Second Blooming

Deflated

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that Jude had been named Student of the Month for his grade. It was a very exciting honor, which left him feeling pretty pumped up about himself. He suddenly had a new confidence and focus. He was coming home every day and starting on his homework immediately. He wasn't complaining at all about swim practice, which can be a grueling. I was thinking that this was a really excellent positive step in the whole growing up process.

Well, about a week later, when he jumped into my car after school, he was feeling totally miserable.

"Mom, it's terrible, it's just terrible," said Jude, practically on the verge of tears.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, concerned.

"The picture. It's horrible, it's just the worst. I can't believe that everyone's going to see it!!"

After a bit of questioning, I finally found out the problem.

All of the Student of the Months, one from each grade, are photographed and their pictures are displayed on a bulletin board in the hallway at school for everyone to admire.

Here is Jude's...

 

Oh my...

 

It's bad. It's really, really bad. I mean, HOW did this happen? Why didn't the teacher who was taking the picture suggest that he do a little something with his hair? And perhaps smile a bit more naturally?

And the worst thing of all, is that in this picture he totally looks like...

 

Fregley

 

For those of you not familiar with the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, Fregley is the main character's uber-dorky friend. It's not a good resemblance.

I'm hoping that he can bounce back from this terrible social mishap. With any luck, he'll recover before it causes any serious psychological damage.

Or maybe girls go for the uber-dork look? Sigh...

RTT: Geyser of Poo, Dream Baths and Lenten Sacrifice

 

Oh, the joys of homeownership! On Sunday, all our pipes backed up. Lovely. Yesterday, the plumber came, and when he opened the pipe/valve thingy on the side of the house to run the snake, a geyser of poo spewed out. Actually, that's a great band name - Geyser of Poo. Anyway, there is now a puddle of poo on the side of my house, which I just don't have it in me to go out and hose down. Would anybody out there be willing to come over and hose down my poo puddle? I'll be forever in your debt. No takers? Damn.

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Truth.

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This website makes me weak with desire - 19 Dream Tubs for Bath Lovers...

...picture after picture of gorgeous, luxurious baths. Check it out. And then weep. I'm guessing that the people who own these bathrooms don't have a puddle of poo on the side of their house.

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I have tried to use this site... Calm.com. But it just makes me giggle. What does that say about me?

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Kind of love this mother.

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I am asking for all of your thoughts and prayers on a very serious matter. As of tomorrow, Ash Wednesday, I am hereby giving up all of my computer/iPhone games for Lent. What is my little Farmville 2 farm going to do without me?! I hope my tiny virtual farm animals don't die of starvation! Please pray for me. I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do with myself. I did this last year, and I managed to do quite a bit of knitting and reading. And I went crazy on Pinterest. Wow, maybe I'll even read some of your blogs! What a rare and spiritual experience for us all! If anybody has any ideas of how I should occupy myself without Drop 7 or Where's My Water, please share!

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Did y'all watch the Grammy's? I'm afraid it was mostly a yawn. But I adored this salute to Levon Helm of The Band. It's "The Weight" with a truly all-star ensemble - Elton John, The Zac Brown Band, Mumford and Sons, Mavis Staples, Brittany Howard from Alabama Shakes, T-Bone Burnett. Most of these Grammy tributes are schlocky and gimmicky, but this was amazing!...

Zac brown Band Elton John Mumford Sons Mavis... by dm_51181cced0274 

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I think that's it for today. It's a little light, but I've got to go worry about the poo puddle and my Lenten sacrifice. Please go visit Stacy for more randomness!

Spin Cycle: Mess

It's really all Mama's fault. She set a fairly poor example in the housekeeping department.

I mean, she wasn't...dirty, exactly. Housekeeping was simply low on her priority list. She would much rather have spent her time cooking or crafting or gardening or canning or hanging out with her friends at the lake or doing projects with and for me than cleaning the house.

Almost all of my best friends families had a housekeeper. Or, I should say, because it's the truth, a maid. As in The Help. Their homes were pristine and well-kept - the linens ironed and the silver polished. The dirty clothes would magically disappear from the clothes hampers and appear in their drawers and closets, beautifully laundered and folded. Heaven.

At my house, things weren't quiiiiiiite like this. All the work that had to be done was done by Mama.  I do have memories of helping her make the beds, neatly folding square "hospital" corners with the flat sheets, something that the younger generations have never even heard of, having been raised with fitted sheets. I also remember having a booming business ironing Daddy's shirts. I charged 15 cents per short-sleeved shirt, and 25 cents per long-sleeved, as cuffs were trouble. I wrote up bills and presented them to him for payment. But everything else was done by Mama.

I have to admit that I was a bit ashamed of our not-so-perfect home. While the surfaces of the house was generally tidy, the further reaches often housed terrifying horrors. Closets were booby-trapped to collapse on your head if you pulled something out, horrific science-experiments grew inside Tupperware in the refrigerator, for all I knew, Jimmy Hoffa might have been hidden under one of the beds along with the junk and teeming dust bunnies. It was embarrassing.

