When I was 10 years old, Mama gave me this...
My Diary. For many years, I protectively locked it, hid the key and then carefully stowed away the diary itself. I never used it as a journal per se, not a daily record of my activities. It was more of a...dumping ground. A place for me to spew forth my preteen/teenage angst, safe from judgment or recrimination.
I fervently wrote in it for short spurts of time, first when I was 10 and 11. I then lost interest for a few years, returning during my traumatic puberty years, then again during my senior year in high school, when I wrote loooong, angst-ridden, gossipy diatribes about who did what to whom and how sad it all made me. Much time was spent on various boys who I had crushes on, but didn't know I was alive. Sad.
It's all very embarrassing stuff. But I'm always up for a challenge, and seldom shy away from public humiliation. So when Andrea at Maybe It's Just Me e-mailed and invited me to join her My So-Called Teenage Life Blog Hop, I just couldn't resist.
And so for your enjoyment, dear readers, I am now opening up my Five Year Diary of old. I tremble and take a deep breath...
Diary arrived during the summer after 4th Grade, just in time for our summer vacation car trip...
5th Grade seems to have been quite traumatic. First off, there was this problem...
and then there was...Robbie Dobbs...
but then there was this...
Our next stop in my diary's Sturm und Drang tour of my childhood is 8th Grade, when I next put pen to paper. I will spare you my tiny and almost indecipherable handwriting...
January 29, 1975
It's been since 5th Grade when I last wrote you. I decided that it was about time to start again. A lot has happened, but I can't tell you all of it because it would take too much time. Mama and Daddy make me really mad a lot. Mama does more than Daddy. She's always complaining that I'm never doing anything right. She just makes it worse. Everything is changing so fast. Everybody else is changing too. Last summer, almost all of the guys voices changed, and they have all shot up in height. I like a lot of guys and have a lot of boys that are friends, but no boyfriends. It really makes me mad that all of the more popular guys are so predudice [sic] against all of us girls in other cliches [sic] besides there's [sic]. Why is our grade so split up? Now it's better than it was last year, but it's still terrible. There are a lot of more popular girls that are really nice and I can understand why they are popular, but there are also girls (like Claudia) that are perfectly boring and have no personality, yet they are cute and flirty and have a lot of friends, not because they are nice to be around, but because people think that if they are around them, they will be popular. And it probably true. But I'm not going to be a hypocrite!!
Wow. Think I was jealous of Claudia? Much?
August 15, 1975
This summer has been really strange. I really have done a lot, yet I feel as though I haven't done anything. I guess that it is because I really don't know what I want to do, but I know that I'm not satisfied with what I have.
I went to a party at Mark's house. It was fun, and was probably the only time all summer that I've felt satisfied. Mark is a really sweet person, but he's just not what I want. Mary has a terrible crush on him, but I'm afraid that he is beginning to like Flavia.
Of all of the guys in our grade, I think that Blair is probably the sweetest and cares the most about other people's feelings. He is such a love. I think that he thinks that I'm a nice person, and I think of him as a good friend. He is always making cracks about my height. I really don't like them though. It makes me mad that I'm taller than him. We would be a lot better off together if I wasn't.
Oh my, oh my. I can't get no satisfaction. Sadly, I really don't remember the aforementioned Blair ever really paying much of any attention to me. And yes, by this age I was already an Amazonian 5'10". Dances were deeply painful. But despite that...
January 9, 1976
I've decided that 1975 was a pretty good year. A lot of changes have happened. I had a lot of problems (I still have them) but I think that I've really matured a lot. I also think that I've made a lot of new friends, and one way of having a good life is having a lot of friends. Here are the major good things that happened to me in 1975 -
1. Teahouse of the August Moon. I had a great time doing this play. All of the people in the cast were wonderful. We were all so close and are still good friends. Joe Evans became a great friend. He goes to Crockett [another high school] and is extremely good looking. There was a lot of backstage fooling around. Kaysie was in it too. She and I always fought over Joe. I was in a lot of other plays too, including 1776 and The Ugly Duckling.
2. Mark's party (mentioned before) was really fun, and so were a lot of other party's [sic]. Mary and I had a party at her house. It was a lot of fun for her and me, but I don't know if it really was for all of the other people. I think it was.
3. The Pizza Place has become a local "hang-out". Mary, Flavia and I go down there often on Saturday nights. One Saturday, we were down there and everybody decided that we should all go somewhere and have a party. Well, Mary somehow let Blair know that Mama and Daddy were out of town and then Blair conned me into letting a bunch of people come over to my house! Robin was the only one who could drive us, so in his Mustang was in the back seat David, Flavia, Me and Mary. Worth and Jimbo were sitting on our laps! In the front seat was Robin, Blair, Keith and some high school guy. On top of them was Kelley. I don't know how we did it, but we had a good time at my house.
I'm fairly sure that my parents never knew about this party. Fairly.
Okay, that's enough for today. I'll spare you senior year. Or maybe I'll just save it for the next blog hop. Andrea? When's that happening? I suggest you head over to Andrea's place and check out more teenage angst!
Did you keep a teenage diary? Please share!