Spin Cycle: French Fried

When I was in 10th Grade, I made one of the more ridiculous decisions of my life.

That was the year when I was asked to choose a foreign language to study in high school.

So, did I, a young woman who lived in TEXAS, a state which borders MEXICO, choose to learn the ever practical and useful Spanish?

Au contraire.

I chose...Francais. French, the language of amour. The language with that certain je ne sais quoi.

Because I, young sophisticate that I was, would certainly never need something as pedestrian, as... bourgeois as Spanish! Tres gauche.

I was meant for things.... aristocratic. Continental. Certainly, my future would be far beyond the borders of any place as provincial as...Texas.

In truth? I was a snotty little thing. As was my best friend, Kaysie, who had already taken a year of French, and was eager to be able to speak badly pronounced French avec moi. Which we did, often, and to the annoyance and frustration to those around us, those...uneducated friends, who didn't understand our language.

Thus I began three years of the study of French. My first French teacher? Mrs. Damon. Yes, Johanna, I'm talking about you. You, dear readers, will enjoy knowing that my high school French teacher, Mrs. Damon, reads my blog! Don't you love that?! Le monde est tres petit, non?

I remember that we were each asked to choose a French name. I was Catherine. Pronounced the French way, of course. Kaysie chose to call herself Angelique, after the lusty and tempestuous heroine of a series of trashy novels we were obsessed with. "Angelique", "Angelique in Love", "Angelique and the King". Fine literature.

We then began learning of the adventures of Paul et Therese, two French children who inhabited our French textbook. Paul et Therese would go to la bibliothèque, where they would check out un livre. "Avez-vous un crayon Therese?" "Oui Paul, je fais."

I'm afraid that for French II and French III, I did NOT have Mrs. Damon, and my French suffered. And I'm not just saying that because she's a reader, it's really true. For French II, I had a young teacher from New Jersey, who seemed afraid of us, and taught us little.

For French III, we had a teacher who was actually French, named Madame Blanchette. Madame Blanchette hated us all. We were, after all, snotty little Texas children, who must have had the WORSE pronunciation of her native language imaginable. And she was...you know...French. I also remember quite a bit of spit wad shooting (not sure how to say "spit wad" en Francais) and I also have a frightening memory of a particular project in which we created a French radio station which we gave the call letters FROG. Which I'm thinking didn't go over very well with Madame Blanchette.

I have just uncovered something I haven't looked at in many years. Here is what Kaysie wrote in my 10th Grade yearbook...

Chere Gretchen,

Tu seras toujours une tres bonne amie. J'ecris en francais parce que la longue est tres jolie. Je pense que vous etes une personne magnifique. Est-il necessaire pour moi a dire plus que cel? J'e'spere que dans le future nous perrons lire cette lettre et eclirons parce que ma grammaire est  incomprendable. (J'ai invente ce mot "incomprendable"??)

Je t'aime toujours,

Votre amie,

Kaysie

Which, roughly translated, means...

Dear Gretchen,

You will always be a very good girlfriend.  I write in French because the long one is very pretty.  I think that you are a magnificent person.  Is it necessary for me has to say more than that?  I hope that in the future one us perrons [not a word, apparently] to read this letter and eclirons [again, not a word] because my grammar is incomprendable.  (I have invents this word "incomprendable"??) [yes, she did]

I like you always,

Your girlfriend,

Kaysie

I hate to say it Mrs. Damon, but French has not proven to be particularly helpful for me in my life. I moved from Texas to...no, not Europe, or...Montreal, but California. A place where I am in need of the Spanish language even more than in Texas.

Alas, the only way I ever use my minimal knowledge of French nowadays is reading cosmetics bottles. Poorly. Okay very poorly. I'm afraid I have retained little.

Let's try a little test. Here is the French written on my tube of Lancome Gel Exfoliant Clarifiant (Clarifying Exfoliating Gel)...

Ce gel exfoliant doux au grain fin contient des microspheres et des extraits d'ananas et de papaye. Il s'utilise tous les jours pour eliminer le maquillage et les impurites qui ternissent le teint et sont source d'imperfections. Il laisse la peau lisse, clarifiee et rayonnant de proprete.

Appliquer sur visage et cou humides. Rincer a l'eau tiede. Eviter tout contact avec les yeux. En cas de contact, laver a l'eau.

And here is my attempt at a translation...

This exfoliating gel has the finely grained content of little balls and the extracts of bananas and papaya. It can be used all the time for eliminating the makeup and dirt that damages the tint and causes imperfections. It leaves the little skin clear and full of propriety.

Apply on the face and the humidity. Rinse with water that's...tied. Avoid all contact with the eyes. In case of contact, wash with the water.

So how'd I do? Mrs. Damon? Johanna? You there? I'm afraid it's been 30+ years since you taught me, so please forgive.

Jude has been taking Spanish since Kindergarten. He gets all A's. Which amazes me, as it's his only subject in which I can offer him absolutely ZERO help. He already knows far more Spanish than I do. I keep saying that I will someday take a class at the local community college. Which seems like a very good idea.

Or as Paul et Therese would say "Tres bien. Excellente idee!"

________________________________

S'il vous plaît visiter Le Gardien de Sprite pour plus de rotations de "la langue".

