Second Blooming

RTT: Lonely Farmers, Show Tunes & Geek Cakes

Another Tuesday, another Random Tuesday Thoughts...

I saw this on tv and almost peed myself...

 

Ha! It's a real site - Farmers Only! The only online dating site for Americas Farmers.

According to the website, "This group makes up America's Heartland – the slice of America with good old fashioned traditional values, values that were never lost by the farmers of our country."

So why are there so many pictures of trashy looking women in Daisy Duke cutoffs riding tractors?!

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I have a new favorite way of entertaining myself while I'm doing housework. Our Direct TV cable company has a bunch of music stations, and I have discovered their Show Tunes channel. My mother would have LOVED this station! All show tunes, all the time. I sing along at the top of my lungs while I'm mopping or doing dishes or whatever. I'm seriously hoping that the UPS man doesn't show up while I'm in the middle of dancing along with Rita Moreno on "America" from West Side Story. Though I'm sure he's seen worse.

 

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I may be late to the game here, but you all, especially those of you with boys, MUST read this lovely piece - 25 Rules for Mothers of Sons. I agree with them all. And I SO wish I'd written this first.

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The other day, I had hunted all around for my reading glasses, and couldn't find them. I finally had to leave, got into the car, reached up to pull down my sunglasses and discovered this on top of my head...

Yes, that would be TWO pairs of reading glasses + my sunglasses. I have finally, officially become my mother.

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I LOVE this weird and wonderful website - Between the Pages: where pop culture and food meet. They have pictures of great sci-fi geek cakes! The Enterprise...

Star Wars wedding cake...

Dr. Who...

Very inspiring!

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My new iPhone game obsession! Swipe Four.

It's SO addicting! You make four letter words using the letters they give you. It's so simple, but completely fun. I HIGHLY recommend it. Well, not if you want to actually get anything done in your life.

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Alright, short and sweet today. I'm working on brevity. It's very difficult. We'll see how it goes. Be sure to hop over and visit Stacy's other random thinkers!

RTT: Rockets, Geeks and Peniss

Sigh...

Cub Scout camping. Again. This time rockets...

Could there be a more phallic boy activity than building/shooting off rockets?

Rockets = Fun

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Mmmm...okay.

 

I truly can't decide if this is cute or creepy.

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 I love this geek t-shirt website! They have an amazing array of funny t-shirts for every geek subject I love!

Dr. Who humor tees...

Downton Abbey humor tees...

Zombie humor tees...

Star Wars humor tees...

Pi humor tees...

and a surprising number of Jesus humor tees...

If anybody is thinking of getting me a belated birthday present, I'd love a Medium in one of these...

Gotta love bacon as element. Or this...

Or the best of all...

...which neatly combines choir geek humor with zombie geek humor. Gotta have it!

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I got this new face goo I'm trying out, that I got with a Groupon. It's this Pure Collagen stuff, which is called "Instant Face-lift Serum". Yeah, right. I've had it for three days now, and so far so good. I can't say it actually looks like I've had a face-lift, but I'm an optimist. The only problem is that it stinks. It really does. I keep devotedly applying it in "circular motions" twice a day, but it's starting to get to me. My face smells like...hmm, how to describe it. Kind of  a mixture of cow hoof and manure. This smell led me to some internet investigation about where cosmetic collagen comes from and lo and behold...cow parts. True. And it's on my face. Twice a day. The things we do for vanity.

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I am FINALLY getting to go see The Hunger Games today - I wanted to go on opening day, but I was involved in the aforementioned Rocket Camp. Grrr...the things we sacrifice for our children. But in the meantime, I have found a couple of excellent Hunger Games items to share with you...

Katniss Everdeen's Pinterest Page...

If it's too small for you to read, you can check it out HERE.

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Very good. See Stacy. Read others. Return next week for more Random Tuesday Thoughts.

Holiday Weekend

When I went to sleep on Friday night, I was pretty worried about our weekend.

Jude had a 7:45 am baseball game on Saturday morning, which I consider to be outright abuse. For the parents, not the kids. And on top of the cruel and unusual start time, I was the SNACK MOM. Argh.

But at 7:00 am Saturday, I woke up to the pleasant sound of a downpour. Yes, it actually DOES rain in Southern California. I checked my phone and was greeted by the happy news that the game was cancelled! I did a brief happy dance, then got back into bed and stayed there until TEN. Can we hear a "Woohoo"?!

When I finally got up, I put the Corned Beef and Cabbage in the good ole Crockpot and got St. Patty's day rolling. Jimmy was teaching, and Jude was reveling in the new video game he had purchased for himself.

I had about 200 things I sincerely needed to get done, but instead decided to get back into the bed.

Oh yes, I did. I got back into bed and proceeded to watch a bunch of episodes of The Wire, which yes, I know, everybody has always told me was a brilliant show, but no, I hadn't ever watched, I don't know why. I am now hereby HOOKED. So I basically lay there watching Baltimore hoodlums and knitting until it was time to take the corned beef out. So...9 hours. Oh yeah. And I drank a couple of beers for St. Patty's too.

