I am sitting in our bedroom. In the dark. On the floor. Behind the bed.
I have been entertaining a bunch of Jimmy's acting students for FIVE hours now. They're all very young and enthusiastic and not cynical about showbiz like I am. And they all think Jimmy is just the coolest. I have fed them and given them liquor, and they WON'T LEAVE. I keep wanting to tell them "I have an important blog post to write, damn it!" But I can't because I'm being a "good wife". What a big drag.
So I am forced to sneak off and type in little spurts while nobody is looking. Right now they are all watching some documentary on Pacino which Jimmy is "turning them on to". Luckily, this little spurts of writing method lends itself to the topic du jour which is...
Random Tuesday Thoughts.
My newest Facebook game obsession is Frontierville. It's sort of like Farmville, except you are a hearty pioneer making your way in the west. You (well, your little virtual avatar you anyway) build a cabin, then plant some crops, get some animals, clear some land, chop some trees and scare away some bears. If you get things set up nicely, your little virtual avatar fiance will make their way across the prairie and you can get hitched! This morning, I discovered that Frontierville allows same sex marriage! I'm not sure if that was a deliberate choice on their part, or a glitch in the programming, but I think it's very open-minded. Here's a shot of me and my life partner, Hulga, in front of our cabin. We're very happy...
Gretchen and Jude drive in the car on their way to drop Jude off at his friend A.J.'s for a sleepover. Gretchen drives. Jude sits in the backseat.
So. When you're staying at A.J.'s, how are you going to act?
I will always be polite. And always say please and thank you.
Very good. What else?
I will listen to what A.J.'s mommy says.
Yes. Anything else?
I will not shake my booty like this...
(leans sideways in his seat and shakes his butt in the air)
Oooo, oooo, oooo, oh yeah!
(sits back down normally)
...in anybody's face. I will not do this.
(belches loudly on command)
I will not do this.
(grabs his penis and pretends to pee all over the backseat)
I will not fart so hard I fly all the way to Hawaii and come back doing the hula.
Silence settles over the car for a beat. Gretchen sighs.
Okay. So it sounds like you know how to behave. Have fun.
They drive on. Jude giggles. Gretchen shakes her head.
My new favorite household product...
Dawn Direct Foam. I absolutely LOVE it. I mean it. I can't remember the last time I got excited about dish soap. Okay, I'm pretty sure I've NEVER been excited about dish soap. But this stuff is special. It actually gives me a little thrill every time I wash a pot. One pump of foam, and you can wash a whole buttload of pots and pans. And according to their website, they even sell "money-saving" refills. If anybody knows the Dawn people, tell them that I wrote this, and that I would like them to send me some free stuff. Or better yet, cast me as the Dawn Direct Foam Lady in a series of commercials.
And speaking of commercials...
The other day, Jude and I were watching daytime television - DON'T JUDGE ME - and after a toilet paper commercial, Jude turned to me and very seriously said "I wish I had that toilet paper." When I laughed, he looked at me as though I was perhaps the stupidest person he knew, and said "What? It has THREE LAYERS!" Put me in my place.
I will leave you with Jude and his best friend Will's favorite stupid YouTube video. I must admit it cracks me up. Click around at YouTube and you'll find a WHOLE series of these. Somebody clearly has too much time on their hands...
Okay, I'm going to go see if I can get these people out of my living room. Maybe if I change into my pajamas, sit down in the middle of everybody and start yawning. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Why don't y'all head over to Keely's and catch more random action.