I'm afraid that I was a lazy child, and my room was always a disaster. To Mama's credit, she didn't clean my room for me, but expected me to do it myself. I'm sure she assumed that this would teach me work ethic, and to take care of my things. But I don't think this worked. I think that what it really did was to lower my standards. To make me used to living in a mess. I think that if I'd grown up surrounded by tidiness, I would have felt the need to keep things in order.

When I moved out on my own, slovenliness followed, as any of my early roommates could tell you. Once, when I was in my 20s, my apartment was robbed, and when I called the police, they walked into the bedroom and said "Wow, they really tore this place apart!" And I was forced to tell them that no, that was the way it was before the robbers got there!

Luckily, I have learned. I am MUCH better now,  due in part to the influence of the women in Jimmy's family. Mommy, Aunt Grace and ALL the cousins are absolute neat freaks. Their homes are always perfection. And so my standards have risen.

Back when we used to make more money, we had a housekeeper who came a couple of times a month. Her name was Lucy. This woman was amazing. I loved her. For Lucy, housecleaning wasn't just a job, it was a calling, a vocation. When I walked into the house after she'd been there, I was filled with joy - everything glistened. This woman would do brilliant things, like take all the jelly jars and condiments out of the fridge and scrub them. She would move all the furniture and even the refrigerator, and scrub underneath them. I considered the house to have been Lucyfied. But alas, we haven't had Lucy for many years now, and I really don't want to know what might be found if I moved the refrigerator!

Usually, I manage to keep the place from falling into squalor. A while back, I developed my cleaning plan, the idea of which, I stole from Ma Ingalls. If you remember Little House in the Big Woods, Ma had a different day for each of her chores - laundry, churning, baking, mending. I adapted this to modern living, as I seldom do much churning. Monday is laundry, Tuesday is bathrooms, Wednesday is the outside (porch, backyard), Thursday is the kitchen (includes dumping old stuff out of the fridge) and Friday is floors, dusting and Windexing all glass surfaces. If I manage to keep this up, our house stays in order.

However.....

I have not managed to keep this up. Over the last few months, our home has completely devolved. It's starting to look like...Mama was the housekeeper. I'm sorry, Mama, but it's true.

The laundry has absolutely taken over our home. I keep doing laundry, and then folding it, but never having time to get it into the closets/drawers, so it ends up in the laundry basket, and eventually, I forget what is clean and what is dirty, and have to wash it all over again! The closets are HORRIBLE - the floors covered with shoes and dirty clothes. All of our dirty clothes hampers are half-filled with seldom-worn clothes which need to be either hand-washed, dry cleaned or mended. Jude's drawers are filled to the brim with clothes he's outgrown.

The laundry room and the office have become dumping grounds for everything I'm not sure what to do with. The other day, I just happened to stumble upon the gas bill, which I had haphazardly tossed onto "the pile"  JUST in time to keep it from being shut off!

The outside of our house looks like a gypsy family has taken up residence. The front porch is a disaster, and I haven't scooped the doggy poop in the backyard in ages. I'm thinking it's now fertilizer.

And Jude's room? It has started to look...JUST LIKE MINE WHEN I WAS A KID! And he DOESN'T CARE! Which says to me that HIS standards have lowered considerably.

I must do something to get things in hand.

And so, I have decided to take a week off writing, and concentrate on reclaiming our world. That's right, next week, there will be no Random Tuesday Thoughts, no Mama Kat's Workshop. I WILL come up with a Spin Cycle on Friday, because it's my thing, and hopefully, by Friday, my world will be a bit clearer.

I'm feeling better already, just having made a plan. Our home is about to be Lucyfied. Please send moral support.

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Please go visit all of my other "Clean" spinners...

Nain at View From Down Here

Janice at I Got Nothing

Stacy at Stacy Uncorked

SuziCate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie - NEW on FRIDAY!

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me - NEW on FRIDAY!

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Drive

[drahyv] 

verb (used with object)

1. to send, expel, or otherwise cause to move by force or compulsion.

2.to cause and guide the movement of a vehicle.

3.to convey in a vehicle.

4.to force to work or act.

5.to impel; constrain; urge; compel.

You choose.

Write your spin. Post it. Let me know. I'll link it here!

As always, don't be afraid to think out of the box.

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Spin Cycle: Winter Things I've Been Thinking About

Let' see...

Winter

I guess it seems redundant that I've been thinking about winter during winter. But this is the first year in memory that we've actually HAD a winter here in Southern California. Usually, we just go straight from fire season to rainy season to June gloom to...summer. But this year it's been nippy! TWO mornings this week it was 37 degrees when I drove Jude to school. That's WINTER, y'all! I've been wearing my big puffy coat and snuggly boots. I'm loving it! Of course, now the Santa Ana winds have blown in and it's heating up, but I'll take what I can get.