I must say, the corned beef turned out to be MOST excellent. Even Mr. Picky ate a big plate of it and proclaimed "That's the best meat I've ever had!" So maybe he's somehow inherited a minuscule amount of Irish blood from about 9 generations back on my side.

Jude then proceeded to build his best leprechaun trap yet...

 

Coins were carefully placed to lure the greedy little guy up the first badminton racket, onto the small blue chair, on top of the little pail, up to the big chair, then out to the end of the second badminton racket, which would then flip sideways, dropping the wee man into the green plastic bin. Jude went to sleep secure in the knowledge that the next morning, he would be the lucky recipient of a very large pot o' gold. Very tricky.

Unfortunately, the old leprechaun out-tricked us once again. He collected much of the money, but somehow, when the racket flipped sideways, he avoided capture. He must have done some gymnastic moves to swing himself over the edge. So, no pot o' gold for us.

Do y'all do the leprechaun trap thing? My friend Lynn's daughters attempted a much more girly, but no less clever method. They constructed a small and VERY plush little home for the leprechaun, in the hopes that he would simply decide to move in. Surely, a dainty, snug little house in North Hollywood would be better than living behind a damp old rock somewhere in Ireland, right? But sadly, he did not fall for this either.

The most successful child I heard of this year, was my friends Brian and Laura's daughter, Noelani, who, being half Irish, clearly knows a thing or two. She didn't even try for the capture/pot o' gold thing. She just left him a beer. Which he drank, and left her a bunch of candy. Maybe this would be the way to go next year. Though Jude really has his heart set on the pot o' gold.

So Saturday night Jude talked his way into our bed yet again because it was really TWO holidays. Oh, did I not mention the second? Sunday was my BIRTHDAY.

Yes, I am even MORE old.

Sunday morning, Jimmy and Jude made me a very large breakfast in bed. I mean, large. Eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast, fruit. I can't remember the last time I ate that much food in the morning. Man.

And everybody asking me "What do you want to do for your birthday?" And you know what I answered? "Nothing." And that was true. I just didn't want to have to do ONE DAMNED THING.

We went to church, then came home and I piddled on the computer and then Jude whooped my butt playing Mario Party 9 on the Wii, then we went out for Mexican food and a tasty margarita, came home and I took a REALLY long hot shower and went to bed. It was 8:00 pm. 

Jimmy and Jude both worked VERY hard to do sweet little special things for me all day - bringing me treats and flowers and hot towels in the shower. Very pampering.

Luckily, our little family is of the firm belief that a birthday is celebrated for one whole week, so I suspect they have a few other surprises in store. I think I'm going to go get a mani-pedi today or maybe tomorrow. Maybe a foot massage. Hmmmm.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend. How did you celebrate my birthday?

Spin Cycle: Hair Raising

I was born a curly-haired girl in a land of high humidity.

And thus began the long and windy odyssey of...my hair. Short, long, curly, straightened, au natural, or tamed with product. My hair has always been a constantly evolving work-in-progress. Unlike most women (like Mommy) who have had the same hairdo for most of their lives, I've never had the same haircut twice. I believe that this is partly due to the creativity of my hairdresser for the last 15 years, Jesse, but also to the fact that can never decide what I want to look like. And I'm never satisfied. Sigh...

Here, thanks do the diligent use of my scanner, is a pictorial essay I will call...

The Hair of Me

In the beginning, there was blonde...

And bangs.

Cute, but short-lived.

Followed by the bangless awkward period...

Eventually, I convinced Mama to take me to an actual hairdresser, instead of cutting it herself, and the Farrah-inspired-hot-roller period evolved...

Notice that, despite the AquaNet and hot rollers, the humidity-induced frizz still abounds.

In college, my style devolved into a hippie-dippie-drama-girl-disco-be-damned look...

SOOOO dramatic. And stylefree.

It's at this point that you might start noticing the other hair on my head that has a mind of it's own...the eyebrows - crazy, man.

When I left college and started acting/modelling professionally, I made an attempt to do a little something with the hair, but unfortunately, there was still the frizz...

...and the eyebrows. Jimmy calls this my Vampire Look.

[NOTE ABOUT THE HEADSHOT - The one big perk for parents of actors is that they regularly get attractive, professional photographs taken. My mother had all of my headshots framed and arranged on a bookshelf. I called it The Shrine. Creepy. For actors, the headshot is a nightmarish experience, neatly drawing together all of the actors greatest insecurities - looks, talent, marketability - and defining them in one single 8 X 10 glossy. It's ridiculously important to get a great headshot, and a tremendous amount of cash is invested. A good headshot is supposed to look like you, but not too much like you. Like you at your very best. An uber you. In theory.

Some of the following pictures were quite good. Others were MOST unfortunate. You can be the judge.]

