amongst the guests as to what we will be served. There's often fruit, some of which is cut up, but much of which is just left whole. Like...a banana. Or a peach. Not what you think of as finger food. Sometimes they'll pick up some potato salad or pasta from a deli. Again, it's just weird.

Once, they were staying at a friend's beach house in the Hamptons, and we went to visit, bringing along my m-i-l Mommy, Aunt Grace and my s-i-l Niki. Barry and Julie graciously welcomed us, and after Julie rummaged around in the kitchen for about 20 minutes, we were offered water and a bowl of blueberries. Mommy was stumped.

A few years ago, a friend of Julie's started catering their parties, which was a huge relief. But for some peculiar reason, every year she makes the exact same food. Every year, the same recipes. "Oh look, it's that interesting guacamole with the pomegranate seeds. Again." My guess is that Julie had such a good response the first year she actually had a party catered, that she just asks to stick with the same thing every time.

And they're always so fascinated with me, and the fact that I DO cook. It seems to puzzle them as much as their non-cooking puzzles me. About 15 years ago, I made Cornish game hens for a dinner party, and they were so taken by them that they mention them all the time. "Oh, remember those little birds? They were delicious!"

About a month ago, they dropped by one afternoon, and as they were leaving I mentioned to Julie that I needed to get started on making dinner. She looked at me in an accusatory way and asked "Why do you feel that you need to cook for him every night?" I was fairly taken aback. "I don't feel that I need to cook for him. I like to cook. It gives me great pleasure. And I also like to eat. So...I guess I'm cooking for myself as well." Julie was stunned. It was as if she had never thought of this.

Is this as much of an aberration as I think? Is this an eccentric Showbiz people thing? Or are there others out there in the real world who are also unable to feed themselves?

A Day in the Life

I never talk about my day to day working life as an actor. Most of you know that I am an actress. And I sometimes mention a job I've worked. But the day to day drudgery is something I usually spare you. Mostly because it's...well, drudgery. Or that's how I feel about it anyway. It's not glamorous or exciting. But I guess for people unfamiliar with "the business" it might be kind of interesting. So...

I used to audition MUCH more than I do now. That is in part because of my age, roles dwindle as we women get older, but mostly, it's because when Jude was born I mostly stopped working in television and film, but have continued doing commercials. It's easy to audition for commercials when you have a kid, because bringing them with you isn't a problem. When you read for a tv show, you are given a scene or two to prepare in advance, so you need to concentrate, and allow the other actresses at the audition to focus as well. But for a commercial audition, you are handed material at the last second, and you basically just wing it. So toting a child with you is doable.

Commercials are a crap shoot. When I mention to someone that I had an audition, they inevitably ask "Oooo, what was it for?" and I never tell them. Because I will NOT get the VAST majority of the things I audition for. According to the Screen Actors Guild, the odds are something dismal like...1 job for every 40 auditions. And that's if you're doing pretty well. So I go on these things and then immediately...forget them. It's the only way an actor can handle all of the rejection.

The other day, I had three auditions in one day. And, naturally, they were all within a two hour period. Right when Jude needed to be taken to his swim practice. This is always the way it works. The soonest I know about an audition is the night before, but often I'll find out a couple of hours before, and I have to scramble.

In this case, I was able to reach my friend Carol, whose daughter is also on the swim team, and she was able to take Jude to his practice while I did my thing.

The first audition was at a casting studio in Beverly Hills. Commercials are mostly cast out of large casting offices around the city. Casting directors rent space at the casting office to hold their auditions. These places usually have a  large actors waiting area set up in the middle, with a number of small rooms around the periphery where the auditions are actually held. When I arrive at one of these places, the first thing I do is figure out which of these small studios my particular audition is in.

Once you locate the place, you write your name on a sign-in sheet, check to see if you have any "copy" (lines) and take a look at something called a "story board", which is basically a little cartoon drawing of what's going to happen in the commercial. Sometimes, the casting people will call a bunch of you into the little room for what they call a "group explanation", in which the casting assistant who is running the audition session talks you through exactly what they want you to do in the spot.

You then go sit and wait. And wait. And wait. At this particular casting office, all of the actors are forced to sit on stools which I have always referred to inside my brain as "the egg cups". Because they look very much like this...

 

...if this was 2 feet tall and plastic,

 

I consider them to be the most uncomfortable and demeaning place to sit imaginable. I always rebel and just sit on the floor.

This first audition was for a women's calcium supplement, and was particularly heinous. It was "just a look". In other words, it didn't matter if you could walk and talk at the same time, they just wanted to see what you look like. I hate, hate, HATE these. I didn't go to drama school for this! And I almost never book them. Probably because of my bad attitude. The other women there were models. Well, middle-aged models anyway. But they were all very, very thin, and had all had tremendous amounts of Botox injected into their faces.

The "breakdown" for this audition (the information sent by the casting people to the agents) described my character as such - "She’s a woman who tries to stay informed as her bodies’ [sic] needs change. That attitude is reflected in how she looks and how she acts. This woman is slightly more aspirational and youthful for her age." Gag.

For my audition, I had to stand on my mark in front of the camera and "slate". Which one does for every audition. A slate is basically just saying your name and smiling for the camera. Sometimes they'll ask you to show "profiles" and sometimes they (gasp!) want to see your hands. Well for this audition, they not only made me show my profiles and hands, but also 3/4 shots, full-body shots and then they made me walk to the back wall, turn around and strike a series of fricking poses! SO humiliating. I am much too old for this.

After this horror, I got back in my car and fought traffic to get to the next audition was much more my thing. The description for this was "Real to slightly character looking, interesting and expressive face. Typical suburban woman." Whew. This one I could handle.

