Second Blooming

16 Years

Egad.

Here we are on September 30, 1995...

 

I am reminded of the great line from Jimmy's Uncle Eddie on the occasion of he and Aunt Mary's 50th Anniversary. He turned to Jimmy and said dryly, voice dripping with sarcasm, "Fifty years of paradise, babe."

And so I say to Jimmy, my beloved, "Sixteen years of paradise, babe. Happy Anniversary!"

 

 

The One Who Got Away

The other day, I was talking to my mother-in-law Mommy, and she was all atwitter.

It seems that they had gone to a funeral, a military funeral for an ex-marine, where they draped the coffin with an American flag. According to Mommy, this "brought to mind" an old friend of hers, who she hadn't seen since the '40s, who had been a Marine.

When Mommy mentioned this to my SIL Niki, Niki "looked it up on that little machine and there it all was! All about him! It was all in there!" (pulled out her trusty iPhone and Googled the man.) Up came all sorts of things, rare for someone of that pre-internet generation. It turns out this man had recently passed away, and someone (probably a grandchild) had posted a long and lovely YouTube tribute to him, showing a series of photographs of his life, from back when Mommy knew him in Brooklyn in the 1940s, through a long and distinguished military career, a 55-year marriage, children and grandchildren. It was very sweet and touching.

Well...now Mommy says she just "can't get him out of her brain". I asked her if this man had been a boyfriend, and she answered, a little guiltily "Yeah. But only for a couple of months. Then I blew it." When I asked her what exactly that meant, she told me that it had been Christmas, and he'd come over "loaded with presents" for her. But she didn't have anything for him. She said that in those days you "Couldn't give a boy a present if you wasn't engaged or something!" But I guess he got hurt by this, and soon after went overseas with the Marines, and she never saw him again.

And now, 60 years later, she's thinking of him again. Don't you kind of love that? She's 82 years old, and her heart's all aflutter from seeing pictures of this man, and the life that wasn't hers.

I guess we all have "the one who got away", right? I actually have...mmm...several. Not just an old boyfriend, but someone who you had a relationship with, but the relationship ended in some unresolved way. And then if that person ended up having an interesting and successful life, you think hmmm...that could have been me.

Of course, I wouldn't actually want that to have happened, as then I wouldn't have my Jimmy. Or my Jude. Or my Jimmy's crazy family. But I think it's natural to wonder.

Facebook is a huge source of this coulda-woulda-shoulda stuff. I seem to be Facebook "friends" with almost every old boyfriend I ever had. And you can't help but kind of guiltily checkout their profile pages, see how they turned out. What kind of wife they ended up with. How successful they became. Or not.

Then, while perusing someone else's family photos, rifling through somebody's life, you suddenly remember...why you broke up in the first place.

I have one old boyfriend who when I knew him was your standard out of work actor. Lived with his parents. Never actually got real work. Now? He's an extremely successful surgeon in Portland. How did that happen? He was always really cute. And smart. And interesting. And...ah, that's right. He was also an asshole. And an alcoholic. Silly me.

There was a boy I had a terrible crush on in high school. Cute. Nice as can be. Most popular boy, a jock. And strangely, always kind of had time for me, the drama/choir geek girl, who the popular boys never paid ANY attention to. I ran into him later, at the University of Texas, and I remember thinking that he seemed kind of interested in me, but I sorta blew him off - too busy being a bad girl drama major. But it could have happened. Sigh. Perusing his profile on Facebook I suddenly...yawn. Yes, yawn. Oh that's right. I've never gone for the normal, dependable, engineering major types, have I? I would, no doubt, have ended up throwing him over for some dude with an earring and a motorcycle.

There are other people who ended up extremely successful, who I know would never have become so if they had stayed with me. My ex comes to mind. Nowadays he's a millionaire country music songwriter. But when we were together, he was a slacker, out of work rock and roller. And he didn't start to become successful until after we broke up, mostly to spite me, I think. First, he moved to Nashville. Which I NEVER would have done - I had a burgeoning acting career in Los Angeles, I wouldn't have left. And then, truthfully, he didn't become a serious success until he started writing with the woman who would become his 3rd wife. I think if it hadn't been for her, he never would have been the success he is.

So then, along the same lines, is there anyone who would have had a different life if he had ended up with me? I think of one particular boyfriend from college, a wonderful man, extremely talented and smart and nice and cute. But also painfully insecure. And he's never become all that he truly could have been, never really tapped his talents. And I think...if I'd stuck around, and really nurtured him, could he have been great? Who knows.

The truth is, I believe we're all right where we should be. Right where the sum of our choices has brought us. In the words of Mick and Keith...

 

So. Could Mommy have been married to this other man? Become a military wife, lived all over the world and raised a dynasty of children and grandchildren? No. I think not. I think they probably have too many germs in other countries. And she could never have moved that far from her mother.

And of course if she had, she'd never have had her Jimmy and her Tony and her Jude. So. Sigh...

So think about it. Do you have "the one who got away?" Do tell. 

Look At Me! I'm a Reader Again!