Finally, in the mid-eighties, my life was saved by the invention of...PRODUCT! Thus spawning a lifelong obsession  - mousse, gel, hairspray, straightening gel, curling gel, styling cream - I have drawers filled to the brim with a variety of tubes and jars. I've spent years blending and tweaking to achieve the perfect product cocktail.

Here was a combination of mousse and a diffuser and some ridiculous '80s attitude...

Alas, still frizz. And thankfully, the Ray Bans cover the eyebrows.

At long last, I moved to Los Angeles and removed my hair from the grip of the dreaded humidity. It was at this point that the hair began...to grow.

Big...

Bigger...

Biggest...

This is what I think of as my Seinfeld Hair Period.

Oh dear God, was that a lot of hair.

And then, of course, the hair began to shrink, both on top of my head and my eyebrows...

Until I went too far...

Boy Short. It seemed like such a bold and sassy move. I HATED IT! For one thing, I had to get it cut CONSTANTLY. Drove me nuts. Also, you have to remember that my hair is curly, so in order for it to look cute, I had to blow it straight. So forget the idea of an easy short style. This was majorly labor intensive. And if I didn't blow it out, it did this doofy poofy thing. Sad. And just as soon as I got the new headshots...I grew it out.

Next stop? The Rachel. Naturally.

...which involved wrapping my hair around ginormous Velcro rollers, and massive amounts of products. I used so much Kiehl's Creme with Silk Groom that I think I may have put the Kiehl's children through college.

I went through a brief retro/Elizabeth Taylor thing...

Until the eventual invention of the flat iron. Which I NEVER got the hang of. Evidenced by this horror...

That's me with Jude and Cousin Steve, and looking slightly insane. What the hell was that look? It looks...dirty and...flat and...my only defense is that I must have been extremely sleep deprived with the new baby and all, and I guess I misjudged the amount of product I needed and just wielded that flat iron like a mad woman.

The flat iron didn't last long (duh!) but that evolved into the blow out...

I blew my damned hair out EVERY DAY for years. Until finally, I wised up (or should I say...gave up) and just went curly...

So there you have it. The evolution from short and curly to...short and curly. Sigh.

So much work, so little progress.

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You MUST visit our other spinners this week! There is a wealth of AMAZING and often gravity-defying hair pictures out there. NOT to be missed.

SuziCate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Patty at Pancakes Gone Awry

Stacy at Stacy Uncorked

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

Jen at Sprite's Keeper - NEW ON FRIDAY!

Peg at Square Peg in a Round Hole - NEW ON FRIDAY!

Jan at Jan's Sushi Bar - NEW ON FRIDAY!

Aimee at AimeeWrites - NEW ON FRIDAY!

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Luck

St. Patty's Day is almost upon us, good people. So it seems like the perfect time to think about Luck. The luck of the Irish. Actually, I don't think the Irish are really that particularly lucky - between the Vikings and the Tudors and the whole potato famine thing. So perhaps 'tis all a bit a blarney.

Are you lucky? Do you believe in luck? Is there a time when you were particularly lucky?

Spin it up, link it up! If you have any questions about how this works, click on the Spin Cycle tab up there! It's EASY!

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD YOU TO THE WEEKLY SPIN SUBJECT EMAIL!

So what are ye waiting for? Don't be a gobshite. Up the yard!

Share your spin!
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RTT: Madonna, Botulism and Lawyers

So...where do you come down in the great Madonna at the Super Bowl debate - for or against? Just in case you missed it...

 

I gather, from my Facebook news feed, that lots of people thought she was just terrific. So this might not be very popular,  but I hated it. Just for full disclosure, I must admit that I haven't liked anything the woman's done since Desperately Seeking Susan, so you can take this all with a big grain of kosher salt. I do appreciate that she's a wonderful showman ( the production value was very high - all those gladiators and lyre-playing cupids were pretty impressive) and a savvy business woman (she was smart enough to invite all those other recording artists that the "young folks" like to join her, so she would appear to still have relevance in the musical world). But the whole performance just left me cold.

And I'm about to say something that I really can't believe I'm gonna say. I am a fellow middle-aged woman, and I have never felt that age should make a woman stop acting like herself. I think that women of all ages can and SHOULD be sexy as hell. And Madonna still has an absolutely smokin' body.

That said...I think she's just gotten a little too old to do all that hootchy-cootchy dancing. I mean, the woman is 53 for God's sake. I kept thinking that she was gonna hurt herself. And she did, in fact, almost fall off the stage at about the 3:30 minute mark. No way she could have done those cartwheels without the spotters! And the 53-year old cheerleader thing was just silly. Jimmy kept asking "Why does she have that stupid smile on her face?", which he was right about, and all I could think was that all of us middle-aged women photograph a little better with a smile, and she was just working that.

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm a bitch.

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Remember a few weeks ago, when I posted this recipe for Jan's Make Ahead Monday - Turkey, Artichoke and Spinach Stuffed Shells? Well, I had actually made it for Jimmy a few days before that, on Friday, January 13, to be exact. We ate most of it, but then Jimmy stuck the last leftover bit in a plastic dish, covered it with foil and stuck it in the fridge. The deal with the foil is an issue in our house, as Jimmy can never manage to locate the lid that fits the plastic containers - NOT REALLY THAT HARD. Anyway...

