Okay, so I watched the Grammy's. And I have the the following questions...
Why doesn't anybody sing songs by themselves anymore? Every song seems to be "featuring" somebody. Daft Punk (featuring Pharrel Williams and Nile Rodgers). Robin Thicke (featuring TI and Pharrel Williams). Pink (featuring Nate Ruess). Is it a fad? A gimmick? Do record companies think nobody will buy the records with only one star on them?
Why, on the Grammy's, does every single act have to be one of these stunt pairings where some old dude and some young dude sing together? I mean, some of them sort of make sense, like putting Carole King and Sara Bareilles together with back to back pianos - they are different generations of the same type of singer/songwriter, and clearly admired each other, and sounded great together. And some of these pairings are kind of inspired, like sticking Blake Shelton with Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson and Merle Haggard for a Highwaymen semi-reunion, because bless their hearts, neither Willie or Kris or Merle can carry a tune in a bucket anymore or remember the lyrics, and Blake kind of kept them on track. But most of these pairings were just weird and kind of embarrassing. I mean, classical pianist Lang Lang together with Metallica? And I grew up loving me some Chicago, but the Chicago/Robin Thicke mash up was so dull that it actually made me miss Miley and her big foam thumb.
Why did Pharrell Williams wear that silly Royal Canadian Mounties hat?
Why are half of the presenters on the Grammy's movie stars? Julia Roberts introducing Paul and Ringo? What the what? Jeremy Renner? Jared Leto? Anna Kendrick and Steve Coogan? I mean, I didn't even know who those two were, I had to IMDB them. Is it that nobody trust musicians to actually speak the lines on the teleprompter?
Why is Pink always singing while hanging upside down from a rope? Haven't we seen this before?
Why, after all the hype and build up about a Paul/Ringo reunion, did they end up performing together on this really lame, new Paul song that nobody knew? And why, during this "historic performance" were they showing pictures of Johnny Depp on the screen behind them, hyping some movie that the Paul song must be in the soundtrack of? (But kudos to Yoko and Sean Lennon, looking eerily like a 1969 John, on the front row, dancing up a storm to Paul and Ringo.)
What's the deal with those Daft Punk people? Why are they robots?
Why do they keep having LL Cool J host the Grammy's? This is his third time, and I just don't get it. I mean, he's not actually terrible. He's just boring. He's just not host material. Neil Patrick Harris stepped out to give out one award, and it was a breath of fresh air. They should just let Tina Fey and Amy Poehler host all the awards.
Why, at the end of a peculiar but well-meaning and moving, despite it's strangeness, performance by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, during which Queen Latifah performs a wedding ceremony for 100 gay and straight couples, did Madonna come out, looking as if she was doped up on Xanax or maybe it was just that all that Botox has made her unable to express any emotion any more, dressed like this...
Why do I continue to watch the Grammy's year after year when I have all these questions?
If anyone out there knows the answers to any of these questions, please feel free to share!