6 Things I Never Learned in School

1. How to work it

From elementary school through high school, I was absolutely convinced that no boy would ever think I was hot. I never had a boyfriend, I was never one of the popular girls. And it wasn't until college that I figured out that my problem wasn't the way I looked or even the way I acted. It was that I was absolutely and completely unaware of my own sexuality. Nobody had ever taught me how to work it. But now, I could teach the class. We'd have lessons like "Cleavage is Your Friend", "Flirting To Achieve Your Goals" and "I am Woman, Hear Me Roar".

2. How to act

This may seem odd, since I was an...ACTING major. But, I really didn't figuring out what I was doing until I studied years later in LA. I think this might be a sad truth about learning many of the fine arts in a university setting. For one thing, becoming a proficient actor involves having a safe place where you can allow yourself to be completely vulnerable, and that ain't college. Also, art is so completely subjective, but professors have no choice but to give people grades. And naturally, some students are going to be much more talented than others, but others are hard workers. How do you grade that? So professors are forced to fill the curriculum with gradable busy work. I'm afraid I learned much more about beer and men than the actual craft of acting.

3. Patience

Life would be so much more pleasant if I had somehow at some time been taught how to be patient. I've grappled with this all my life. I am CONSTANTLY either waiting for something to happen, or worrying that something will happen, or wishing somebody would get out of my way. It's such a waste of energy. I'm not quite sure what they'd teach in Patience 101. It probably would involve a certain amount of deep breathing. Letting go. I fear I will never learn this.

4. Math

Okay, I guess that I should clarify. I was TAUGHT math. I just never LEARNED math. I got good grades because I have a good short-term memory and I like puzzles so I could make a formula work for me. But I never, ever understood the concepts - the bigger picture of math. The reasoning behind the answers. And so now, I remember virtually nothing. This is becoming more and more apparent now that Jude is entering the terrifying world of geometry and such. I am trying very hard not to let him realize that mom counts on her fingers.

5. Self motivation

I am a life-long procrastinator and dawdler. I can function very well and efficiently if I am given a deadline. But I almost always wait to the last minute to get things done. I was a notorious test-crammer. I can't tell you how many end of the semester projects I finished during an all-nighter on the last day of school. I know full well that my work would be of a higher quality if I paced myself more effectively. But...just can't do it.

6. Failure

Well that's not really right, I certainly learned how to fail. Just not how to accept failure gracefully, and move on. Luckily, my parents did endow me with a healthy dose of self-respect. Which is pretty important in order to fail gracefully. And here I am in a profession in which one is rejected on a daily basis. And nowadays, it's even worse - no kid ever fails. Everybody's a winner! So maybe these kids are gonna be in serious need of a course on Failure. I'm not sure how the curriculum would be designed. Maybe they'd lead you to believe you were succeeding, only to pull the rug out from under you in an embarrassing and public way? Then they would offer you lessons in How to Minimize Your Wallowing and Binge Drinking,  How to Believe in Yourself Even When Your Life Feels Meaningless and most importantly How to Know When You Really Have Failed and It's Time to Get a New Profession.

What things did YOU never learn in school?

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This post was inspired by

Prompt #5 - 6 things you never learned in school.

Comments

[Shelby]

Interesting!! I think one thing I never learned in elementary/middle/high school and undergrad college is how important it is to show up and try. I always figured being there only when I needed to and doing the bare minimum was sufficient, and most of the time it was, but I didn't realize until I TAUGHT, how much that affects your outcome. My first grad degree was in English and I taught several sections of Freshman Composition. Grading that, I came to understand how subjective grading is, even in the hard sciences or things you think of as black or white. A student would come in and ask me for an extension on a paper? I realized that if that student had been showing up to class and participating on a regular basis, then yeah, I was willing to cut him/her a break and give an extra day or perhaps not grade as harshly. But a student who rarely shows up and goofs off in my class? No extension for you, buddy. And in everything, I was much more willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt if I knew they were engaged in my class and really trying to learn. Show your work in math? Well, if you've come to class every day and turned in all your homework, sure, I'll give partial credit for this answer because I can see that you were on the right track. If you blew my class off? Wrong is wrong. Sorry.

Another thing nobody taught me, and this is also something I happened to learn in graduate school although it's a lesson you can learn anywhere, is to recognize how important "unimportant" people are. For example, everyone in my grad program treated the two office secretaries like, you know, personal servants or something. However, when it came to class assignment, they all sucked up to the department chair. I, on the other hand, inadvertently got around that. One of the secretaries did a big favor for me and I brought her a $3.00 bouquet of carnations to thank her. And I was nice to her and always chatted a bit when I made copies or whatever. Guess who got EVERY single class she requested? For two years? It didn't even occur to me until later that the two things were related. Yes, the department chair made the decision about class assignments, but the secretary was the one who put the pile of papers on his desk, mine at the top, assholes at the bottom. It made me realize that if you want something, you need to recognize who REALLY has power and influence in an organization. And never think that someone else is "below you" or not worth your time, or you can treat them poorly, because chances are they have a much bigger impact on your outcome than you think. Plus it's just plain douchey to mistreat someone.