Last Thursday, February 2, at about noon, I noticed that it was still in the fridge and thought "Yuck, I need to throw that out." I pulled it out of the fridge and stuck it on the counter. Now, I realize I should have thrown it out immediately, but I forgot. Later, I went to my choir practice and didn't get home until about 9:45. Thursdays are often "fend for yourself" night around here (because of the aforementioned choir practice), so when I got home, I asked Jimmy what he'd eaten for dinner. He said...prepare yourself..."I ate the rest of those stuffed shells you left out for me." I stared at him for a beat, then started to laugh, assuming he was joking. He. Was. Not. Yes, my husband had chowed down on food that had been sitting in the refrigerator for THREE weeks, and then on the kitchen counter for SEVEN hours. I was speechless. Jimmy was aghast."Do you think it was bad?" he asked, very worried. I will remind you that Jimmy is a bit of a hypochondriac. "Well..." I said "If it didn't smell bad, I guess it was okay." But inside I was saying "EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Amazingly, he did NOT get some kind of botulism, but felt fine. Which leads me to ask...are my ideas of what is and what is not a reasonable time to keep food in the refrigerator incorrect? Or...is my new refrigerator just really, really excellent at keeping stuff fresh? Or are my stuffed shells just that damned good?

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The other day at Jude's school, his class got to come to school dressed as their "Dream Job" (and yes, it sounds like a Spin Cycle topic). After a bit of consideration, Jude decided to go as...a lawyer. I'm afraid that only the child of two actors would consider being a lawyer to be a "dream job".

I love his "Don't bother me, I'm on my way into court." gesture. He kept making me call him "Counselor". I know my Daddy must be smiling down from heaven. Let's all pray that he sticks with this plan instead of veering into a life of doing something "artistic". Mama needs somebody to pay for her old folks home - I want to be put some place cushy.

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Please explain to me why in a world in which Facebook knows to show me ads specifically geared to a "50-year old actress in Los Angeles who has a child under 9, sings in a church choir and believes in gay marriage", Amazon keeps sending me emails for things geared for TODDLERS? YES Amazon, I did in fact purchase a Thomas the Tank Engine DVD from you FIVE YEARS AGO. But that same child now has no interest in ...

Get with it!!

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Okay, I realize that I am reeeeeaaaaly late to the game, but the other night, after the Super Bowl, I finally watched The Voice for the first time, and I'm hooked! So much better than American Idol! Everybody is a great singer. None of those stupid bad auditions that you have to fast forward through! It's not all just high school students or guys who work in a paint store, but actual professional musicians who just haven't had that "big break" yet. The judges actually have a say in who wins or passes on to the next round! I'm so excited to watch the rest of this season.

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Well there you go, folks, another Tuesday for you. Head over to Stacy's and check things out.

 

Looking Good - Just Do It!

I used to be a well-kempt woman.

I really was. All primped and polished. All the time. I had an actual "beauty routine".

Every morning -

• Shower
• Wash/Condition hair (Bumble & Bumble Seaweed)
• Wash face (Clarins Cleansing Milk)
• Shave my legs/armpits
• Toner (Clarins Toning Lotion)
• Moisturize face (Annemarie Borlind LL Regeneration Day Cream)

• Lotion entire body (L'Occitane Body Cream with Shea Butter)
• Blow hair straight
• Put on makeup
• Put on perfume

Every night -

• Take a bath
• Moisturize face (Annemarie Borlind LL Regeneration Night Cream)
• Lotion entire body (L'Occitane)
• Apply cream to hands and feet at bedtime (L'Occitane Hand Cream)
• Apply Vaseline to lips and laugh lines at bedtime

Once a week -

• Exfoliate body with a scrub (mixed it up, but loved Fresh Brown Sugar Body Polish)
• Exfoliate face (Lancome Exfoliance Clarte)

Once a month -

• Manicure/Pedicure

Regularly every few months -

• Bikini wax
• Eyebrow shaping/wax
• Haircut
• Massage
• Facial
• Spa treatment (scrub or such thing)

5 days a week -

• Workout

I was fabulous.

But over the last 8 years, since Jude was born, this routine has...devolved. Drastically.

My current beauty routine is as such:

Every day at some point -

• Shower
• Wash face (whatever is within reach - soap, my shampoo, my kid's shampoo, whatever)
• Moisturize face (whatever's on sale at the grocery store)

When it starts looking kind of skanky -

• Wash/Condition hair (whatever's on sale at the grocery store)

When I remember -

• Exfoliate face (by rubbing it with a washrag)
• Moisturize entire body
• Put on perfume.

When somebody's gonna be looking -

• Shave legs/armpits
• Put on makeup

When I get around to it -

• Haircut
• Bikini wax
• Workout

Seldom to Never -

• Manicure/pedicure
• Blowdry hair
• Exfoliate body with a scrub
• Massage
• Eyebrow shape/wax
• Spa treatment
• Facial

It's a pretty sad state of affairs.

