I worry sometimes that my rapidly advancing middle-age makes me less relevant and contemporary than many of you other, much younger mommy-bloggers. So just to prove to myself (and you) that I'm a much better blogger now than I would have been when I was a carefree 20-something chippy, I give you 10 posts that I most certainly would have written if my blog was called "First Blooming" (in no particular order)...
1. My Fascinating Career as a Regional Catalogue Model
Look y'all! I booked a new modeling gig! It's for a catalogue they send out ALL OVER Texas PLUS Louisiana and maybe even OKLAHOMA!
2. How to Survive on Nothing But Coffee, Cigarettes and Stove Top Stuffing
It can be done, y'all! This new Stove Top Stuffing is SO easy! You just mix a box with a little water and margarine and VOILA! It's a week of meals! The water makes the little freeze-dried onion and celery sort of rehydrate - YUM!
3. Another Day at the Book Store
First, I straightened Fiction (my fave), then Self-Help/Medical (boring...) and then the Hardcover/Best Sellers - whew! Finally got a smoke/coffee break, then worked the cash register for almost TWO hours! Good news? Only screwed up somebody's change once! Bad news? Called my agent twice, but NO auditions or go-sees. Totally bummed!
4. Bushy Eyebrow Tutorial
Brooke Shields! Madonna! ME! We've all got the look, and now, so can you! All you need is a toothbrush and a little spit...
5. Sign My Petition to Bring Back Real Coke!
I am SO upset about this New Coke thing, that I've started a petition which I'm going to send to the Coca-Cola Headquarters in Atlanta!! I have it on the front counter of the book store, and so far I've got over 100 signatures!! I won't give up until my Coke is back to normal!
6. Fun With Gold Spray Paint!
Y'all know my theory on home decorating - everything is new again if you give it a coat of spray paint it or cover it with material. Well, the other day, I went CRAZY with GOLD spray paint! Everything is gold! The furniture, the curtain rods, the picture frames, the lamps! It's like living inside the movie Xanadu!
7. Update Any Outfit With Shoulder Pads!
The other day, I was at Jo-Ann Fabrics picking out some new material to cover things with, and I discovered that they sell shoulder pads there. So I bought a bunch of them and have been updating all of my clothes by sewing in shoulder pads! You can do it with anything - jackets, t-shirts, dresses. It's an instant style update!
8. I LOVE This Outfit!
9. More Cat Pics!
Mama wuvs her precious babies!!!!
I've taken a bunch MORE pictures of my three cats, but you'll just have to wait until I get the film developed!
10. My Boyfriend's Band
I know I talk about my boyfriend's band all the time, but I just can't help it! They are getting so good! They had TWO gigs this month. And with one of them, they even got paid in MONEY, not just beer! He works SO HARD, it's really time for things to pay off for him. I'm so happy that between my full-time job at the book store + my babysitting jobs + my occasional modeling gig + the money Daddy kicks in, I'm able to pay the rent and support us so he and his friends can practice and write songs all day and night. He's SO talented! I hope that one day I don't stupidly marry him, then kick his lazy butt out after which he finally gets it together and becomes a multi-millionaire songwriter. Yeah, as if!
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This post was inspired by...
Prompt #2 - 10 reasons you should be glad I didn't blog in my 20's. (Inspired by Wendi Aarons and friends)
You're killing me with the modeling and the cats - sooo funny! But please tell me that last one never happened in real life! Ah, the injustice.
Posted by: Hollow tree ventures | 02/07/2013 at 12:01 AM
I must say, this is one of your best. I laughed, I cried (for alas, I fell prey to the shoulder pads and have some embarrassing modeling photo shots from the '80s) and I loved the cat photos. You are always funny and outspoken, but this hit the mark.
Posted by: Lynn | 02/07/2013 at 01:20 AM
You totally OWNED this writing prompt! I wonder too-what if I had a blog when I was younger, or even when I had babies and toddlers.
I bet the song writer still thinks of you...
Posted by: Michele R. | 02/07/2013 at 04:58 AM
Yeah, As If!
Posted by: Michele | 02/07/2013 at 05:02 AM
Outstanding post! I would have totally followed your blog back then too.
Posted by: Mama Melch | 02/07/2013 at 06:11 AM
I'm impressed you can *remember* your twenties - you've a better memory than I. Of course, when I left my first husband, he just continued to decline, so I guess there's that.
Posted by: Jan's Sushi Bar | 02/07/2013 at 06:35 AM
I probably would have had some posts about my cats too, now that I think about it. I didn't have an exciting modeling career to talk about though so you would have been stuck hearing about the gross bedpans I was navigating through nursing school :)
Posted by: Beth | 02/07/2013 at 06:59 AM
That was so funny! I snorted my coffee and while the heat won't get you, the sugar sure will. My list would have looked something like: worked, went to bar, planned mostly nekkid dinner parties, went to another bar, inadvisedly hooked up with coworkers, went to bar, adopted really stupid sibling cats. (huh, that's only 7 but truly captured my 20s. Ah, youth.)
Posted by: Dawn | 02/07/2013 at 07:09 AM
Oh, how hard I am giggling. At least you have the face and body for modeling (and I totally would have read your blog. Like for sure.)
Posted by: Arnebya | 02/07/2013 at 08:36 AM
Awesome. So incredibly fabulous.
Inquiring minds are all wondering about the identity of your songwriter...but I'm certainly not gauche enough to ask. See? The South trained me well...
Posted by: AimeeWrites | 02/07/2013 at 12:05 PM
Awww. The KITTIES - and I agree that outfit is awesome.
Posted by: mommylisa | 02/07/2013 at 12:11 PM
This is my all-time fave post of yours...SO classic. That first catalog shot...PLEASE tell me the outfit (and props) were part of your payment and that you reenact that scene every Christmas.
Please tell us who the boyfriend was/what band he was in. Based on the timeframe and assuming you were living in LA I have to assume it was a punk or new wave band and as a punker I am dying to know!
In all seriousness, the bushy-brow pic is gorgeous. You look so beautiful!
Posted by: Mo @ The Baby Is Fine | 02/07/2013 at 01:33 PM
I love you, Joyce.
Posted by: Wendi | 02/07/2013 at 02:43 PM
Those pants in #8!!! Geeze. And the lighting. Is that a test shot or a torture tactic? THANK YOU for being brave enough to share. At least you're gorgeous and can carry off the bad '80s accoutrement.
Posted by: Heather Lambie (@heatherlambie) | 02/07/2013 at 03:18 PM
My mom was totally with you on the New Coke thing! For years she embarrassed us by always ordering "Classic Coca Cola" even when New Coke didn't exist any more. ;)
My spin is up!
http://www.lemondroppie.com/2013/02/pet-peeve-medical-students/
Posted by: Ginny Marie | 02/07/2013 at 08:26 PM
you really were stunning.............. as you still are,
Posted by: ar aiello | 02/08/2013 at 12:32 PM
Oh my gosh...I miss thick eyebrows! Yours were awesome!
Posted by: the princess blogger | 02/08/2013 at 06:55 PM
what's not to love about shoulder pads? I remember cutting them out of a shirt so that I could wear them in several different shirts!
Posted by: Robbie | 02/08/2013 at 09:58 PM