Nemesis

My childhood nemesis was a girl named June.

Okay, she wasn't really named June, that's a pseudonym, chosen in order to protect the mean.

But she was my childhood nemesis. Not a nemesis of the Professor Moriarty/Dr. Doofenshmirtz type, but of the true definition - "an opponent or rival whom a person cannot best or overcome".

June was my friend. In fact, she was one of my best friends. We played together all the time, from the time we were in Tiny Tots preschool together through junior high.

But June had a mean streak. She could be cruel. She could also be a lot of fun, and had a strong personality. She was an instigator and leader of girls. I'm afraid that early on, she figured out that I was extremely gullible, and easily led by the nose. I became her...yes man.

June's parents got a divorce when she was just 4 or 5 years old. Which was a little shocking and exotic at the time- none of my other friends' parents were divorced. But June's parents had married young, and had her when they were just 19.

This was Austin in the '60's, so there was a whole lotta experimentation/spreading your wings/letting your freak flag fly going on. June's mom became a full-fledged hippie. While my mother wore a French-twist updo, bright red Revlon Fire and Ice lipstick and her good pearls, June's mom wore long, flowing hair, peasant skirts and halter tops with no bra. She was cool and artsy. She macramed and threw pots. She even had a kiln in the garage. She had boyfriends and smoked pot and listened to Joni Mitchell really loudly.

June's dad, in what I now know was probably an attempt to buy her love and make her forgive him for leaving his family, built her amazingly cool stuff. She had a tepee. A REAL tepee. She also had a log cabin! The cabin was in the backyard, and was fitted with four bunks, air conditioning and a telephone - perfect for a slumber party.

June had every thing I wanted. Blond hair, blue eyes, freckles, glasses, braces. All the cool stuff. Her mom got her shirts with Nehru collars and peace sign necklaces. She got to pierce her ears! And when we were in junior high she got...a waterbed. I can still remember the smell of it. I desperately loved playing at her house, and envied everything she had.

But looking back on our long friendship, I'm a little shocked by how many "Mean June" incidents I can remember.

In 2nd Grade, we were playing some kind of chase game on the playground, and June shoved me from behind, making me slam my face into the monkey bars and chip one of my brand new front teeth. It took about 20 years for that tooth to even off and look normal.

She had this game she made me play with her. It was called "Little Bat". June got to drape herself in a long black cape and be Little Bat, a poor orphan bat, who had lost her way and needed to be returned to her cave in the wild. I never, ever got to be Little Bat, but was forced to play the far less interesting role of the kind lady who helped her. I would have to pick her up and give her food and liquids and wrap her in a blanket and help her find her mommy. June, as Little Bat, revelled in her pain and sadness. She was the flying mammal Camille. You have to understand how difficult it was for me, a performer at heart, to always be stuck in the stupid, boring supporting role. I would have been a FABULOUS Little Bat, but, alas, was never allowed.

In about 3rd Grade, June convinced me that I should eat the cat food, because it tasted just like chicken. It did not.

And then came...dum, dum, dum, dum...4th Grade. The year of misery. I must have been going through an awkward phase or something, because my two most traumatic elementary school incidents happened that year. And both were instigated by June.

The first was a time when my best friend Kaysie (who was also under June's evil spell) had invited a bunch of girls for a sleepover at her house. As Mama drove me up the hill to Kaysie's house, all of the other girls jumped out from behind a bush on the side of the road and screamed "YOU'RE LATE!". Apparently, Mama had gotten the time of the party wrong, and we showed up an hour late. The girls continued to taunt me for the rest of the party. I was deeply shamed.

The other was what Kaysie and I have come to call the Dreaded Bean Dip Incident. It was a terrible and scarring experience that involved my being pelted with bean dip at a slumber party in June's log cabin by an out of control gang of 10 year old girls - a hideous event which haunts me to this day.  Kaysie won't even let me mention it in her presence, she is still so filled with shame over the incident. But such was June's power of persuasion.

Which brings me to one of the most shameful experiences of my life. Something I look back upon with such shame and guilt that I would prefer to think it didn't happen. But it did.

Around 6th Grade, a girl named Karen came to our school. I liked Karen. She was sweet and fun and smart, and we played together often. We both had guitars and I remember us learning how to play Leaving on a Jet Plane together. I guess Karen was kind of dorky, but...so was I.

At some point in Junior High, probably 7th Grade, June decided that Karen was not cool enough to be our friend. She decided that everyone in our little gang of girlfriends needed to...snub her. June laid out the plan for us all - that day, every time Karen came up to us, we were to completely ignore her, and pretend she wasn't there. And being the June sycophants that we were...we did.

I'll never forget how Karen reacted. The look of hurt and injury on her face. Of disappointment and betrayal.  Over and over that day, every time she came near us, we ignored her and she walked away quietly.

Karen was a smart girl, and took the hint. The next day, instead of sitting with us in the cafeteria at lunch, she walked across the room and sat with the other outcast girls. A group of girls who were all deemed "uncool", but managed to forge their own little subculture, their own little clique. A group of girls who I am now friends with on Facebook. We play dorky games together, and have a great time. But at age 13, I was too worried about my own public image to admit that I had a lot in common with those girls. Certainly more than I had with June.

I've looked for Karen on Facebook, but haven't found her. I'd like to tell her how sorry I am.

Soon after this incident, Kaysie and I pretty much stopped being friends with June, and not long after, she changed schools, and we never saw her any more. It was such a relief. But I still wish that this friendship had ended because I'd stood up to her and done the right thing instead of just following the herd.