This drastic drop in my personal hygiene and upkeep is due to a combination of circumstances, mainly a lack of time and our dwindled finances. But also because of my general apathy.

Often, I just don't feel like anybody cares what I look like. This is particularly sad because I am an actress, and technically, people DO care what I look like. But I guess that very often I don't care what I look like.

There. That would be the problem. I don't care what I look like. If I really cared, I would make the time. I would find the money, or find ways to do it on a budget.

How did this happen? When did this happen? Is it just because I'm older? I'm no longer the woman who all the men turn to look at when I enter a room, so I've just given up?

Or maybe I'm just smarter and more evolved? I'm more focused on what's inside rather than what's outside? Nah.

I think this probably happens to most women after they've had a child. Unless you are wealthy enough to pay someone to do the pampering to you, you just stop making the effort, and the money ends up going for things for your kids. Your priorities shift. Taking care of yourself seems like so much trouble. And the truth is, we just don't consider ourselves and our needs a priority like we used to.

I remember looking at my girlfriends who had kids long before me, shaking my head sadly and thinking "She could still be pretty. She should really do a little something something about herself!"

And now, that is ME!

And so... I have decided to attempt a beauty comeback. I have been making the effort to do a little something something about myself. My new motto is "Just Do It".

I have been shaving every morning whether I'm wearing a skirt or not. I have been moisturizing my entire body every time I get out of the shower. I have been putting on makeup and perfume every morning, whether I'm seeing anybody I deem important or not.

And I'm thinking that if I'm smart, I can figure out which things I should spend a little money on, and where I can cut back.

I have invested a little bit of cash which we don't have in some of my old products that I LOVE. The products that I really believe make a difference. I found my Annemarie Borlind creams for a better price on Amazon. I can't express how happy it makes me to have my good creams back. Annemarie Borlind products really are special. I'll slather that precious fluid on my face and I can just feel my skin soaking it up and saying "Aaaaahhh".

I've learned that I can buy an inexpensive shampoo/conditioner (I've been using a Trader Joe's shampoo, and it's great) if I spend a little bit on good styling products (Aveda's Be Curly is outrageous for making my frizzies go away).

Good ole Cetaphil Facial Cleanser is every bit as good as all that Clarins stuff I used to buy. Neutrogena makes a delicious Sugar Scrub for a third of the price of the Fresh scrub.

Oil of Olay makes a Skin Smoothing Cream Scrub that works really well, and is a quarter of the price of the Lancome. And even though L'Occitane Body Cream with Shea Butter is a little bit of heaven in a jar, plain old Vaseline Intensive Care lotion does the job just as well. Maybe better.

Groupon offers outrageous deals on spa and pampering services. I just bought a Paraffin Treatment Manicure and Pedicure for $29, which is less than half price. They always offer deals on massages and facials. I have a girlfriend who has been doing laser hair removal to her whole body one Groupon half-price deal at a time!

And one thing that REALLY makes my face look more "together" is taking care of my eyebrows. I think it's a great idea for every woman to get her eyebrows professionally shaped at least once. And then you can keep them that way by yourself just following the arch created by the professional. I do, however, suggest investing in a Tweezerman, the best tweezers ever. It makes ALL the difference in the world.

So, do I think all this "doing a little something" has helped? Well, while I still don't think anybody is looking at me, and I'm sure nobody has noticed... I do feel prettier. More like myself. Cared for. You know?

And I like to think that in the words of Billy Crystal's Fernando character "To look good is to feel good." And if this doesn't work, I guess there's always that wacky "focusing on what's inside" thing.

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...in response to the question "What are your beauty resolutions this year? How do you plan to shake up and streamline your routine? What are the good habits you are committing to developing?"

PLEASE, PLEASE visit their main post on BlogHer.com. 

And while you're there, please visit the Life Well Lived Sweepstakes and enter for a chance to win a Kindle Fire and a $50 Amazon Gift Card!

A Very Drama Major Christmas

It was December 1980.

That summer, I had moved into a large 5-bedroom house with my four best fellow University of Texas Drama Major friends - Margaret, Lannyl, Becca and Randy.

To say that this house had fallen into disrepair is a serious understatement. Wallpaper peeled from all the walls and half the kitchen tiles were missing, We had no air conditioning and open-flame gas heaters.The entire house listed drastically to the west.The electricity was so tentative that we blew a fuse every time we turned on more than 2 electrical appliances at the same time.

We had spent the entire 100 + degree  summer fixing the place up. We peeled off the 50-year old wallpaper, painted where we could, scraped the ancient linoleum off the kitchen floor and replaced with with peel-and-press tile and basically made the place inhabitable.

And I must say, the house was cheap. I remember that we paid $500 a month, which we split 5 ways.