I mentioned a while back how Jude and I have started a nighttime activity I call "Tandem Reading", wherein we each get our own books, lie down next to each other in his bed and read quietly to ourselves.

I can't tell you how much this has changed my life. I am a READER again! You have to understand, people, that for most of my life I was a real reader, just read anything and everything. It was such an incredibly important part of my life. It's how I defined myself.

When Jude was first born, I continued to read quite a bit, because that was my breastfeeding activity. I'd set myself up with my Boppy, a big glass of ice water and my book, and that kid could feed as long as he wanted.

But over the years, it just...dwindled.  I found myself wanting to zone out and numb myself at night, so I'd just play silly computer games. Or watch an escapist tv show. Or both at the same time.

Then, at some point, I realized that really...I was reading. I was just reading ALOUD. Every night I'd read for at least 30 to 40 minutes to Jude. Which I loved. And still love. But it wasn't for me.

And now I'm back at it again, and I can't tell you how it feels. I can't stop. In addition to the nighttime tandem reading, I've been going to the gym again, and I always read on the bike. AND Jude has all these stinking afterschool activities, which I am forced to sit through, so I've been bring a book to those...I'd say I'm averaging an hour a day. Which is a HUGE difference. I feel like I'm myself again!

In celebration of this, I have decided to add those little links over on the right sidebar (they each link to Amazon)- one for what I'm reading, one for what Jude's reading, and one for what I'm reading aloud to him. I've been wanting to do this for ages, but I've been too embarrassed to have the same book on my "What I'm reading..." list for...you know...6 months or so. Sigh...

And yes, as you see, I am currently reading Keith Richard's autobiography, which I am LOVING in a guilty kind of way. Reading it makes me feel like I'm sitting in a room with Keith, him smoking a fag with his guitar across his lap, telling me the tales of his nefarious past. He's surprisingly erudite, and powerfully musical, one of those real musicians who sees everything in rhythm and chords. I'm loving it.

I'm also trying to figure out how to make these little links over there more...attractive. The pictures are so small, and they have those ugly blue checkeredy lines. Ugh. I don't know if it's just a Typepad thing, or something to do with the size of my sidebar, but I have posted the question on the Typepad website, and maybe somebody can help me out. Can any of you?

Okay, I'm going to go read some more. Keith just discovered dropping acid! Gotta run.

RTT: Patrick, Dwarf Porn and Doritos

Welcome to another weekly edition of...

Finally, at long last, I have discovered the one job that I have done in my long and mediocre acting career that truly, seriously impresses my usually completely unphased child. Long, long ago, I did a guest spot on the tv show "Coach" and I had a kissing scene with Bill Fagerbakke, the actor who played the Dauber, the big dumb guy.

 

Bill Fagerbakke, the very same actor who is now the voice of Patrick on SpongeBob.

So yes, Jude's mom made out with Patrick from SpongeBob.

 

In the world of the 8-year old boy, this is apparently really, incredibly cool. I now have some kind of mom street cred. Whodathunkit?

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Did y'all hear this? According to that bastion of truth and honesty in journalism, the UK tabloid "Sunday Sport", the body of Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star and Gordon Ramsay look-alike, was found dead in a badger's den, partially eaten. Apparently, while starring in Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go, producers had noticed how much Foster looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, and his career was about to really take off. According to the "Sunday Sport", Foster was found "deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales." Suicide has not been ruled out. Fans are desperately hoping that his final work, Midget MasterChef: Assbasters 7,will still be released postumously. We can only hope.

 

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The other day, somebody was telling me about the child of a friend of theirs, who was named Qiana. "Qiana?" I asked. "Really? Like the polyester fabric from the 70's?" This friend kind of looked at me like I was nuts. Am I just that old? Am I the only one who remembers Qiana? Every prom dress, and wide-collared disco shirt from the '70s was made out of Qiana! And now people are naming their children this? I am baffled.

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Celebrity sightings at Jude's soccer game this week -

Nestor Carbonell from Lost and some new show that I haven't seen yet...

 

and Jeanne Tripplehorn...

 

I'll keep you apprised of future sightings.

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Okay, I have decided to take a break from all my Brit shows on Netflix, and veer back this side of the pond. They finally have Breaking Bad streaming to my computer and it's SO good. First episode, BANG, it's got you. I love that. I'm on episode five, and can't wait to see the rest. Hurray America! Still making a few good shows.

 

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Okay, just to keep myself accountable...

Weight Watchers weigh in this week:

Lost -  1.8 lbs

Total weight loss so far - 6.2 lbs.

Not terrible.

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I will leave you with another sad story...

Arch West, the man who invented Doritos has died. He was 97. The family plans to toss chips into the grave with him. Sweet.

In honor of Arch, I will share with you one of my favorite comfort foods, which Mama used to make me every time I felt poorly. Or as we used to say in Texas...puny. No doubt, she clipped this recipe out of a Ladies Home Journal in 1967 or so.