After signing in, I was grouped with two actors with whom I was to be auditioning. One was playing my husband, and the other, the creepy guy who was living with us. I will spare you the full explanation. It was supposed to be funny. This "husband" thing is very common, I am almost always assigned a husband or a family. You try to have "chemistry" with them - it makes everybody look better. But sometimes it's rough. Usually, you have to create this chemistry with a total stranger, but every now and then I'll go in with someone I actually know (sometimes one of the dads from Jude's school!), which is even stranger.

In this second audition, my "husband" and I were snuggling in bed, with our creepy stranger man in the bed with us. So we arrange ourselves on some chairs under a blanket and they video us snuggling. We then move to the next little scene, in which I'm saying goodbye to my husband and the creepy man as they head off to work in the morning. They both kissed me goodbye. I am often asked to touch and be touched by strangers in ways that would be considered inappropriate in most situations.

The last audition was at the same location (NOTE: This is highly unusual - usually I am driving back and forth across the city all day), so I simply moved to the next little room and signed in there. I had to change clothes into a nice dress with pearls and heels so I could be "Proud mom, attending graduation for her son. Great actress, great with dialogue and improv." Well finally, somebody wanted me to have a bit of talent.

When I'm called in, I am given yet another husband, and we are told to sit on chairs and watch our invisible son walking across an invisible stage to receive his invisible diploma. At this point, an invisible streaker runs across the invisible stage, upsetting my invisible son's graduation. My "husband" and I must react to this upset. There is no snuggling or kissing involved this time. At some point, I had to turn to the side and speak to my invisible daughter, who they were apparently casting at a later date. The aforementioned dialogue which they want me to be "great" with, consisted of two lines. 

After this, I ran, literally ran in my heels and pearls, to my car, jumped in and high-tailed it over to pick Jude up at his swim practice. I had texted my friend Carol to tell her I was on the way, and she kindly stayed with Jude on the street in front of the place until I got there. We then drove home and I took a handful of Advil.

So this is what I do.

I'll never forget the time, many years ago, when Mama had come to LA to visit, and she got to go into an audition with me. After watching me stand there in front of the camera staring wistfully at an invisible sunset while contemplating how happy I was with my sinus medication, Mama turned to me and asked "Is that all you do?" It was not her most encouraging mothering moment, but it was, in fact, what I ask myself all the time.

Not as glamorous as you thought, right?

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This post was inspired by...

 

 

Prompt #1 - Something that gave you a headache.

RTT: Vandy, Maya and Tinkle

 

I have, rather indulgently. been celebrating my birthday aaaaaaaaaaaaall week with lots of girlfriend fun.

First...Vandy J and The Testosterone Three came to visit!!

Vandy and I on the beach in Santa Monica!

I can't tell you how much fun we had! Vandy is every bit as nice and fun and easy-going as you'd think from her blog. We never stopped talking for the entire day. It was like we were old friends. And her boys were absolutely darling! They were all extremely good sports when I got us all hopelessly gridlocked in traffic.

Turbo digging for crabs.

Bruiser with rake we begged off a lifeguard.

Look at that smile!!

Seriously, I wanted to take both boys home with me! Jude would love a couple of brothers! Can't wait for them to come back again, and we can get Turbo and Jude together.

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Next, my college roommate Lannyl came to town from New York and stayed with us a couple of nights...

Lannyl is someone who I can not see for 6 months, and when we're together we pick up right where we were as if we saw each other yesterday. It always amazes me how alike our lives are on their opposite coasts! She is also welcome back any time she wants!

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Then on Friday, Lynn and I celebrated our birthdays (Lynn's was Tuesday!) by meeting for high tea at the Polo Lounge in the Beverly Hills Hotel. Veeeeery swanky. Tea, finger sandwiches, scones and clotted cream, pastries. Oh yes, it was good. Celebrity sightings: Warren Beatty (looking pretty old, I must say) and Maya Rudolph who is very pregnant. Here's a shot of our pastries and the back of Maya's head...

 

Honest to God, Lynn wasn't trying to take a picture of Maya Rudolph, just of our pastries. The woman has priorities.

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I am fairly obsessed with this website - Archetype Me. Basically, you take a little quiz and then the website decides which archetypes you most resemble, the archetypes being - Advocate, Athlete, Caregiver, Creative, Fashionista, Intellectual, Queen/Executive, Rebel, Spiritual and Visionary. I am a Caregiver/Intellectual/Creative. Which does, in fact, pretty much sum me up in neat stereotypes. Then you check out articles and websites chosen to fit your particular archetype types. It's pretty fun, I must say. And...a time suck. So...warning.

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I laughed.

 

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I LOVE these. A photographer father uses his 5-year old daughter to recreate classic paintings. These are truly amazing portraits, not copies of classic paintings, but more...inspired by them.

Definitely worth checking out!

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 That's all the random for today. Go see Stacy for more fun!

RTT: Oscars 2013 Edition

Oscar Host Seth MacFarlane. That's all anybody's talking about. The NPR website asked the question - "Seth MacFarlane - Crude or Classy? Delightful or a Dolt?" To which I say...yes. All of the above. Honestly? I thought he was fine. He was by no means my favorite, but he didn't completely suck. He did some really funny stuff. He did some pleasant song and dance numbers, which I'm a sucker for. And yes, he was crude and tasteless, but we knew he would be, I mean he's the Family Guy guy! He was supposed to be offensive and politically incorrect! I admit that I laughed at the "We Saw Your Boobs" song, which some ladies on the internets seemed to deem offensive, to which I roll my eyes, and say "Get a sense of humor, sister." The joke was that he was deliberately doing the most offensive thing he could think of! And honestly, we had seen their boobs, so I think they're fair game. And throwing in the Gay Men's Chorus of LA was hysterical.  I'd say my only real issue with his performance as host was that he needed an editor. Most of his bits started out funny, then went on toooooooooo long. I'm afraid that in the end I was left with the feeling that the whole evening had just been a little tacky.

