Oh man, it has just been one of those weeks. Nothing really bad has happened. No big tragedies or unconquerable crises. I have no excuse for my ennui.
I've just been feeling constantly overwhelmed with responsibility. All I want to do is write and go to the gym and be alone. But everybody wants something out of me. And by everybody I mean my husband and child. They keep making me do responsible mom stuff like cleaning the house and providing food for them and driving them where they need to be. Damn it. I keep trying to be selfish, and they just won't let me.
I'm tired, damn it. Do y'all get like this? Is it a mother thing? This overwhelming feeling that everybody and everything is just dragging you down? Like you just want to go off by yourself and live in a cabin in the woods for a week? A cabin in the woods with wifi and Netflix?
So that's how I've been feeling. And then as a capper to the week...
Saturday night, Jude had a friend over for a sleepover. I fed them dinner, made a bed for them in the living room in front of the tv, took a nice hot bath with a glass of wine, and got into bed with Jimmy to watch a spooky movie while the boys hung out doing tweeny things. I soon fell asleep.
About 11:00, I was awakened by a strange shlooping sound, followed by Jimmy saying "Oh no, kid! You okay?"
Jude's little friend had somehow vomited all over our house. Okay, that might be a minor exaggeration, but really, mmmm...not so much. He had tried to run into the bathroom, but hadn't made it, and had proceeded to vomit all over the hallway outside out bedroom and the bathroom. He then walked throoooooough the vomit and into the bathroom, thus spreading vomit all over the bathroom. And himself.
In order for me to get out of our bedroom and help this child, my choices were...1. walk through the vomit in my bare feet or 2...okay, there was no second choice.
So I waded through another person's child's vomit, then ministered to this poor vomiting child. Then I had to wade back through the vomit and do this weird thing wherein I stood my vomit-covered bare feet on a dirty towel and shuffled into the kitchen without tracking vomit everywhere, so I could wash my feet in the sink and then find cleaning supplies to clean up the puddle of vomit.
It was while I was in the kitchen that the vomiting child decided to walk back through the puddle of vomit so he could lie down on the bed I had made for them in the living room. I managed to stop him and strip his feet of his vomit-soaked socks before he had covered the rest of the house in vomity footprints. I swear, I was spraying this kids feet with Windex.
I then, after calling the poor sick boy's poor mother, who was trying very hard to enjoy a night out at a party, proceeded to spend the next 45 minutes cleaning up about a gallon of vomit. I swear to God, it was like The Exorcist or something. It was everywhere - the floor, the walls, the rug. I went through an entire roll of paper towels. I did Pinesol, Lysol - all the 'sols. I then moved on to the bleach. I guess I went a little crazy with the cleaning products.
Finally, after the poor guy's mom got there and took him home, and I felt that the vomit removal was complete, and I scrubbed myself into the bathtub, stripped off my vomit-ridden nightgown, and collapsed. When I was finally able to go to bed at about 12:30, I was completely unable to sleep - I kept having these weird vomit dreams. Oh dear God.
And where were Jimmy and Jude during the vomit-a-thon? Hiding. Jude was hiding in his room, ignoring his poor sick friend, and Jimmy was in the bed with...I swear to God...the covers over his head.
I woke up this morning feeling SO overwhelmed and exhausted. Was there anybody else who needed me to take care of them? Because I just didn't think I could, I didn't think I had it in me.
Then I read this blog by my friend Elizabeth about a particularly difficult time she's having with her special needs daughter, and I just smacked myself in the head."Oh good Lord, Gretchen, get over it! Pull your head out of your butt and get over it! Your family is healthy. Nothing in your life is insurmountable. Vomit is easily cleaned. Yes, your people need you, but you wouldn't want it any other way, so stop whining."
And Jimmy was so grateful and ashamed that I cleaned up all that vomit while he hid, that he gave me a nice foot massage.
So...how was your week?