The flu

We have been living dangerously out here, tempting fate by not getting flu shots. My mother-in-law, Mommy, has been nagging me constantly, because she sits and watches cable news all day, and all those tv doctors have her scared to death. This week, Jimmy and I have been taking turns feeling achy and headachy. The other night, I was sure he had finally succumbed, but the next morning, he woke up and felt fine. So I decided not to risk it anymore, and made us all flu shot appointments. Actually, when I took Jude into his pediatrician for the mist thingy, they let me get the shot at the same time. So anyway, I'm determined that we will NOT give in to the flu monster! Have all of you received your flu shots? Did it do any good?

Wicked nail polish

Perfect winter toes

I was a big Essie "Wicked" fan about 10 years ago, and then went brighter. But suddenly good old Wicked called my name and damn if my toes don't look cute.

Les Miserables

Sigh. I finally saw it. Boo hoooooo. It left me feeling tres miserable (pronounced the French way). Yes, I cried like a fool. It's all I can think about. I even bought the soundtrack, and have been obsessively listening to it. Last night, I was making dinner, listening to the soundtrack, singing along and sobbing. Jude walked in, looked at me and sighed. First he said, and this is a direct quote "I'm afraid you are listening to music that Dad and I don't really appreciate." Then he patted me sweetly and said "Mom, you should probably stop listening to this music so you can stop embarrassing yourself." Hah!  I thought that both Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway were FABULOUS. This is difficult stuff, people, this singing and acting at the same time. And I'm afraid that Russell Crowe, who has always been a fave of mine, just didn't have the chops for it - he's a wonderful actor, and has an okay singing voice, but he just lacks the ability to express emotion through his singing. It's a different muscle. And that scene when Hathaway sings Fantine's big "I Dreamed a Dream" song? Oh my God! Killed me. Please notice that it's all shot in one take. Of course, an actor performing it on stage does it in one take 8 times a week! But it's basically unheard of in a film. I'm hoping Oscar is in her future.

Winter camp

For the first time in 4 years, we've actually had SNOW for Jude's Cub Scout Winter Camp. The camp takes place every year up in the mountains in Lake Arrowhead, CA, where there should technically be snow, but we seem to always miss it. But this year...

LA kids in snow.

Jude became a tobogganing fool! He's such a daredevil! It's actually a relief that we don't live closer to the mountains, because he'd become one of those extreme sports/Shawn White kind of kids. But I must admit, it was crazy fun! He finally lured me onto his toboggan with him, and WOOHOO! Here is video, shot by Jude as we careened down the hill together. Please forgive our mutual "woohoo"ing and"yeah"ing.

 

 

Bacon and Leek Risotto with Poached Eggs

This is so crazy good I can't stand it. It's the ultimate wintry comfort food - like breakfast for dinner.

5 cups low-salt chicken broth

1 tablespoon olive oil

6 slices thick-cut bacon

2 cups thinly sliced leeks (white and pale green parts only; about 2 large)

1 1/2 cups Arborio rice 

3/4 cup dry white wine

3 tablespoons finely chopped fresh Italian parsley

1 tablespoon butter

 1/4 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese

eggs

Bring broth to simmer in medium saucepan, cover to keep warm. Heat the oil in a large, heavy saucepan over medium heat. Add the bacon, and cook until crisp. Drain on paper towels and then crumble. Add leeks to bacon drippings in the pan, and cook until soft, stirring often, about 4 to 5 minutes. Add rice to pan; stir 1 to 2 minutes. Add wine; stir until absorbed, about 2 minutes. Add 1⁄2 cup warm broth to saucepan; stir until broth is absorbed. Repeat adding broth and stirring until rice is tender but still firm to bite and sauce is creamy, stirring almost constantly, about 23 minutes total. Add bacon, chopped parsley, butter, and 2 tablespoons cheese. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

In a small skillet, heat water to a simmer. Crack an egg into a small saucer, then slide egg into the simmering water. Cook eggs until whites are cooked through but yolks are still runny, 3 to 4 minutes. Do this with as many eggs as people you are serving.

Dish a mound of the risotto into each dish, then, using a slotted spoon, gently place poached egg on top of risotto.

The recipe claims that this serves 6, but in our house it serves 3ish.

I did not take this picture! I totally stole it off the Bon Appetit website.

My new fuzzy sweater

I bought myself a new fuzzy sweater the other day. Here it is...

 

Really horrible picture.

You will notice that it is neither attractive nor stylish. But I don't care. It's all I want to wear lately. Num, num, num, num.

Irish Coffee

Nothing warms your bones like a nice hot cup of coffee laced with booze!

1 cup freshly brewed coffee

1 tbsp. brown sugar

1 jigger Irish whiskey (1 1/2 ounces)

heavy cream, lightly whipped

Pour coffee into cup (a footed glass cup is traditional). Stir in the sugar, then the whiskey. Top with a couple of tablespoons of cream.

Aaaaah!

Illume Red Cedar candle

LOVE this! Warm and cozy and woodsy and wintry, without smelling like Christmas.

