Gretchen, Jude, Mommy and Aunt Grace have visited the little "beach" near Mommy's home. Gretchen and Jude rather snottily refer to it as the "beach" because it's on the bay, and has no waves, and is therefore...lame. Mommy, however, prefers it, not only because it is very close, but because it has no waves, and Jude is therefore less likely to be swept away by the tide.
Mommy and Aunt Grace sit in their beach chairs. Gretchen arranges herself on a towel. Jude jumps in the water to swim.
The following are the internal dialogues of each person...
Why aren't there waves? I like waves. I bet Michael Phelps likes waves. I'm gonna swim out as far as they'll let me. Michael Phelps would swim out as far as they'd let him. I wish there were bigger waves. I'm gonna jump the little waves. Little waves are lame. Michael Phelps would think little waves were lame. I wonder how deep this is. I think it's about 4 feet deep. That would be about 1 and a half meters. I'm going to swim underwater as far as I can. I bet Michael Phelps can swim farther than that. These little waves are lame. Why does Grandma keep waving at me? This is lame. Michael Phelps would think this was lame. I wish Mom would come in and swim with me.
Jude is there. There he is. Is he there? Yes. He's there. Thank God. At least Gretchen is watching him carefully. She's a good mother. He's under the water. No, I see him. Thank God. There he is. He's quite a swimmer. Why is he out so far? There he is. I see him. I don't see him. I see him. He's there. He shouldn't go out so far. There he is. He's there. Thank God. Gretchen's watching him. I wish Gretchen would go out and swim with him.
WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE? I CAN'T SEE HIM! I CAN SEE HIM! THANK GOD! WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE? IS GRETCHEN WATCHING HIM? IS SHE WATCHING HIM? WHY IS HE OUT SO FAR?! WHY IS HE OUT SO FAR?! HE'S GONNA DROWN! HE'S GONNA DIE! WHERE IS HE?! HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE, THE LORD IS WITH THEE...WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE? WHY IS HE OUT SO FAR? HE'S GONNA DIE! HE'S GONNA DROWN! WHY, OH WHY, OH WHY GOD? HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE...THERE HE IS! HE'S ALIVE. OH GOD! I CAN'T SEE HIM! I CAN'T SEE HIM! OH DEAR GOD! OH DEAR GOD! WHY DOESN'T GRETCHEN SWIM WITH HIM??????!!!!
Do I look too fat in this bikini? I do. I shouldn't be wearing this bikini. Maybe if I lie very flat...yes, that's better. If I lie flat and very still I look almost not bad. God, my stomach is white. It's practically reflective. Where's Jude? Hmmm. He's gotta be there somewhere. Oh, that must be him. Maybe, if I prop my head up this way, I can close my eyes behind my sunglasses and Mommy and Grace will think I'm watching Jude. I wish I could read, but then they would know I'm not really watching my child. I look better than that woman in her bikini. I look worse than that other woman in her bikini. Whoa, that woman should not be wearing a bathing suit at all. We do not need to see that. Damn, I need to roll over to sun my other side before I fry. Now how the hell am I going to flip over without bending in the middle, and revealing my roll of bellyfat? Maybe if I...no, that doesn't work. I could...nope. I'm going to have to...oh what the hell, I'll just go in the water with Jude. That way I'm standing up, and my bikini looks better standing up. And if I go in far enough, no one can see my belly at all! Damn, now I'm going to have to pay attention to Jude.
Hurray! Here comes Mom! I'll make her play with me!
Oh thank God, Gretchen's swimming with him.
THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU GOD! SHE'S GOING IN! SHE'S GOING IN! WAIT...WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE THEY? I CAN'T SEE THEM! THEY'RE GONNA DIE! THEY'RE GONNA DROWN! WHY?? WHY?? WAIT...THERE THEY ARE! THANK GOD! HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE, THE LORD IS WITH THEE...