Second Blooming

Welcome to Camp Mama 2013

Yes, it's time once again for Camp Mama!

What is Camp Mama you ask? Well, let me tell you. Camp Mama is my son's summer entertainment, the camp he will be attending, as opposed to the ritzy, high-priced camps which his wealthier, luckier friends will attend.

Here is our newly updated camp brochure...

Welcome to Camp Mama!

Our camp feels just like home because... it is home.

Nestled in a cozy, grass-free Hollywood backyard in the armpit of the 101 freeway, and the shadow of a Colombian restaurant, just downwind of the medical marijuana store, Camp Mama has provided an enriching atmosphere which has fostered growth and development in campers since 2009. Children will have an opportunity to explore their creativity and hone their athletic skills while Gretchen, the Camp Director, tries hard not to lose her mind.

Camp programs include -

1. A certain amount of loosely monitored electronic usage (television, XBox, iPod, computer, Wii). Electronic usage will be allotted in increments which equal the time campers invest in more wholesome and approved activities such as reading, writing, drawing and generally leaving their mother alone.

2. Playing in the yard. "You've got a yard. You've got an imagination. What more does a kid need?" (This phrase will no doubt be repeated ad nauseam when campers start to whine and complain about the limitation of the aforementioned electronic usage.)

3. Unfortunately, the "pool" facilities have been shut down this year (after the squirrel died in the 3 inches of water in the bottom of the "pool", the Camp Director freaked out about germs and threw the decrepit "pool" away.  It was for the best.) However, there is talk of the possible purchase of a zipline, and creative construction of a "White Trash Waterpark".

4. Daily field trips to such exciting places as the grocery store, auditions, church, Starbucks or the nail salon.

5. A once a week trip to the beach.

6. Long-term field trips to Camp Mama's satellite facilities such as Camp Grandma are being planned. Possible outings to local amusement parks are negotiable if camper's behavior meets expectations.

7. As many playdates as the Camp Director can come up with. Playdates which involve the Camp Director having "grown-up time" with the parents of fellow campers and drinking liquor is highly encouraged. Many of these playdates will no doubt involve a brief stay at Camp Lynn, where campers can swim in a larger pool, and the camp directors can soak in the hot tub and suck down apple martinis while the campers try not to drown each other. Sunscreen will be provided.

8. Outdoor activities such as swimming, tennis, hiking and running will be provided. Choice of activity is dependent on the Camp Director's daily mood/energy level. Making fun of Camp Director's skills in any of these activities is highly discouraged. Camp Director may also be convinced to play games such as Battleship, Monopoly or Sorry until the Camp Director's brain turns to mush and she feels the need to take a Battleship peg and jam it into her eyeball.

9. Daily "Quiet Time", wherein campers must go to their room and read or play quietly by themselves while Camp Director recuperates and pulls the Battleship peg from her eyeball.

10. A fun game called "Clean the House", wherein campers must help the Camp Director clean the facilities to established standards before they are allowed any of the aforementioned activities. This year, the Camp Director has added a new and highly anticipated game called "Cleaning the Toilet".

11. Daily reading is mandatory. Occasional reviews of schoolish things such as decimals are required so that the campers don't revert to their previous pre-Fourth Grade ignorance.

12. Daily lunch and snack provided. Sorry, camp tee shirt not included.

Cost of enrollment: Gretchen's sanity.

Once a week, I will be posting about the Camp Mama activities of the previous week. If you'd like to open your own satellite branch of Camp Mama and share your own Camp Mama misery, I mean adventure, let me know. I'd be glad to link you here.

Camp Mama opens today. As always, only one camper has signed up.

RTT: Good TV, Birkin and Dog Cologne

 

I am better. I am not fully well, but at least I'm up and around. Thank you all for your well-wishes. Because I am weird, I located on the internet  THIS WEBSITE where you can go and click the "Hear a typical TB cough" link and you will hear just what my cough sounds like. Though I do not have tuberculosis. It's very pleasant. That was sarcasm.

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During my lengthy confinement, I went crazy on Netflix and have to share TWO fabulous finds with you!

1. Top of the Lake

 

Damned good.

 

I LOVED this show. It's an amazing 7-hour mini series which takes place in New Zealand, and is directed by the great Jane Campion. Top notch acting and writing too. It stars Elisabeth Moss from MadMen, who does a flawed but pretty decent Aussie accent. It's a beautifully-shot whodunit, that kept me hooked until the very end. Holly Hunter is almost unrecognizable as a wise-but-weird androgynous guru woman...