But most importantly, it was OURS. We christened it "The San Gabriel Estate" (it was on San Gabriel St.), but it soon became known as simply "The Estate", and was destined to become part of  UT Drama Department folklore. "The Estate" quickly became the center of all drama department social functions. That's right, Party Central.

When Christmas rolled around, we decided to host a Christmas party. But not just any Christmas party, a Christmas Cotillion. We were, after all, in the South. We even wrote out elegant(ish) invitations and hand delivered them. Everyone was asked to don "formal attire". I'll never forget the dress I wore - a vintage '50's ballgown with a sweetheart neckline and a hoopskirt made of layers and layers of bright red tulle. Fabulous.

To prepare for the Cotillion, we felt we needed to decorate our home in a festive way. Unfortunately, we were all poor. I mean really poor. Becca had been selling plasma for months to have enough money to buy Christmas presents for her family. We were eating nothing but ramen noodles (4 for $1 at the Kash 'N Karry) and washing our hair with Ivory Liquid. It was sad. We seemed to have spent all of our money on beer and vintage ballgowns.

We scrounged around and swiped as many old Christmas decorations from our parents as we could. I remember Mama letting me take a box of old gold tinsel garland, and we covered the living room with candles and tinsel...

But we needed a Christmas tree. So we all piled into my old pickup truck and drove to my parents house. I grew up on 16 acres of land just west of Austin. We took off into the woods and chopped down a small cedar tree, which I must admit was more of a bush, and we dragged it home with us. We didn't have a tree stand, so we just kind of leaned it in the corner.

We popped popcorn and made popcorn chains, and decorated the tree with our pilfered lights and ornaments. But it just didn't seem complete. Suddenly, Becca ran upstairs with glee. She came back down with an old plaid taffeta skirt she'd worn in high school. We proceeded to rip it into ribbons and tie it into bows all over the tree. And voila...

The Christmas Cotillion was legendary. Much, MUCH fun was had by all.

The next morning, we all came downstairs and found out that some smartaleck had added extra decorations to our beautiful "tree' - a bunch of condoms and tampons! Hardeeharhar.

For those of you who keep up with things around here, you know that a couple of years ago, I had an amazing reunion with all my old college friends. Our precious Becca had died, and we all felt we HAD to find and embrace each other again. The theme for the Saturday night of our reunion? The Cotillion! Aren't we all fabulous...

A plan for another reunion is in the works for next June. I can't wait!

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This post was inspired by

Prompt #4: Share a story from your college years.

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This is your last chance to get in on my fabulous Christmas giveaway!!

You have until today, Thursday, December 15 at 5:00 pm PT to get your name in for a chance to win a box of GORGEOUS A Papier Letterpress Stationery. PLEASE check out this link for more info...HERE.

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Dear Period

Dear Period,

I fear that over the last few years our relationship has changed dramatically, that things between us have become increasingly uncomfortable and strained, and I know that soon you will leave me forever. Before we move into the next and final phase of our relationship, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my feelings, and hopefully, clear the air a bit.

It's hard to believe that we've been together for almost 38 years. Time certainly flies. When you first came to me, I was so very young. I thought you were...exciting. I wanted to tell all my girlfriends about you. I was so proud to have you in my life.

And for most of my life, you've been extremely good to me. Other women complained of their periods, but I had little to say. You were always so dependable. Every 28 days...bang, there you were. I could always count on you. And you caused me very little pain. Maybe one day a month I'd need a dose of Advil, but for the most part...you were never hurtful.

Of course there were many months when I hated you, when you seemed to appear right at the moment I least wanted to see you. And during my dark, infertile days, I actually cried every time you showed up. But there were also many, many...many months throughout my life, especially during those wacky college years, when seeing you caused tears of joy and relief.

For the most part, our relationship was always a happy one. Maybe a little staid and boring. We'd been together for so long, after all. But it was comfortable. Easy.

But now, everything has changed.

You come, you go. I never know when you're going to show up, or how long you're going to stay. Sometimes you'll disappear for months without a word, then show up out of the blue. You're completely irrational and unpredictable. Remember a few months ago? You'd been gone for TWO months, then suddenly one morning, while I'm making my kid's breakfast, I look down and realize that you've decided it's time for me to recreate the pigs-blood-at-the-prom scene from Carrie! NOT cool.

And these no-good friends of yours that you insist on bringing around with you - Hot Flash and Mood Swing. Hot Flash keeps hitting me with the Cruciatus Curse. And Mood Swing drives me crazy! They both seem determined to make my life a living hell. I would really very much appreciate it if you would take them away, and NEVER bring them around again.

If you're leaving me, can't you just leave me now, quickly, and spare me any more drama. I don't understand your need to draw this out and prolong my pain. You keep toying with me, torturing me.

We both know it's over. Just GO. I'd be happy to hand over the last of my box of Playtex Sport tampons (the ones printed with the annoying inspirational catchphrases like "Find your groove and move to it." and "Focus on the positive.") to some other woman who you're still keeping time with.

