Second Blooming

Welcome to Camp Mama 2013

Yes, it's time once again for Camp Mama!

What is Camp Mama you ask? Well, let me tell you. Camp Mama is my son's summer entertainment, the camp he will be attending, as opposed to the ritzy, high-priced camps which his wealthier, luckier friends will attend.

Here is our newly updated camp brochure...

Welcome to Camp Mama!

Our camp feels just like home because... it is home.

Nestled in a cozy, grass-free Hollywood backyard in the armpit of the 101 freeway, and the shadow of a Colombian restaurant, just downwind of the medical marijuana store, Camp Mama has provided an enriching atmosphere which has fostered growth and development in campers since 2009. Children will have an opportunity to explore their creativity and hone their athletic skills while Gretchen, the Camp Director, tries hard not to lose her mind.

Camp programs include -

1. A certain amount of loosely monitored electronic usage (television, XBox, iPod, computer, Wii). Electronic usage will be allotted in increments which equal the time campers invest in more wholesome and approved activities such as reading, writing, drawing and generally leaving their mother alone.

2. Playing in the yard. "You've got a yard. You've got an imagination. What more does a kid need?" (This phrase will no doubt be repeated ad nauseam when campers start to whine and complain about the limitation of the aforementioned electronic usage.)

3. Unfortunately, the "pool" facilities have been shut down this year (after the squirrel died in the 3 inches of water in the bottom of the "pool", the Camp Director freaked out about germs and threw the decrepit "pool" away.  It was for the best.) However, there is talk of the possible purchase of a zipline, and creative construction of a "White Trash Waterpark".

4. Daily field trips to such exciting places as the grocery store, auditions, church, Starbucks or the nail salon.

5. A once a week trip to the beach.

6. Long-term field trips to Camp Mama's satellite facilities such as Camp Grandma are being planned. Possible outings to local amusement parks are negotiable if camper's behavior meets expectations.

7. As many playdates as the Camp Director can come up with. Playdates which involve the Camp Director having "grown-up time" with the parents of fellow campers and drinking liquor is highly encouraged. Many of these playdates will no doubt involve a brief stay at Camp Lynn, where campers can swim in a larger pool, and the camp directors can soak in the hot tub and suck down apple martinis while the campers try not to drown each other. Sunscreen will be provided.

8. Outdoor activities such as swimming, tennis, hiking and running will be provided. Choice of activity is dependent on the Camp Director's daily mood/energy level. Making fun of Camp Director's skills in any of these activities is highly discouraged. Camp Director may also be convinced to play games such as Battleship, Monopoly or Sorry until the Camp Director's brain turns to mush and she feels the need to take a Battleship peg and jam it into her eyeball.

9. Daily "Quiet Time", wherein campers must go to their room and read or play quietly by themselves while Camp Director recuperates and pulls the Battleship peg from her eyeball.

10. A fun game called "Clean the House", wherein campers must help the Camp Director clean the facilities to established standards before they are allowed any of the aforementioned activities. This year, the Camp Director has added a new and highly anticipated game called "Cleaning the Toilet".

11. Daily reading is mandatory. Occasional reviews of schoolish things such as decimals are required so that the campers don't revert to their previous pre-Fourth Grade ignorance.

12. Daily lunch and snack provided. Sorry, camp tee shirt not included.

Cost of enrollment: Gretchen's sanity.

Once a week, I will be posting about the Camp Mama activities of the previous week. If you'd like to open your own satellite branch of Camp Mama and share your own Camp Mama misery, I mean adventure, let me know. I'd be glad to link you here.

Camp Mama opens today. As always, only one camper has signed up.

Spin Cycle: Best and Worst

Inspired by this post by Elizabeth...

Best - Going to New York all by myself for 5 whole days.  Man, did I need that. No responsibilities to anyone but myself. A chance to have a little fun and see old friends. A chance be artistic and perform purely for the love of the music and the experience.