Dorito Delite

1 lb. ground beef

1 medium onion, chopped

salt and pepper to taste

1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 large can evaporated milk

2 (4 oz.) cans chopped green chilies

1 bag tortilla chips

Velveeta to taste

Brown the ground beef and onion. Pour off excess fat. Season with salt and pepper. Add mushroom soup, evaporated milk and green chilies. Heat through. It will seem soupy. In a casserole dish, spread out half the meat/soup mixture. Cover with a thick layer of crumbled tortilla chips. Repeat the layers. Top with lots and lots of shredded Velveeta. Bake at 350 degrees until hot through and bubbly, about 20 to 30 minutes.

Just for funsies, I just calculated the Weight Watchers points in Dorito Delite. A whopping 18 points per serving. Enjoy!

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And head on over to Stacy's place, where she is still carrying the RTT banner.

Spin Cycle: Traditional Family?

The Spin Cycle topic this week is "Family Traditions". Which makes my brain immediately leap to "holiday traditions". Christmas, Thanksgiving - all loaded with beloved activities, special foods. The way "we" do things. I guess some family's traditions are more beloved than others. I have friends whose Christmas Eve tradition is for the family to gather around the piano, mom playing carols while the family sings together in four part harmony. I have other friends whose Christmas Eve tradition is for everybody to get crocked on egg nog and then spend the rest of the night trying to keep Grandma from falling asleep with a cigarette in her hand and burning the house down.

But since it's only September, and I flat out refuse to start talking "Winter Holiday" this early, I'm going to concentrate on those weird little non-holiday traditions that every family has.

My friend Craig's family had a long-standing way of celebrating birthdays. Ever since they were little kids, his parents took their four children to Lawry's Prime Rib in Beverly Hills for each of their birthdays. For those of you non-SoCal folks, this is not an inexpensive outing. Dinner for six people, six times a year would run you a couple of grand. But they were a very old Hollywood family, their dad, Dick, was a major voiceover talent, best known as the voice of The Robot in "Lost in Space", so I guess they could afford it. Three of the kids became actors, and their oldest brother, Bruce, became an agent. In fact, MY agent for the last 20 years. And let me tell you, this is a family of BIG personalities.

They always took this Lawry's thing VERY seriously. HUGE family arguments would erupt if somebody had to miss somebody's birthday. And these guys can argue! There's always somebody who's not speaking to somebody else.

Back before Craig got married, I ended up being Craig's "date" for one of these evenings. As I remember it, Craig was in the middle of a fight with one of his siblings, and he wanted somebody there with him as a buffer. And, well, there's pretty much nothing I like more than a big hunk of free prime rib.

 

I remember sitting there gorging myself on meat while their dad nitpicked everything each of the kids did, their mom stood up for the kids and they all bickered amongst themselves. I remember thinking that they just didn't seem to be having that much fun. Here they were doing this really decadent celebration, and everybody was at each others throats. But they were all there. Every birthday. Because...it was just what they did, and nobody wanted to be the one who broke the tradition. And they must have enjoyed it in some way. They'd done it so many times that they all knew what the others would order - who always got the California Cut, who went for the huge Diamond Jim Brady cut. Who wanted a side of the creamed spinach, who insisted on substituting a baked potato for the mashed. They were a family. They loved each other.

My favorite weird family tradition that I've ever heard of, comes from my friend Kathy, who was raised Mennonite on a farm in Kansas. Five kids, and the extended family was huge.

It all started when Kathy got married for the first time, when she was in her early twenties. Extremely traditional hometown farm wedding. After the wedding, one of the guests, a tiny little old man who was an old friend of the family, walked up to Kathy and handed her a wrapped gift. "It's something special I made for you. I hope you like it." he said. Kathy was kind of excited, because this old man was known as a wonderful woodworker whose carvings were much loved by everybody in the community.

The next day, the family all gathered around to open the gifts, excited about what this old man had created for them. The gift was...a lamp. Made from a stump. A really unbelievably ugly lamp, made from a really unbelievably ugly stump. The gift came with a small plastic bag with a note which said "I thought these would look nice on the rough part of the wood." In the bag were several tiny plastic animals.

After they all stared at it for a while, pondering what exactly "would look nice on the rough part of the wood" meant, they all laughed, and relegated the lamp to...Kathy's parents' attic.

Everyone pretty much forgot about the lamp until a few years later, when it...reappeared. Attached like a headlamp to the front of a newlywed couple's car.

Suddenly, the lamp took on a whole new life, showing up in a new form at every family celebration. And each time it appeared, it came with new items which would "look nice on the rough part of the wood". I wish I could remember all of it's evolutions. I remember that once, when a brother-in-law graduated from the seminary, someone actually built a huge pulpit, and attached the thing to the top of it. That lamp was the gift that kept on giving.

What I love best about this is the incredible, dry humor which the entire family shares. They all get the joke. The lamp may disappear for a year or so, but then it shows up again, right when you least expect it, as a welcome baby gift for a new niece or nephew, attached to the top of a bassinet with tiny plastic babies which "might look nice on the rough part of the wood".

And brilliantly, it was given to Kathy AGAIN for her SECOND wedding!

