RTT: The BlogHer Edition

A few words about swag:

If you attend the BlogHer Conference, you will get a big buttload of free shit. Some of it is good shit. Some of it is just shit. But when you're faced with a situation where strangers are handing you massive quantities of free shit, a strange phenomenon occurs. You WANT it. ALL of it. MORE of it. You want those Assets cheap Spanx. You WANT those Zhu-Zhu Pets.

And somehow I, of course, missed the swag boat. Because first of all, I was a day late to the conference, and second, I didn't stay at the Hilton. And if you stay at the hotel, people drop shit off at your room all day long - Mr. Potato Heads, electric toothbrushes, Stride Ride socks.

And on top of that, I came to find out that there was a party on Thursday night called the Somethingorother Lux Party, that involved some sort of Double Secret RSVP situation. But at that party, they had some really SERIOUS shit. The BEST shit.

So while I did get the Tempur-Pedic Neck Pillow, the Trivial Pursuit game and the Weebles, I failed to snag the cool earrings, the good "curly hair products" that everyone told me I should find, the battery-operated cockroach OR the Jeggings.

But next year...ooooooohhhhh, next year. I. Am. On. It.

I am Double Secret RSVPing, I am hoteling.

Because...I wanted those Jeggings.

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Look at these pictures...

 
Notice anything strange about them? I mean aside from the fact that they're completely out of focus and you can't see anything.

Okay, those pictures aren't much help, are they.

It's a huge ballroom full of revelers - dancing, drinking, partying. Flashing lights, loud, pulsating music, writhing bodies.

Well that, people, is a room full of middle-aged women. Women, women, women. Maybe...8 men. The rest women, women and more women.

And while I love hanging with my girlfriends more than almost anything else, I have to say that I am just too old for all-girl discoing. 

Either give me some men, or let's just go to a bar someplace where we can hear each other talk.

Oh wait a minute. Keely just sent me this picture...

I guess we were having pretty much fun. In fact Becky looks like she's enjoying it rather a lot.

Okay, never mind.

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My little gang of blog friends took an outing to the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA), which for some reason, despite all of my many, many visits to New York, I had never been to, and I enjoyed it very much.

We went primarily for the Matisse exhibit, which was lovely, but I was quite impressed with their collection of other works. I won't get all arty on you or anything. Just know it's a place worth visiting.

And aside from the, you know, art, I was terribly impressed by the general artyness of the entire place. The cafe was gorgeous and incredibly well organized. The food was beautifully and thoughtfully presented. All very loverly.

But my favorite thing from the entire place, I found in the ladies room...

These are the hand dryers! Dyson Airblades. I swear they were the coolest things! You stick your wet hands in them, and the air kind of scrapes the water off your hands. I couldn't stop playing with them. 12 second dry time! Hygienic! If they weren't $1400 each, I'd buy one for my house!

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I'm thinking that I should figure out a way to teach a class in blogger public speaking. I'm just saying. Some of the speakers at the conference were very charming, and read their pieces extremely well. But others?...

I really think I could use my many, many years of acting experience to help some ladies loosen up, shake the nerves and present themselves better. You know, breath. Slow down. Put on a little lipstick. I mean most of these women are writers, not performers, so they're not supposed to know how to speak in public. I think I could perform a genuine public service.

Anybody have any ideas of how I could work this out?

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Okay, that's it for BlogHer. I promise not to talk about it any more. Please run over and visit my dear, dear friend Keely (See! I can say that because I actually KNOW her now!) She's really big in the UK. You should check her out, and all of her clever minions who are also offering...

Comments

[Rachele]

More BlogHer? Wow. I wasn't feeling so bad about not going until everyone started talking about all the fun. Do I have to rethink my lack of envy?

[Rachel M]

Wow those are cool hand dryers!
Happy RTT

[VandyJ]

Totally jealous about blogher but know I would fail in the meet and greet portion of the program. I don't do well in large groups. Hence the blogging. Glad you had fun!

[Jenni]

I cannot believe you posted that photo. If I didn't love you so much, I'd hate you.

Hey, I hear those hand dryers are all over in Europe...

[Sprite's Keeper]

I saw the backlash from the last party when some RSVP'ers did not get their shit since their shit was already given out. It wasn't pretty. Swag hags were all over.
Glad you had a great time!

[Michele]

You can start your public speaking courses off with me. I have to give a lot of presentations so you would think I'd be getting good at it. Nope! Still totally nervous. I don't own a tube of lipstick? Will that help?

I pick up very little of the swag at conferences. It costs too much to bring home. I grab a few select items to give away on the blog. Hint, hint, say no more.

[Mama Badger]

Those look like the coolest hand dryers ever. I came across the Dyson bladeless fan the other day. How does that strange Australian man come up with this krappe?

Sounds like you guys lived it up (even if you missed out on the Jeggings). That might be too many Moms in one room for me, though. Eeep.

[Leigh]

Yeah, an entire party of all women does sound like it would be lacking something critical...

[Jan]

A battery-operated cockroach?

I'm not so missing it now...even though I wish I could have played with those hand dryers.

[BigMamaCass]

Those Dyson things look way neat!!! :)

[Julie From Momspective]

HAHAHAHA! It's the Social Luxe party or something like that and there was drama about it last year. I Still have useless swag in a bag from then. I couldn't go this year, I had a promo to run but I'm pissed that I missed all my favorite people. I'm trying to bully everyone into going to the Type A Mom Con in Asheville next month. I'm not going for the conference, I'm going to crash in someone's room and party at the bar all night, because that's how I roll.

[Keely]

Wait, what bathroom were YOU in?? Because the one I went to had no cool hand dryers, it just smelled strongly of feces.

I love that photo. Mostly because I'm not in it "enjoying" myself.

[Lawyer Mom]

Holy cow! I thought they were cup holders.

So so glad you all had so much fun. Maybe next year I can come and REALLY corrupt the lot of you!

[Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)]

I love those Hand dryers. I saw them a few years back at the Museum of Science and Industry. Just a year ago, they redesigned the bathrooms that were circa 1940 to be more environmentally conscious and they now have some pretty wicked hand dryers all over the museum.

[Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings]

I want one of those hand dryers! I'm glad I don't have to speak in front of people I like being under the radar and not getting much attention because then I don't have to be asked to read my drivel in front of a bunch of people. I would do awful.

[Lisa]

fyi - they have those hand dryers at Ikea - might be a shorter drive ;)

[Becky]

Oh God that picture of Jenni and me is just choice! I am plotting my revenge.

And wait, Julie, there is a conference in Asheville next month? I should totally go to that, I am up in western NC all the time. Off to look it up. . .

[beta dad]

Everyone keeps promising to stop talking about BlogHer. I haven't heard enough yet. I think Ima go next year, seeing as how it's in my back yard. Although I hate swag (you have to find some place to put it), and I would be hella-uncomfortable on that dance floor. Maybe if I went in drag...

I think the public speaking class would be a hit. It reminds me of when I was in grad school. I was in a rhetoric (and writing) program, and you would think people in that discipline would be good public speakers. Wrong! Conferences were full of monotonous readers who read directly from their papers.

[Erin]

Glad you had so much fun. Nice new background. :-)

[unmitigated me (m.a.w.)]

You and me, next BlogHer, co-presenters in a public speaking session!

[Heather (qtberryhead)]

There are good curly hair products out there? What might those be....?
This is the first post that actually made me want to attend BlogHer.
Interesting.