Worst - Going to New York all by myself for 5 whole days. Not only did I worry about Jimmy and Jude the whole time, but I kept wishing that they could be with me to experience what I was doing. I think it would have made Jude super proud to see/hear our performance. And we would have had a fun time as a family.

Best - Finding that Jimmy cleaned the house while I was out of town. Made a huge difference coming home to a semi-tidy house.

Worst - Finding that Jimmy cleaned the house while I was out of town. Hopefully, I will have located all of the things which he "tidied" to the wrong place by next year or so. The cabinets in the kitchen are mayhem. Nothing is where it belongs. The towels have been washed and put in the linen closet, but instead of being folded neatly, they have simply been wadded up and stuffed on the shelves. And the vacuum cleaner seems to have been used to suck up some rather large item, and is now not working at all.

Best - Being extremely involved at Jude's school. I truly love being that mom. The one who is always down at school, and helps run things. I love knowing and being known by the principal and all the teachers. I love being there for him, and he actually encourages me to do more, and get even more involved. I know that soon he will want me to be nowhere near him, so I intend to milk this as long as I can.

Worst - Being extremely involved at Jude's school. It's all I stinking do. Today, right on the heels of my week-long Book Fair, I am running a Used Book Sale to benefit the library. I seem to be the Book Mommy. Which is a cool thing to be, but still...

Best - Owning a home. I'll never forget the day when I was struggling to make my way from our apartment down to the washer/dryer in the basement, juggling baby Jude strapped in his Baby Bjorn, a massive bag of dirty towels, and a handful of quarters, and I collapsed in a puddle of tears and decided that it was finally time to buy a house. Our house is very small, but it is sweet, and we are extremely lucky to have bought it when we did, and with our peculiar and always-fluctuating work/finance situation (actors never have steady work, so getting a loan can be difficult). And it has managed to maintain its value in the freaky LA housing market. And every time I use the washer/dryer I give up a prayer of thanks.

Worst - Owning a home. Dang, I miss the days of just calling the landlord when something breaks and having their people show up and fix it for free. And of having all of the building maintenance taken care of by someone else. Our little house is in desperate need of a paint job, and it's just so dang expensive!

Best - Cooking dinner for my family every night. I love cooking. I really do. I consider it an art. An extremely creative and nurturing art. I love planning a menu and shopping for ingredients and cooking a meal. I love improvising a meal from whatever I have on hand. I love feeding Jimmy and Jude and having them love what I have made for them. Every time I cook, for the last 20 years, Jimmy has said to me "It's delicious, honey." It's our little thing. And I love it.

Worst - Cooking dinner for my family every night. Some nights I just DO NOT WANT TO MOVE, let alone get in that kitchen and work. Sometimes I just want somebody to take me out to dinner!

Best - Becoming an old woman. There is a freedom in aging - I'm never going to look as good as I used to, so I don't really need to put forth that much effort anymore. And an old broad can say whatever she wants. It's true! I suddenly just blurt out truths that I would never have shared in the past. And I keep finding myself boldly disregarding the rules and doing what I want to do. I'm sure now that nobody is hanging out with me because I'm good-looking, but simply because they like my company. I'd like to be an old woman for a very long time. And as they say, it's better than the alternative.

Worst - Becoming an old woman. I am never the cutest one in the room any more. Men do not check me out any more. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror, or at a picture of myself, and I'm stunned by what I see. Where did my mother come from? I suddenly have weird parts - those wobbly old-lady triceps, crepey skin on my decolletage, an extra chin. And worst of all, I get so tired. When I run, my joints hurt. As Bette Davis said, "Old age is no place for sissies." Luckily, I've always been pretty tough.

Best - Writing this blog. I genuinely feel that writing this blog has changed my life for the positive. It's a forum in which to express myself. It's a way in which to connect to the greater world around me. It's an opportunity to stop and look at and examine the events of my life, and see them from a healthy perspective and maybe laugh at myself a bit. It has undoubtedly helped me become a better and much more confident writer. And it's been an incredible opportunity to meet and get to know (sometimes in person, but mostly in cyberspace) a huge variety of amazing people from across the nation.

