Oscar Host Seth MacFarlane. That's all anybody's talking about. The NPR website asked the question - "Seth MacFarlane - Crude or Classy? Delightful or a Dolt?" To which I say...yes. All of the above. Honestly? I thought he was fine. He was by no means my favorite, but he didn't completely suck. He did some really funny stuff. He did some pleasant song and dance numbers, which I'm a sucker for. And yes, he was crude and tasteless, but we knew he would be, I mean he's the Family Guy guy! He was supposed to be offensive and politically incorrect! I admit that I laughed at the "We Saw Your Boobs" song, which some ladies on the internets seemed to deem offensive, to which I roll my eyes, and say "Get a sense of humor, sister." The joke was that he was deliberately doing the most offensive thing he could think of! And honestly, we had seen their boobs, so I think they're fair game. And throwing in the Gay Men's Chorus of LA was hysterical. I'd say my only real issue with his performance as host was that he needed an editor. Most of his bits started out funny, then went on toooooooooo long. I'm afraid that in the end I was left with the feeling that the whole evening had just been a little tacky.
And speaking of being a little tacky...
DISCLAIMER: I love big, cheesy production numbers.
I just ate up all of the "Salute to Oscar Music" stuff. Catherine Zeta-Jones rocked singing "All That Jazz" from Chicago (even though I'm pretty sure she was lip-syncing), Jennifer Hudson blew the roof off with "And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going" from Dreamgirls (even though she's lost so much weight, she pretty much can't play that part anymore) and I cried for a full 10 minutes after the Les Miz cast performed their "One Day More" medley...
Oh there I go, crying again.
Anyway, on top of all of the big numbers, we also got Streisand! Singing "The Way We Were"! And Adele singing that "Skyfall" song (not the greatest Best Song winner, but Adele's the coolest, so who cares).
But hands down, the best performance of the night goes to Dame Shirley Bassey, singing "Goldfinger" in the 50 Years of Bond tribute (apologies for this dreadful video that someone recorded with their calculator or something)...
76 years FABULOUS!!
Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #1 - Kristen Stewart
Okay, I know that she had cut her foot, and was hobbling around on crutches, but seriously, couldn't she have at least washed her hair? And I also know how hard it must be to wear an evening gown and keep it in place when you're hobbling around on crutches, but Kristen just didn't seem to give a flying f&$%. If it had happened to me, I'd have talked Channing Tatum into carrying me on stage and putting me down. I guess it's her "thing" to be all "I hate Hollywood fame and fortune", so I ask "Why did you go to the stinking Academy Awards at all?" It would have been cooler if she'd just said she had a gig playing clarinet at Michael's Pub, and couldn't attend. And she kept fiddling with her horrible hair - everything about her just makes me want to know where the hell her mother is.
And speaking of Channing Tatum...I know he's real purty and everything, but seriously...dumb as a stump, right? He presented with Jennifer Aniston, and the poor guy could just barely string words together into sentences. He kind of just grunted. Imagine if he and Kristen Stewart did a movie together?! Though I was impressed by his dancing.
Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #2 - Renee Zellweger
What the hell has she done to herself? She's gonna end up like Melanie Griffith or Meg Ryan if she doesn't lay off the botox NOW. Though, her dress and body were gorgeous...
And when she came out with the cast of Chicago to present, she truly seemed wasted. Either she'd downed a few martinis, or one too many Xanax. She was actually teetering, and bumping into people, and kept staring strangely at Richard Gere. It was weird.
Since I can't find the video from last night, I can't resist Tracey Ullman...
Hollywood Disaster Waiting To Happen #3 - Quvenzhané Wallis
PLEASE don't let this happen! First, I want to say that she was apparently amazing in Beasts of the Southern Wild, and she was absolutely precious on the red carpet with her beautiful little Armani dress and sweet little puppy purse...
But 9-years old is too damned young to be nominated for an Oscar! If she doesn't have some seriously down-to-earth, protective handlers, she's going to get screwed up fast. The bull that swirls around people when they reach that level of fame will screw up a grownup, I can't imagine how it would effect a little girl. I know I should qualify this by saying that I have serious issues with allowing children to be actors at all, so maybe I'm biased. But all that hand-pumping and posing she was doing really worries me. Let her be a little girl before she turns into Tatum O'Neill or Lindsey Lohan!
I love her, I respect her, I want to be her best friend. But I don't get why Michelle Obama presented the Oscar for Best Picture. I understand and love the idea of her wanting to come on the show to support and promote education in the arts. But when Nicholson introduced her, I just kept going "Huh? She's not in the movies." Maybe they should have had her come on earlier and say a few words and maybe present one of the lesser awards?
What was the deal with the middle-aged guys with Gandalf hair?!
Three words - Locks of Love.
Okay, that's enough of my general whining. Let's whine about clothes!
All of the Jennifers did well...
That is it for my annual Oscars recap. Go see Stacy for more random thoughts!