I think that's about it. What winter things have you been thinking about lately?

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Don't you dare skate away without checking out this week's Winter Spinners...

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

SuziCate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Nain at View From Down Here

Mimi at Magical Mystical Mimi - NEW to the SPIN CYCLE!

Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie - NEW on FRIDAY!

Kendra at Life in the slow lane -NEW

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Clean

Hmmm...another wide open subject.

Clean living, clean heart, clean linens, clean air, clean water, clean and jerk, cleanliness is next to godliness, cleansing diet, cleansing breath.

House cleaning, spring cleaning, dental cleaning.

As always, don't be afraid to think out of the box!

Write your spin on "clean". Post it. Let me know. I'll link it here!

Let me know if you'd like to be added to the Spin Cycle weekly topic email!

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Spin Cycle: Mission 2013

I hereby assign myself the following missions to be accomplished during the year 2013...

1. Finish my book.

I am writing a novel. A young adults novel. I haven't been talking about it, because I feel that talking dispels my focus. But I have written more than 15,000 words so far, and I feel that it's going well. I need to be writing every day, but it just doesn't always happen. I believe that if I can write a couple of hours a day, I can finish the first draft in six months or so. I am pretty determined to make this happen.

2. Get our house painted.

Yes, this was on my list for last year, and no, we still haven't done it. I'm afraid the paint on the sides of the house is actually peeling - we're talking ghetto stuff here. It's going to cost a lot, and we're going to have to take a chunk out of our savings, and this whole last year just didn't seem like a good time to be doing that. But it simply MUST be done. And maybe it will get our house more location work and pay for itself, and it can start playing the role of Cute Bungalow instead of Sad Tenement House. Color swatches anyone?

3. Make things in our house work.

You know how it is. Something will break, and you never get around to fixing it, and then you get used to it and find odd ways to rig it and eventually you kind of forget it's even fixable. No? That doesn't happen to everybody? Well, our house has become filled with these little boobytraps. When people come over, I have to walk around and explain things. Example: The bathroom doorknob is broken. Once you have closed the door, the only way to open it from the inside is to wrap your hand in a towel, and turn is REALLY HARD. And the only way to open it from the outside is with a pair of pliers. So if you are a small child, or someone of less than Superman strength, this is difficult. We just never shut it, so there's a lot of shouting of "Close your eyes, I'm on the potty!!" I can't tell you how many times someone has gotten stuck in the bathroom. It's ridiculous. Other things that don't work - the water/ice dispenser on the refrigerator, the light in the bathroom, the light in the kitchen and the ceiling fan in our bedroom. I am determined to remedy this situation.

4. Go to see movies I want to see.

I know this sounds pathetic. But back before Jude came along, Jimmy and I saw everything. I mean, we were at the movies every weekend. I made a point of seeing EVERY Oscar nominated movie in the theater EVERY year. Since Jude? Not so much. We're lucky that the Screen Actors Guild sends out free screener DVDs of many of the SAG Awards nominated films, so we get to watch them at home. But it's just not the same. Now, I must add that at the same time, I have seen every single animated children's movie that has come out in the last 9 years. I have taken the kid to everything from the sublime (Toy Story movies, Fantastic Mr. Fox) to the ridiculous (the horror that was Space Chimps and the dreaded Squeakquel). I would like to see grown up movies now please. We did take a giant leap last week and we took Jude to see Lincoln. I adored it - wept throughout the whole movie. But as we were leaving the theater, Jude pronounced in an incredibly loud voice "Just so you know, I didn't understand ONE THING in that movie!" But despite that, I feel that I can take him to some PG-13 movies now, and maybe that will help. But it would be even better if Jimmy and I went to the movies alone. I will make this happen.

5. Run two more 5Ks.

After running the Epilepsy Run/Walk back in October I have gone running exactly...twice. And my waistline has grown accordingly. Pathetic, right? So I think what I need to do is sign up for more 5Ks throughout the year to keep me accountable for being in shape. Now that I've done one, two more should be completely doable. I can even work on improving my time. And I could raise money for a good cause at the same time. This is a productive mission. Anybody know what 5Ks are happening in Los Angeles in 2013?

Alright, those are my missions for the year. I think that I can get these done. What do you want to accomplish in 2013?

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Please read all of our Missions for 2013 spinners!

And I think that "spinning every week" would be an excellent mission for all of you bloggers!

Michele at It's a Dog's Life

Nain at View From Down Here

Janice at I Got Nothing 

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

SuziCate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie - NEW on FRIDAY

Kendra at Life in the slow lane - NEW on FRIDAY

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Color

Well, this one's pretty wide open, isn't it? Soooooo many ways to go.

Words? Pictures? Literal? Figurative?

Coloring? Colorless? Colorful? Color wheel? Color blind? Color palate? Color of Money? Color Me Beautiful?

Favorite color? Complementary color? Hair color? Skin color? Flying colors?

Write up your spin on "color". Post it. Let me know. I'll link it here!