Worst - Writing this blog. It can be a drudge. I admit it. But I feel that my recent "blog every day of the month" experiment really did free me from feeling that the blog is a commitment that I am chained to. I finally feel that I can write if I want, and don't write if I don't want. But I have to say that usually? I want. So thank you all for reading my ramblings!

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Go and read the other Best and Worst posts this week!

Suzicate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Nain at View From Down Here

VandyJ at The Testosterone Three and Me

Jan at Jan's Sushi Bar 

Janice at I Got Nothing

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Commencement Speech

Nain at View From Down Here suggested this, and I love the idea!

It's June. It's graduation time of year. What would you say if you were asked to give a Commencement Speech? Do you have a thing or two you would like to say to the youth of America? Would you inspire? Would you empower? Would you hand out tough love? Would you say what you wish you'd heard back when you were sent out into the world?

Write it. Post it. Tell me. I'll link it.

Check back here next Friday for my spin on "Commencement Speech", and find out the spin topic for next week.

And let me know if you'd like to be added to the Spin Cycle Topic Reminder email!

 

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Carnegie Hall Here I Come

I'm on my way to New York to sing at Carnegie Hall!

If you missed this amazing turn of events, read HERE.

I'm so excited I can't stand it. Five days on my own in the Big Apple! Actually performing Mozart's Requiem in Carnegie Hall! Getting to see a bunch of my old college friends! Swinging by Long Island to visit Mommy and Pop! It's all so good. It's just what I need.

However, I've been a nervous wreck all week. Am I worried about singing Mozart's Requiem? No. Am I worried about performing in front of 2000 people in Carnegie Hall? No.  Am I worried about what the hell I'm going to wear? Whether or not I'm going to trip and fall on my face? Come in at the wrong time? On the wrong note? No, no, no and no.

I am worried about the care and maintenance of Jude while I'm gone.

Yes, I know that Jude's a big boy, and Jimmy's an even bigger boy. And I know that I should trust Jimmy to take care of doing what needs to be done for his son. But...I don't. I just don't trust that he will get the boy where/when he needs to be for a whole 5 days. 

So I have prepared. Ridiculously. I have made a detailed schedule and posted it to the cabinet in the kitchen...

I have written out exactly what he needs to pack for Jude's lunch every day. With bullet points...

 

All lunch food is arranged and labeled on the counter below the sign.

 

I have pre-packed bags with everything Jude will need for his various activities, and clearly labeled them...

I have arranged for a teenage neighbor to come over and "hang out" with Jude while Jimmy works on Thursday night (apparently, he is much too old for a "babysitter"), and have left money for him in an envelope on the mantel.

I have arranged for a sleepover on Friday night, and a ride to a party at the beach on Saturday. I have printed out detailed directions to all of these places, with numerous phone numbers for everyone involved.

I have filled the refrigerator with a massive amount of simple-to-prepare and/or frozen foods. I have affixed Post-it notes to various foods saying things like "Eat this" and "Microwave on High for 2 minutes".

I have arranged for him to stay after school on Wednesday and Thursday to ensure that he has time to complete the THREE school projects he has due over the next two weeks.

Okay, Gretchen, breathe in...breathe out. It's all fine. It will all be fine. How bad could it get? No, don't think about it. Just think about this...

 

Carnegie Hall - the view from the stage.

 

I'll try to check in with y'all during the week. Ooo, maybe I'll even Tweet. I could do that, I could Tweet.

Wish me luck!! And wish Jimmy luck too!

RTT: Mothers, Buttons and Jackie Robinson

 

I had the LAZIEST Mother's Day. Jimmy and Jude allowed me to just dilly-dally in bed all afternoon - I watched tv, I played computer games, I read, I ate food that I didn't have to make off a breakfast tray. It was heavenly. I realize that most mothers want a nice brunch or dinner or something, but I was just too exhausted. I really needed the day to rest and recuperate. I hope all of you mothers out there had a beautiful day, and that you got treated with exactly what YOU needed.