 

Cool.

 

But the real star of the show is New Zealand. Which comes across as both shockingly beautiful, and frighteningly rough. Y'all MUST Netflix it.

2. The Fall

Another stylish whodunit starring an American actress doing an accent. This time it's Gillian Anderson, doing a posh London accent, which is also flawed but pretty decent. Another strong female character, another good mystery. I highly recommend it also.

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My friend Amanda was saying something on Facebook about an Hermes Birkin handbag, so I started poking around on the internet to see just how much one of these goes for nowadays. Apparently, they are available for between $9000 and $150,000. For a purse. This one is available HERE for $65,000. (I put in the link just in case you're in the market)...

 

It's a $65,000  purple purse.

 

Now, my immediate thought was "What kind of person could possibly justify purchasing a handbag for $15,000 more than the median American household income?" I mean, how could you live with yourself? People are starving. Homeless. It's a purse!

But then I got to thinking...maybe I've just been living too close to the poverty level for too long. Maybe, I have simply never experienced a $65,000 handbag. That might be the most amazing handbag imaginable. That handbag might make its owner an ecstatically happy person. It might be something beyond imagining. I mean, I can see spending a couple of grand on a handbag. If I had the cash, I'd drop $2000 on a bag easy. So just imagine how much better a $65,000 bag might be.

What do y'all think?

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Unfortunately...

 

 

That's it!!

 

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Our little dog, Fancy, stinks. It's not her fault, she needs to go to the groomer. But since I've been in bed for a week, and Fancy wants to be in the bed with me, the stinking has become an issue. As in, she's been banned from the bed. Which makes her sad. So yesterday, Jude and I went to the Petco and purchased her a new shampoo and...I love this...cologne. Yes, her very own doggie cologne...

 

It's very pleasant.

 

So we gave her a shampoo and blow dry and spritzed her with her cologne, and now she's fabulous! And back in the bed!

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That is the randomness for today! Go see Stacy and the others!

Spin Cycle: Just Lying Around

I have been stressed lately.

Too much to do, too little time.

Even though I just took a mini vacation to New York for 5 days, it wasn't really much relaxation, and when I got back, the amount I needed to do had doubled, and the amount of time I had in which to do it had halved.

So I've been dreaming of an opportunity to just lie around all day doing nothing, a time I could just give myself permission to chill.

Be careful what you ask for, or life will bite you in the ass.

I have been sick as a dog for the past week.

A horrible coughing virus thing. My symptoms - a hacking cough that sounds as if I have tuberculosis and am about to hack up a chunk of lung, a low-grade (99.9 - 101 degree) fever, nasal congestion, a headache, and a fuzzy brain that has left me completely unable to focus, and yet too busy to relax and let me sleep. The good news? I got me some excellent codeine cough medicine. The bad news? The doctor says that since it's viral, the only thing I can really do is just lie in bed and let my body get over it.

And so,  that is what I have been doing. Just lying around. "Relaxing"

This is not easy for someone who constantly feels that they're playing catch up. I am just not someone who can lie in bed all day. I've never even been able to take naps. It's just not in my nature.

So what have I been doing all this time? Hmmm...prepare yourself for a fascinating week...

• Took 21 hot showers. That's 3 a day for 7 days. Steaming seems to make me stop hacking for a few minutes.
• Made it all the way to Level 41 in the game Candy Crush Saga on Facebook. Quite an achievement.
• Despite its iffy reviews,  watched the entire first season of that new Netflix series Hemlock Grove. I liked it, it's a lot of fun - very stylish and well-written. Even though it has far too much teen sex and gore. And it suffers from what I think of as the Shot-in-Canada Syndrome, which most tv sci-fi shows have - shows which are supposed to take place somewhere in the US, but all of the smaller roles are played by bad Canadian day-players who can't act and speak with distinctly Canadian accents.
• Watched half of the first season of the show Continuum before turning it off because I couldn't take it any more. This makes me feel guilty, because we're friends with the writer/executive producer. But it has too many machine-gun shoot-em-ups, and over-the-top fight sequences - you know, when the main character will fight some bad guy for 10 minutes of non-stop violence, 1 minute of which would kill somebody in real life, and they come out of it with a butterfly bandage and a black eye. It's stupid. And it also suffers from the Shot-in-Canada bad day-players syndrome. I started begging for the minor characters to get killed off so I wouldn't have to watch them any more.
• Consumed about 10 gallons of coconut water. I do not exaggerate. My doctor told me to drink a lot of coconut water because it is really good for hydrating the lungs and is full of potassium, and I may have gone a little coconut water crazy. 
• During a codeine-induced dream, I conceived an entire television pilot. My high-concept pitch is "Boardwalk Empire meets Breaking Bad meets Friday Night Lights". I'd watch that, wouldn't you?! Now I just have to actually write it, and we'll be rich, rich, rich!
• Not only made excellent progress on my tiny virtual farm in Farmville, but I actually started a brand new farm using a pseudonym! So if Bobbi Jones asks to be your Zynga friend, it's me!
• Ate nothing but Trader Joe's microwavable frozen foods. As did my family.
• Did not read at all.