As an only child with a tiny family, who has birthed an only child with a tiny family, these crazy family things seem particular to big families, families with lots of members who foster the silliness. What traditions can our little teeny family cultivate?

The only thing that I feel we have started, which seems to be growing every year, are our beloved little festive meals. Instead of going out for birthdays, Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve, the Academy Awards, we stay in, and I cook an elaborate, multi-coursed meal for us all to enjoy. Champagne, lobster, filet mignon, Jude's favorite mussels, rich sauces, chocolate desserts - we gorge ourselves, just the three of us. And we all so look forward to it.

Then, after we stuff ourselves silly, we all go in and sleep together in our king-sized bed. Which is, I'm afraid, the least pleasant part of the evening, because after all that champagne and shellfish, Jimmy snores like a freight train, and Jude wraps himself around me all night. But I can put up with it, because I know that soon, he will have no interest in sleeping with his parents, so I'd better get it while I can.

Friday is Jimmy and my 16th anniversary. I'm already starting to work on the menu, which is a bit difficult this year, since I'm on Weight Watchers. But I'm willing to rise to the challenge. Thai Lobster Salad - 3 WW points? Herb-Crusted Filet Mignon - 4 WW points? Chocolate Mousse Phyllo cups - 3 pts? I could make this happen. If I could just locate some diet Champagne.

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For more spins on Family Tradition - please visit Sprite's Keeper!

Points Plus

Alright, I've finally done it. After reaching the point where NONE of my clothes fit any more, I have gone back to Weight Watchers. I have been doing it for one week, and at my first weigh in on Monday, I'd lost 4.4 pounds. Not terrible.

I have to admit that when I weighed in for the first time, I was SHOCKED by how much I weighed. I really had no idea I'd gained that much. I'm tall, and we tall girls are lucky to be able to cover up our weight gain a little. But the truth is that in order for me to get back to what I consider my "fighting weight" I need to lose...drumroll...18 pounds! EEEEEEEKKKKK. Well, 13.6 pounds now.

And I recognize that my "fighting weight" is what I used to weigh back in the day, before I became as old as God, so it might not be totally realistic. But even then, "fighting weight" is 5 pounds more than I claim to weigh on my drivers license. Heh.

I like the way Weight Watchers works. It appeals to my puzzle-loving mind. I consider all that point and portion calculating lots of fun. All foods have a points value. You can eat pretty much anything you want, as long as the points total doesn't exceed your personal daily points allotment, which is based on your weight and age.

And this time around, Weight Watchers has an iPhone app!!! Is that fun or what? I'm such a dork.

A while back, I wrote a sort of notorious post in which I talked about how I had become a master at finding zero WW point meals to get myself through most of the day so that I could use all my precious points on booze and treats. The notoriety of the post is based mostly on the fact that I calculated the number of Weight Watchers points in one serving of semen. Which some people found a bit naughty.

In heading back to Weight Watchers, I have discovered that they have revamped their points system. They now call it Points Plus. The old points were apportioned based on some kind of mysterious algorithm factoring calories, fat and fiber. The new Points Plus algorithm has taken calories out of the picture and calculates fat, carbohydrates, fiber and protein. Thus becoming much more "Atkinsish" - high in protein, low in carbs.

The other new thing is that now all vegetables and fruits are 0 Points foods - in other words, you can eat all the vegetables and fruits your little heart desires. I have been eating so damned many leafy greens! I have leafy greens coming out my butt. Literally. The thought process regarding this change has something to do with...health. And I'm thinking it might be that a few too many people had been allotting their points the same as me - few for actual FOOD, lots to booze and treats.

So though I can't eat as much of my previous "go-to" treats (popcorn, pretzels, crackers) I can have more actual "food", as long as it's proteins and vegies. My new favorite snacks are these wasabi seaweed snacks they sell at Trader Joe's - 1 point for a whole pack, and it satisfies my savory craving. And when I get a sweet craving, I can eat all the fruit I want.

I've been fiddling around and tweaking recipes. I use a lot of tomato sauce and lemon juice - good liquids that don't add any points. And we eat a TON of vegies. Here's what we had for dinner the other night. I took a Barefoot Contessa shrimp recipe and Weight Watcherified it -

Roasted Tilapia with Fennel

2 tsp. olive oil

2 bulbs fresh fennel, thinly sliced

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 cup dry white wine

1 (14 1/2 oz) can diced tomatoes

2 tbsp. tomato paste

1 tsp. dried oregano

1 tsp. kosher salt

1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

2 small tilapia fillets (1/4 lb. each)

1/2 cup Panko bread crumbs

3 tbsp. minced fresh parsley

1 tsp. grated lemon zest

1 lemon

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Heat olive oil in a heavy 10 or 12 inch oven-proof skillet. Add the fennel and saute until tender. I like to let it brown a little. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute. Add the wine and bring to a boil. scraping up any brown bits. Cook for 2 or 3 minutes, until the liquid is reduced by half. Add the tomatoes with the liquid, tomato paste, oregano, salt and pepper. Simmer over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, for 10 to 15 minutes.

Arrange tilapia over the tomato mixture.