If you'd like me to add you to my weekly Spin Cycle topic email, let me know. And if you have any questions, check out the Spin Cycle Tab up at the top.

See you next week!

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Spin Cycle: The Stones

The following is a true story.

On the side of our house there is an ugly pile of rocks, old bricks, stepping stones, pavers and chunks of old concrete which I had gathered from around our yard. The thought was that I would use these to make an attractive border or path, but of course they were simply gathering weeds.

And then suddenly, a couple of weeks ago, Jimmy took an interest in them...

FADE IN:

Gretchen and Jude are in the kitchen of their home. Gretchen is making dinner and Jude is "helping". Jimmy bursts in the back door.

JIMMY

(excited)

Hey! You guys need to come out and see what I've done!

Gretchen and Jude exchange a doubtful look.

JIMMY

Really. Come on! I've been working really hard. You gotta see!

Hesitantly, Gretchen and Jude start to follow him into the backyard.

JUDE

(snotty)

It's not "the stones" again, is it?

GRETCHEN

Shhhh Jude, that's not nice. Daddy's very excited about his stones.

Let's go see what he's done.

She rolls her eyes when nobody's looking. Jimmy leads them into the backyard to a pile of rocks.

JIMMY

(excited)

See?! What do you think?!

 

Gretchen and Jude stare at the rocks.

GRETCHEN

(trying to be enthusiastic)

Wow...you sure have been...busy.

JIMMY

So what do you think?!

GRETCHEN

Uh...well...it's very...creative.

JUDE

(bluntly)

What is it supposed to be?

JIMMY

(mystical)

Well son, it's whatever you see in it. What do you see?

JUDE

I don't get it. It's a pile of rocks.

GRETCHEN

(helping the kid)

 No Jude, it's more than a pile of rocks. It's...um...it's art.

JUDE

Art?!

GRETCHEN

Yes, it's...artistic.

JIMMY

(starting to get worked up)

No, it's not just artistic.

GRETCHEN

(confused)

It's not supposed to be artistic?

JIMMY

No! I mean yes. It is artistic, but it's not JUST artistic.

You two just don't get it. You're too literal.

GRETCHEN

No, NO! Let us look at it a minute.

They look.

GRETCHEN

(vamping)

I see that...all the stones were placed very...deliberately.

In a way that is...deliberate.

JIMMY

Uh huh.

GRETCHEN

And it's not just artistic...it's deeper than that...it's...

(guessing)

...spiritual.

JIMMY

(sighing)

Yes. Yes. It's spiritual.

They stare at the stones.

JUDE

All I see is a bunch of rocks.

Gretchen and Jude start to giggle.

JIMMY

(pissed)

Okay, okay, that's it!  It's clearly too deep for either of you.

Just go on inside. Neither of you understand. Forget it!

Gretchen and Jude, chastised but still giggling, head back into the house. Jude pauses and turns back to his dad.

JUDE

They're really nice rocks, Dad.

Jimmy shakes his head sadly. No one appreciates him.

JIMMY

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

FADE OUT.

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Don't forget to visit the other "Art" spinners...

SuziCate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Nain at The View From Down Here

Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

Michele at It's a Dog's Life - NEW on FRIDAY!

CaJoh at Ca-Joh - NEW on FRIDAY!!

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Favorite

Do you have a favorite thing in the world? Do you play favorites? Pick a favorite? Were you the favorite child? Do you have a favorite child?

Write your spin and post it. Let me know. I'll link you here! Click the Spin Cycle tab up there if you have any questions!

And if you'd like to get a weekly email reminder of the Spin topic, let me know and I'll add you in!

See you next Friday for more spinning fun!

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Pinned

I have a love/hate thing going with Pinterest. I go through spurts of interest.

Pinterest interest.

I'll suddenly get enthusiastic and spend a couple (or six) hours clicking around and repinning. But then I'll forget about it and not go on for weeks.

The other day, I started worrying about our backyard again. Periodically, I'll do this. Worry about the yard. It's very ugly. Full of unrealized potential. But ugly.

Lots of dead grass. Lots of ugly concrete. Really, truly needs help.

But unfortunately, I have...

1. No money.
2. No skills.

Well, I have a little money. And a little skill. But these two things in combination make the whole thing seem overwhelmingly impossible.

So I decided that maybe if I started collecting pictures of what I'd like to have, maybe it would inspire me into action, and Pinterest seemed like a good place to collect these pictures. I've collected quite a few. Which are getting repinned like crazy. Apparently, redoing the backyard is a popular issue.

Right now, this is the side of our house...

Man, that's a whole lot of ugly. But maybe it could be...

Aaaah.

On the other side of the house is our unused hideous driveway. The previous owner, a Korean contractor named Chuck, was crazy for concrete. He poured it everywhere.

Lovely, right? Please ignore the junk and dog poop. The problem is that it's just so ugly and depressing, that I can't get myself motivated to clean it up. But I would if it looked like this...