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And speaking of being a little tacky...

"We saw your boobs." Auf Wiedersehen, Heidi.

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DISCLAIMER: I love big, cheesy production numbers. 

I just ate up all of the "Salute to Oscar Music" stuff. Catherine Zeta-Jones rocked singing "All That Jazz" from Chicago (even though I'm pretty sure she was lip-syncing), Jennifer Hudson blew the roof off with "And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going" from Dreamgirls (even though she's lost so much weight, she pretty much can't play that part anymore) and I cried for a full 10 minutes after the Les Miz cast performed their "One Day More" medley...

 

  

Oh there I go, crying again.

Anyway, on top of all of the big numbers, we also got Streisand! Singing "The Way We Were"! And Adele singing that "Skyfall" song (not the greatest Best Song winner, but Adele's the coolest, so who cares).

But hands down, the best performance of the night goes to Dame Shirley Bassey, singing "Goldfinger" in the 50 Years of Bond tribute (apologies for this dreadful video that someone recorded with their calculator or something)...

 

76 years FABULOUS!!

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Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #1 - Kristen Stewart

Okay, I know that she had cut her foot, and was hobbling around on crutches, but seriously, couldn't she have at least washed her hair? And I also know how hard it must be to wear an evening gown and keep it in place when you're hobbling around on crutches, but Kristen just didn't seem to give a flying f&$%. If it had happened to me, I'd have talked Channing Tatum into carrying me on stage and putting me down. I guess it's her "thing" to be all "I hate Hollywood fame and fortune", so I ask "Why did you go to the stinking Academy Awards at all?" It would have been cooler if she'd just said she had a gig playing clarinet at Michael's Pub, and couldn't attend. And she kept fiddling with her horrible hair - everything about her just makes me want to know where the hell her mother is.

 

May have smoked some pot that James Franco left backstage a couple of years ago.

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And speaking of Channing Tatum...I know he's real purty and everything, but seriously...dumb as a stump, right? He presented with Jennifer Aniston, and the poor guy could just barely string words together into sentences. He kind of just grunted. Imagine if he and Kristen Stewart did a movie together?! Though I was impressed by his dancing.

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Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #2 - Renee Zellweger

What the hell has she done to herself? She's gonna end up like Melanie Griffith or Meg Ryan if she doesn't lay off the botox NOW. Though, her dress and body were gorgeous...

Only expression of the night.

And when she came out with the cast of Chicago to present, she truly seemed wasted. Either she'd downed a few martinis, or one too many Xanax. She was actually teetering, and bumping into people, and kept staring strangely at Richard Gere. It was weird.

Since I can't find the video from last night, I can't resist Tracey Ullman...

 

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Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #3 - Quvenzhané Wallis

PLEASE don't let this happen! First, I want to say that she was apparently amazing in Beasts of the Southern Wild, and she was absolutely precious on the red carpet with her beautiful little Armani dress and sweet little puppy purse...

 

Perfectly sweet. And I want that puppy purse!

But 9-years old is too damned young to be nominated for an Oscar! If she doesn't have some seriously down-to-earth, protective handlers, she's going to get screwed up fast. The bull that swirls around people when they reach that level of fame will screw up a grownup, I can't imagine how it would effect a little girl. I know I should qualify this by saying that I have serious issues with allowing children to be actors at all, so maybe I'm biased. But all that hand-pumping and posing she was doing really worries me. Let her be a little girl before she turns into Tatum O'Neill or Lindsey Lohan!

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I love her, I respect her, I want to be her best friend. But I don't get why Michelle Obama presented the Oscar for Best Picture. I understand and love the idea of her wanting to come on the show to support and promote education in the arts. But when Nicholson introduced her, I just kept going "Huh? She's not in the movies." Maybe they should have had her come on earlier and say a few words and maybe present one of the lesser awards?

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What was the deal with the middle-aged guys with Gandalf hair?!

 

Claudio Miranda - cinematographer for "Life of Pi".

Paul N. K. Ottosson - sound editor "Zero Dark Thirty".

Per Hallberg - sound editor for "Skyfall".

Three words - Locks of Love.

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Okay, that's enough of my general whining. Let's whine about clothes!

All of the Jennifers did well...

Jennifer Lawrence. Gorgeous in Dior. Beautiful dress, beautiful jewels,beautiful hair, beautiful makeup.

 

Even when she tripped getting her Oscar, she fell like a Fairy Princess losing her slipper.

Jennifer Hudson - Simple and elegant. And showing off her hot new Weight Watchers bod.

Jennifer Garner. Nice pop of color. Love the fantail thing. Even though in his "Argo" acceptance speech, Ben went on about what hard work marriage was.

Octavia Spencer. Flawless yet again. SO knows how to dress herself.

Please, PLEASE, somebody get Melissa McCarthy the number of Octavia Spencer's stylist! Just horrible from head to toe. The color? Oh my goodness.

 

Something about Catherine Zeta-Jones' look bothers me. I've been looking and looking, and had a hard time deciding what. The dress does look a little...cheap. But then I decided...

...that the problem is a coloring/makeup issue. She's completely monochromatic. There's no color anywhere on her body. She needs some lipstick and blush, please!

 

Amy Adams = Cinderella lovely.

I love, LOVE the idea that Helen Hunt wore a dress from H &M to the Oscars, in support of their sustainable materials. But unfortunately, I just wanted to chase after those wrinkles with a steamer!

Meryl's Lanvin gown was gorgeous, but her hairdo looks like she's still playing Margaret Thatcher!

Jessica Chastain - kind of perfect. Notice that she has the lip color that Catherine Z-J missed.