So as you see, it's been a busy and productive week. Not. I am actually dying to get up and do some cooking and cleaning and laundry, so you know it must be bad.

As you can imagine, this was not my original plan for a "Relaxation" spin. But such is life.

Have you been "relaxing" lately?

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More rather relaxed spinners...

Kendra at Life in the slow lane

Nain at View From Down Here

Janice at I Got Nothing

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Considering we tend to be a cynical bunch around here, this one might be tough. Or not. But I'm feeling that after this last week of hacking and aching, I could use a little joy and happiness, so let's go for it.

It's all hearts and flowers and sweetness and love around here next week.

What makes you happy? What gives you joy? That seems simple enough, right?

You write it. Post it. Tell me. I'll link it.

Come back next Friday for my spin on "Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy" and to discover the next week's Spin Topic.

And don't be afraid to ask to be added to my Spin Cycle Topic reminder email!

 

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Relax, Don't Do It

Oh yes, Frankie Goes to Hollywood!...

 

It's "Relax" week here on The Spin Cycle!

Aaaaaaaaaah! Summer is finally here! Time to relax, kick-back, take a load off. I'm planning on sleeping in every morning for at least a week.

What do you do to relax? Are you a hot tub/candles/wine kind of person? Or do you relax by exercising? Do you like to leave town? Spa it? Or maybe just curl up in bed with a good book and ignore the children.

Or maybe you never relax. Sad.

Write your spin on "Relax". Post it. Let me know. I'll link it.

Check in on Friday for my spin on Relax, and to find out next week's Spin topic.

First up, bright and early...

Kendra at Life in the slow lane

Nain at View From Down Here

Janice at I Got Nothing

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me - NEW on THURSDAY!

 

 

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Spin Cycle: Commencement Speech

I hardly consider myself to be a great mind, nor do I believe that I am endowed with tremendous wisdom. But I do feel that in my half a century on this earth, I have learned a thing or two about life. And so, to any and all young folks out there who are about to embark on their lives, I have the following words of advice...

• Go ahead, follow your bliss. But make sure you have a degree and a backup plan. Because bliss almost never pays the mortgage.
• Whatever you presently expect your life to be, it won't be that. Life will deal you cards that you never expected, and you will have to play the hand that you are dealt. If you're lucky, you'll get a full house, but you may also draw a pair deuces, and have to learn to play the hand you get. The good news is that you'll also probably draw a Joker or two, and they can be kind of fun, and if you're clever enough, you can bluff your way through quite a bit. I have hereby carried this silly analogy as far as I can.
• Have fun. It's okay to do a few stupid things. Be a little reckless while you are young. Because if you don't, you'll live your later years filled with questioning and regrets. But be careful while you're doing stupid things to always maintain your integrity, and don't do anything that hurts someone else.
• Avoid all mistakes/decisions which will stay with you for the rest of your life - tattoos, peculiar piercings, venereal diseases, unwanted pregnancies. But if you do make any poor choices, and who doesn't, accept responsibility with as much grace as you can muster.
• Often, young people give up their sense of self in an attempt to please parents and friends. Then, later in life, they go too far the other way, trying to regain their power, and end up becoming self-righteous and selfish. Work to find this balance, and try to focus on the greater good. Remember that doing something for the greater good doesn't make you weak. I think it can actually be the stronger path.
• When choosing a profession in which to enter, look up one of those earnings scales for the profession where they list expected earnings by profession by state. But don't look at the top salaries. It's unlikely that you'll achieve that for a very long time, if ever. Look at the base salary and the median salary. If you think you can live comfortably on that, go for it. Otherwise, formulate another plan.
• At this point in your life, you may want to be the cool one and the sexy one and the popular one, but ultimately, being the kind one will serve you best.
• You must treat love as an action verb. It's not something into which you fall. Because if you've simply fallen into something, you can climb out of it. In order for any loving relationship to stand the test of time, you must choose to love, and actively work at it.