Oh, and in honor of Mother's Day, here are some glamorous pictures of my two mothers...

 

Mama!

Mommy!

 

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I have been loving the latest season of Game of Thrones. The other day I found this article 16 Games of Thrones Characters Who Are Giving You Major Deja Vu. You know, I watch a ton of British tv, and I always see the same actors over and over, but some of these blew me away. I mean, I knew that the women who plays Margaery Tyrell also played Anne Boleyn on The Tudors, and the actress who plays Osha was Tonks in the Harry Potter movies...

and Ser Jerah was the dastardly Sir Richard on Downton Abbey...

But I was totally blown away to realize that Littlefinger is the same actor who played Tommy Carcetti on The Wire!

 

Oh my God!

 

...I mean, I've been obsessively watching Game of Thrones and The Wire concurrently, and it never occurred to me ever! A testament to Aidan Gillen's abilities as an actor.

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I personally would like to add "Please stop posting glamorous pictures of yourself and exaggerating your mediocre acting career." I realize that this doesn't resonate for most of you.

 

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Jude and I finally went and saw 42, the movie about Jackie Robinson, and we both enjoyed it very much. He wasn't so sure if he wanted to see it, as he has decided that he isn't into baseball anymore now that he has discovered the joys of track and swimming, but I suspected that it would appeal to him and his innate sense of social justice, and I was right. He's been talking about it ever since. Yes, it is a little overly earnest, and sentimental, but it's really well-acted and extremely moving. I highly recommend that you all take your kids to see it. It's a great story of heroism and strength. Be warned that the language is a little rough, and there is repeated use of the n-word (at one point, Jude actually covered his ears because of it), but it certainly was historically accurate, and the word is never used casually - the hatred behind it is very impactful. And there's a little sexy stuff, but it's all sweet married people who love each other sexy stuff, so I was fine with it. Go see it!

 

Chadwick Boseman, who played Robinson also happens to be super cute. Just saying.

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I stole this off a friend's Facebook page, and I'm fairly sorry for it - I don't know this woman, and she's probably horrified that a picture of her has gone viral - but really?

 

This is in a McDonald's. So wrong. On so many levels.

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That's the random for today. Go see Stacy!

Super Duper Whooperly

Jude made this for me for Mother's Day...

 

Typos and creative spelling courtesy of my son.

I will possibly recover from this awesomeness by next week. I love my child.

 

The Classics

Until a year ago, I had read aloud to Jude virtually every night of his life since the day he was born. I'll never forget holding him in the hospital and reading...

We looked!

Then we saw him step in on the mat!

We looked! And we saw him!

The Cat in the Hat!

Carefully holding the book up to share Dr. Seuss's pictures for his not-yet-focused eyes.

Reading aloud to him has been one of the greatest joys of my life. It perfectly combines my love of books + my love of performance + my love of the boy.

We have always had our nighttime reading ritual. Over time, he started reading on his own, aloud to me. Which I also loved. He'd read a while to me, then I'd read a while to him.

Then he stopped wanting to read aloud to me. He wanted to read to himself inside his head. No problem. We established something I called "tandem reading" during which time he would read his book and I would read my book, then we'd put our books away and I'd read something aloud to him.

But then...about a year ago...dum, dum, dum, DUM...he told me he really didn't need me to read aloud to him anymore.

This was truly heartbreaking. Earthshatteringly upsetting. But I survived. Never really got over it...sigh...but worked my way through it. He is growing up. Pushing away from Mom. It's all healthy and natural. But I still hated it.

Then, about a month ago...

We went and saw that 3D nightmare, Oz the Great and Powerful. That night, as Jude was going to sleep, he suddenly asked if we still had that old copy of The Wizard of Oz that I'd had when I was little. We did.

 

Love that old book smell.