I'd be happy if you could just leave me with a tiny bit of my dignity still in tact, despite my knowledge that the rest of my life will be one of belly fat and odd hair growth. Osteoporosis and incontinence can't be far away.

I wish you well. Truly. We had some good times, and I'll always remember everything you did for me. As Emily Dickinson said "Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell."

Will I see you again? I guess I'll know in about...26 days. Or not.

Best wishes always,

Gretchen

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This was inspired by...

Prompt #5 - Write a love letter to an inanimate object. There are all kinds of love letters.

 

In the Navy

Jude and I had an adventure this weekend. Maybe this will get you in the mood...

 

No? Too "Don't ask, don't tell."?

Okay, how about this...

 

Yeah, boy, that should have got you all worked up and patriotic!

Jude and I spent the night with the Cub Scouts aboard the USS Midway Aircraft Carrier.

 

Cool, right?

The USS Midway was decommissioned after Operation Desert Storm, and has been anchored in San Diego, and converted into a museum. If you're a history buff, or even if you just enjoy a man in uniform, like me, you should definitely check it out if you're ever in San Diego.

Our Cub Scout pack signed up for what they call a "Live it, Learn it" overnight stay. The idea is that if you actually live the experience of a bunch of sailors living on a boat, you'll learn a thing or two, and appreciate how really very hard it must be to serve in the military. And I must say, if that was the plan, it WORKED. This was EXHAUSTING, people. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Jude and I teamed up with his BFF A.J. and his mom Ronda...

...and drove down to beautiful San Diego on Friday afternoon after their school's early dismissal.

As per my usual luck, Friday turned out to be one of the only 35 days of measurable rainfall in Southern California. It rained buckets. Crazy, man.

In fact, the exact moment that we parked, got out of the car with our gear and started walking toward the Midway, the heavens actually opened up and dumped on us. And my pathetic, seldom needed umbrella (it was a cute pink one, which should count for something), actually did that thing you see in cartoons, when a gust of blustery wind turns it inside out and it flies up in the air. I swear. It was apparently quite funny to others who were watching, not so much to me. Soaked...

The weekend was led by a group of volunteers, all ex-military, and I have to say they were really wonderful. Mostly crusty old guys who loved talking about the Navy and loved kids.

Here's our event itinerary in brief:

1700 (this is military time, y'all): Welcome Aboard, sailors! Single file lines. Much saluting.

1720: We're marched in to the berthing area, so we can locate our racks.

View from inside my rack...

1725: Muster; Roll call.

1730: Marched to the mess for some really mediocre chow.

Notice my pathetic attempt to Weight Watcherify my chow by stealing the uneaten lettuce, tomato and pickles off several little boys burgers and making a sad little burger salad.

1745: Free time to explore the Hanger Bay. The boys climbed in and out of restored WWII and Vietnam aircraft, and got to go in a simulator which recreates what it was like to take off from an aircraft carrier and fly into Desert Storm. Apparently, very cool. I chose not to indulge myself after eating all that chow.

1900: Muster in the Hanger Bay.

1920: Evening events began. We were divided into little "squadrons" and lead on a tour around the entire ship. Through endless halls and up and down endless ladders...

 

From the bridge...

...to the engine room...

We learned a whole, whole, whole lotta stuff, and according to one of the leader guys, walked about 5 miles.

 2240: Muster in the Hanger Bay.

2300: Taps. Lights out.

That's 11:00, people. Which for both little boys and old moms is LATE. And no shenanigans here. We were expected to hustle our butts into our sleeping clothes, brush our teeth (I did manage to put on a little cream, thanks be to God) and climb into our racks in 20 minutes. No hanging out, drinking with the dads on this trip.

It is at this point that I should point out that these "racks" are designed to sleep 18-year old boys. Not 50-year old women. Or, for that matter, whiny little boys. Jude climbed into his sleeping bag and announced "Yep. This is even more of a slab than the bed at Grandmas." Which is bad, I'm telling you. Between the mattress and the weird ship noises and the snoring, I think I slept a total of 2 hours. Actually, the snoring wasn't as bad as I'd feared (all those men, all that metal). My friend Anthony's theory was that nobody snored because nobody slept enough to actually reach that REM level. Probably true.

0600: Reveille. Really. I swear. Jude rolled out of his rack, rubbed his eyes groggily and muttered "I've gotta hit the head." He loved all the Navy jargon.

0620: Muster in the Hanger Bay. Gear packed and carried with you. Really. I swear. Time for teeth brushing, but not for a little cream.

0630: Marched to the mess for even more mediocre chow. I have now experienced powdered eggs. Not an experience worth repeating. I must say, however, that Navy Joe is pretty damned good. The Navy is where they started calling coffee Joe in the first place. But I will let you Google it yourself if you're actually interested in hearing the story.

 0700: Marched to the Flight Deck for more learning.

Sunrise over San Diego Harbor was pretty damned beautiful, I must say. Here we saw the giant catapults they used to launch the fighter jets into the air and the giant cables that the jets caught with their tailhooks when they landed. We heard some cool war stories. 

And explored some jets.

