Spin Cycle: Appearance/The Teacher Who Changed My Life

Looking back at pictures of myself as a child, I think I was always a pretty little girl. I remember grownups saying things to me like "Aren't you the prettiest little thing!". But I never let myself believe it. I actually remember stopping myself from even saying the words "I am pretty" inside my head. The thought of being vain was very frightening.

Daddy endowed me with tremendous confidence and self-worth. I think that he believed that it was particularly important for a girl to be independent and strong. But he was mostly concerned with my mind and intellect, I don't think he placed much of an emphasis on looks. I know he always worried that I might be too tall and skinny, like his sister, Verna, who was "six feet tall in her stocking feet" as they used to say, and skinny as a rail. He was relieved when it became clear that I had instead inherited Mama's more "womanly" figure.

Mama, on the other hand, was extremely concerned with "appearances". This is a woman who never left the house without her pearls and her Revlon "Fire and Ice" lipstick. Mama was a mass of contradictions. On one hand, she could be pretty rowdy, and loved her bourbon and beer, but as far as her "style" went, she was absolutely the definition of "ladylike". Mama had an extremely difficult childhood, her parents died when she was little, and she was raised by her siblings and relatives on a farm during the depression. She had little, and went through some extremely hard times before she met my Daddy. So I think she sort of recreated herself into the well-bred "lady" she had always wanted to be. And that she desperately wanted ME to be. Unfortunately, her "style" and mine, were very different, thus creating much of our conflict during my teenage years.

I was always terribly insecure about how I looked, and completely baffled by what to wear. The "ladylike" clothes that Mama pushed on me seemed old-fashioned and matronly. But I was too timid and unsure to define my own "look" or to really argue with Mama and force her to get me the more "happening" and "in-style" clothes. I mean, this was the '70's! And, like most teenagers, I wanted to look just like everyone else. I remember spending hours wielding a curling iron and hot rollers, trying to get my unruly curls to conform to a Farrah-Do. And trying to copy eye makeup styles from pictures out in Seventeen Magazine.

And a major element of my insecurity was my extreme height. I was already 5' 10" by 7th Grade! I towered over everyone, especially the boys, who wouldn't catch up with me for several years. In an era of platform shoes, I wore flats. ALL my pants were "high waters". I hunched, and developed an amazing method of taking off several inches by sticking one hip out, and putting my arm on it, sort of curving myself into an S.

Boys didn't like me. Or at least, they didn't like me "that way". I have one particularly painful memory of a time in 9th grade, when I was spending the night with my friend Mary, because my parents were going out of town. We were supposed to both go to a dance at school. But at the last minute, a boy asked Mary to be his date to the dance. I was too embarrassed to stay home at her house while she was at the dance, and too embarrassed to go to the dance without a friend or date. So I went with Mary to the school, and hid in the bushes outside the dance reading a book in the light from the street light. I clearly remember listening to Barry Manilow singing "Mandy" and crying, knowing that everyone inside was slow dancing. I hid there for hours, until the dance was over, and Mary came and got me.

Then, in my Senior Year of high school, everything changed. That was the year when Mr. D came to my school. Mr. D was our new Drama teacher. He arrived like a whirlwind, snatched me up, and changed my life forever. 

Mr. D was a handsome and stylish gay man. Though I'm not sure I ever really understood that at the time. Which is hilariously naive, since he lived with Mr. E and they were clearly devoted to each other. He had attitude and energy, and he quickly turned our little Drama Department into Drama Snobs. I still have the membership card to "The International Thespian Society" which he gave me.

Early in my senior year, Mr. D entered us in a Drama competition. I was competing in two categories - Poetry Interpretation and Prose Interpretation.  Mr. D decided to dress me himself for this competition. He put me in a straight, tight black skirt, a black blouse and FOUR INCH BLACK PUMPS. Black eyeliner, red lipstick. I clearly remember the pep talk he gave me before walking into my first competition. "When you stand up, I want you to take your time. Get up slowly, until you've revealed your full height, then walk slowly to the front of the room. I want you to intimidate everyone in that room with your beauty and your presence!"

And I did. I was empowered. I remember standing slowly and walking in my high heels to the front to perform. I swear that there were gasps. I read the poem "Lady Lazarus" by Sylvia Plath, a rather frightening and depressing poem for a seventeen year old ("my skin/Bright as a Nazi lampshade."), but perfect for my new Gothish (though this was pre-Goth) Drama Snob self. And guess what? I WON. I placed first in both poetry and prose. I was hooked. And transformed.

Suddenly, I started shopping exclusively at vintage clothes stores, and out of my father's closet. I'd combine a tulle skirt from the '50's with a Hawaiian shirt and skinny tie. I stopped cutting my hair, and let it grow long and weird. I threw aside Disco, and went Punk. Barry Manilow and Donna Summer were replaced by The Ramones and Elvis Costello.

Here's our Drama "Squad" in our yearbook picture...

Aren't we affected?! I am second to right on the center row. Mr. D is the center of the top row. Isn't it hysterical that we've chosen not to smile (well, everyone but Greg there in the front row). Because we are such serious thespians. I'm not sure what the black and white spotted dresses thing was about. It was very 1979 of us.