My Mama had loved the book The Wizard of Oz because her father had been personal friends with L. Frank Baum when the author lived in Aberdeen, South Dakota, Mama's hometown. Apparently, his description of Kansas in the book is based on his experience in Aberdeen. 

I dug the book out and handed it to him, assuming he wanted to read it to himself, but instead he asked, "Could you read it to me?"

CUE: CHORUS OF ANGELS

I could! And I DID! And we enjoyed it so much that when we finished it, I pulled out another beloved edition from my childhood, The Wind in the Willows, and have been reading it to him!

 

Badger and Mole and Toad and Rat

 

Interestingly, these are books which he deems too "babyish" to read to himself, but are still very intriguing, and my reading them aloud to him seems to be the perfect solution.

I have started a stack on his bedside table of children's classics which he has never read, and we are both kind of excited about. Next up is Peter Pan, then Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

It's kind of sad that Disney has ruined these books for kids and has them believing that they are too "babyish". They aren't. In fact, the writing is very grownup, with lots of big words. It's nothing that a little kid could read. I'm assuming that they were originally written to be read aloud. Lucky me!

All of this reading of classics has me loving my funny little man all the more. He has been picking up Wind in the Willowsisms. Three times now, I have heard him using the word..."posthaste". I can't imagine what his teacher is going to think if he works this into some comment at school.

And he completely lost it when we read the following sentence...

"Nor don't the ducks neither," replied the Rat cheerfully.

"Hahahahahahahah," said Jude, barely able to catch his breath, "that's HYSTERICAL! It's a TRIPLE negative!!"

I don't know whether to be proud that my child found a triple negative so hilarious, or slightly embarrassed. It's real English Major humor.

Nevertheless, I am really enjoying being the read-alouder again. I don't know how long it's going to last, but I'm going to relish every moment!

Mama Would Be SO Excited

The other day, Jude received this invitation in the mail...

 

It's Cotillion, y'all! That last bastion of civility, graciousness and good manners. It's so high society and SOUTHERN. I love it! And even though Jude is fairly resistant about the idea of learning how to be a proper gentleman and needing to dress up and dance with an actual girl, he will be MADE to join Cotillion because...well...just because. Because it's what well-bred young men do. And because his Grandmama is up in heaven wearing her good pearls and her Coach bag, and jumping up and down with joy.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Los Angeles Cotillion, it is a hundred-year old tradition, offered to the children of the Hancock Park area of Los Angeles. While Beverly Hills is the trashy, new-money area of LA, Hancock Park is the elegant, old-money area. Though we don't actually live in Hancock Park. We live in what realtors would describe as "Hancock Park Adjacent", which is code for the armpit where Koreatown, Little Armenia, Little El Salvador and Thai Town intersect. So Jude has not been invited because of his blood-lines or wealth, but simply because I'm friends with half of the "Patroness Committee", and the 5th Grade Chairman is the mom of one of his best friends.

According to the invitation...

Cotillion is a multi-year series of semi-formal dancing parties with etiquette instruction where girls and boys are afforded the opportunity to develop social skills, acquire and practice good manners, increase self-esteem, and prepare themselves to experience any social situation with confidence.

Don't you love it! From what I hear, the dance parties are led by a husband and wife who have been running Cotillion since the dawn of time, and have, in fact, taught etiquette to the parents of many of Jude's friends. And they seem like a rather well-mannered group to me.

Girls are required to wear modest party dresses with covered shoulders and backs, white gloves, socks or hose, and low-heeled dancing shoes. Boys are required to wear suits or sport coats with dress slacks, dress shirt and tie, dress shoes and dark socks.

WHITE GLOVES, y'all!

From the website...

Basic social dances, traditional good manners and the importance and relevance of interpersonal relationship skills are taught in graduated levels, progressing each Cotillion year in difficulty and variety. Each party typically consists of a short receiving line, group dancing instruction, various etiquette lessons, refreshment service, and a fun party game or friendly contest.

Hehehe!! I am giddy with excitement! A receiving line!