Anne Hathaway was lovely and radiant as always, but unfortunately...upstaged by her own nipples.

Helena Bonham Carter. Better than her last 5 or 6 awards shows. Which isn't saying much.

That is it for my annual Oscars recap. Go see Stacy for more random thoughts!

 

I ♥ LA Moment #614

A couple of days ago, I had to reup out parking permits. Yes, in many neighborhoods of LA you have to pay for a permit just to park on your own street. You can buy them through the mail, but of course I had let ours expire, so I had to go down to the place. Anyway, I was sitting there at the permit office for ages, waiting for my number to be called, and I kind of started eavesdropping on the two young men seated next to me.

These two guys were what the cops on the news would refer to as "youths" - I took one look at them, and immediately labeled them as gangbangers. They had the haircuts, the clothes, the lingo, the tattoos. One of the guys had his entire neck tattooed. They seemed to know each other, but hadn't gone down there together, they'd just run into each other and were catching up.

At first, all I really caught from their conversation were a bunch of "Yo"s and "bitch"s. And then I heard...

YOUTH 1

You still in school, man?

YOUTH 2

Yeah, I'm out at Cal State Northridge.

YOUTH 1

Why aren't you at UCLA?

Hmmm...this was intriguing. I paid better attention.

YOUTH 2

Ah, UCLA is so expensive, you know. So I'm getting my undergrad

from Northridge and saving up my money to go to UCLA for grad school.

I figure it's smarter to spend the cash on my masters.

"What the what?" I thought, inside my head.

YOUTH 1

Yeah, that's smart. How's your lady? Where's she studying?

YOUTH 2

She's at the Stella Adler Studio.

NOTE: Stella Adler is a respected acting school in Hollywood.

Turns out, these dudes were ACTORS. What's more, they seemed to be pretty serious, and were working regularly!

When I think about it, there must be a huge market for actors to play the gang guys in movies and tv shows! I mean, they're not hiring real drug dealers to play the parts on Breaking Bad or NCIS: Los Angeles.

So I am thoroughly humbled. I always consider myself an open-minded and non-judgmental person, but I clearly needed to learn a "don't judge a book by it's cover" lesson.

But really...only in Los Angeles.

RTT: Golden Globes 2013 Edition

 

It's award season once again! Which means it's time once again for me to bitch and criticize the behavior and choices of the beautiful people of Hollywood with careers which are much more successful than mine.

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Best hosts ever -

I LOVE, LOVED Tina Fey and Amy Poehler! I want to be them when I grow up. I think they should host everything from now on! Forget about Billy Crystal and Ricky Gervais, these ladies rocked! Smart, funny, edgy. Unfortunately, they were sort of absent for the second half of the show. I'd have much rather seen more of their banter than some of the more lamo presenters (Jessica Alba - I mean, she's real purty and all, but what the hell has she done in the last 5 years - Fantastic Four 3? Spy Kids VI?)  Here's their opening sequence, in case you missed it. I apologize for the dreadful quality of this video - I think they recorded it with their coffee maker or something...

 

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Funniest speech of the evening -

Retiring Hollywood Foreign Press Association President, Dr. Aida Takla O'Reilly. Yes, it's true. I must admit that I wasn't really listening to the beginning of her speech, because, well, she was the retiring Hollywood Foreign Press Association President, and also because I was so distracted by the fact that she has had so many face lifts that her ears seemed to be growing out of the back of her neck, but then I caught something and said "Huh?" and had to rewind it and watch it again. Hysterical. I'm guessing she figured she was retiring, and had her ears growing out of the back of her neck and so she could say whatever the hell she felt like. She made fun of everybody and then ended it by hitting on Bradley Cooper. You go girl!

 

"Call me maybe."

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Second funniest speech of the night -

Adele, winning for Best Original Song in a Motion Picture. She was so refreshingly not "Hollywood" - just a London girl all dressed up for a "Mum's night out with my friend Ida". Don't you think Adele would like to be my mate? We could grab a pint at the pub and eat some chips and crisps. I'm gonna work on this.

 

"We've been pissing ourselves laughing all night."

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People I most desperately wish had won in their categories -

Darcy St. Fudge and Damian Francisco. Just to make sure people were paying attention, silly Tina and Amy sneaked in as nominees from a fictional tv miniseries called Dog President...

 

As the psychic who solves her own murder - Darcy St. Fudge

As a professional volleyball player battling Restless Leg Syndrome - Damian Francisco

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Best presenter: Funny -

Kristen Wiig and Will Farrell were hoots. Seriously, they should only allow people who have at some time been SNL cast members hand out awards. Would make for a much better evening.

 

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Best presenter: Not funny -

Bill Clinton surprised everybody by showing up to introduce the clip from Lincoln. I'm thinking he knows a thing or two about getting a controversial bill passed by a divided congress!

 

Probably spent a few nights in the Lincoln bedroom.

 

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Most confusing speech of the evening -

I am still fairly befuddled by Jodie Foster's strange, rambling Life Achievement Award acceptance speech. I feel that I should first say that I've never particularly cared for Jodie Foster. With the exception of The Accused, her acting always leaves me cold. But I must say that after this weird speech, I kind of like her more. She started out by making a reference to a 12 year old SNL skit about being 50, the same old SNL skit that I referenced on my 50th. Then she went on to kind of almost maybe sort of "come out", even though I'm pretty sure that we've all known she's a lesbian for the last 20 years. Then, after rambling on about rather personal things, she made a statement about how important privacy was. Then she talked about her mother and made me cry. And her arms look fab. And I like her hair. It was all very confusing.

 

Looking good, Jodie. Even if you are a freakshow.

 

__________________________________ 

People who need to take a chill pill and get a sense of humor -

Tommy Lee Jones.