That's a "Hollywood Driveway" by the way, and historically accurate for our old Craftsman bungalow.

Here's the backdoor and the part of the driveway where I stick the table...

Okay, what if we ripped down the falling down old stoop, cut down the ficus tree (I really hate cutting down our only big tree back there, but a foundation man told me a couple of years ago that it HAD to come down soon - ficus roots are the WORST for foundations), jackhammered up all of Chuck's concrete, put in flagstones and a pergola? Could end up like this...

Heaven, right?

And then there's our neighbor Natalie's garage. Sigh. A problem. Totally falling down and hideous. And yes, that is our "pool" that I never took down from the summer.

But maybe I could cover it with something. Or plant something to screen it.

I mean, that looks sort of doable.

And I'd like to turn this...

The traffic cone's a nice touch, right? Into this...

But seriously? I'd be happy if we just had real grass.

I keep thinking that I could start fixing things up a little at a time, take a side of the yard and work my way around. But the main big daunting thing that keeps getting in my way (other than the no money/no skill thing) is a lack of...irrigation.

I do not have a green thumb. I kill plants. Because I never remember to water them. It's tragic. We have tried. We really have. We own sprinklers. Several different kinds of them. We just never remember to...turn them on. We just don't have that "lawn person" gene that my Daddy had.

Therefore, I need a sprinkler system. You see, Los Angeles, is really just one big irrigated desert. I mean, it doesn't rain here, guys. Well, it rains. It rains for about a month solid. That's what we call rainy season. But for the rest of the year - nada. So everyone has sprinkler systems. Our front lawn has a sprinkler system, and it manages to stay nice and green and lushish, despite my sprinkling failings.

So I keep thinking that maybe I could install a sprinkler system by myself. How hard could it be? Dig some ditches. Lay some pipes. Attach some sprinkler heads. I could look it up on the internet.

And before you ask...Jimmy is useless. You might as well ask Woody Allen to come and install pipes in your yard. Jude would be more help. I'm on my own here.

My friend Carol once suggested that we could get a big group of women together and make a day of it, we'd rent a Ditch Witch from the Home Depot and put in my sprinkler system. I could make margaritas for everybody and we'd have a big sprinkler party. But I just can't find it in myself to actually ask people to come to my home and DIG DITCHES. It's just too pathetic.

What do y'all think? You think I could do it on my own?

I have two things I'm going to do this week to make at least a bit of progress in this backyard department.

First, the City of Los Angeles has this A Million Trees program, wherein I can sign up through the Department of Water and Power to get 10 FREE trees. I just have to promise to plant them in the ground someplace where they will eventually provide shade and thereby reduce energy consumption. I don't really need TEN trees, but I think my friend Eileen's going to take a couple. If anybody else wants one, let me know.

Second, I have discovered that HGTV is currently "casting" THREE backyard renovation shows! I've just got to submit the pictures and a charming and appealing plea for their help. I'm ON IT! Wish us luck!

In the meantime, I'm going to keep adding to my Dream Garden board on Pinterest. I could certainly go with some bougainvillea...

And everybody needs a firepit...

And of course I want...

And in a perfect world...

But alas, I'm probably just dreaming.

But a girl can always dream, can't she? I guess that's what Pinterest's best for.

___________________________________

This post was inspired by...

Prompt #2 - Are you on Pinterest? Share the last five items you pinned, choose one and let it inspire a blog post.

Best of 2011

I have a sinus infection. And Jude just threw up.

That said, I don't feel inspired to write much, so as part of...

I am choosing "Prompt #1 - This year in blog posts...choose a favorite post from each month of 2011 and share."

After much hemming and hawing, these are my personal favorites from each month of 2011. If you're new here, check them out. If you're an old-timer...check them out again, because they're good!

January -

If We Were the Queen of the World - A girl can dream, right?...

We (that's the royal we, y'all) would be fair but firm. In order to benefit the lives of my many subjects, I'm afraid there will have to be a few changes made around here.

BY PROCLAMATION OF HER MAJESTY QUEEN GRETCHEN I

The following changes will be made to the rule of order of the Planet Earth, effective immediately.

1. The muffin top is the new erogenous zone...

READ THE REST HERE.

February -  

Most Surreal Parenting Moment Thus Far - The one in which my poor child is faced with seeing his father...in drag...

Jimmy and I are both members of The Actor's Studio. Yes, the "world-renowned" Actor's Studio, as they say. The place founded in the forties by acting teacher guru Lee Strasberg, the birthplace of "The Method",  training ground to Marlon Brando, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Robert De Niro, Jane Fonda, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, Harvey Keitel, Paul Newman,  Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Geraldine Page, Sidney Poitier, Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken . The home of "Inside the Actor's Studio". Yes, we are...da, da, da, dum...method actors...

READ THE REST HERE.

March - 

Picky, Picky, Picky - My kid's dreadful eating habits exposed...