So there you have it, the wealth of my experience. I wish someone had said some of these things to me when I was heading out into the world. Or maybe...they did. Because I don't remember one word of my Commencement Speech.

And to be completely truthful, I probably would have ignored the advice anyway. I guess all young people have to make their own mistakes before they start to know a few things.

What advice do you have for graduates?

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More amazing words of wisdom...

Nain at View From Down Here

Vandy J at The Testosterone Three and Me

Janice at I Got Nothing - a last minute Best/Worst post from last week!

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Relax

Aaaaaaaaaah! Summer is finally here! Time to relax, kick-back, take a load off. I'm planning on sleeping in every morning for at least a week.

What do you do to relax? Are you a hot tub/candles/wine kind of person? Or do you relax by exercising? Do you like to leave town? Spa it? Or maybe just curl up in bed with a good book and ignore the children.

Write your spin on "Relax". Post it. Let me know. I'll link it.

Come back next week for my spin on Relax, and to find out next week's Spin topic!

 

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The Rose Lady

For a brief time, back in the summer of 1991, when I was a struggling actress in Los Angeles, I had the worst job in the world. Okay, maybe not THE worst job in the world. It didn't involve road kill, or cleaning sewers or anything. But it was everything I could hate in a job all rolled into one. I will explain...

When I first moved to Los Angeles, I started working pretty steadily as an actress. When I had lived in Dallas, I had worked in a book store and as a nanny, but since moving to LA, I was lucky enough that I'd never had to have a "day job".

But for a while there, things dried up. I was broke. I could probably have asked Mama for the cash to tide me over until I booked another tv gig, but I just couldn't do it. I was 30, for God's sakes, I should have been able to take care of myself.

So I started to hunt for a part-time job. This is a problem for the actor. You have to find a job that is flexible enough to allow you to go to auditions whenever they need you during the day, often at the last minute, and on the other side of town.

But the biggest problem was that I had...no marketable skills. None.

I could sort of type, and thought I could maybe do temp work. But temp jobs weren't flexible enough, and I was auditioning quite a bit. I drove around the neighborhood filling out job applications at stores and restaurants.

One restaurant manager actually called me in for a meeting, not to hire me, but just because he'd never met anybody honest enough to to write "No waitressing experience" on a job application.

Finally, a woman I knew from a comedy improv class told me about a job which sounded doable. No experience necessary. Worked only weekend nights, and you could make a couple of hundred dollars a week.

And so I became...a rose lady.

You've seen them. My job was to fill my car with cheap roses, then drive around the city to restaurants and clubs and stroll around the places, hawking my wares to unsuspecting patrons at outrageous prices.

The woman who owned the company (who happened to be a Scientologist, and I was one of her only non-Scientologist employees), had made deals with certain restaurants to allow us in - I guess they got some kind of a kick-back. I had to dress up in a frilly white blouse with a ridiculous amount of cleavage, and tight black pants, then carry a massive, rose-laden basket around with me. I offered three rose options - the single rose, the small bouquet of 3 roses, and the large bouquet of 6, which cost a whopping $20.

The idea was to walk slowly around the restaurant, and while we were not allowed to actually flat-out ask anyone if they'd like to make a purchase, we were allowed to stare intimidatingly. Then once some poor sap, in an attempt to impress his date, asked to make a purchase, I could pounce. The idea was to insinuate that only a pathetic cheapskate would purchase his ladylove the single rose. And that certainly she would be more willing to put-out later if he went for the big bouquet.

Apparently, there was much bickering and jockeying for the good restaurants amongst my fellow rose ladies, who I only saw when picking up roses at the beginning of the night, and dropping off the leftovers at the end. But they all liked me, because I had no interest at all in the good restaurants. I wanted to be working the most obscure, far-off-the-beaten-path restaurants possible, in hopes that I would NEVER run into anyone I knew.