 

Didn't get the joke. Ever.

 Mel Gibson.

Looked like his mugshot all night.

_________________________________

Most embarrassing presenter moment -

Catherine Zeta-Jones decided that she needed to sing a little bit for us when she presented a clip of Les Miserables. I guess she figured...it's a musical, and...she was in a musical. Yeah, I didn't get it either.

 

Just stick to the teleprompter, Catherine.

__________________________________

Best facial hair -

Bill Murray

 

Impressive

__________________________________

And now on to the fashion!

My personal best dressed choices -

Claire Danes

 

Had a baby about a month ago. I hate her.

 

Anne Hathaway

 

Tres chic

 

Jennifer Lawrence

 

Most people hated the pointy boobage, but I love the shape and the color. And the hair.

Katharine McPhee

 

Kind of scary, but good.

 

Naomi Watts

 

Look, it's my new favorite color, maroon!

 

Lucy Liu

 

Yes, everybody else hated this dress. I think it's fun. And it has pockets!

 

And...the bad -

Lena Dunham

 

It's a proportion thing, right? It's just...off.

 

Eva Longoria

 

Too complicated.

 

Jessica Chastain

 

Great color, but made her boobs look strangely saggy. And her hair is freaking me out.

 Kaley Cuoco

 

Okay, put your hand over her head. Kind of a sexy/demure thing, right? Then put your hand over the dress. Goth/Morticia Addams, right? Stylist needed to pull her head and body together.

 

Halle Berry -

 

Many people have criticized this overly complicated dress - the pattern, the many cutaways. But my issue? It looks like she only has a right boob.

Am I right? Looks like she's had a mastectomy.

 

I hereby give the Christina Hendricks Award to Jennifer Lopez -

 

This year's woman with whom I'd most like to have a lesbian affair.

  

And just because she never fails to disappoint -

Helena Bonham Carter

One day, she's going to show up at one of these awards shows looking gorgeous and tasteful, and shock us all!

 

Okay, that's it for my ranting. Go see Stacy for more randomness.

Spin Cycle: Haunted Hollywood

It was another perfect day in the City of Angels. Perfect weather, clear and cool. The perfect day for a little...ghost hunting.

(CUE LIGHTNING FLASH AND EVIL LAUGH)

Hollywood. A city of bright lights and broken dreams. Many a young star-struck kid has made their way here, only to have their hopes and dreams dashed by cold reality, leaving them to die a tragic, violent death. And according to Hollywood  legend, many of these sad souls decided to...stick around.

So after I dropped the kid at school, I headed out out in my stealthy Prius in search for the paranormal.

(CUE MORE LIGHTNING AND LAUGHING)

First stop...

The Ravenswood Apartments

 

The Ravenswood on Rossmore

 

The Ravenswood is a beautiful Art Deco building, built in 1930 by Paramount Pictures as housing for the stars they had under contract. Though many stars, including Ava Gardner and Clark Gable lived there, The Ravenswood's most famous tenant was Mae West, who moved into Apartment 611 in 1932. Though her stay there was meant to be temporary, she loved the apartment so much that she never left. Ever. Though she signed a Lifetime Lease, many believe that her stay extended far beyond her lifetime. She died there in 1980, sitting in her favorite armchair in her bedroom. Recent tenants swear that they have witnessed twinkling lights around the apartment, and some say they've seen the figure of Mae herself. Maybe if you stop by on your next trip to LA, she'll come up and see you some time.

My next stop was on the western side of Hollywood...

The Silent Movie Theater

 

Silent Movie Theater on Fairfax

 

Silent Film buff John Hampton opened the Silent Movie Theater in 1942, 15 years after talkies bumped silents off the screens around the country. But Hampton loved the silents, and dedicated his life to collecting, restoring and showing the silent classics. Hampton and his wife, Dorothy, lived in an apartment on the second floor of the building, and he used their bathroom to restore old films using toxic chemicals. Alas, in the '70's, it was announced that he had contracted cancer due to prolonged chemical exposure. He eventually died in 1990, after a long and painful illness.

In 1991, a new owner, Lawrence Austin, took over the theater. Poor Austin didn't fare any better. In 1996, the theater's projectionist, James Van Sickle, who also just happened to be Austin's live-in lover, hired a hitman, Christian Rodriquez to shoot and kill Austin right in the theater's lobby.

According to the theater's newest owner, the building is haunted by both of its former proprietors. According to movie-goers, a crimson blood stain appears and then disappears on the exact spot in the lobby where Austin was gunned down. And Hampton's ghostly figure has been seen roaming the second floor. I guess that neither of them can resists sticking around to watch their beloved silent movies, which still play there nightly. No word on how silent Austin and Hampton are.

I drove north until I reached the famous Sunset Strip...

The Comedy Store

 

The Comedy Story on Sunset

 

Since 1972, The Comedy Store has showcased the top stand-ups in showbiz. But the building got it's start as the famous Ciro's Nightclub...

 

Ciro's back in the day

 

Ciro's was a popular haunt (pun intended) of the stars back in the Hollywood heyday of the '40's and '50's. But it was also a notorious mob hangout, and it was rumored that the basement of the building is where the mob carried out their numerous hits.

According to Comedy Store employees, the building hosts two distinctly different ghostly presences. The first is believed to be the ghost of a former comedian. This apparition is said to be a prankster who regularly plays tricks on employees. One waitress reported that many times she would open the main room, arrange all the tables, light the candles and leave. A few minutes later she would return to find the room locked, with all the lights out and the candles extinguished. She would then go fetch the key, but when she returned, the room was open and the lights were on again! Another employee claims that he regularly heard somebody playing the piano upstairs, but whenever he entered the room, there was nobody there. He also says that he once saw a chair float 20 feet across the main stage. Another time, he walked to the back of the empty stage to turn the lights off, but when he turned around he found 40 chairs piled in the center of the stage. Freaky.