In a small bowl, combine the Panko, parsley and lemon zest. Sprinkle this over the tilapia.

Bake for 15 minutes, until the fish is cooked, and the bread crumbs are golden brown. Squeeze the juice of the lemon over the tilapia and serve.

Serves 2.

8 Weight Watchers Points Plus per serving.

It was really very good - the fennel and tomato were delicious, and had a hearty, savory, filling quality. Jimmy went nuts.

I've also been trying to get to the gym regularly. "Trying" being the operative word. I'm afraid this tired old body just doesn't move the way it used to. But I'm managing to make at least one pilates class a week.

Wish me luck. I'll try to keep you abreast of my progress. And any more Points Plus recipes I come up with.

Oh, and because I know you're all just dying to know...

In the spirit of scientific discovery and education, I have for you, dear readers, yet again calculated the Weight Watchers points in one serving of semen, this time using the Points Plus system. First of all, you will all be wondering that age old question - exactly how much semen is contained in what would be considered "one serving". Glad you ask. According to the internets, a typical ejaculation is about one teaspoon - the actual amount is determined by a man's age (younger men usually make more semen), when he last ejaculated, and how long he's aroused before ejaculating, among other factors. It's all very, very scientific. And guess what? Semen is extremely nutritious! Loaded with protein, low in fat and cholestrol. As much Vitamin C as an orange, plus calcium, magnesium and potassium. And it has anti-depressant qualities and contains epinephrine. No wonder the Happy Hooker was so happy!

And one teaspoon of semen is still...only ONE Weight Watchers point. So feel free to go for that extra serving! 

Spin Cycle: A Case For Parochial

I must admit that when we first thought about finding a school for Jude, I searched for a Catholic school first.

Though both Jimmy and I had solid public school educations, the Los Angeles Unified School District is a chaotic, bureaucratic nightmare, and the thought of navigating our way through the murky waters of public school absolutely horrified me.

That's not to say that there aren't public school options in L.A. While the public school for the area we live is a nightmare, there are truly excellent charter and magnet schools available. But getting into them is difficult. Lottery systems and incomprehensible magnet school point systems - all of it totally overwhelmed me. And that's just for Elementary School. You then have to go through the whole thing again for Middle School.

The idea of going to one little, tiny, insulated school from Kindergarten through 8th made the muscles in my shoulders relax. So yes, a certain amount of laziness on my part was part of the thought process.

That's not to say we didn't apply to other places. We applied to the two best charter schools in our area, both really very excellent schools. When we got notices that we didn't win the lottery and get into each of them I thought "Eh, that's too bad." But then I got a notice that we hadn't gotten into the Catholic school, and I immediately burst into tears.  I hadn't realized until that moment how much it meant to me.

I ended up going down to the church and meeting with the Monsignor, and going to the school and meeting with the principal, both tearful meetings, desperate to get my sweet little boy into the school. I'm sure they both thought I was nuts. In the end, it turned out that the reason we hadn't gotten in in the first place was because of a typo regarding our parishioner status.

Amazingly, when it came to the whole parochial school thing, Jimmy was completely on board. Who'd a thought? His reasoning, though, was that these charter schools were MUCH more progressive, more artsy, and frankly, he felt like if the kid had us for parents, and then went to an artsy school, he'd have no chance in hell of becoming anything other than an actor, which is a fate we desperately want him to avoid.

The truth was that while raising Jude Catholic was important to me, with Jimmy the Hindu in the house, I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to manage it. And the idea of getting a little help from school was a huge relief. In a big scary, morally ambiguous place like Los Angeles, the idea of a safe little insular school was appealing.

The surprise was finding that more than teaching about the Catholic church, the child was learning about morals and ethics.

That, I must say, is my favorite part about our little parochial school. They talk about morals daily. They talk about right and wrong. They talk about social justice. They talk about doing for others. They also talk a whole buttload about Jesus, so if you aren't on board with the Jesus stuff, it's not the place for you. But if you're okay with all the Catholic stuff, it's an excellent place to be.

That's not to say, of course, that a child doesn't get his primary moral education from his parents. But I must say, that it really helps that he gets it from school too. And certainly a good public school teaches their children right and wrong and how to make positive choices and behave ethically. But they are limited in their ability to teach morals because they're unable to tie morals into spirituality and religion.

I recognize that for many parents, the idea of their child learning spirituality and religion in school is abhorrent. But for me, and for Jimmy, it's a very happy, and helpful, thing.

Every day, he has a set period during which they study "Religion". Now some of that stuff (particularly last year in Second Grade, the year they had their First Communion) is Catholic dogma. Rules and regulations. Bible stories, parables. The kid already knows more about the bible than I do.

But a tremendous amount of time is spent talking about morals - right from wrong, making Christian choices, helping others.

Today Jude came home and delightedly told me he only had one thing for homework. He had to do a "random good deed". He chose to help Jimmy clean up the kitchen after I cooked dinner, and put all the dishes into the dishwasher.

