This was the view from my seat at the Creative Arts Primetime Emmy Awards...
Unfortunately, I was NOT THERE.
Because THIS GUY was in my seat...
Perhaps I should explain.
For several years now, I have been my friend Lynn's backup Emmy date. Lynn is the Music Consultant for the Primetime Emmy Awards, which basically means she overseas the award's five music categories (Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics, Outstanding Original Main Title Theme, etc.), so every year she attends both the Creative Arts Emmys and the Primetime Emmys.
Lynn's husband, Darren (oh, that would be he, that bespectacled, goateed man, above) works rather odd and demanding hours doing something or other in the Music Department at Disney/ABC. I'm supposed to know what it is he does, but I must admit I'm a bit vague. Something about arrangements for all the orchestras that provide all the music for all the Disney/ABC shows/movies. I'm sure it's all very important. And because of the aforementioned odd/demanding nature of his hours, Darren often can't get away to go with his lovely wife to things such as awards shows. He usually manages to make it to the fancier schmancier Primetime Emmys but not to the less fabulous Creative Arts Emmys, which takes place the week before. Which is why, over the years, I have twice been called upon to take his place.
The Creative Arts Emmys are the red-headed stepchild of the Primetime Emmys, the award show where they hand out Emmys to all of the crew. Art Direction, Editing, Visual Effects, Costume Design, Hair, Makeup, Music Direction, Cinematography...you get the idea. The big stars show up as hosts and presenters, and there is a certain amount of red carpet action, but overall it's pretty laid back. Oh look, here's the red carpet and the back of Ann-Margret...
But trust me, a bunch of drunken techies are a lot more fun than a bunch of drunken producers/network execs. I personally would rather attend the Creative Arts night, because I'm less likely to run into actors that I worked with long ago, or, even worse, took an acting class with long ago, who are now attending the awards as NOMINEEs, when I am merely attending as my friend Lynn's backup date. Sigh.
The awards themselves tend to be pretty long and dull, but the Governor's Ball is always a treat. Grey Goose sponsored martini bars, excellent food. The last time I went along was 3 years ago, and we got to sit with Andy Samberg and the Saturday Night Live gang, who won an Emmy for Outstanding Original Song for "Dick in a Box", and they were pretty damned fun. The time before that, we were stuck at a table with the gang from "Antiques Roadshow", not quite as lively. But that night I did manage to track down the set decorator for "Six Feet Under" and find out where she bought that darling light fixture in Nate and Brenda's dining room.
So this year, I was pretty excited to go. I had even taken my ball gown out of the dirty clothes basket and hung it up. But alas, Darren finished up his work early, and bumped me.
Therefore HE was the one attending the ball...
HE was the one sipping "The Emmy" Martini (1 1/2 parts Grey Goose L'Orange flavored vodka, 1/2 part Licor 43, 1 1/2 parts fresh orange juice and a splash of grenadine).
HE was the one eating the Bouquet of White and Green Asparagus, Spicy Greens, Reggiano Parmesan, Tomato and Citrus Vinaigrette.
He was the one eating the Duo of Filet Mignon and Braised Brisket, Smoked Tomato "French Dip", Cipollini Tart Tatin with Crisp Onion and Tarragon Mustard.
And He was the one sitting at a table with Wendy and Lisa (as in Prince's Wendy and Lisa)...
...who had just won an Emmy for Outstanding Original Main Title Theme Music, for the theme for "Nurse Jackie". And believe me, Wendy and Lisa would have rather had me as their dinner companion than Darren. If you get my meaning.
And to top it off, the man forgot to wear his cummerbund! What kind of a date is that? I would have gone all out to look good, I might have even worn my new fake Spanx that I got as swag from BlogHer.
Oh well. There's always next year.
Wait a minute. There's the Primetime Emmys next week! I know that there's a big push to get all the orchestrations recorded for that new Disney movie, Tangled. Maybe Darren will get caught up and...
Alright, I'm not putting my ball gown back in the dirty clothes basket just yet. I've still got a chance.