The other, and far more malevolent spirit, is said to be an "entity" that emanates from the building's basement. Employees say that they have heard guttural "growl" coming from the basement, where the mob silenced it's enemies. No laughing matter.

Dan Aykroyd's House 

Aykroyd House on Woodrow Wilson Drive

My next stop was nestled down a long and winding road high up in the beautiful Hollywood Hills. Back in the early 1980's, Dan Aykroyd and his wife, Donna Dixon, bought this 5000 square foot English Country home. Aykroyd, a man known to have a fascination with all things paranormal, claims that the house is inhabited by numerous apparitions, and swears that a poltergeist has gotten into bed with him, turned appliances on and off, and moved items across tables and dressers. Living here was his inspiration for, you guessed it, Ghostbusters. I doubt, however, that the house is possessed by Zuul and Gozer. It's more likely inhabitant would be former owners Mama Cass Elliot (who died in the house) or Natalie Wood. According to Aykroyd, "I'm sure it's Mama Cass because you get the feeling it's a big ghost."

After leaving the glamorous Hollywood Hills, I made my way down to the infamous Hollywood Boulevard, where I found a plethora of the paranormal...

 

Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel

 

Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Blvd.

 

The historic Hollywood Roosevelt is a the home of much ghostly activity. Phantom children playing in the hallways, ethereal dancers in the ballroom, "cold spots" throughout the building. Marilyn Monroe stayed at the Roosevelt so often that she purchased a full-length mirror to be kept in her favorite suite by the pool. After her death in 1962, the mirror was stored in the basement. Decades later, during a renovation, the mirror was found and rehung in the lower lobby. Numerous guests and hotel employees claim to have seen Monroe's reflection in the mirror, primping and applying lipstick.

Another Roosevelt denizen is actor Montgomery Clift. He is said to haunt Room 928, where he lived for many months in 1952 while filming From Here to Eternity. Guests say that Clift wanders the halls of the 9th floor rehearsing his lines and practicing a trumpet for the role. One woman says she woke up in the middle of the night and found a man sitting on her suitcase next to the bed. Thinking she was dreaming, she went back to sleep, but when she woke up in the morning, she found the contents of her suitcase spread all over the floor. Naughty Monty.

 

Vogue Theater

 

Vogue Theater on Hollywood Blvd.

 

Back in the 1800's, Hollywood Blvd. was known as Prospect Avenue. At the turn of the century, the Prospect Elementary school stood right on the site where the Vogue Theater now stands. In 1901, the four-room schoolhouse burned to the ground, killing 25 children and their teacher, Miss Elizabeth.

The Vogue was built on the spot in 1935, but went out of business in 1992. At that time, the International Society for Paranormal Research moved into the building and set up shop. Over the next several years, they carefully researched and documented the paranormal occurrences in the building. According to the ISPR, the theater had nine resident entities - 6 children and 3 adults. The children are said to have been killed in the Prospect Elementary fire, and one of the adult ghosts is their teacher, Miss Elizabeth. The other two adult ghosts are known to be Fritz, the theater's projectionist for 40 years, who died of a heart attack in the projection room, and Danny, a maintenance engineer who died there of a drug overdose in the 1980s.

When the ISPR moved out of the building in 2001, they decided to "cleanse" the building. I like to think that this means that Miss Elizabeth and her students finally "moved on" to the other side, because for a while after that, the building served as an XXX theater, and that would have been inappropriate for children, dead or alive.

Pantages Theater

 

Pantages Theater, Hollywood and Vine

 

The gorgeous Art Deco Pantages is one of the last of the glorious Hollywood movie palaces. In 1949, the theater was bought by eccentric billionaire Howard Hughes as part of his national movie theater chain when he bought RKO Pictures. Hughes set up offices on the theater's second floor, and apparently, the known recluse holed up there whenever he had to be in Hollywood. According to more recent owners, Hughes himself haunts the place, and has been known to walk through the offices, open and close drawers and send  a cool breeze through the hallways.

The theater has another famous ghost, stories of which date back as far as 1932. That year a woman died in the mezzanine during a film. Since then, when the theater is quiet and dark, a woman can be heard singing from the mezzanine. The theater is now host to live Broadway touring company shows, and her voice has been said to have been picked up on microphones during a live performance.

Some of you may remember that Jude and I got to tour backstage at the Pantages when we saw my old friend Blake as Uncle Fester in The Addams Family. I wish I'd know this then, and I'd have tried to go on a Howard Hughes hunt!

Hollywood Tower

 

Hollywood Tower on Franklin

 

The Hollywood Tower Hotel was built in 1929, and hosted many a Hollywood star - Errol Flynn, W.C. Fields and John Barrymore. The ballroom on the top floor was a grand and popular location for fabulous Hollywood parties, with it's upclose view of the Hollywood Sign.

In 1939, Sally Shine, a Shirley Temple-like child star, entered the Hollywood Tower elevator on her way up to one such top floor party. With her in the elevator were her nanny, Emmeline Partridge, aspiring actress Carolyn Crosson, her male admirer Gilbert London, and bell hop Dewey Todd Jr, the son of the building's owner, Dewey Todd Sr. The elevator started to ascend, but when it reached somewhere between the twelfth and fifteenth floors, it suddenly exploded and fell all the way to the basement, killing everyone inside. Big Dewey was so distraught over the death of his son that he closed the hotel and sold it.

Later, the building was made into apartments, which is the way it remains today. Stories of ghostly activity in the building are legendary, and anyone who's been to Disney's California Adventure or Disney World, know that it's the inspiration for the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror ride.