So I took the route deep in the valley. I drove from Sherman Oaks all the way out to places like La Puente, El Monte and West Covina. These are places where you expect to happen upon a body dump.I started the evening at family restaurants, and ended it at discos and country-western bars.

I hated it. I hated it deeply and painfully. First of all, I am a POOR salesperson. And the thought of pushing some poor dude on a date into spending all his money on some cheap roses just made me weak. I felt so guilty.

I did make a few bucks. But I felt like a whore.

Finally, after about two months, I booked a recurring role on the tv show Wings, and quit the rose ladying so fast it would have made your head spin. In one day, I went from pimping roses to kissing Tim Daly. Such is the business.

I tell this story as a cautionary tale to any young actors heading to Los Angeles without any marketable skills. DON'T DO WHAT I DID! Have a backup job just in case!

And sadly, the smell of roses always takes me right back there. Damn. The smell of humiliation.

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This post was inspired by...

 

 

Prompt #4 - Tell us about a job you quit...why did you do it?

 

RTT: Trek Musical, Kelsi and Lara

 

I am feeling SOOOOO lazy! It is definitely the countdown to Camp Mama around here. Only one week and two days until summertime, summertime, summertime. But I think I can come up with a handful of randomness...

 

 

Oh yes...

 

 

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Just in case you're looking for a refreshing summer salad recipe...

 

Oh my...

 

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I love these photographs. An Austin photographer has commemorated her daughter's 5th birthday by dressing the kid up not as a Disney princess, but as real-life inspirational women...

 

Amelia Earhart

Susan B. Anthony

 

Go check out the other photos!  It's such a cool idea!

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Gotta admire this girl's gumption.

 

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An old friend of mine, Lara, needs your help. Lara is an artist, an activist, a small business owner and a lovely human being. I first met Lara through a theater we were both involved in, and when I adapted "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" as a stage play, she was my Margaret. Lara is also going blind. She is a young woman with severe cataracts, which can be helped with surgery, but her health insurance doesn't cover vision. Please watch the video HERE. Her friends have put together an Indiegogo site. which is raising the $14,000 needed for surgery to both of her eyes. So far, they have raised an amazing $8000. PLEASE donate to her cause. Even $5 makes a difference! Thank you SO much!

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And then go see Stacy and the other randomers!

Spin Cycle: Best and Worst

Inspired by this post by Elizabeth...

Best - Going to New York all by myself for 5 whole days.  Man, did I need that. No responsibilities to anyone but myself. A chance to have a little fun and see old friends. A chance be artistic and perform purely for the love of the music and the experience.

Worst - Going to New York all by myself for 5 whole days. Not only did I worry about Jimmy and Jude the whole time, but I kept wishing that they could be with me to experience what I was doing. I think it would have made Jude super proud to see/hear our performance. And we would have had a fun time as a family.

Best - Finding that Jimmy cleaned the house while I was out of town. Made a huge difference coming home to a semi-tidy house.

Worst - Finding that Jimmy cleaned the house while I was out of town. Hopefully, I will have located all of the things which he "tidied" to the wrong place by next year or so. The cabinets in the kitchen are mayhem. Nothing is where it belongs. The towels have been washed and put in the linen closet, but instead of being folded neatly, they have simply been wadded up and stuffed on the shelves. And the vacuum cleaner seems to have been used to suck up some rather large item, and is now not working at all.

Best - Being extremely involved at Jude's school. I truly love being that mom. The one who is always down at school, and helps run things. I love knowing and being known by the principal and all the teachers. I love being there for him, and he actually encourages me to do more, and get even more involved. I know that soon he will want me to be nowhere near him, so I intend to milk this as long as I can.

Worst - Being extremely involved at Jude's school. It's all I stinking do. Today, right on the heels of my week-long Book Fair, I am running a Used Book Sale to benefit the library. I seem to be the Book Mommy. Which is a cool thing to be, but still...

Best - Owning a home. I'll never forget the day when I was struggling to make my way from our apartment down to the washer/dryer in the basement, juggling baby Jude strapped in his Baby Bjorn, a massive bag of dirty towels, and a handful of quarters, and I collapsed in a puddle of tears and decided that it was finally time to buy a house. Our house is very small, but it is sweet, and we are extremely lucky to have bought it when we did, and with our peculiar and always-fluctuating work/finance situation (actors never have steady work, so getting a loan can be difficult). And it has managed to maintain its value in the freaky LA housing market. And every time I use the washer/dryer I give up a prayer of thanks.