[Single Mom in the South]

I never quite mastered how to work it either, but teaching in an inner city magnet school, well not so much my second graders, but when I taught 4th grade, those girls could have taught ME how to work it... it's a little sad, actually, how much they've been exposed to.

Popping in from Mama Kat's

[Tamara]

Self-motivation and patience should definitely be taught in school! These two tools would have changed my life. As far as math, me too. I think there is a flaw in the way they taught the concepts. I see my girls learning these things with a real-life spin and that makes me hopeful.
Loved the blog. Laughed out loud several times, which always makes me come back for more! Visiting from Mama Kat's.

[Hot Mess Princess]

I'm with you on the math, sister! That was definitely one of my six. LOL. Love your post!

[Nicoyle]

I felt the same way in high school as not knowing how to work it. Although, I was the shy type that didn't really like to stand out and thought I was okay looking. Those classes though would have been interesting though.

[VandyJ]

As far as math goes--they are finally teaching math I recognize to Turbo. Before this they taught truly foreign math concepts. but I have persevered in helping Turbo with the dreaded math.
The best lesson I learned in college that was not intentionally taught was to engage in class. Participation goes a long way. It made me not afraid to answer questions in class.
Also, a smile goes a long way.

My spin is up:
http://tttandme.blogspot.com/2013/03/spin-cycle-let-me-tell-you-something.html

[Arnebya]

I've really, truly been thinking about this lately. I wish someone, in or outside of school, would have taught me more domestic things: how to clean blinds effectively (once you've let the dust and gunk sit on them too long.) I wish I'd have been taught how not to procrastinate, and basically how to run my household. I have, finally, determined what I need to make my house run smoothly, but implementing it? No one taught me that and I continue to struggle.

[Danica Surette]

"Worrying is a down payment on something that will, most likely, NEVER happen."

I was travelling with my cousin (a guitarist) to a concert practise last night and we spoke of this very topic "No kid ever fails". Both he and I have children with debilitating anxiety, (except mine has Tourette syndrome, OCD and ADD) which has caused us (to the detriment of our children) to be more leniant in our parenting.

My husband and I weren't as bad as my cousin and his wife, yet we are learning how to correct our mistakes (professionla help) while she is still young. Unfortunately my cousin's son is 16, and set in his ways.

We spoke about how, we as parents, we can be taught how to prepare our children for failure, but this very necessary reality is not reinforced in schools.

[ar]

I am with ya on all these things , except for the acting thing and I have been blessed with an immense amount of patience in most things, much to my chagrin at times.
I laughed at the 'how to work it' part. I have always thought you are beautiful and with that you would certainly think you could 'work it.' But ya know what? I get it. I, a good Catholic girl, that went to 13 years of Catholic school, know that sexuality was kept in a nice crisp uniform with a peter pan collar. lol. (and yes I count kindergarten because it was after all, a full day.) I still don't think I have that sexuality thing down even tho my husband tells me I was hot. WAS being the key word here. I wish I knew that then cuz I would have worked it more than to just get a free apple pie thrown in at 2:00a.m. on a McDonald's drunk-drive thru mission with my sister .
Math I'll never get and it was a problem I passed down to both my kids. By third grade I was dunzo because I only got through general math in HS and then I wimped out and took busniess law which luckily for me counted as a math back in the good ole days.
Gretchen, you work it girl cuz you def 'got it.'!

[Alaina]

Is there any way to actually teach patience? If so, I should probably sign up for that class!

[Paula Kiger]

But wait! You're a procrastinator but you were the first to link up?! If I were your teacher, I'd give you a gold star!

[Tina]

Patience? What's patience? Is that something we have to know? Will it be on the test?

Yeah, I don't have any of that.

[Alexandra]

I love this prompt, and thought how I never knew how beautiful I was , just be the sheer act of being young.

The power I had.

And I never knew it, and let others have the power.

If I could do it over. OH IF I COULD DO IT OVER.

[Stacey @ Life So Lovely]

I suck at math. My children have learned that if they have math homework, they just bypass me and go straight to their dad...it's actually kinda sad, really!

Stopping in from Mama Kat's.

[mommylisa]

Patience 101 and the Cleavage Class sound like no-brainers for any curriculum. ;)