Back in the '90's, I had a good friend, Deasa, who often...sensed things. She could see auras. She held seances and communicated with the dead. Well she told me that she once went to visit a friend living in the Hollywood Tower. Before entering the place, she had never heard any stories of the building's supposed haunted history. She said that she entered the building and immediately started to freak out. She said she rode the elevator up to her friend's apartment, and that the elevator was filled with what she described as "whooshing", spirits floating around back and forth. She said she couldn't even stay, and had to take the stairs back down. Creepy.

 The Hollywood Sign

 

The Hollywood Sign

 

Certainly, Hollywood's most iconic landmark, the Hollywood Sign has stood high in the Hollywood Hills since 1923. The sign has long been a symbol of the showbiz success which every wannabe star has dreamt of.

In 1932, Peg Entwistle, a young starlet who had had a bit of success on the Broadway stage in the 1920s, moved to Los Angeles, looking for her big break. It never came. Living in an apartment on Beachwood Drive (the very street where I lived when I first moved to LA!) Peg walked out of her dreary apartment every day and looked up at the sign, and apparently, it became for her a symbol of everything she would never have. On September 16th, 1932, Peg Entwistle scaled the canyon to the sign, climbed a workman's ladder and jumped to her death off the top of the letter "H".

Ever since then, her ghost has been seen by countless hikers and park rangers, who have reported seeing a young blond woman, dressed in old-fashioned clothing, who has vanished when they approached her. The next time Jude and I hike up to the sign, we'll have to look around. I feel a little sorry for her, because according to the legend, a couple of days after Peg's body was found, she received an offer in the mail to star in a play at the Beverly Hills Playhouse. The character? A young woman contemplating suicide.

So there you have it. My 10 cent tour of Haunted Hollywood. The next time you vacation in the City of Angels, be sure you check out the sites. You've been warned.

(CUE LIGHTNING AND LAUGHTER FOR THE LAST TIME)

___________________________________

If you don't visit our other Spooky spinners, I'll be sure and send Mama Cass's ghost to get you!

Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie

Janice at I Got Nothing

Stacy at Stacy Uncorked

Nain at View From Down Here

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

___________________________________

Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Halloween Show and Tell

What did you do for Halloween? Did your kids dress up? Did you? We want to see pictures!

Maybe you decorated in a fabulous and scaaaaaaary way. Or did you make a deliciously eeeeeeevil recipe? Share that too!

Write your spin. Post it. Let me know. I'll link it here. Check back next Friday for my spin and for the next week's topic.

BOO!

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Spin Cycle: Celebrity Trash

Now, after 20-something years pursuing my mediocre acting career in Los Angeles, I have become fairly jaded about celebrity. I see showbiz types all the time - school, baseball, the grocery store. So it's seldom that I actually get excited to spot somebody. I got super excited when I got to meet Sidney Poitier backstage after a friend's play - he was SO gracious and lovely. I got really ridiculously excited the time I saw Santino from Project Runway in the Starbucks - I actually stalked him for about 5 minutes. And I used to love seeing the entire Major Crimes Unit from The Closer hanging out together drinking coffee in the shopping area near us. But usually, I don't pay much attention.

However...back when I first moved here, I went through a rather silly period during which I would stalk celebrities and steal their trash.

Okay, it wasn't really as bad as that sounds. And it was all Sharon's fault. You've heard me talk about my best friend Sharon (as opposed to my best friend, Kaysie, they're both my best friends, so there). Well, for some reason, that neither of us can now remember, I took to following people around at parties or events, swiping their castoffs and sending them to Sharon. After a while, she had gathered quite an interesting collection.

Though now we can't remember all of the precious items I stole, here are a few of the more interesting...

Ted Danson's Cigarette Butt -

I was at a birthday party for James Burrows (director of Cheers, Frasier, Will & Grace), and at the time, I was a party-smoker. I was standing in the shameful smoking area with a bunch of the cast of Cheers, who pretty much all seemed to smoke, and when Danson put out his smoke, I did a neat little trick and managed to palm his cigarette butt when I was putting my cigarette out in the same ashtray. It was nasty.

Glenn Close's Beer Bottle -

At a party at a bar. I spotted Glenn drinking a beer and became determined to get that bottle. The only problem was that she was nursing that thing FOREVER. Probably at least an hour. By the time she finally finished it, I had enlisted a group of drunken comedy writer guys who thought the whole thing was hysterical, and they ranged themselves around the bar, prepared to scoop the bottle up as soon as she put it down. One of them finally snagged it for me. I think he wanted to ask me out, cause I was kind of cute back then. I probably should have let him - somebody who was an underling comedy writer 20 years ago, is now a multi-millionaire sitcom producer. But alas, I took the bottle and blew him off.

Al Pacino's Breadstick -

I actually had dinner with Pacino. Well, Pacino and about 15 other people. It wasn't exactly intimate. And I don't think I said more than 5 words to the man. But when he got up to leave, I grabbed his left over breadsticks that were in a little plastic wrapper. I had seen him take a bite out of it, so I'm pretty sure his DNA was on it.

Tim Daly's Scribble -

Sharon LOVED Wings, and particularly Tim Daly, so when I worked on the show I just had to grab something for her. I ended up lifting a napkin that Tim had doodled on. And yes, since I worked with the man over the course of months, I could easily have asked him to give me something to send to my friend, but that would have kind of taken the fun out of it, you know?

Maybe Tony Danza's Gum -

I distinctly remember stealing somebody's nasty gum out of a trashcan. Sharon swears it was Tony Danza's. But I don't remember meeting him, so who knows. Sharon, however, has a rather excellent long-term memory, so I'm thinking she might just be right.

I'm afraid that the Celebrity Trash collection has long since been designated just regular trash, and has gone the way of the dump. Considering most everything had been in someone's MOUTH, it was probably where it all belonged.