 

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I remember Paul et Therese! Yes, I do. I took French from seventh grade through twelfth and then MAJORED in it in college, yet I remember virtually nothing. Here's the bit of dialogue I remember from those early years:

Ou est Sylvie?
Ou est Sylvie?
Au lycee?
Au lycee?

Ou est Philippe?
Ou est Philippe?
A la piscine.
A la piscine.

Our high school teacher was M.Cronk -- she sounds like the sister of yours -- very French and oh, la, la, she despaired of our spoiled Atlanta asses.

[Michele]

My French teacher was a Polish woman with a Nazi concentration camp tattoo on her wrist. J'ai beaucoup appris. nous avons les moyens de vous faire apprendre.

Now, I can read it a whole lot better than I can speak it and thank god for google translator.

[Michele R.]

Well with a name like Michele Renee, what do you think I took in 7th through 12th grade and then two more years in college. And you'd better believe I used the accent grave on the first e in Michele and the accent aigu on the first e in Renee. And then I married an American with a French last name.
I have the best memories too of my friends in class and our teachers. Thanks for the memories from your enjoyable post!

[Michele R.]

Oh, and meant to add this: how much do I use French any time as an adult: Zéro

[Jan]

I took Spanish, being a good little Texas girl. Unfortunately, I have absolutely NO aptitude for any language other than my own - I can't even fake an accent.

I did well in Spanish I, because my teacher, who had also taught my English class the year before, liked me a great deal and knew that I tried hard. Alas,the woman who taught Spanish II was like your final French teacher - a native speaker whom I appalled. In fact, we pretty much all appalled her; the only kids who did well in her classes were the Hispanic kids who were already bilingual.

[Sprite's Keeper]

Love it! I remember the kids in our Spanish texts going to la biblioteca and checking out a libre. :-)
After 5 years of Spanish, I finally just married a Spanish man who takes care of all my espanol needs. :-)
You're linked!

[Aimee]

Of COURSE I took French, with a name like Aimee! In Southern California. Duh.

But. My teacher was Dutch, with an *amazingly* perfect French accent, and he pounded that pronunciation into us. Thank goodness, since I moved to England after sophomore year, went to an American school, and ended up with a Southern French teacher. He spoke French with a twang. It was hard to listen to. (He was a very nice man, and I liked him a lot, but still.)

I quit French after junior year. Not because of the twang, but because I couldn't conjugate the damn irregular verbs. S'asseoir gave me fits.

[VandyJ]

I have a smattering of Spanish left over from high school, a bit of German from college, but nothing that would be useful in any real way. Nick studied French for six years and contemplated majoring in it in college, but decided that the job choices in that field were limited to say the least. He has gotten to use his now limited recollection of French when we run into French Canadians at places like Disney.

[Johanna Damon]

Loved it! Should have stuck with you for the second and third year, though! Make sure you apply your cream to moist face and neck and rinse with lukewarm water. What a sweet letter Kaysie wrote with typical Kaysie errors. She loved the French language (langue) because it was so pretty.and she hoped that you would (pourrons) someday read her letter and laugh(rions) about her bad grammar.
You and I should have gone to Paris back then. You could have become the next Cathérine and I could have married my French comte with his chateaux and vignobles and we could have lived la vie en rose en français, naturellement

[Camille]

Ha! So great. I made the same stupid choice in College (french instead of Spanish and I'm from AZ), but then I moved to Canada and see a lot of French so I guess it worked out all right in the end.

[Peg]

I loved this post. Made me think of my high school best friend. I took Spanish. 3 yearsI have retained just enough to embarass myself if I try to speak it now! I can read it better than speak it but do both very poorly.

[Mommylisa]

I took French too - We only had the option of German and French in my Minnesota High School. We got Spanish my senior year so I took both French and Spanish then. My step-kids got Spanish at their Spanish Immersion School - all through 12 grades! Jake has "Yo Habla Espanol" on his Target badge.

[CaJoh]

I had a year of French in Junior High, but that was it. I didn't take a language in High School, but wound up taking a semester of German just to fulfill my language requirement.

I only know how to pronounce words-- don't ask me what they mean.

[Sarah at themommylogues]

We only had the choice of German or Spanish. So I pulled the Ultimate Geek, and went to French CAMP. Oui.

The first year I went for two weeks. We lived in cabins named after areas of France. I chose the name Veronique. The second year I went for a month. Veronique was already taken when I got there, so I went with Mireille. My cabin was Avignon. The dining hall was Paris. The third year, which was to be the best summer of my life at French camp, I GOT MONO. One week before it started. I remember I got a little sick over July 4. I was supposed to go sometime around the 12th. By then I had mono and tonsilitis. I alternated crying and sleeping for the rest of the summer.

I still sing my camp songs. I keep trying to teach my girls "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in French.

Also, as a side note, Chelsea Clinton attended the German camp next to ours just one session before I went.

[Becky]

I love Mrs. Damon's comment! "Typical Kaysie errors"! Great post, and I have straddled this particular fence. Spanish all through high school y a la universidad, and then French in grad school when I realized that graduate study in English requires French. I can translate critical theory well enough but my heart races if I have to speak in a boulangerie.