My child will eat the following foods:

• pancakes
• french toast
• blueberry muffins
• whole wheat bread
• white bread
• good, crusty bread
• rolls
• pumpkin bread
• raisin bread
• flour tortillas...

READ THE REST HERE.

April -

The Uniform - The sad, sad state of my wardrobe...

Sometimes, I just don't know what has become of me.

Black yoga pants and a black hooded long-sleeved shirt.

This is what I have been wearing about 4 out of 7 days a week.

And don't misunderstand. This is not an attractive outfit. It is simply...comfortable...

READ THE REST HERE.

May -

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Murdering gang bangers are found and arrested while hiding under our house. Oh yes, it's true. Life in Los Angeles, baby...

On Friday, Jude and I were having a quiet afternoon at home.

I had just let Jude buy a new game for his DSi as a reward for letting me drag him around during the last day of his Spring Break to the hardware store, the drug store AND the Target, and he was sitting happily in the corner of the living room playing away.

I decided to use the time to make some progress on my ongoing bedroom redecorating, and spray paint a curtain rod.

So I grabbed some newspaper, the old curtain rod and the spray paint and went out the back door and around to the side of the house. As I was spreading out the newspaper and shaking my little spray paint can, I suddenly realized that a helicopter was hovering above me.

Now, helicopters aren't uncommon in the Greater Los Angeles area. But when I looked up, I realized that it was an LAPD helicopter, and it was hovering really close to the ground. Really close to the ground, and circling around. Really close to the ground and circling around...me, to be specific...

READ THE REST HERE.

June - Okay, I'm cheating here - I can't decide, so I'm giving you two...

Alienated - My mediocre career as a space alien...

When I first read that the Spin Cycle topic this week was "UFOs", I must admit, I was stumped. Disappointingly, I have never encountered a UFO, no matter how much I wished it.

But then I realized that while I have never met an alien, I have BEEN an alien. Yes, during my long and incredibly mediocre acting career, I have encountered aliens twice. And in rummaging through my old photo albums, I have actually unearthed photographic evidence...

READ THE REST HERE.

The Vibe - My attempts at decorating while living with a husband who has "opinions"...

Jimmy has opinions.

Damn him.

Most husbands have the sense to defer to their wives in all matters involving design, decorating and aesthetics. When it comes time to redecorate, the couple may discuss their mutual needs, and the wife might offer fabric swatches or paint chips, just so the husband feels slightly involved, but for the most part, the wife makes all the choices. Most husbands are happy with this arrangement.

But not Jimmy...

READ THE REST HERE.

July -

Camp Mama 2011 Week Six: Sisters - Our little, testosterone-heavy household is invaded by GIRLS...

As a thank you gift to my friends Lynn and Darren for hosting my 50th birthday party in their home, we took their two precious daughters, Julianna, 7, and Isabella, 4 for three days. In the past 7 years, Lynn and Darren have been away from the girls exactly...NEVER. Not ever. And when I suggested the idea to Lynn, she jumped at it so fast it made my head spin!...

READ THE REST HERE.

August -

Conversations with Mommy and Pop Part 1 - Visiting the in-laws in New York...

FADE IN:

The family is gathered around the dining room table eating dinner. Mommy has made pasta. Jude, who Mommy thinks isn’t fat enough, has already eaten one enormous bowl of pasta and about 4 slices of Italian bread soaked in sauce.

Jude

I’m done.

Mommy

But you barely ate any of your second bowl of pasta.

Jude

But I don’t want any more. I want ice cream.

Mommy

Oh no, you can’t have ice cream if you don’t eat more of your pasta. It’s not balanced...

READ THE REST HERE.

September -

The One Who Got Away -Regrets? I've had a few. But then again, to few to mention...

The other day, I was talking to my mother-in-law Mommy, and she was all atwitter.

It seems that they had gone to a funeral, a military funeral for an ex-marine, where they draped the coffin with an American flag. According to Mommy, this "brought to mind" an old friend of hers, who she hadn't seen since the '40s, who had been a Marine...

READ THE REST HERE.

October -

LA Noir - My crazy trek across Los Angeles in search of murder...

It was a cloudy day in the City of Angels. The kind of morning that made you want to pour an extra shot of bourbon in your joe so you could face the day.

I looked at my face in the mirror and cringed. Bad night. Hot flashes. I splashed some water on my mug and headed on my way. I had a job to do. Some gumshoe work.

Armed only with my iPhone and a pair of mom jeans, I jumped into my stealthy Prius and started on my quest. My quest for...murder...

READ THE REST HERE.

November -

Dear Period -A love letter...of sorts...

Dear Period,

I fear that over the last few years our relationship has changed dramatically, that things between us have become increasingly uncomfortable and strained, and I know that soon you will leave me forever. Before we move into the next and final phase of our relationship, I'd like to take this opportunity to express my feelings, and hopefully, clear the air a bit...

READ THE REST HERE.