This really was the beginning of my life as I know it. And the beginning of my confidence in myself as a woman. I went on to be a drama major in college, and to model and eventually become a professional actress.

About 4 years ago, I was visiting Austin, and decided to look up Mr. D. I'd heard that he had retired from teaching and now owned a vintage clothing store. I managed to track the place down and Jude and I headed over. I spotted Mr. D the second I walked in, standing near the counter. When I called out his name and he turned around, he shouted my name and ran to me. I was shocked, I hadn't seen the man since I was 18 years old. It turns out that he had kept up with my career over the years, as he had with all of his students who had actually gone on to careers in acting or the theater. It was then that I noticed the other man behind the counter. It was Mr. E! They were still together after more than 30 years. Which made me very happy.

I tried to tell him what a huge impact he'd had on me, and how much confidence he had given an insecure, gangly girl. That he'd helped me to stop being afraid of my appearance, and to embrace it. But between customers walking in, and Jude running around, I'm not sure how well I expressed myself. I hope he heard me, because I will be forever grateful to him.

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The Spin Cycle this week is all about Appearances, so run on over to Sprite's Keeper and check it out.
 

Comments

[Jan]

My high school drama teacher was a lesbian, and I really didn't realize it until I was much older. She also had a profound impact on her students, and I was tickled pink when one of my fellow Thespians convinced her to join Facebook.

And you are gorgeous.

[Sprite's Keeper]

I had a Mrs. D in high school who fed my love for Drama. But she doesn't sound nearly as fun as your Mr. D!
You were just as beautiful then as you are now, but does everyone have that one photo in which they're resting their jaw on a closed fist? These days, it looks like someone is punching you from off camera! There's one of me with that exact position. I call it the "sucker punch". :-)
You're linked!

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

It is amazing the effect a teacher can have on us. I became a writer because of my 3rd grade teacher. You were gorgeous, BTW. Still are.

[Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)]

That is what makes great teachers great. The fact that they can bring out the best in you when you yourself did not know you have it in you. It takes a great skill to see beyond the appearances and be able to enhance those things that you do not see (like confidence).

Excellent Spin,

[Sarah at themommylogues]

Oh I love it! Hooray for the Mr. D's of the world.

[Patty]

Wow, this brought tears to my eyes! Mr. D sounds wonderful! I'm so glad he was a teacher and was able to influence so many young people.

Now, I am intrigued. What have you acted in?

[Susan @ Raisin Toast]

I love your story! You really should write a book. This one story alone just drew me in. Having grown up in the 70s I know exactly what you were going through. I, however, was a dancing queen and at all the dances. I hung out in Georgetown every weekend. What a hoot!

Susan

[Erica@Pines Lake Redhead]

What a wonderful story! I'm so glad you came into your own with the help of Mr. D. You're stunning!

[Lynn Hornsby]

wonderful post! I have been in similar, though not quite the same, situations as the dance, as I was sure my best guy-friend was going to ask me to the junior prom but when the girl he wanted to ask was already by someone else, he just ended up working the night of the prom, with me!! senior was worse: I bought a dress, as I just knew I was going and then the guy that was supposed to ask me ended up "being made" to go with an exchange student, so once again, I stayed home...Drama does bring out a lot in us, but your teacher sounds extra special! So awesome that you did catch up with him after all those years!

[Ginny Marie]

What an amazing post! I love that you were able to find Mr. D. How many people actually look up people that influenced their lives? Not many, I would imagine!

[Pseudo]

You are gorgeous and I loved this story. wonderfully told.

[Rina]

Loved this.

[Joanie M]

This is a wonderful post! I am a self-proclaimed "Drama Mama" since both of my daughters were in the Drama Club in High school (Gina was president her Senior year and Dani was Treasurer in her Senior year) Gina has her degree in theatre and now works in radio and Dani is just finishing her fist year of college, majoring in theatre. I loved watching the girls transform themselves into other people on stage. Their years in the Drama club have instilled such confidence in them.

[Peg]

I love stories like that. So glad you were able to find him again and that his partner is still with him. Warms my heart!

[Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings]

What an awesome post! Yeah, Mr. D for encouraging you and helping you find out who you were/are! He brought you out of your shell and that's so cool!

[Viki]

I LOVED this. It's incredible after all those years you could see Mr. D. How nice to know that he followed your work.

[Sara]

Such a great story.

And how crazy that you didn't know how beautiful you were (and still are.)

Sitting in the bushes reading a book! choked me up a little. And cheers to Mr. D!

[Becky]

I love this story! I missed it, I know it was forever ago. I love the moment when you stood up in the black skirt and heels. And the moment when you and Jude went to see Mr. D!

[Gretchen]

Thanks honey.

Sent from my beloved iPhone

[Teresa]

I was a year behind you at our high school. I always admired you so much! You were pretty and fun. It's funny, but it never occurred to me that you were too tall! I also liked Mr. D a lot - I still have the message he wrote in my autograph book! He's not the only person who's followed your career! I enjoy your blog.

[Retro Jordans]

If life is a quilt, then love should be a thread.