In First Grade, they did the sweetest thing. For about 30 minutes every day after lunch, they sat on the rug and took turns saying who and what they'd like to pray for. It was fascinating listening to these little children each mention who they would particularly like to pray for that day. One day that year, my friend John, who is in my choir with me, had a benign tumor removed from his abdomen, a major operation. Jude came home from school and told me he'd asked his class to pray that John get well soon. When I told John this he was extremely touched that this little group of children was remembering him in their prayers. Sweet. And I loved the way this simple act taught the children to think of others, of who needed attention and love.

The other day, out of the blue, Jude told Jimmy and I that "The best thing a person can do is love everybody. And the worst thing a person can do is hate."

Wow. That's deep.

He's always full of this stuff. Some of it extremely deep and thoughtful. Some of it...less so.

FADE IN:

Gretchen and Jude are in the car driving to swim practice. Jude is singing a song he learned in school.

JUDE

(singing)

If I had a white little box,

I'd put Jesus in it...

Take him out...hug, hug, hug,

and put him right back in it.

GRETCHEN

That's a sweet song, buddy. Did you learn it in school?

JUDE

Yeah. But A.J. and I made up new words to it. Wanna hear?

GRETCHEN

Sure.

JUDE

(singing)

If I had a white little box,

I'd put my wiener in it.

Take it out...

(pretending to pee)

Ah, ah, ah...

and put it right back in it.

GRETCHEN

(trying to be serious)

Mister, that is not nice at all.

JUDE

Then why are you laughing?

GRETCHEN

Well, okay, it's kind of funny, but it's not nice. Sing it for me

again the right way.

JUDE

(singing)

If I had a white little box,

I'd put Jesus in it...

Take him out...hug, hug, hug,

and put him right back in it.

GRETCHEN

That's much sweeter.

JUDE

It's okay to hug Jesus, but if you kissed him

then you'd be married to him.

Gretchen's ears perk up, wondering if that vague talk they'd had about gay marriage had sunk in in a rather peculiar way.

JUDE

No matter if you were a boy or a girl. Because Jesus is a boy

AND a girl now that he's in heaven. 'Cause he's the son of God, and God

isn't a boy or a girl. Actually, he's a boy AND a girl. And

an alien. He's a boy and a girl and an alien. Actually, he's

everything. Everything in the whole universe. He's that tree and

that telephone pole and that library over there. And the sky and the

clouds...God's everything and everywhere. And he's me too, and he's you.

GRETCHEN

Wow, buddy, did you learn that in school?

JUDE

Some of it. But some of it I just learned for myself.

Which I think is exactly how it should be.

I think that the kid has a strong sense of morality and justice. No doubt, a good part of this is what Jimmy and I have taught him, and part is just his nature. But I find it comforting to know that our teaching is backed up in an active way on a daily basis by what he learns in school.

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For more spins on "Morals" please visit Sprite's Keeper.

RTT: The Emmy Edition 2011

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I have mixed feelings about this year's Emmy broadcast.

On one hand, lots of excellent and somewhat unexpected people won awards, almost all of my favorites - gotta love that. It was mostly funny, and it ran on time. The fashion was excellent - pretty much across the board.

On the other hand - YAAAAAWN!

Maybe I'm just being whiny because I'm comparing it to last year. Remember last year's opening sequence with Jimmy Fallon and the cast of Glee dancing their way through "Born to Run"? It was brilliant!

This year's opening sequence? Sigh...They tried so hard. But it just wasn't funny.

And I also have mixed feelings about Jane Lynch.

In theory, I ADORE her! She's one of those actresses who worked her butt off for many years, doing great work for very little acclaim, who has finally "made it" at a slightly advanced age. She's really smart and quick - one of those improv people. She's really tall. She's a lesbian. Facebook thinks she should be my "friend".

 

So why wasn't I more excited by her hosting performance? It just seemed like she played it a safe. I mean, she was a little caustic, and made fun of people. But everybody she made fun of seemed pretty much fair game. I mean Tom Cruise? Well...duh. I don't know. I guess I was disappointed. Just didn't make me laugh.

I did, however, LOVE the winners!!

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First of all...Downton Abbey!!! Oh my God! I actually jumped up and down and applauded when Julian Fellowes won for Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries. Then Maggie Smith! Then the show for Outstanding Miniseries! I was in Brit TV Geek heaven!

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Actually, LOTS of my Brits were nominated. Very exciting. And even though he didn't win, my man Idris Elba was THERE. Here's a picture of him ...

 

Okay, it's not a shot from the Emmys but who cares? Who doesn't want to see more Idris? Oh look, here's another one...

 

Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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And I was SO happy that so many deserving underdogs won! Margo Martindale from Justified...

 

Peter Dinklage from "Game of Thrones"...

 

And best of all Melissa McCarthy's Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy...

 

All were SO deserving. And not a Hollywood insider in the bunch. Delightful.

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But speaking of Melissa McCarthy and Margo Martindale...

When the hell, and I mean WHEN THE HELL is a designer going to get it together to design a dress for a plus size actress that is actually ATTRACTIVE???!! I mean, come on!! Why doesn't Chris Marsh, the plus size Project Runway alum take it upon himself to design hot dresses for the bigger ladies?? Margo's wasn't bad, a little matronly, but pretty classy. But Melissa's was just awful. Those puffy sleeves? Really?