December -

5 Christmas Tips From Mommy - My beloved, eccentric mother-in-law's tips for the season...

For those of you new to Second Blooming, Mommy is my much beloved, 82-year old Brooklyn Italian-American mother-in-law. Mommy is a bundle of love and neuroses. Mommy's turn-ons are cleaning, chocolate, General Hospital, slutty tank tops, the Blessed Mother, blackberry brandy, flashy jewelry, sunbathing, talking to her girlfriends on the phone (all of whom are named Cathy) and her children/grandson. Her turn-offs include germs, bugs, lightning, elevators, bras, logic, "The City", all the scary things she hears about on The Today Show and often...Pop. Picture Edith Bunker with brassy hair and a top purchased from the Victoria's Secret catalogue. I adore her...

READ THE REST HERE.

 

Big. Boy.

Last week, Jude's teacher sent home a checklist which we were supposed to go through, detailing all the specifics of how the kid's study area should be set up -  comfortable chair, good lighting, no distractions, a place for their school supplies. Ergh.

I'm afraid that Jude's been doing his homework at the dining room table. And the whole distractions thing has been an issue. So I'm thinking this checklist is a good idea. And it certainly pointed out what we were lacking.

Honestly, when I was a kid, I mostly did my homework on the coffee table while I was watching "Star Trek". Then when I was a little bit older, I just did it on my bed.

But I realized that it was probably a good idea to set the little man up with a proper study area.

So I spent the entire day today rearranging Jude's entire room, and setting up this...

 

Yep, the kid now has a desk. Thank God for Ikea. It's cute, right?

I'm so proud of myself for buying that shelving unit several years ago, because Ikea also made the matching desk that attached to it. Here's the link if you're interested, it's called the Expedit series. I do highly recommend it. The shelving unit will totally grow with him. I bought those little plastic buckets when he was little to hold all his cars and dinosaurs and stuff, but now we're kind of phasing them out.

I also bought the cool red chair and the lamp and desk accessories to hold all his school supplies. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out.

When Jude got home from school today, I told him he needed to go to his room and start his homework right away. He ran in there with his little backpack and I heard him stop in his tracks and say "Whoa!"

He LOVES it. He was so proud. He especially likes the red chair. Here he is hard at work...

 

I was in the kitchen making dinner, and I kept hearing him talking to himself in there at his new desk. We only children talk to ourselves. He said "this is excellent lighting" and "I love this chair. I could live in this chair." So I'm thinking he's pretty happy about it.

Maybe it'll make him like homework.

Nah.

Camp Mama 2011 Week Five: Mmmm...

...I got nothing.

This week we've done pretty much nothing. Well that's not true. We've done some things. But nothing of note. Remember last week's UBER busy audition/work thing?

Yeah, not a trend. Just a fluke. Had two auditions all week. Sad.

And since none of the events of the week merit their own post, I will attempt to sum things up with bullet points. You know I love my bullet points...

• Jude was at Vacation Bible School with the Presbyterians all week. Much fun was had by all, though apparently, everybody Jude's age was bummed because this is the year they move up into the "Blue Group", which means they no longer get to watch the puppet show. I have no idea what this means, or why this is, but apparently it is a bad thing.
• Only had to endure one night during which the Presbyterians subtly tried to convert me (also known as the Pot Luck Dinner). Jude et al sang lots of songs about Jesus complete with enthusiastic hand gestures.
• Strangely, Corky St. Clair seems to be the songleader at at the Vacation Bible School. Can we say "Marcus Bachmann"?
• I got the "pool" all set up for fun summer play, but now, suddenly, the "pool" filter pump has conked out. According the the internet, this is not an uncommon thing. I really need to order that new pump. The "pool" water is turning an unhealthy shade of green.
• The hot water heater also conked out this week. Had to boil water for baths. Felt very Ma Ingalls.
• I have a love/hate relationship with our plumber. I hate him because he is grossly overpriced. I love him because he's really nice and keeps dropping by unannounced to give Jude presents. He seems to think he's a funny kid. So far, he's given him a plumbers t-shirt, a Darth Vader helmet/voice changer (used - his daughter outgrew it - these things go for $75!) and a fancy schmancy boogie board (also handed down from his daughter).
• Also had to have the furnace man out this week (money is literally spilling through my fingers). Though we don't have air conditioning, Jimmy likes to turn the furnace fan on during the summer to just circulate the air around. Suddenly, the entire house started smelling like a combination of Mommy's basement and a kitty litter box. The reason? The air vent from the furnace had fallen off and was just taking in random basement air. We have one of those weird "California basements" which is very small and open to the crawlspace under the house. Hence the kitty litter smell - the neighbor cats crawl under the house to do their business.
• Got my car back from the body shop!! All better now. Still haven't located Chi, but his insurance has decide to pay for things based on the chain of emails he sent me.
• Sadly, through the replacement of my bumper, I have lost my "ObamaMama" bumper sticker.
• Pilates - Check.

Okay. That's it. Hope your week has been more eventful than mine.

I assure you next week will be hopping. But you'll have to wait to hear all about that. I'll give you one hint - girls.