I hate New Year's resolutions. When I saw that this was the theme for this week's Spin Cycle, all my muscles contracted into a massive cringe. Is it that the whole resolution thing is just setting myself up for failure? Well...yes. But I think it also may have something to do with...
I hate New Year's. It doesn't depress me or disappoint me or anything. It's just such a...nonholiday. Much ado about nada. Blah, blah, blah. It's never more than just sort of mildly fun. I've never had any real traditions for it (well, except, of course, for the eating of the black-eyed peas, which is critical) No magical childhood memories surround it. No fabulous, glimmering champagne-soaked parties.
The problem may have something to do with the fact that the majority of my New Year's Eves over the last 20 years have been spent in my mother-in-law's den in the suburbs of Long Island. Not a particularly glamorous locale. I always cook a big Southern meal for them all - ham, cheese grits, black-eyed peas, cornbread (I loved the Italian's first reaction to these foods: the grits were "just like the polenta!" and the peas were "just like the lentils!") then we sit in the wood-paneled den watching Dick Clark. Champagne is poured (over the years Pop has upgraded the champagne from Andre's to Korbel), the ball drops, we all kiss and then...go to sleep as quickly as possible.
We did have one rather fabulous New Year's Eve. We spent the big millenium year at Aunt Grace's apartment on Park Avenue in Manhattan. A big crowd came over and at midnight we went up on the roof and watched the fireworks from Times Square. Very fancy. We even managed to get Jimmy's parents to leave Long Island and venture into "The City" for one night. Which, believe me, took some convincing, since Mommy was horrified of being trapped in big, scary Gotham when the whole Y2K thing hit and the world ground to a stop. But since then we've been back on the island. Yawn. This year, we're here in Los Angeles, for a change, but our plans aren't much more exciting. We're going to Jimmy's cousin's house for dinner. But I doubt we'll make midnight. I did buy a bottle of champagne to keep here at our house in case we bail early and head home.
There must be something I can do to make this more fun and exciting. Some new tradition to start. The idea of standing in the crowd at Times Square gives me heart palpatations. I'd rather eat ground glass than go and watch the Rose Parade (though watching it on tv is vaguely pleasant). When I was a kid, my girlfriends and I would buy a bunch of cheap (and legal in Texas) fireworks and set them off at midnight. Cause, you know, blowing shit up is always fun. But nowadays, we're never anywhere where we can find cheap, legal fireworks. I do enjoy a good tv marathon - The Honeymooners or The Twilight Zone are worth turning on. And that's just pathetic. So...
The first thing on my list of New Year's Resolutions is...
1. I hearby resolve to find some way to make our next New Year's Eve a loving, fun, memorable family experience. I have an entire year to come up with something. Wish me luck.
2. I hearby resolve to redecorate our bedroom. Actually, I should more correctly say "decorate", since in the five years since we've lived in our house, I have yet to decorate our bedroom in any way. It's pretty sad. It looks like college students live in it. I think that I owe it to our marriage and romantic life to try to make the room we sleep in a warm, charming, relaxing, romantic oasis. Okay, maybe I'm asking for too much. But a coat of paint and some curtains would be a big improvement.
3. I hearby resolve to finish writing the 2 tv spec scripts I've been kind of working on. I took a course in writing one-hour tv drama at UCLA a year ago, and have yet to finish my scripts. Granted, I got a bit distracted by THIS BLOG. I will concentrate and set time limits and get to work.
4. I hearby resolve to upgrade my exercise and eating habits, thus enabling myself to once again wear my clothes.And not the same 2 sweaters that hide my tummy bulge.
Okay. Deep inhale...deep exhale...It's only 4 things. I should be able to handle them. It's a good, positive start.
Hmmm. Maybe I'd feel better about New Year's if I had a teeny weeny glass of champagne. It's only 4:18 in the afternoon, but it's already the new year in...uh...London! So, Cheerio 2010!