Worst - Owning a home. Dang, I miss the days of just calling the landlord when something breaks and having their people show up and fix it for free. And of having all of the building maintenance taken care of by someone else. Our little house is in desperate need of a paint job, and it's just so dang expensive!

Best - Cooking dinner for my family every night. I love cooking. I really do. I consider it an art. An extremely creative and nurturing art. I love planning a menu and shopping for ingredients and cooking a meal. I love improvising a meal from whatever I have on hand. I love feeding Jimmy and Jude and having them love what I have made for them. Every time I cook, for the last 20 years, Jimmy has said to me "It's delicious, honey." It's our little thing. And I love it.

Worst - Cooking dinner for my family every night. Some nights I just DO NOT WANT TO MOVE, let alone get in that kitchen and work. Sometimes I just want somebody to take me out to dinner!

Best - Becoming an old woman. There is a freedom in aging - I'm never going to look as good as I used to, so I don't really need to put forth that much effort anymore. And an old broad can say whatever she wants. It's true! I suddenly just blurt out truths that I would never have shared in the past. And I keep finding myself boldly disregarding the rules and doing what I want to do. I'm sure now that nobody is hanging out with me because I'm good-looking, but simply because they like my company. I'd like to be an old woman for a very long time. And as they say, it's better than the alternative.

Worst - Becoming an old woman. I am never the cutest one in the room any more. Men do not check me out any more. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror, or at a picture of myself, and I'm stunned by what I see. Where did my mother come from? I suddenly have weird parts - those wobbly old-lady triceps, crepey skin on my decolletage, an extra chin. And worst of all, I get so tired. When I run, my joints hurt. As Bette Davis said, "Old age is no place for sissies." Luckily, I've always been pretty tough.

Best - Writing this blog. I genuinely feel that writing this blog has changed my life for the positive. It's a forum in which to express myself. It's a way in which to connect to the greater world around me. It's an opportunity to stop and look at and examine the events of my life, and see them from a healthy perspective and maybe laugh at myself a bit. It has undoubtedly helped me become a better and much more confident writer. And it's been an incredible opportunity to meet and get to know (sometimes in person, but mostly in cyberspace) a huge variety of amazing people from across the nation.

Worst - Writing this blog. It can be a drudge. I admit it. But I feel that my recent "blog every day of the month" experiment really did free me from feeling that the blog is a commitment that I am chained to. I finally feel that I can write if I want, and don't write if I don't want. But I have to say that usually? I want. So thank you all for reading my ramblings!

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Go and read the other Best and Worst posts this week!

Suzicate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Nain at View From Down Here

VandyJ at The Testosterone Three and Me

Jan at Jan's Sushi Bar 

Janice at I Got Nothing

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Next week on The Spin Cycle...

Commencement Speech

Nain at View From Down Here suggested this, and I love the idea!

It's June. It's graduation time of year. What would you say if you were asked to give a Commencement Speech? Do you have a thing or two you would like to say to the youth of America? Would you inspire? Would you empower? Would you hand out tough love? Would you say what you wish you'd heard back when you were sent out into the world?

Write it. Post it. Tell me. I'll link it.

Check back here next Friday for my spin on "Commencement Speech", and find out the spin topic for next week.

And let me know if you'd like to be added to the Spin Cycle Topic Reminder email!

 

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24 Hours With the In-Laws

Those of you who are regulars here at Second Blooming may remember my mentioning (and mentioning, and mentioning) that every time I visit my beloved nutty in-laws in New York, some sort of crisis ensues. I hereby offer the following account of the 24 hours I spent with Mommy and Pop, et al following my Carnegie Hall experience as a testament to the validity of this claim...

Late Sunday morning, Aunt Grace and I took the train from Manhattan out to Long Island. After Pop picked us up at the station, we arrived home and Mommy greeted me with a "million kisses", much squealing, bagels, eggs and coffee.

After we all took a rest (the older folks took naps and I, after locating the long cord and plugging it into what Mommy calls "the module" but is actually a modem, fiddled on my computer), more family members gathered so that we could all go out for dinner in honor of my visit, to our favorite Chinese restaurant, Hoy Ming. It was then that things turned squirrelly.