I've looked for June on Facebook too, but haven't found her either. I'm kind of interested in finding out how she turned out. What life gave to her, and what she made out of it. She was so smart, so creative and such a natural leader. But the last thing I heard of her was a few years ago, when Kaysie ran into her brother, who said she wasn't doing very well. I think her demons were too much for her.

____________________________________

This post was inspired by...

#4 -  Describe a time you saw someone getting picked on.

Comments

[Alison at Mommy is a Power Ranger]

Wow, that sounds so much like me and my mean friend Ellen. Except I wouldn't defriend the not cool girl, so I became and outcast and was bullied until high school ended. I will never forget when she got another friend to hurl a frozen apple at my face, which split my lip, and when I went back to her house, crying, she got everyone to tell her mom I just fell sledding and was a liar. Girls can be so mean.

[Kat]

Awww...kind of a tragic story! I really hope June came around. It really makes me want to put my detective hat on and hunt those ladies down!

[Jessica]

Wow, Ive so been Karen. My best friends, out of the blue, stopped talking to me one day in Junior High. They continued to taunt me the rest of 7th grade. Luckily in 8th, our junior high was split up and they went to a different school. I was able to blossom and make good, true friends.

I hope the same happened for Karen. And I hope June became a nicer person.

[Galit Breen]

Oh, that time was so very hard, wasn't it?

{I love the way that you wove the stories with your thoughts and reflections.}

[Linda]

Childhood is so hard, isn't it, especially for the "uncool" ones. I was one of them...had red hair, a father who was a State Trooper, studious...I could feel your pain in the stories. Your writing took me right back to those moments, even though they are MANY years ago. Thanks for a provocative piece today!

[VandyJ]

While the group I hung out with in school was by no means the cool group, we had our June too. I was the target of her hatefulness on more than one occasion. I think my issues with friend making stem from my interactions with her. This is what makes me oh so happy I have boys. I don't think I could go through junior high again.
Oh, and my post is up:
http://tttandme.blogspot.com/2012/01/spin-cycle-working-perfect.html

[Claire]

I had some friends like that. It's so weird when you CAN'T find them online; we've become so used to reconnecting these days.

Btw, I put my spin cycle post up today.

[Erica@Pines Lake Redhead]

I'm sorry to say that I believe that June has passed away. I believe this because she has been reincarnated in my 12-yr-old niece. Kinda gives me shivers.

[Peg]

What's that saying? Karma is only a bitch if you are? Sounds like she was getting a dose of Karma for her childhood bitchiness. Although I don't like to see anyone suffer, sometimes people do get what they deserve.

[Sprite's Keeper]

Sprite is friends with a preschool version of June. This little girl is evil in a tiny package. Every time I hear of Sprite being in trouble for her mouth, it's safe to assume she alone is responsible. If she's in trouble for throwing things, pushing someone, or hitting back, 100% of the time, this little pisher told her to do it. This is the only classmate I tell Sprite to stay far away from. I even tell the teachers I want them nowhere near each other during group time or playtime. That kid is nothing but trouble.

[Sarah at 32Flavors]

I played that game. Every year it was a different girl's year to be snubbed. Sometimes I was a bystander. Sometimes I was the instigator. Then my year came my sophomore year in high school. Only instead of just getting snubbed, they were mean to me. I could hear them making gunshot sounds behind me as I walked in front of them to class. They threw spit balls in my hair. I struggled with depression for a while. But once I came out on the other side of it, I realized it just wasn't worth it to be a part of that. I knew how much it hurt to be the snub-ee. Bitter attitudes just didn't attract me anymore.
So the fact that I have 3 (THREE!) girls to usher through their teen years makes me want to cry. Girls can be so incredibly cruel. But I'm really hoping that my time on both sides of it, and the lessons learned will be a benefit.

[Mellodee625]

Blogging has opened the floodgates for all of the snubbed, bullied, and ostrasized victims of these vicious little bullies. The really sad thing is that the bullies more often than not, convince some of their followers to do the dirty work, thereby wreaking even more hurt and shame and misery.

What we never hear from is the grown-up bully. Do they ever realize the havoc they created? Do they ever even admit that they were being cruel? Do they ever regret their meanness? Are the ashamed of their behavior? Or have they just continued on through their lives, never changing, except to expand their cruelty into the grown-up world?

[Arnebya]

This was such a wonderful story. I enjoyed it immensely, going back in time with you. Life is all about learning from our mistakes, right? We do the best we can when we realize our mistakes and it seems like that's just what you've done.

[Melinda]

I think we all have had Junes in our life. The June in my life was the darling of the parents and the teachers, so the rest of us never really had a chance. I have looked her up on Facebook, but I opted not to friend her. After all, why put myself through that again?

[Kim]

Ahh, 7th grade. I was the Karen then, ostracized and bullied by girls who had once been my friends. I'm not sure what I did to become the target - it just happened. I got over it, found new friends...but I am still amazed at the cruelty of adolescent girls, even now, forty years after I suffered.

[Kendra]

Mean girls are the worst. I had a similar bean dip incident when I was in 8th grade except instead of being pelted with bean dip I was pelted with hurtful words and had the worst time of my life. But of course you continue to stay friends with those people. It's a very strange cycle.

[Andrea]

It is amazing to me how it takes decades for us to find out/believe that mean girls are everywhere...and amazingly kind girls were standing nearby.

[SUPAHMAMA]

Oh man, I think we all had that one girl in the group who ran the show so to speak. Now I'm curious about June and Karen too.