Oscar Host Seth MacFarlane. That's all anybody's talking about. The NPR website asked the question - "Seth MacFarlane - Crude or Classy? Delightful or a Dolt?" To which I say...yes. All of the above. Honestly? I thought he was fine. He was by no means my favorite, but he didn't completely suck. He did some really funny stuff. He did some pleasant song and dance numbers, which I'm a sucker for. And yes, he was crude and tasteless, but we knew he would be, I mean he's the Family Guy guy! He was supposed to be offensive and politically incorrect! I admit that I laughed at the "We Saw Your Boobs" song, which some ladies on the internets seemed to deem offensive, to which I roll my eyes, and say "Get a sense of humor, sister." The joke was that he was deliberately doing the most offensive thing he could think of! And honestly, we had seen their boobs, so I think they're fair game. And throwing in the Gay Men's Chorus of LA was hysterical. I'd say my only real issue with his performance as host was that he needed an editor. Most of his bits started out funny, then went on toooooooooo long. I'm afraid that in the end I was left with the feeling that the whole evening had just been a little tacky.
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And speaking of being a little tacky...
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DISCLAIMER: I love big, cheesy production numbers.
I just ate up all of the "Salute to Oscar Music" stuff. Catherine Zeta-Jones rocked singing "All That Jazz" from Chicago (even though I'm pretty sure she was lip-syncing), Jennifer Hudson blew the roof off with "And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going" from Dreamgirls (even though she's lost so much weight, she pretty much can't play that part anymore) and I cried for a full 10 minutes after the Les Miz cast performed their "One Day More" medley...
Oh there I go, crying again.
Anyway, on top of all of the big numbers, we also got Streisand! Singing "The Way We Were"! And Adele singing that "Skyfall" song (not the greatest Best Song winner, but Adele's the coolest, so who cares).
But hands down, the best performance of the night goes to Dame Shirley Bassey, singing "Goldfinger" in the 50 Years of Bond tribute (apologies for this dreadful video that someone recorded with their calculator or something)...
76 years FABULOUS!!
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Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #1 - Kristen Stewart
Okay, I know that she had cut her foot, and was hobbling around on crutches, but seriously, couldn't she have at least washed her hair? And I also know how hard it must be to wear an evening gown and keep it in place when you're hobbling around on crutches, but Kristen just didn't seem to give a flying f&$%. If it had happened to me, I'd have talked Channing Tatum into carrying me on stage and putting me down. I guess it's her "thing" to be all "I hate Hollywood fame and fortune", so I ask "Why did you go to the stinking Academy Awards at all?" It would have been cooler if she'd just said she had a gig playing clarinet at Michael's Pub, and couldn't attend. And she kept fiddling with her horrible hair - everything about her just makes me want to know where the hell her mother is.
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And speaking of Channing Tatum...I know he's real purty and everything, but seriously...dumb as a stump, right? He presented with Jennifer Aniston, and the poor guy could just barely string words together into sentences. He kind of just grunted. Imagine if he and Kristen Stewart did a movie together?! Though I was impressed by his dancing.
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Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #2 - Renee Zellweger
What the hell has she done to herself? She's gonna end up like Melanie Griffith or Meg Ryan if she doesn't lay off the botox NOW. Though, her dress and body were gorgeous...
And when she came out with the cast of Chicago to present, she truly seemed wasted. Either she'd downed a few martinis, or one too many Xanax. She was actually teetering, and bumping into people, and kept staring strangely at Richard Gere. It was weird.
Since I can't find the video from last night, I can't resist Tracey Ullman...
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Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #3 - Quvenzhané Wallis
PLEASE don't let this happen! First, I want to say that she was apparently amazing in Beasts of the Southern Wild, and she was absolutely precious on the red carpet with her beautiful little Armani dress and sweet little puppy purse...
But 9-years old is too damned young to be nominated for an Oscar! If she doesn't have some seriously down-to-earth, protective handlers, she's going to get screwed up fast. The bull that swirls around people when they reach that level of fame will screw up a grownup, I can't imagine how it would effect a little girl. I know I should qualify this by saying that I have serious issues with allowing children to be actors at all, so maybe I'm biased. But all that hand-pumping and posing she was doing really worries me. Let her be a little girl before she turns into Tatum O'Neill or Lindsey Lohan!
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I love her, I respect her, I want to be her best friend. But I don't get why Michelle Obama presented the Oscar for Best Picture. I understand and love the idea of her wanting to come on the show to support and promote education in the arts. But when Nicholson introduced her, I just kept going "Huh? She's not in the movies." Maybe they should have had her come on earlier and say a few words and maybe present one of the lesser awards?
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What was the deal with the middle-aged guys with Gandalf hair?!
Three words - Locks of Love.
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Okay, that's enough of my general whining. Let's whine about clothes!
All of the Jennifers did well...
That is it for my annual Oscars recap. Go see Stacy for more random thoughts!
I don't watch the awards shows but like to read People magazine to get the lowdown on who won what and who wore what. Kristen Stewart is probably my least favorite actress of all time. Ever since Heidi split from Seal, it seems she's been baring all.