This makes me sad. She's so great, she deserved better.

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On the other hand...

The wonderful Julie Bowen won for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy, and she looked freaky thin...

 

Am I right? All head. Her head and her waist appear to have the same circumference. Eerie.

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Charlie Sheen seemed sincere. That said, I'm so cynical that I didn't believe a word of it. "From the bottom of my heart, I wish you nothing but the best for this upcoming season." Uh-huh. I mean, I'm sure he's VERY sorry that he's an asshole and a drunk who totally blew his entire career because of his pathetic ego. But I'm thinking that most of Hollywood just ain't ready to forgive yet. As proven by Ashton Kutcher's comment later when he told Jon Cryer he didn't think he was a "troll".

Alright, I'll try to be nice and say that I hope he stays sober and manages to get his life back together. I like his dad.

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As I said before, it was a great evening for the fashions. All about the lady in red (my favorite color, so I might be a little bit biased)...

Kate Winslet...

 

Martha Plimpton...

 

that vampire girl...

 

Lea Michelle...

 

Kelly Osborne...

 

Kerry Washington...

 

and hotcha Mamaest of all, Sofia Vergara...

 

Whoa baby.

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Christina Hendricks,

I would very much like to have a lesbian experience with you. I promise to make it worth your time.

Thank you for your consideration,

Gretchen

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As far as the Fashion Fails, there just weren't many. The Joan Rivers types had to get pretty picky. They came down hard on Julianna Margulies, who I thought looked pretty gorgeous, if painfully uncomfortable...

 

...though I kept thinking how scared she must be every time she touched up her lips. Imagine dropping your lipstick down the front of that thing!

I thought the worst dress was on that Glee girl...

 

...too prim and schoolmarmish for my taste. If you're gonna go with the "my dress matches my skin" look I prefer Elisabeth Moss...

 

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The best thing about this year's Emmy Awards?

My friend Maralee Zediker WON for Outstanding Art Direction in a Multi-Camera series for "Hot in Cleveland"!!! HURRAY MARALEE!!

Yes, Maralee is the one who picked out all the paint colors in my house, including the new bedroom color. I'm so proud of her I could spit!!

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Okay, I've stopped my ranting. Please visit Stacy for more Random Tuesday Thoughts...

 

Fall Follow-Ups

It has taken a lovely turn toward COOL around here, putting me in my usual happy autumnal mood. Not that we get much Autumn here in SoCal, but I'll take what I can get. Actually, I just like saying the word "autumnal".

Cool always makes me want to do a little housekeeping, and I've suddenly realized that I haven't done a "follow-up" post in AGES. So I thought I'd fill y'all in on what's been going on with some of the many topics I've ranted and complained about over the last several months. 

* I STILL  haven't gotten my writing on a path. Even after so many of you gave me excellent advice on ways to get my work published, and I even went out for a wonderful breakfast with Elizabeth, who was FULL of excellent guidance which I eagerly wrote down, ready to take that next step forward...I have done nothing. Well...practically nothing. I have been fiddling with the novel I want to write. Making lots of notes. And I've written a page. Yes, a page, as in one page. But it's a start.

* I'm happy to announce that our little dog Fancy has had no more adventures. In fact, since her kidnapping (because that is what I'm choosing to call it), she hasn't even attempted to wander off once. The yard man has left the side gate open TWICE, but all she does is run around to the front porch and bark until I let her in. Clearly, she prefers to be at home with her little family than off gallivanting with the blackmailers. Good dog.

* I am still enjoying my peculiar little Social Media Management job, wherein I go on the internets and pretend to be someone, and Tweet and Facebook for them. The woman I "am" now has 10,000 Facebook friends (she actually maxed the number of "friends" she could have, and had to start a fan page, which now has over 5000 "likes". And 2000 followers on Twitter. I used to just post links and videos and quotes and such, but now she has me wishing "Happy Birthday" to all her "friends" - 10 to 20 birthdays a day. Crazy.

* The hole in my mouthhas healed up nicely, thank you. I don't know if the healing had anything to do with the collagen treatments that my endodontist used, or if it was just...time. But it's all better. I'm sure you're all relieved.

* Facebook is still suggesting that I become friends with Ruth Buzzi. But now they also say I should be friends with Jane Lynch (10 mutual friends), Buck Henry (13 mutual friends), Lee Grant (21 mutual friends) and Michael O'Keefe (20 mutual friends). So far, I have saved them all the embarrassment of Ignoring me.

