Bedtime Story Redux

Disclosure: This is a repost from two years ago. But I love it, it fits Mama Kat's Workshop's prompt so perfectly and it defines my marriage succinctly, so here you go...

Bedtime Story

11:45 PM

Gretchen has once again stayed up too late doing something important and meaningful on the computer while taking a hot bath and drinking wine. Satisfied after achieving a new personal best in Family Feud, she closes the laptop, gets out of the tub, dries off and covers her body with all of her various special creams. She brushes, flosses, pulls on pajamas, and exits the bathroom.

She tiptoes into Jude's room and finds him lying spreadeagle, having kicked off all the covers, but with one arm firmly clutching his four favorite stuffed animals. Sweet. She tucks the blanket around him, sticks her nose into his neck and inhales deeply, then gives him a kiss.

When she enters her bedroom, she finds Jimmy lying in bed, sound asleep, with the television blaring. As usual. David Letterman has just sat down post-monologue and is chatting with Paul.

She walks to her side of the bed and tries to get into her spot. Unfortunately, Fancy, the dog, has chosen Gretchen's spot as her spot, and is also sound asleep, legs and belly pointing to the ceiling.

"Fancy. Come on honey. You gotta move."

The dog looks up, pissed.

"Move honey. Come on."

The dog won't move. Gretchen manages to shove her slightly to the right, and jam her own legs into the tiny space allotted her by the dog and the husband.

She then carefully arranges her pillows the way she likes them. Five pillows. One particular pillow under her head, two special large pillows on each side of her, creating her little nest. Unfortunately, Jimmy has one of her special pillows under his head. Stealthily, she eases it out and eases a "not special" pillow into its place without waking Jimmy. Whew.

Pillows arranged, she then pulls yet another jar of special cream out of the bedside table and rubs it into her hands and arms, followed by Vaseline, which she applies to her lips and forehead wrinkles.

All ready for bed, she looks around for the remote control, so she can turn Letterman off. Damn. No remote in sight. She looks around on Jimmy's side. On the floor. Under the covers. No remote.

She extricates herself from the sheet and blanket and pillows and dog, walks over to the tv, and punches it off manually. She then crawls back into the bed, squeezes herself back under the covers and arranges her pillows again. Fluff, fluff, fluff, pat, pat, pat. Satisfied, she reaches over to turn out the light on the bedside table.

"And the man said...banana!" says David Letterman. The audience laughs and applauds.

Gretchen sits up.

"What the...?"

The television is on again.

Puzzled, Gretchen looks around. The remote must be in the bed somewhere, and she has accidentally hit it. She does another thorough search for the remote. Nothing.

"Well, this is ridiculous." she says to herself.

Again, she extricates herself from the sheet and blanket and pillows and dog, walks over to the tv, and punches the button manually. A little harder this time. She crawls back into the bed, squeezes herself back under the covers and arranges her pillows yet again. Fluff, fluff, fluff, pat, pat, pat. Sighing heavily, she reaches over to turn off the light.

"And my son Harry said...It was like a monster dance!" says David Letterman. The crowd roars with laughter.

"No way!" Gretchen says, sitting up again.

She looks at Fancy, who is sitting up now, looking disturbed.

"Fancy! Did you do that? Are you on top of the remote?"

Gretchen digs her hand under the dog, disturbing her thoroughly. No remote.

She searches under the sheets, under the pillows. She feels around Jimmy, careful not to wake him.

"Well this is just silly!"

Gretchen angrily kicks aside the sheets and blankets and pillows and dog. Gets up and walks around the bed, smacks the off button on the tv, gets back in the bed, jams her feet under the covers,  jerks the covers back over her and arranges her pillows yet again. Fluff, fluff, fluff, pat, pat, pat. She reaches over and quickly turns off the light.

Silence.

"Number Two: Do I get a jet pack?" Much laughter and applause from the Letterman audience.

"NO FUCKING WAY!"

Gretchen sits straight up in the bed, the room filled once again with the light from the television.

Gretchen then realizes that the bed is now shaking violently. She looks to the right and sees that though Jimmy still has his eyes shut, his entire body is shaking with laughter. Slowly, he pulls the remote out and hands it to Gretchen, never opening his eyes.

"Oh, VEEERRRY funny, Mister." Gretchen says, snatching the remote and finally turning the tv off.

Dramatically, she settles herself at last into her nest of pillows.

Slowly, a sound builds in the dark and quiet room.

It's the sound of Gretchen giggling so hard that she's crying. Jimmy joins her, and they both laugh themselves to sleep.

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Inspired to repost by Mama Kat's Prompt #2 - A time you were tricked.

Comments

[Karen and Gerard]

What a great joke! This is so funny! I wish we had humor in our marriage.

Stopping by from Writer's Workshop.

[JDaniel4's Mom]

I was so sure she was the one turning it off and on.

[Kendra]

That is awesome. I assumed it was either you or Fancy turning it on!

[MamaBadger]

Awesome. I knew you kept him around for more than just his good looks.

[Jan]

I love Jimmy, because that's the exact kind of stunt I'd pull. :)

(Tell him I said "thanks" for the idea. Bwaaaahahahahahaaaaa...)

[VandyJ]

Not sure I'd have been as good natured about something like that. But Nick has his moments.
My spin is up!
http://tttandme.blogspot.com/2012/02/spin-cycle-lets-go-to-movies.html

[Ducky]

Fun times! I love silly moments like that and nothing beats giggling under the covers together :O)

[Arnebya]

I thought Jude had sneaked into the room. I am laughing so very hard right now at the frustration, the confusement, the wonder, the actually having to walk to turn off the TV. Ha!

[Sprite's Keeper]

Even 2 years later, this story is awesome.

[Andrea]

A laptop in the tub? Wow now that is talented...

[Patty]

I love this! So, so funny!