I don't seem to have been paying much attention to y'all lately, have I? I'm so sorry. I think about y'all all the time, but I just haven't been able to sit down and write anything.
It's funny, the other day I was telling my friend Melissa that despite the fact that I hadn't seen her in months, I felt like I had because I often talk to her INSIDE MY HEAD. I could pick up a phone and call her and actually tell her things, but instead I have long conversations with her INSIDE MY HEAD. She was happy to hear that she's very witty and charming INSIDE MY HEAD, and I love that she always laughs and laughs at my jokes and wholly appreciates what I'm sharing with her. INSIDE MY HEAD.
And that's just where I've been blogging lately. INSIDE MY HEAD. I have written, maybe...15 posts. INSIDE MY HEAD. Trust me, they were all very witty, and clever, and you all loved them all. INSIDE MY HEAD.
But now we are OUTSIDE MY HEAD, so I will try to catch you up a bit on Christmastide in Second Blooming world.
It rained. Finally. Y'all have to understand that we are in a serious drought out here on the west coast. It hadn't rained in moooooonths. So rain was good. What was weird was the way our 100-year old house reacted. About six months ago, the bathroom door stopped closing. The old house had shifted and the door suddenly didn't fit the frame anymore. We had somebody look at it, but he said he was worried about changing anything because it was likely to shift back, and if he messed with it, he'd ruin it. Well guess what? After the rains, the bathroom door now closes perfectly. But now the FRONT door isn't working. It's better now, but for about three days, the only way we could get in or out of our front door was for me to perform what Jude called a "This is Sparta!" on the door. Much like this...
It really was much like that. Only the role of the Spartan dude in the skirt was played by a middle-aged woman in yoga pants and Uggs. Me. I can't imagine what the neighbors thought. Jude LOVED it! He thought I was a read bad ass.
Jude is, sadly, no longer a believer. And in true Judelike fashion, he was in no way angry that we had deceived him Santa-wise, he was only worried that he had ruined Christmas for me. Because he knew how much I loved the whole Santa business. Sweet boy. So when it came time for him to write his letter to Santa (or letter to "Santa" as he now says with air quotes), he balked, and said he really didn't want anything. After much needling, I discovered that the problem was that he had suddenly realized that Jimmy and I pay for his Christmas presents. All this time he'd been thinking it came for free from the North Pole. How much do I love my kid? So I had to go kind of off-letter this year to figure out what he really wanted. I knew he desperately wanted a gaming computer, but sadly, they are a bit pricey. Then...a high school-aged friend of Jude's told me about...Zee. Zee is a computer geek dude who rebuilds computers and beefs them up with lots of RAM and...video card thingies (okay, clearly I don't have a clue here, it's all very technical and...stuff), and sells them to gamers on the cheap.
So I email this Zee, and he told me he could hook me up with just what Jude needed. All I had to do was drive down and pick up the computer in (cue the ominous dum-dum-dum-dum music)...Bellflower, California. Beautiful Bellflower is a wasteland of stripmalls and factories and storage units situated in the armpit of the 605 and the 91 freeways. Let's say it's in Southeast Hell. Zee then texted me this picture so I could find the building...
Luckily, I did not get sold into white slavery, and Zee turned out to be a righteous dude. He set us up with this baby...
The boy is in heaven. He gave me a hug that would be worth driving to Southeast Hell and back every day.
I managed to avoid a Great Teacher Gift Debacle again this year! See previous disasters HERE and HERE. Nosireebob, I have learned from my mistakes. This year, I found something quick and easy and usable, that has a long shelf-life. Just what I needed. I combined a couple of recipes and this is what I came up with. You should save this recipe for next year...
Rosemary Sea Salt
1 3-lb. box kosher salt
2 bunches fresh rosemary (destemmed)
Finely chop the rosemary. Place salt and rosemary in a large pot, and heat over medium heat, stirring often, until it's heated through - about 10 minutes. Pour into a large bowl to cool. Add to wide-mouthed half-pint Mason jars and seal.
Made 11 half-pint jars. Weird amount I know.
My favorite Mondegreen of late...
Jude asked me why there was a Christmas song about "Korean eyes". After puzzling for a bit, I figured out what he was talking about and explained that the line in "Winter Wonderland" is "It will really be like a picture print from Currier and Ives" not..."Korean eyes".
It reminded me that I spent much of my childhood thinking there was a country called Orientare. As in "We three kings of Orientare."
Maybe folks from Orientare have Korean eyes
Well there you have it. Words have appeared OUTSIDE MY HEAD. In the next couple of days I'll be back with my Feast of the Seven Fishes menu for this year. It was goooood (if I do say so myself).
Merry Christmas, y'all!