Acceptance and Release

For the last 15 or so years of her life, my Mama had a dear and wonderful best friend named Gaynell.

Gaynell was the epitome of those wonderful Texas women I grew up around. She was smart and funny and strong and Christian in the best sense of the word. She was a wonderful cook and homemaker, a mother and grandmother, a powerful volunteer and fundraiser and always had her hair perfectly coiffed and her nails beautifully manicured. She was also a lot of fun, and she and Mama consumed quite a bit of bourbon in each others company.

She and Mama met at church, and were both active members of The Ladies of Charity , in fact, between the two of them, they pretty much ran the whole shebang.

When Daddy died in 1987, Gaynell was one of two of Mama's friends who came to the hospital and sat with us and his body while waiting for the funeral home to show up and take him away. After Daddy's death, Mama and Gaynell became even closer, and after Gaynell's dear husband Dow's death a few years later, they became virtually inseparable.

After Mama died, I stayed in touch with Gaynell. We called and wrote each other. While Gaynell had children and grandchildren of her own, I know that she felt a responsibility to Mama to be there for me. I'd call her and let her know whenever I was going to be on tv, and she was one of my biggest fans. She's the one I would call if I needed a good Southern recipe, and she never failed to provide a tasty one.

At some point in the mid-90's, I went to visit friends and family in Austin. I had written Gaynell a couple of weeks before, to let her know I was coming, and told her I'd call when I got in town. I hadn't heard back from her, but didn't really think much of it.

When I got to Austin, I gave her a call, and was surprised when her daughter, Pam, answered the phone. When Pam heard I was in town, she started to cry, and said "Thank God, you can come and say goodbye to her!"

It turned out that Gaynell had had a catastrophic stroke, from which she would not recover. She had a living will which stated that she did not want to be put on life support or fed by a feeding tube, but chose to die naturally. And so, her family had taken her home, surrounded her with beautiful things, and had come from far and near to tell her goodbye. She was only expected to live another week or so. I rushed over.

When I got there, Pam told me that the doctor claimed that Gaynell wasn't really aware of what was going on around her, and was unable to communicate, but Pam knew that this was crap. She said Gaynell recognized everybody who went in, and though she couldn't speak or write, she was very expressive. She also told me to prepare myself.

I walked into Gaynell's bedroom, and was greeted by a beautiful sight. She was lying in her bed, her hair and nails done, wearing a lovely white nightgown. A rosary was draped in her paralyzed right hand. The room was filled with the fragrance of the many flowers, and a CD player played soft classical music. The walls were covered with pictures of her family and sweet drawings by her grandkids. The room was filled with grace, peace and acceptance.

Pam said softly "Mother? Look who's here."

Gaynell turned her head toward the door, and when she saw me, she gasped and reached out to me with her one good hand, a huge smile on her face. Pam left us alone, and for the next 30 minutes, we held hands, laughed, cried and said goodbye.

When it came time for me to leave, she held tight to my hand, her eyes filled with emotion, and I paused, unsure of how to take my leave. Finally, I said quietly, "Mama is going to be so happy to see you again, she loved you so." Again, Gaynell  gasped, smiling and nodding her head emphatically. We both started to cry, but the tears weren't from sadness. She knew where she was going, knew she'd see Mama there, and knew it would be wonderful. It was the most perfect example of grace and faith that I've ever witnessed in my life.

She passed on a week later.

I have thought of Gaynell's death often since then. Of the amazing synchronicity that I just happened to be in Austin when she was dying. Of her expressive eyes. Of the beautiful death her family arranged for her. And I hope and pray that when it's my time to go, I will be able to muster the acceptance that Gaynell had, and the faith to release and move on with such grace.

___________________________________

This post was inspired by...

 

Prompt #2 - Release

and

Prompt #4 - Acceptance

Comments

[Kat]

Wow! This is such a sweet and amazing story! I love the friendship your Mom had with Gaynell and how they were so close she even stayed in touch with you after your Mother's death. That's a sisterhood right there...not just friends. It sounds like you're going to have a pretty amazing ensemble waiting to greet you in heaven someday!

[CoveredinGrace]

My goodness what a beautiful story. I seriously think that this is the first blog post that has ever made me cry. =) Thank you so much for sharing.

Coming to you from the link up. I'm #15.
Xo

[Paula Kiger]

Thank you for sharing this. My father in law just had a stroke (much more minor than Gaynell's) but it resonates with me -- having sat in a hospital admitting room before a relatively minor post-stroke procedure -- with them asking the "living will" questions. It sounds so easy to say "oh yeah I have a living will" but when a clerk is asking each question somewhat blithely, and you're initialling a piece of paper, it seems a heck of a lot more real. I loved this. Thank you.

[VandyJ]

It's amazing to know such wonderful people. And wonderful that her family gave her such a dignified way to go.

PS: My winter post is up:
http://tttandme.blogspot.com/2013/01/spin-cycle-bring-on-winter.html

[Diane@BeStillaMinute]

What a beautiful story and such a blessing that you were able to say goodbye in such a touching and memorable way.

[suzicate]

Everyone deserves to have such a a wonderful friend as your mother had in Gaynelle. It's wonderful you were able to say goodbye.
Here's my spin http://suzicate.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/a-time-of-rest/

[Sarah at 32Flavors]

Good gracious this has left me in a weepy mess. So glad you were able to have that visit with her.

[Arnebya]

This is gorgeous, Gretchen (have I ever told you how much I love your name? Weirdo.) I am so glad your mother had Gaynelle and Gaynelle her. I'm more glad Gaynelle had you and you her. This is one of those times where you can't just throw something into the coincidence pile and let it be. This was meant to be, your ability to say goodbye to her.

[Jan's Sushi Bar]

Dang it, you have such a talent for making me cry.

[Katherine M]

Great post. So moving.....

[Jennifer]

That was so beautiful.

[Ginny Marie]

Oh, Gretchen, I'm so glad you were able to see her before she died. What a beautiful post on those two powerful words!

[Amanda]

A beautiful story, and it makes me cry in this rainy morning here in Jakarta. Thanks for sharing.