The Spin Cycle is taking a one week break this week! If you're looking for next week's topic, please go here.
At this very moment, Jimmy, Jude and I are on our "vacation" in the land of Mommy and Pop. Lucky for you, my friend Darren has kindly agreed to guest post for me! You may have heard me speak of Darren as the husband of my friend Lynn as well as the father of Julianna and Isabella, Jude's friends/nemeses, the host of my birthday party, the owner of The Concoctionator and the loser of the cumberbund. I searched my blog posts, and discovered that I've blogged about Darren TEN times, which seems like an inappropriate amount of times to blog about someone else's husband, but I guess just proves that Darren makes good copy.
After reading his post, PLEASE visit his blog - Daddy/Daughter Fun Time and check him out. And then add him to your Google Reader/Blog Rolls!
Hey, y'all...Darren here.
I've hijacked Gretchen's Second Blooming blog. She really should use a better password than "Hey Jude".
Just kidding. As you must know by now, Gretchen is in New York and she asked me to help fill in while she's away.
I run a little Daddy blog. Silly postings. No heavy parenting advice. That's not my cup of tea.
Frankly, Mommy Blogs always make me nervous. They talk about...real stuff. Maternal. Biological...Anatomical. And in more detail than anyone needs to hear.
Seldom sports. Rarely grilling. Never video games. WTF? (Yes, I enjoy a good stereotype as much as the next guy.)
No, Mommy blogs are usually...Familial. Why do they do that?! I mean, I NEVER talk about the kids at Daddy/Daughter Fun Time. (Hint: Joke.)
Anyway...This week, Gretchen is like Johnny Carson: She needs a guest host. I suppose this makes me Jay Leno. Though, frankly, I prefer Garry Shandling. Doc is still looking good.
Gretchen has pretty much given me free rein to write whatever I want. So...
(Hats off to Jimmy for that, by the way...)
Speaking of bosoms, I have set some self-restrictions on this post: I will not talk about my cleavage.
As we all know, Gretchen is the Cleavage Queen. She deservedly appreciates what she's got going on. Me, I'm not too enthralled by my own. Call me crazy. Call me buxom.
Call me a "dude".
Whatever. I won't talk about it.
Nor will I talk about Gretchen's cleavage, my wife probably wouldn't appreciate that. And NO, I will not speak about my wife's cleavage either. I know she would not like that. So, when it comes to various cleavages, I think I won't touch them. Wait. That's sounds wrong (Why do I keep talking?)
I also will not write about "feminine products" as Gretchen did a few days ago. Surprisingly, the fine people at Poise think I am "demographically-deficient" and "not worthy of sponsorship".
Again, call me a "dude". Whatever.
But since Gretchen asked me to pinch-hit for her this week, I felt obligated to read every one of her recent posts.
Even ones with the following warning" ANY MAN SHOULD LEAVE IMMEDIATLEY IF HE WANTS WOMEN TO REMAIN ALLURING AND MYSTERIOUS.
After 20 years of marriage, I figured? Yeah, right. "Alluring", "mysterious". Ha! Impress me...
Then I read the post...
I should not have read the post. Scarred for life. Skin crawling...
Adding this to "Things in My Denial Box." Next to Evolution and Climate Change. Let me live in my own Fantasy World... Please!
Here's the closest I've ever posted to something like that at my blog:
7-year old Julianna practicing her reading skills by telling me what the supermarket aisle signs say. Things go well until Aisle 12...
Julianna: "Feminine Needs." Daddy, what does that even mean? What are THEY?
Me: Well, Honey...Um, since I work for Disney, I think I'm required to say: Handsome Princes and Talking Animal Sidekicks.
Julianna: (Blink) Daaaaaad! Why are you like that?
I've known Gretchen and Jimmy for about 15 years, give or take. My wife, Lynn, and Gretchen hold down the alto section of the Church choir. (Favorite Joke: How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They can't ge that high.)
Ha!! Musician jokes. Welcome to my world.
Gretchen is fond of the occasional recipe. So, keeping with tradition, here's my world famous
Arroz con Pollo (Spanish Chicken and Rice):
Okay, off the top of my head.
Get some yummy pieces of chicken (thighs, cleavage-regions, whatever, with bones and skin) or use a whole small chicken.
Here comes the marinade (Don't forget to add the chicken):
- olive oil (maybe about 1/2 cup)
- vinegar (let's say 1/3 cup)
- 1/2 of an onion
- 1/2 of a green bell pepper
- 1/2 can of tomato sauce (only a few ounces, much less than you think you'll need)
- 1/2 can chicken stock
- Dice up a few cloves of garlic
- salt and pepper
- a few ounces of capers to add a little bite
- some olives (I don't like 'em, but my grandmother did)
- 2 packets of Sazon: Sazon is a Spanish spice packet that you'll find in the "Latino" section of the supermarket, usually across from the rices. It comes in an orange and yellow index-card sized box. There are, I think, 3 different varieties. Get the one that says: CON AZAFRAN. This is the flavoring pack (four or six packs to a box, I think). It is loaded with MSG, so you know it's good AND good for you.
Marinate for a couple hours, then cook up the chicken with all the ingredients until the chicken is cooked thoroughly. Then, drain the liquid into a large measuring cup. This becomes the liquid you cook the rice in. (So, do some math...Figure out how many cups of rice to add to the liquid. Usually, about two cups of liquid for each cup of dry rice.)
Cook up the rice with the chicken juice. Meanwhile, de-bone the chicken. When the rice is done, mix the chicken meat into the rice.
Yum will happen.
Fun Fact: Jude was the first kid that my daughter, Julianna, ever met:
So, before I out-stay my welcome, I think I should sign off. If you missed the link, you can read me at Daddy/Daughter Fun Time. Surprisingly (and disappointingly for countless internet creeps), it is not a porn site.
There's not even any cleavage.