Jude is going to HATE it, but I don't care! It's everything Mama wished for me, but was never able to deliver. She was dying for me to put on the white dress and have my debut as a debutante, but alas, our social status just didn't cut it.

Do you want to hear the BEST part? The Christmas dance is a Mother/Son, Father/Daughter dance! That's right, I will get to put on a nice dress and dance WITH HIM. I'm getting all misty and hormonal just thinking about it!

And hopefully, the boy will learn a thing or two about how to behave. My friend Rachel told me that when she first went out with her now-husband, Nick, she knew there was something special about him when, despite his hipster style and laid-back demeanor, he always opened the car door for her, and held the door when she entered the room. How did he learn this? Cotillion! The very same one.

Ooo, I'm going to have to go brush up on my fox trot. And clean Mama's pearls.

Double Digits

Ten-years old today.

 

Jude = 10

Happy Birthday my love. Your kindness and loving spirit stun me every day. I can't imagine what I could have done in my life to merit receiving you as my child. You are my blessing. I love you, sweetest boy.

 

Freeways

Oh look, it's another post in which Gretchen whines about driving her child around Los Angeles.

My day on Saturday:

6:45 - Wake up.

7:15 - The 101 (in LA freeway parlance, the one-o-one) to the 110 (one-ten) to the 105 (one-o-five) to the 405 (four-o-five). This got us to Manhattan Beach by...

8:00 - Jude tries out for Junior Lifeguards. Has to swim a 100 yards in under 1.50 to make the lifeguards - he crushes it in 1.21. Welcome to Junior Lifeguards.

9:00 - The 1 (also known as the PCH, Pacific Coast Highway) plus a bunch of side streets got us to...

9:30 - Track meet in Torrance, CA. Run, run, run, run and more run.

3:30 - Leave Torrance and drop Jude's friend Nick at his house - The 110 to the 10.

4:30 - Home.

That's 6 different freeways in a day. Which I consider too damn many freeways.

I know that mothers everywhere in the world endure this kind of torture every weekend, but I truly believe that mothers who taxi their children around on the freeways of the Greater Los Angeles area, endure a special breed of hell. I have no idea how mothers with multiple kids do it. I really don't. I have friends with 3 kids who have games/meets/tryouts all over the place at conflicting hours, and spend hours stuck in mind-numbing traffic.

 

But then...I guess it's all worth it for your kid's summer of...

Woohoo!

Working Mother

My Book Fair is over! And it was quite successful. I'm really happy with the way things went. That's not to say there aren't things I'd like to improve next year, but for a first time out, I think it went really well.

The best part, aside from making a bunch of money for our library, was how excited the kids got. I mean, they were SO into it. Every day, they rushed in as soon as they got to school, and they were in there every recess and lunch. I had my regulars, mostly a group of little girls, who would come in during lunch and chat with me about books. It was really rather fun, since my OWN CHILD completely ignored me. But these other children came in with their piggy banks and tiny wallets filled with their hard-saved money, and I absolutely loved seeing them pick our a book that they were very excited about, and pay for it with their own money. So dear.

Now, however, I am so exhausted I can barely move. And you know, I am often exhausted, I think that just comes with being a busy working mother who just happens to be OLD. But this is really, bone-weary, ass-dragging, dog-tired exhausted.

All this week, I was down at that school, working the Book Fair from about 7:15 am to 4:30 pm. Essentially, I was the owner/manager of a small retail establishment. I had employees which I directed. I had customers who were always right. I worked hard to make sales, bending over backwards to make my customers happy.

And I have had a realization. I haven't had a full-time job, or really any...actual job, since...1987.

It's true. I mean, I earn money, but I don't really work. I have no schedule, no real demands aside from showing up where I'm supposed to be on time, and doing my best. 

It is HARD to have a day job!

I suddenly have such RESPECT for all of you working mothers! How the hell do you do it? Especially those of you in a position of authority, who have to make constant decisions, and everyone looks to you for answers and guidance. It's HARD.

So hats off to all of you! I'm glad my full-time job only lasted a week!