Soon after arriving, one family member, who shall remain nameless to protect the beloved but nutty, seems to have taken a new type of medication, which they followed with a large blackberry brandy. This combination made them lose all inhibitions and the ability to edit their thoughts, and they proceeded to start a huge, and somewhat nonsensical hullabaloo. Much hysteria and some crying followed. This continued all the way to the restaurant, where said nameless beloved but nutty relative had yet another cocktail, and finally made a dramatic exit right after the crab rolls and spare ribs. Interestingly, this nutty relative is usually the LEAST nutty of all the relatives, so this was all very unusual.

During dinner, we were joined by Pop's best friend John, and his wife Eileen. They are good old friends, and it was nice to see them. John, who is now retired, was a limo driver for 20 years, and during dinner, he volunteered to drive me, with Pop as his copilot, to the airport the next day. We had a fairly lengthy discussion about details - my flight was leaving JFK at 3:45, which meant I needed to be there by 2:45, and Pop, who is a worrywart, insisted that we get to John's house by 1:30 in order to get there in time. Memorial Day traffic was discussed. John also drank a couple of Rusty Nails at this time (that's a Scotch and Drambuie cocktail). This comes into play later.

Several courses of Chinese food followed, accompanied by quite a few Whiskey Sours. These were probably a bad idea, because toward the end of dinner, Aunt Grace, who constantly listens to right-wing talk radio, and I got into a brief but extremely heated political argument. Words like "offensive" and "stupid" were batted around, after which we both laughed and had another drink.

All the way home and for some time after we reached the house, the hullabaloo with the usually not nutty beloved but nutty family member was discussed. Much worry, must analyzing, much, much talk.

When we finally all decided to go to upstairs, Mommy and I did have a very funny conversation about the horrors of having a spouse who snores, and she told the funniest story. She said that one time, Pop was snoring so badly that...

MOMMY

I went CRAZY! I couldn't stand it! So I got outta bed and went

down to the basement and got a clothespin. Then I stuck it on his

nose! But that STILL didn't stop his terrible snoring! So I got a pillow.

And I stuck it on his head. I was crazy, I tell you! So I stuck it on his

head. And after a while, it worked. He stopped snoring! But then I thought

'OH no!! I killed him!' and I came to my senses and took the pillow off.

Luckily he wasn't dead.

Mommy and I started laughing so hard we were both crying, and I had to help her up the stairs.

At 1:35 am, the phone rang. Which naturally woke everybody up, and resulted in considerable hysteria. I mean, when the phone rings in the middle of the night, it's assumed that someone is dead. Or maybe everyone is dead. The worst possible scenario is always jumped to.

But instead, it was John, calling to find out why Pop hadn't picked him up at 1:30 am. Yes, for some reason (hmmm...Rusty Nails?) John was under the insane misconception that my flight was leaving at 3:45 in the morning! Why he never questioned or attempted to clarify this peculiar assumption, no one knows. After assuring John that no one was crazy enough to book a 3:45 AM flight, we all went back to bed.

The next morning dawned peacefully enough, and Mommy rather indulgently made me French toast for breakfast (Mommy's French toast is outrageous - she uses this wonderful Italian bread with sesame seeds...mmmm). But about noon, Mommy got a phone call, and found out that Ursula, one of her best friends (not one of the Cathys) had just lost her granddaughter! The poor girl was only 24, but had had a heart defect all of her life. Mommy was extremely upset - much crying and wailing. Followed by much discussion about whether Mommy should rush over to Ursula's house right away, or wait until I had left for the airport. While I assured her it was okay to go over right away, she insisted on waiting until I was seen off.

After much kissing and hugging and crying, Pop and I left to drive over to John's house (during PM hours) so that he could drive me to JFK. Then, once we reached the airport, after even more hugs and kisses, Pop stuffed a handful of $20s into my hand and I was off.

Just another typical day with the in-laws.

When I called Mommy the next day, she apologized for my visit being so crazy. Little did she know that it made for a much more interesting blog post.

I love my nutty family!

The Best (and the Worst)

This week on The Spin Cycle...
 

Best and Worst

Inspired by Elizabeth's post HERE.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." It's a week about contrasts.

What's great? What's dreadful? Spill it all. It's an excellent opportunity to cheer and to rant.

This is wide open, so let your mind go!

Write it, post it, tell me, I'll link it.

First up...

Suzicate at The Water Witch's Daughter

Nain at View From Down Here - NEW on THURSDAY!

VandyJ at The Testosterone Three and Me - NEW on THURSDAY!

 

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