* Jude's summer pop cultural schoolingwas mostly successful. He is now a full-fledged Star Wars dude. Though we still haven't watched that "Revenge of the Sith" one. So many of y'all warned me off it, that I've kind of avoided it. But Jude's pretty much driving me crazy wanting to see it, so I might just go ahead and rent it. I told Jude that I thought it was too "dark" and he reminded me that the last two Harry Potter movies were "dark" and he was just fine. Maybe he's right...He also took to Monty Python in a serious way. But I'm afraid the Star Trek education is still lacking. I've tried to get him to watch the original series, but he just has no interest. I'm deeply upset. How can he have missed inheriting the Star Trek gene from me? I tried to point out how cool Mr. Spock was and how Captain Kirk always gets the groovy chicks, but, alas, he didn't seem to care. Perhaps I should skip ahead to TNG. I always enjoy me some Patrick Stewart.

* Okay, look over to the right at the little pink square on my sidebar from Amazon.com. I put that thing over there, and filled it with a bunch of favorites and then, of course, completely forgot to update it. So yesterday, I decided that it was time to add some new stuff and figure out why I haven't earned any big cash from Amazon, and when I opened up my Amazon Associates account, it said "Residents of CA are not eligible to participate in the Associates program." What??? Why didn't they tell me this before? I'm so mad. Should I just change my address with them? Use Mommy's address in New York? Or do y'all think that's illegal?

* Remember my obsession with Zoopla.com? The British real estate website? For when I pack up and move to the UK in my next life? I have a new one - Property Ireland. Because I read somewhere that Ireland was one of the best places to live right now. And come on, who wouldn't want to live in a place called Lobster Cottage in Kinsale, County Cork?

* The latest from my old college acquaintance and Facebook nemesis who drives me crazy with his endless, pedantic, creepy, hippie-dippie status updates -

"Wow, an amazing experience this morning while Shamanically Journeying during ecstatic dance--my former Spirit Animal was gone and I was given a new one! Guess it's time for me to soar!"

Eeeeeek! I hope I don't run into his lost former Spirit Animal. How embarrassing would that be?

"Just finished an 8-page script for a video I'm gonna start shooting later today called (with my typical utter lack of modesty!)...'The Best Damn Learn-to-Juggle Video Ever Made!'"

Of course, he juggles.

"Got index cards filled with each day's discrete activities leading up to the Launch of my super-secret online project just 9 days from now!"

He's been talking about this "super-secret online project" for months and months. Only 9 days, can't wait!

Okay, I've really got to get over this. Or hide his posts.

* We still haven't heard hide nor hair of Chi, the guy who rear-ended me. It still makes me giggle every time I say "guy who rear-ended me". I fear he will remain a mystery. I wish him well. As long as his insurance company comes through with the last of my cash.

*Jude and my tandem reading is progressing brilliantly. Every night we lie down in his bed and he reads his book and I read mine. He just absolutely PLOWED through "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", then immediately grabbed "Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator". I made him a stack of all our Roald Dahl so he can just read his way through it. Such good stuff. And amazingly, I have actually been able to do some reading of my own for the first time in 8 years! I've read three books in the last month. I feel like myself again!

* Jude's scar's healing nicely. Thank you Vitamin E oil and Mederma.

* Jude's friend Gus has made it through his first round of chemo, and is doing great. He's lost all his hair and is wearing hats, but he's such a spirited, funny, strong kid, that he makes it look cool. Please keep saying a prayer for him every time you see the little button to the right.

* And the thing I'm sure you've all been most concerned about - the hot flashes have temporarily abated, but the mood swings are rockin'. Woohoo.

Well I guess that's about it. I'm feeling much tidier. Very autumnal. Is there anything I left out that you've been wondering about? I'm sure you're all on pins and needles.

Big. Boy.

Last week, Jude's teacher sent home a checklist which we were supposed to go through, detailing all the specifics of how the kid's study area should be set up -  comfortable chair, good lighting, no distractions, a place for their school supplies. Ergh.

I'm afraid that Jude's been doing his homework at the dining room table. And the whole distractions thing has been an issue. So I'm thinking this checklist is a good idea. And it certainly pointed out what we were lacking.

Honestly, when I was a kid, I mostly did my homework on the coffee table while I was watching "Star Trek". Then when I was a little bit older, I just did it on my bed.

But I realized that it was probably a good idea to set the little man up with a proper study area.

So I spent the entire day today rearranging Jude's entire room, and setting up this...

 

Yep, the kid now has a desk. Thank God for Ikea. It's cute, right?

I'm so proud of myself for buying that shelving unit several years ago, because Ikea also made the matching desk that attached to it. Here's the link if you're interested, it's called the Expedit series. I do highly recommend it. The shelving unit will totally grow with him. I bought those little plastic buckets when he was little to hold all his cars and dinosaurs and stuff, but now we're kind of phasing them out.

I also bought the cool red chair and the lamp and desk accessories to hold all his school supplies. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out.

When Jude got home from school today, I told him he needed to go to his room and start his homework right away. He ran in there with his little backpack and I heard him stop in his tracks and say "Whoa!"

He LOVES it. He was so proud. He especially likes the red chair. Here he is hard at work...

 

I was in the kitchen making dinner, and I kept hearing him talking to himself in there at his new desk. We only children talk to ourselves. He said "this is excellent lighting" and "I love this chair. I could live in this chair." So I'm thinking he's pretty happy about it.

Maybe it'll make him like homework.

Nah.