0900: Muster in the Hanger Bay.

0930: Dismissed.

Whew. That was a lot of Live it and Learn iting.

Jude and I both hereby have a new appreciation of our US military, and what they go through.

I'm not sure if I would have been cut out for military life. I was much happier just playing it on tv. I fear that I need a nice mattress. And a good shower. And...a little cream. Though a ship full of all those men might have been enjoyable. And I think I would have liked being a fighter pilot. Or at least to have played one on tv.

My favorite thing about all this is that I think Jude has a tiny bit of understanding now about this man...

That's my precious Daddy when he was a sailor during WWII. I even caught Jude telling one of the leader guys that his grandpa that died before he was born was in the Navy in World War II. And I guess that's worth all the marching and bad chow.

 

RTT: Mouse, Mom Jeans and Madoff

Another Tuesday, another...

I have two words for you.

Disneyland.

Wait, that's one word. Well, that just goes to show how exhausted I am after an entire day at that aforementioned amusement park with my child. But I will persevere, and attempt to share a bit of random...

First of all, I need to send out a huge shoutout - I'm sorry, I hate "shoutout", it's just so not me, I don't know where that even came into my head - let me rephrase - I need to send a huge "Thank you" to my friend Regina, who works for ABC, which is owned by Disney, who drove to Anaheim this morning just to get Jude and I into Disneyland as her guests (nice perk, huh?). She stayed for exactly two rides - Big Thunder Mountain Railroad...

 

and the Haunted Mansion, which was super cool because they have it done up a la "Nightmare Before Christmas" for Halloween. Here are Jude and Regina making "scary" faces...

 

Regina then left and went to work! Talk about a good friend!

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A few random Disneyland thoughts, just to get it out of my system -

• I love It's a Small World. It always makes me cry. Especially that last room where all the little children from all around the world are all singing together and getting along in peace and harmony. "It's a world of laughter a world of tears..."
• I hate It's a Small World because I get that DAMNED SONG stuck in my head and after about an hour, I want to smash my skull against a wall. "It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all..." EEEKK.
• WARNING - Never go to Disneyland when you're on Weight Watchers. It will just put you in a bad mood. Normally, I never eat any junk there anyway, but just the knowledge that I couldn't eat the junk even if I wanted to made me crabby. I did manage to find a salad that didn't use up all of my points for the day.
• I forced Jude to go on the Indiana Jones Adventure. Does this make me a bad parent? He was genuinely scared (he'd had a traumatic experience on it when he was 4, and has refused to return ever since), and I insisted that he went, I was that sure he would enjoy it. Luckily, we'd gotten Fast Passes, so we didn't have to wait in the line long enough for him to guilty me into leaving. I was really starting to feel like an evil parent, forcing her kid to "toughen up". I even resorted to bribery, telling him that if he really didn't like it, he could get that K'nex roller coaster toy he's been dying for. After we rode the ride (LOVE this ride) he turned to me rather matter-of-factly, shrugged and said "I've gotta admit. It was awesome." So I was vindicated.
• On the way home, Jude (of course) fell asleep in the car, and I was flooded with memories from my childhood. Don't you remember that feeling? That LOOOOONG ride home from a day trip. That feeling of safety - your mom or dad driving, you crashing in the backseat. I loved that. And it's funny to realize as an adult, that the drive was really only about 30 minutes or so, but it seemed soooooo long. Sigh.

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Thank you to everybody who chimed in to help me locate the canned pumpkin. I managed to find some at a grocery store chain I seldom frequent, way over in The Valley, and have achieved pumpkin bread. I went nuts and made 4 loaves, and froze 2 of them. They are a HUGE hit with the kid. He's pumpkin bread crazy. Next time, I think I'll try to stick in some pureed carrots or sweet potatoes or some such other healthful vegetable, because...he'll never know.

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I have no idea how I've done on my Weight Watchers this week, because I missed my Monday weigh in because I was...at Disneyland, duh. But I can report the following good news/bad news. The good news is that I can now fit into a pair of my jeans. The bad news is that the pair of jeans I can fit into are an ancient and hideous pair of "mom jeans". I feel that soon I must do something to remedy this horror. Any recommendations of where I can buy cute, sort-of-hip jeans that would fit my body (which, though slimming, still retains a muffin top) yet don't cost an arm and a leg? I'm open to any and all suggestions.

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In honor of the occupation of Wall Street, I thought I'd share this with you...

Remember back when Bernie Madoff was forced to auction off a bunch of his personal belongings as punishment for swindling millions? Well one enterprising entrepreneur bought up all of Bernie's old pants, and has turned them into...The Bernie Madoff iPad Covers...

 

So now you, for $500, can protect your iPad with something that has touched Bernie Madoff's butt. I think it's very fitting. He's still able to separate people from their money.

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 Okey dokey, I'm going to go soak my feet. Please visit Stacy up there, who is still carrying the Rebel Random Tuesday Thoughts banner.

"It's a small world after all...it's a small world after all..."

Damn.