Maybe I should take up this odd hobby again. Hmmm. Anybody have a celebrity they want me to stalk for them? I'll see what I can do.

___________________________________

Don't leave yet!!

Check out this week's "I'm a Fan" spins...

Jan at Jan's Sushi Bar - getting her Trekkie on!

Nain at View From Down Here

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

Patty at Pancakes Gone Awry - NEW on FRIDAY!

Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie - NEW on FRIDAY!

___________________________________

Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Crime and Punishment

Last week, before getting her domain name hijacked, Becky the Suburban Matron had her purse stolen (bad week, right?). Which got me thinking...have you ever been the victim of a crime? Had your house robbed? Car stolen? Wallet lifted? Credit card used? Been mugged? Hit and run?

Or maybe...have you ever been arrested? Done something naughty and been caught? What was the punishment? Were you falsely accused or did you deserve it? Or did you get away with it?

Or maybe you just know a great crime story? We want to hear all the gory details.

Write it. Post it. Let me know. I'll link it.

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RTT: Emmy Edition 2012

 

It's Emmy time once again! Which means that I watched it once again, and once again I'm whining about how dull it was. Because it was. Dreadfully so. I just don't understand why they can't seem to get this show right. I mean, it's the one award show where the majority of Americans actually know and have seen all the nominees! Seems like it would be so easy. But the last couple of years...yawn.

This year they had Jimmy Kimmel as the host. I hate to blame him for the yawnsville nature of the evening, because I kind of like him. I really think the fault lies with the writing. It was just one lame joke after another. I started feeling sorry for people. Ugh.

And it sounded like nobody in the audience laughed at ANYTHING. I mean, people would make jokes and there would be crickets! I find it hard to believe that there was really not a soul laughing, and I think the problem was with poor micing of the audience. I say that they definitely needed to hire my friend Lannyl's sound man husband, Serge, to do some audience sweetening!

And the winners! Almost NO surprises. Same ole, same ole. Not that many of them weren't deserving, I mean Modern Family continues to be excellent. But Jon Cryer? Really?

Okay, I'm being a bitch. There were a few fun and memorable moments and some wonderfully deserving winners...

Louis C.K. won TWO writing Emmy's.

Louie, Louie

I CLEARLY must start watching Homeland! Season One is hereby in my Netflix queue.

 

Homeland folks.

When Eric Stonestreet won his Emmy for Best Supporting Comedy Actor, he gave a shout out to "every actor out there who's got an audition tomorrow in Santa Monica at 5:00". Which is SO inside, that pretty much nobody could have truly appreciated it except...me.

He understands me.

Hurray for Tom Berenger, one of my favorite actors of the '80's, for a comeback and an Emmy win for Supporting Actor in a Miniseries for Hatfields and McCoys.

 

LOVED The Big Chill

 

Here's my breakdown of STUPID/COOL...

STUPID -

• Opening Sequence film. Ever since three years ago when Jimmy Fallon did that hysterical Glee dance number, they've been trying to get this right. It was LAME. And they had all these excellent actresses in it too. The only thing inspired was having the girl from Girls eating cake in the nude.
• The stupid bit where Jimmy Kimmel made Tracy Morgan lie on the floor and pretend to have passed out. I was so embarrassed for Tracy Morgan that I had to leave the room.
• Jimmy Kimmel's tasteless sendup of the In Memorium segment in which he saluted...himself. Though I do give it bonus points for Josh Groban's hysterically sincere musical accompaniment.

 COOL -

• Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Amy Poehler pretending to get their acceptance speeches mixed up. Clever.
• Cast of The Big Bang Theory's salute to the CPAs. Introducing the accountants is always the dullest part, and it was truly inspired using the ubergeeks to admire the ubergeeks.
• Opie saying goodbye to Pa. Ron Howard's touching farewell to Andy Griffith in the In Memorium section got me ALL teary. Boo hoo.
• Actually, this is the first year that the In Memorium segment kind of freaked me out. So many icons of my childhood who are VEEEEEERY close to my age! Davy Jones! Both Horschak AND Juan Epstein! Colonel Potter! Boo hoo again.

But enough of this serious stuff. What about the clothes?!

Gretchen's picks for Best Dressed...

Tina Fey...

 

I'm afraid Tina doesn't always get it right, but this year she was hawt!

 

Heidi Klum, even though I'm mad at her for leaving Seal...

 

Pretty much always looks fab.

 

Sofia Vergara...

 

Could wear my sofa's slipcover and look hot.

 

I'm still willing to have a lesbian affair with Christina Hendricks...

 

Proves that plus sizes can rock if you know how to work it.

And I loved all the color...

Julie Bowen, looking lovely, and not nearly as freakishly thin as she did last year

Padma, oh yes.

Most people hated Claire Danes' maternity gown, but I thought she looked beautiful

 

Jessica Lange looking gorgeous and age-appropriate

And now, Gretchen's picks for the Worst Dressed...

Martha Plimpton...

Miss Kitty's missing a costume.

Portia...

Really? Yikes.

Reminds me a little too much of...

Barbra, 1969

And what the hell are they smoking over at the Girls set?

Lena Dunham should sue her stylist. And her stylists grandmother who they borrowed the dress from.

 and...

Zosia Mamet. I have no words.

And the worst of the worst...Ashley Judd...

Looks like a home-ec project. The color! The broache! The bow!! The bouffante!!!

One last Emmy thought...My friends Lynn and Darren were at the awards show last night. When Louis C.K. won, I sent Lynn, his biggest fan, a text, and the following text exchange happened...

Enjoying Idris Elba for my vicarious pleasure. What more could you want in a friend?

Alrighty then. That's all the bitching and whining I have for today. Hope you all enjoyed the Emmy's. Go visit Stacy.