Posted by: Terra Heck | 02/25/2013 at 11:24 PM
I've been looking forward to your recap, and.....I agree with everything you've said!
Poor Daniel Radcliff for having to be next to Kristen.
Charlize looked great too.
Where were the Jolie-Pitts this year?
Why is Jennifer Garner also in the news, i.e. People, etc?
I think Renee got all that work done cuz people made fun of her face. I always liked her acting.
I hardly recognize Catherine Z-Jones due to her changing face over the years.
Posted by: Michele R | 02/26/2013 at 04:24 AM
LOL I am right there with you on so many things: McFarlane, the guys with ugly long hair, and yeah, Stewart was most definitely high. Though, her face always looks like she just woke up from a long sleep after being hit by a tranq gun. So there's that... All in all, it wasn't a bad show but not that great either. I liked when Hugh Jackman hosted.
Posted by: Claire | 02/26/2013 at 05:41 AM
Since, I rarely keep up with these things I totally depend on you for the inside scoop. I did watch a little of the Oscars after Antiques Roadshow was over (I have priorities). I agree with you, That Stewart woman should not have even gone. She looked like she was bored, drunk and stupid all at once. There were a couple of other actresses (I have no clue who they are) where My first thought was: back away from the Botox sister.
Posted by: Michele | 02/26/2013 at 06:19 AM
I always adore your recap of the awards! Especially since I find myself nodding in agreement to EVERYTHING you say. :) And Kristen Stewart has become one hot mess, hasn't she? Renee Zellweger really does need to lay off the botox - she's losing her 'fresh face' look that was so 'her'. Melissa McCarthy is beautiful but she TOTALLY needs to fire her stylist. STAT.
Art Show Yawn-Fest, Funny Princess Nagger, Baby Bear Rescue and Michele Obama Dancing – Random Tuesday Thoughts Rebel
Posted by: Stacy Uncorked | 02/26/2013 at 06:37 AM
I don't watch the Oscars, but I love looking at what was worn, and the snark that can come with it.
Posted by: VandyJ | 02/26/2013 at 07:35 AM
I absolutely HATE the way Melissa McCarthy dresses. She could do SO much for plus-size fashion, and she has hideous taste in clothes. Just AWFUL.
As usual, words fail me when confronted with Ms. Bonham Carter. And Kristen Stewart looks like her dress is coming unzipped, and she's trying to keep it from falling off.
Posted by: Jan's Sushi Bar | 02/26/2013 at 07:51 AM
Do you know...I missed it!!! Argh!! Couldn't skip choir rehearsal, cuz we have a concert this week. Talk about heartbroken. Today's goal? Do All the Laundry, and find a rebroadcast. I'm hoping they made it easy on me and put in On Demand. (No, we don't have DVR...or even a VCR anymore. Dagnabbit.)
Love your recap as always. I look forward to it every year!
Posted by: Aimee | 02/26/2013 at 07:58 AM
I still have yet to watch it on my DVR so this was a cool summary for me!
Posted by: Julie Maloney (@Momspective) | 02/26/2013 at 10:22 AM
I didn't watch more than the bits I saw when I padded through the basement where the girls and my husband were watching (and he was only watching for them and they were only watching for the gowns.) I don't, nor do I attempt to, get Kristen Stewart. I only kinda/sorta agree about Quvenzhané Wallis. I think there's still time to intervene. I don't see many major roles, let alone starring roles in her immediate future, but by the time she's 12 or so, I do. And I would hope that her mama got to work on the rigors of the business and what it means to have places like The Onion (which I normally adore) refer to you as a c_nt, even in jest. I loved the FLOTUS was there; it seemed like fun to her. I've heard that she had an "agenda" mentioning troops, but overall I thought it a nice surprise. And if you're gonna have the first lady, the first lady, whoever she is, should be doing the biggest award of the night. I agree on all your fashion pics, good and bad (especially Jessica Chastain WHOOOO LAWD her whole look was beautiful (although I do think Amy Adams was a bit too Cinderelly-ish.)) And Ben's comment about marriage I took to mean he is acknowledging the work that marriage is rather than have people believe oh we're happy all the time, it's a nod to something we choose to do, live with another person, and all that goes into making that work, especially in Hollywood. It seemed heartfelt and...right.
Posted by: Arnebya | 02/26/2013 at 01:33 PM
I went to bed after the first award was presented and have not seen any post Oscar chatter until yours, and I loved it! It was the perfect amount of info for me to have. A few flags for what clips might be worth my viewing...thank you!
Posted by: andrea-maybe it's just me | 02/27/2013 at 09:46 AM
Agree on so many of the observations. We were picking up a friend from the airport so missed the fall.
My spin is ready if you want it. http://jadcock.blogspot.com/2013/02/sometime-i-should-be-arrested.html
Posted by: janice adcock | 02/27/2013 at 01:11 PM
I am so sick of Kristen Stewart. She needs to get over herself. And I thought Jennifer Hudson rocked her weight watchers bod! I'm hoping that that's what my weight watchers bod looks like in a few years!
Posted by: Kendra | 02/28/2013 at 06:17 PM